Here is another Academy fanfic recommendation: "Love Bites - A Ghost-Bird Fanfiction" by _hipster_peace_. It has thirteen chapters up and it's really good.
I also started a harry potter fanfic if anyone wants to read that hot mess.
WARNING: PANIC ATTACK, NIGHT TERROR, RAPE
***
Sang
That was awful and awkward.
It had been decided as a group that instead of getting food at the hospital, we had to head back over to Sugar Lips' house. I was still in my "assassin" outfit that might scare some people. I personally don't see it, but if that's what the boys want, we can do that.
I was in someone's car, but I don't who. My mind just wasn't really there. My mind is focusing on the shitty things that just love to keep happening to me. I mean who escapes from a violent mob and then just runs into the older brother of the leader's lover. My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. Just when it seems like life is getting good, something comes along and ruins it.
What's next?
Will my deadbeat father show up?
Or worse, will Karen's punisher show up?
"Sang, sang, sang, sang, sang!" a annoying voice is repeating.
I turn towards him, "What?"
Luke grins, "You weren't answering us."
I shrug, "Lost in my thoughts."
His grin becomes bigger, "I do that too!"
I resist the urge to roll my eyes, "Not like me."
My curt answers don't seem to tell him that I don't want to talk. I like Luke, but right now I am going through worse case scenarios in my head. My reaction to his positivity is like sun to a vampire. I don't want it right now.
Kota seems to pick up on that, "Leave her alone, Luke."
I give Kota a curt nod and go back to my thoughts. I am a paranoid human being and I know it. Whether or not it counts as paranoia since someone is out to get me, I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter. I always need back-up plans. I am under no illusion that I can stay in the US for long, maybe six months maximum before someone from the Albanians figure out I'm not dead. They're not that stupid.
Because of that, I need a way to get out of the country. I need a way to have quick access to a plane. I'm sure that Diellza will let me borrow her plane. I'll contact her when I get to Owen's. Now, I just need to buy a place abroad. I'll have to talk to Owen about all this.
Great, I didn't want to do that. Owen is adorable and a perfect boyfriend, but I'm not sure that he'll want to follow me across the world. I love him, but he has a family. It's not like me who can drop everything and leave at a moment's notice. I don't think he'll understand. I'll just talk to him later, a lot later.
"Sang?" another voice interrupts my thought.
Once more, I turn away from the window, "Yes?"
Kota tells me, "We're here."
I smile at him, "Thanks."
I take this time to see who is in this car. It was just Luke, North, Silas, Kota, Gabe and I. The others must have taken a second car. I wasn't really in the best state of mind to notice these things. It hit a little too close to home to have to explains things to the Toma Team and Mr. Buble. Those were memories I would have happily kept deep, deep in my mind, especially the ones following me disobeying orders for the Russian and his lover.
"Sang?" this voice I instinctively recognize as Angel Eyes'.
I lean into his arms as Owen comes behind me, "Hey."
"Are you okay? Kota told me you were in your head for the entire car ride."
I let his body warmth lull me to sleep, "Whatever you say."
I feel Owen chuckling, "You need a nap."
I nod, "I agree."
It doesn't take more than that for me to fall into a more or less sleep state. It's where I can rest, but I stay aware of my surroundings. I feel Owen picking me and my head resting on his shoulder.
Gabe comments in a somewhat quiet voice, "She's like a kitten."
Slightly offended, I attempt to hit him, but misjudge the distance, so my hands hits nothing. Someone else makes another comment and I give up. But still I am not a goddamn cat! Owen walks through the house and drops me off in our room. I refuse to let it go as is my habit.
Owen chuckles, "You need to let go of me, Darling."
I mumble, "No."
"Yes."
I attempt to yank him down on the bed with me, "Mine."
I can feel him roll his eyes, "I need to talk to my brothers."
My brain is already asleep, so I cannot be blamed for what I said, "They can come here in bed."
"No, that's not possible."
I ignore him, "You stay."
"Darling..."
"Please."
I can feel that Owen gives up and the tension flees his body, "Fine, but you have to get up in an hour. This is just a short nap."
I nod sleepily, "Sure."
I put my head on his chest and it vibrates with his laughter, "You're not listening to a word I say."
I might have denied the accusation if I wasn't the next thing to asleep.
Derrick
Died of single shot to the head, simply mislead by Jade and in over his head
Jay
Died from blood loss, followed his sister down the wrong path
Anna Bricks
Killed and raped due to my failure
Lauren MacDougal
Used for practice in my training
Jason McLean
A 5 year old child who saw too much
Oliver Laurens
Family man, strangled
Morgan, Theo, Christopher, Louis Kilpatrick
Siblings killed in bomb explosion set by me
The faces of my kills press in. All with the same words on their lips, "Killer, Murderer. You killed us."
Jason looks at me, "I'll never grow up and it's your fault."
Anna sneers, "You said you'd protect me."
Louis looks up at me, "It's your fault."
Jay gazes at me with an air of anger, "You could have helped me."
