"The general rumors are currently in your favor, girl." Rig lounged in the chair across from me, cutting into an apple while he spoke. "The idiot prince tried to tell too many people you were clumsy and blaming you for his faults at dancing, only to have you show him up. They feel that you've become very accomplished, and perhaps aren't appreciated enough."
I grinned, taking a slice of apple from it and eating it, ignoring the conflicted stare from Hallers at my breaking protocol. "Good. While we're still building the business and getting the Duchy in a stronger position, I'll have to maintain a fairly good reputation."
Of course, in a couple of years, I'll be considered worthless in the eyes of the nobility. I'll have to make sure to distance myself from the public face of both the business and the duchy before then.
I didn't voice the second part. I didn't really have any explanation for why I needed to plan for a future only I knew about.
"Is that all, Rig?" I asked, watching as he tossed the apple core up in the air, obviously distracted.
"...No, it's not." He sighed, putting the fruit core down and rubbing his face. It had barely touched the surface of the desk before Hallers had snatched it up and disposed of it properly, making sure to shoot a disapproving at Rig for daring to try to cause a mess in his presence.
"I need a favor..." He looked around, and then continued slightly quieter. "I need to check on someone... but it's complicated."
I had wondered when he would ask. I looked over to Hallers. "Can you give us a few minutes of privacy?"
"I'll be right outside if you need me, Miss." He obeyed my request without hesitation, but paused to look at Rig on his way out. I couldn't see the butler's face, but judging by Rig, a man who made selling information on the street, whose face turned pale, it was quite the warning glare. As we were left alone, Rig ran a hand through his hair, obviously unsure as to how to proceed.
"I've been thinking about this for a long time. You are the only person to know about... her, and it's not the sort of place you can just walk into. I want to see her myself, you know, make sure she's okay." He looked back at the door Hallers had just left, looking guilty. "I know you've been overworked, girl, and I don't want to add to your troubles..."
"Rig." My voice was firm as I turned to rummage through the chest next to my desk. Finding what I was looking for, I pulled it out, tossing one to Rig. "Catch."
He caught it with a quizzical expression, his face changing to shock as he looked closer. It was a servant's uniform, one with a very specific crest embroidered across sleeve of the coat.
"How did you...?"
"Made them myself months ago." I chuckled. "I figured you would want to check on Raewynn sooner or later. If we go in the evening we can watch her in the garden. Their staff has a fairly high turnover rate, most of the servants won't bat an eye at a few new faces as long as we're wearing the right clothes."
"..." Still seeming too stunned to speak, his gaze slowly drifted to the similar embroidered maid uniform in my hands. "You're coming too?"
"Like you said, it's not the sort of place you can just walk into. You need someone watching your back," I smiled. "Also to make sure you don't do something stupid."
Rig nodded. "I can't argue with that."
"Good." I wrote an address and time on a paper, handing it to him. "Then, I'll see you tonight."
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I went to my room "to rest" early for the night, right after dinner. Although I assured Hallers that it was simply because I was tired, I felt his suspicious gaze follow me until I hid in my room.
"I'll help you prepare for bed, Miss." Angela, a bitter expression on her face, stepped forward. She had been looking glum ever since my birthday. I assume because Edith blamed her for the mix up with the dresses. Feeling mischievous, I decided to twist the knife a little.
"By the way, Angela, I wanted to thank you."
"Thank me?"
"Yes, you've been so frequently reminding me how much I've been ignoring my good friend Edith lately, and so I gave her a dress to wear to my birthday. I wouldn't have thought of it without you." I smiled as her face turned pale. "She seemed to love it."
"Did she?" Angela had turned away, her hands shaking as she tried to fold a gown.
"I very much want to patch things up with her, so I'm planning a new surprise as well."
"What is it, Miss?"
I smiled, seeing the desperate look in her eyes. She was definitely hoping to pass on the information to help win back her mistress's favor. Which worked for me
I needed the both of them nearby, where I could see them.
"The Queen will be arranging for me to have regular visits with the prince to help further our relationship." I shrugged. "I am going to invite her to come along. She loves the royal gardens!"
Angela smirked, trying to hide the condescension she obviously felt. "Lady Edith will be overjoyed to spend time with you."
Spend time with the prince, actually. But that was what I needed, for now.
I dismissed Angela to pass on her news, and once I was alone went into action.
Immediately changing into the servants clothing I had prepared, I snuck out the window and clambered down the nearby tree, cursing as I slipped and almost fell. It was more difficult then I had anticipated, as I had to remember past skills from my last life, but slowly they came back to me. I snuck past the guards protecting my home, and met up with Rig.
"Are you sure about this?" He was unusually nervous, at least for Rig. He kept glancing over at the estate ahead of us, a desperate longing in his eyes.
"Come on," I grabbed his arm, "If we waste too much time we'll miss her."
Chatting quietly, we walked right past the guards. We kept confident postures, as if we had every right to be there, and only deviated from the path once we were out of sight. Disappearing into the shadows of the evening, we circled around the buildings, making our way into a tree in the massive gardens.
"Where is she?" Rig was looking everywhere, seeming to barely contain himself. I held up a finger, quieting him, and pointed off in the distance where the barest hints of a conversation could be heard. They finished talking and a lone figure headed in our direction.
She hummed as she walked, stopping to look at different flowers and plants, finally sitting on a bench near the tree with a long sigh. The song continued, a soft lullaby I recognized from my own childhood, as she took a flower in her hands, pulling the leaves and petals from it slowly, tossing them into the wind.
She was nine years old.
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"Who is she?" I whispered to Rig as we hid in a tree, watching a thirteen year old girl walk among the flowers. We had come here three weeks in a row, always around the same time, to watch the same girl. Each time Rig had sat there silently, staring at the child with an intense expression, and we had left back for the base as soon as she went inside.
"..." He stared silently for a few moments longer, and only as she walked further away did he answer.
"My father worked in the stables at a noble house. I used to help him, working with horses. I thought it would be my life's work."
I let him keep talking; even though he fell into long pauses between each sentence.
"I met the Lord's daughter, a beautiful kind girl. We were friends... just friends... at least for a time."
The girl picked a flower, holding it close to her nose and smelling it.
"They found me bringing her flowers. Such an innocent gesture, compared to what we had already done before. I was thrown out on the streets. My father never spoke up once in my defense."
The girl tucked her flower into her hair, a bright smile on her face.
"She looks exactly like her mother... but her smile... it looks just like me, doesn't it?"
Finally she was out of sight, and we headed back for the group's base.
"She sent me a note as soon as she knew she was pregnant..." His smile was sad. "I asked her to run away with me, but she said no. She married an older man, an earl, and claimed that the child was born early instead."
"Does... your daughter know the truth?" I asked hesitantly, wanting to comfort the older man but unsure of how to do it.
"No. She has no idea that her father is a spy on the streets. Or that he loves her with all his heart." He rubbed his face, laughing bitterly. "Sorry, I just... wish things were different."
"Don't we all?" I gave him a brief hug. "Why tell me?"
He looked at me, for the first time since we had snuck into the estate smiling honestly. "Because although I have a daughter who will never know my name. I've still got one I'm proud of right here." He ruffled my hair, and I blinked.
"But we're not related?"
"Doesn't matter. You're family now, girl. Get used to it."
I blinked back tears, happiness I hadn't felt in a long time overwhelming me
"So, what's her name?"
__________________________________
"Raewynn." Rig whispered as we stared at the young girl, grief in his eyes as he watched his daughter from afar. The girl had finished picking flowers and was already heading back to her room. "She loves flowers, you know. They tell me she can name all sorts of types of flowers and their different uses." He sounded proud as he described her.
"She's smart, like her father." I whispered, ignoring his surprised expression.
"I suspected when you said the name, but you really know everything, huh?" He paused considering. "Did her mother, Helda tell you?"
"No."
"... very well, keep your secrets."