Derrick, "I was just a stupid kid and you killed me."
Morgan gets in my face, "Because of you my brothers will never see their twelfth birthday."
My fault, I killed them. It's all my fault.
My fault
"Killer"
My fault
"Murderer"
My fault
"Unlovable"
My fault
"Do the world a favor and die."
My fault
Everyone I turn, they press in. I can't, it's my fault.
My fault
The hundreds of faces press in on me.
My fault
Keisha, killed by my hand, looks at me with her throat slit.
My fault
"Assassin"
I yank myself out of the nightmare, but that doesn't stop the tears from falling down my face. I am once again alone in my bed as I deserve. My breath comes in short pants and I can't breath. I can't close my eyes, I'll see the dead eyes of Anna looking at me as each man takes his turn to use her to their pleasure. Can't look at my hands, only seeing the innocent's blood covering them.
"Killer"
The voices in my head aren't silenced because I yanked myself from my dreams. Their blame, rightfully placed, follows me everywhere. It's all my fault. Jason McLean will never grow up and his parents will never find his body.
"Murderer"
Lauren MacDougal whose parents pissed off the wrong Mob Boss. Her begging to be spared won't leave my mind. Her torture lasted only a day. She died in pain after having been abused to her limit. It's my fault.
"Assassin"
Morgan, Theo, Christopher, Louis Kilpatrick were simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. I had to blow up the building to kill a guilty man. The kids weren't supposed to be there, they were just kids, just kids. Yet their blood still stains my hands.
"Killer"
My head in my hands, I beg the voices, "I didn't mean to. I had no choice."
"Slaughterer"
The thing is my hands are shaking and my tears are falling and oh god I don't want to do this anymore.
XxXxXxXxXxXx
I don't know how long I was there before my Sugar Lips comes bursting in. He knows exactly what's wrong and comes behind my sitting position on the bed. Owen brings me over on his lap and whispers sweet nothings in my ear. And with his presence, my demons retreat until I am blissfully alone in my head once more.
"Darling?"
I unfold myself until I am facing him, "Yes?"
Owen looks down at me, "Are you alright?" I snort and he winces, sensing his faux pas, "I guess you really can't be."
I change the subject, my panic under control right now, "Are your brothers still here?"
He nods, "They crashed in the guest bedrooms."
I give him a soft smile, "We'll see them tomorrow."
Owen smiles back, "Yes, I was thinking that we can all do something together."
I try my best to seem interested, "Like what?"
He leans back, so he is against the head rest, "Maybe an amusement parc or a water parc. You mentioned that you've never been to one before."
I grin, "That will be so fun!"
Owen seems relieved that I look okay, "My brothers love them whenever he get the time to go." I understand why he is so relieved. Usually after a nightmare like that, I'm in rough shape and unable to fake confidence. Right now, I have my shit sort of together.
We sit together in peaceful sort of silence. In said silence, I feel my demons rise up to it me in my insecurities. My mental reaction is somewhat along the lines of "Not today, Satan."
Time for a distraction!
I look up at my lover and a smirk comes over my face, I know exactly what sort of distraction I need. I lean forward and kiss my Sugar Lips. He freezes for a second, not expecting it, but quickly kisses my back. The passion between us rises and my demons leave my thoughts.
The only thing that I have room for in my thoughts are Owen and his talent in the bedroom.
A while later, I back to lying in bed in silence. Owen has fallen asleep and it's not like we went only one round. Normally, I would fall straight asleep, exhausted, but my mind is now working overtime once more. The panic I finally thought I had a lid on earlier tonight comes rising back with the fury of a demon.
I make sure that Owen is well asleep, no need to worry him more about me. He already has done so much and I only cause him trouble. And I should leave my Owen for him to find a better-suited partner with less baggage. But damn it all, Owen is mine and I love him. I'm just protecting him from dealing with some of said baggage.
he already deals with so much from my problems to his brothers. I'm just helping him with his load. I don't even know why I'm arguing with myself about this right now. I turn over to my side, facing away from Owen, further precautions, so he cannot tell the emotional turmoil I am going through.
I consider myself a level-headed person who can see my own situations with an outsider's perspective. I know honestly that I am a killer, but I had no choice. That doesn't make everything my fault. It isn't my fault that I am a survivor and I know that. But panic doesn't listen to any logic and neither do my random attacks or night terrors.
I listen to double check if Owen's breath is still even, signaling his deep sleep. He doesn't move and I let my panic overwhelm me. I let it swallow me up whole and the tremors wrack my body. And everything I kept in is let loose in a silent cry for help.
And the worst type of crying is the silent one,
The one where everyone is asleep,
The one where you feel it in your throat,
and your eyes become blurry from the tears,
The one where you just want to scream,
The one where you have to hold your breath
and grab your stomach to keep quiet,
The one where you can't breath anymore,
The one where you feel so utterly and totally alone.
***
Word Count: 2141
In your opinion, which of the boys need to build more of a bond with Sang first?