We climbed down the tree, and walked out of the estate, pretending to be servants at the end of the work day going home. The guards never challenged us. As we walked back towards my home, I spoke up.
"I've already told you how I knew." I looked him in the eye. "And now I'm going to tell you one more thing:"
"What?"
"Don't tell Raewynn the truth. At least not until she's grown, and even then you probably shouldn't."
His face closed off at my words . "Why not?"
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"You should tell her!" I urged, jumping up and down with excitement.
"I'm not sure." Rig shook his head. "She might not be happy to hear the truth."
"But you're amazing, much better than any silly earl! She should know who her real father is!" I pulled on his sleeve. "I know I would want to know."
"Really?" He wasn't entirely convinced, but the small grin on his face told me he would eventually give in. "Well, we'll see."
__________________________________
I stopped walking, making sure he heard every word. "The first thing she'll do is talk to her mother. And Helda won't risk her secret getting out. Not after all this time."
__________________________________
"I'm going out to meet someone." Rig pulled me aside, his face serious.
"Do you want me to come?"
"Not this time, but... depending on how this meeting goes, I may be leaving the streets behind, to start a new life, with a family."
"Oh." I felt a heavy weight in my chest, but forced a smile on my face. "That's... that's great!"
"Well, it might be." He reached out and grabbed my hands. "If we go, will you come with us?"
"Come with you?"
"You can be part of the family, have a younger sister..." He smiled, "I can't run off without both of my daughters, now can I?"
Burying my head in his shoulders, the position muffling my tears, I managed to get out a single word
"Yes."
I was going to have a family again.
__________________________________
My last memory of Rig alive in that lifetime, I'll never forget it. Smiling, hopeful, looking to a future he had never once thought to have.
But she wasn't at the spot she had promised to meet him at. Instead, armed men met him there. I don't know what lie she told her husband, but he and his men came for us all with a vengeance. Anyone who had been associated with him was caught in the crossfire. Some of us were killed, others imprisoned. Only I escaped, terrified and alone.
"She wouldn't..." Rig started to argue, and then stared in confusion at me as I grabbed his arms, tears already forming as I choked back sobs of grief.
"SHE WOULD. And you will die, alone on the street. It was my fault, Rig. I told you to talk to her, I told you to tell her you were her father. And it got you killed." I was crying, now my hands sliding off his arms as I crouched on the ground, hiding my face.
"I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm...'
"Lenora!" Rig knelt down next to me. "It's okay! I'm still alive, it's fine! Nothing's happened yet!"
I looked back up at him, barely seeing him through my tears. "But it did happen. I saw your dead body with my own eyes. You never would have died like that if you hadn't met me. I hurt everyone I care about. I never should have found you in this lifetime, either."
"..." Rig reached out, drying my face with a handkerchief. "Listen, child. I can't pretend to understand all this 'other lifetime' stuff that you keep talking about, but I do know this: No matter what life it is, I would never want you to blame yourself for the evils that others have done. You did your best, girl. That's all any of us can do."
"But..."
"No buts." He grinned, pulling me to my feet. "You're family now kid, whether you like it or not. Which means you have to listen when I tell you to forgive yourself and be happy."
I sniffed loudly, laughing despite myself. "You work for me, actually. Shouldn't I be telling YOU what to do?"
"Eh," He waved a hand. "You might be the boss, but I can bet that no one's going to stand for you to be punishing yourself. Now cheer up, or I'll sick Hallers on you. The man won't rest until you're perfectly happy."
We both laughed at that, and walked some distance in silence.
"I won't push you to talk about your secrets, but I am curious about one thing." He looked over, "Why didn't you just lie instead of talking about this other life business? It seems like it would be much easier for you."
I shook my head. "There were two people in my life that I could never lie to. With you, I didn't even bother to try."
"What about the other?"
I paused at that, thinking of my outburst in the palace not that long ago. "I've been trying to lie to her, but I haven't been too successful lately."
"Maybe you should tell her the truth too."
"I can't." I thought of my fate in my previous life with a frown. "I can't trust her. Not again."
We finished the rest of the trip in silence.