"And we test you with evil, and with good as trial." Quran; 21:35
Allah loves you, don't think too much about nothing, just pray and believe.
Samirs pov
I gasp and jerk awake, sweat dripping from my head, tears streaming down my cheeks, eyes bloodshed.
I sit properly on my bed, hug my legs and continue crying, omg! It felt— it looks so real, Ya Allah!
I check the time, it's 3:47am, I don't know if it is a coincidence but i always wake up this time of the night, well...not willingly, my nightmares wake me up.
After a little pep talk to my self, about Allah knows everything, He is Al'alim, i stood up and walk to the bathroom to wash my face and perform wudhu.
I came out of the bathroom and prayed, i prayed, cried, prayed and cried to the Almighty, He is the only one that knows what i am really going through, heck even i don't even know sometimes, it— it's just complicated.
A crack on my door and it's open, my dad walk in wearing a sympathetic look on his face, "Another nightmare?" He asks softly, crouching to sit beside me on the prayer mat.
"Unfortunately, yes." I whisper while wiping my tears.
"How about another therapy sessi-" My dad starts but i cut him mid sentence. "That thing is useless." I said, i can't even remember how many therapists i consulted, they don't help at all, in fact they just bring back memories, because you have to tell them.
"It's not habibi, please just this once, i don't want you having nightmares every night, it has been years Samir, can you stop punishing yourself?" My father spoke with broken voice.
Punishing myself?
Does he think i enjoy having nightmares?
"Ana asif Abhi(I'm sorry father) but i can't do that, and it's not my fault that i still have nightmares, it's not in my control father, i can't help it, i also want it to stop but i think it's a part of me now and wallah i am trying hard to accept that." I said with crack voice and a tear cascade down my cheek.
I don't get why they all expect me to just look past it, i mean it has happened, can't we just accept the fact that it has happened and it is part of us?
"No, I'm sorry, in shaa Allah it will come to an end, you're strong and i love you for who you are." He stood up and kiss my forehead, i manage a smile at him.
By Allah, I don't want my father to be seeing me like this, he overthinks stuffs and it's not healthy for him, he is old and literally the only one i have.
Ya Allah grant him long life in good health, Amin.
I stare at the starless dark sky, through my opened window, thinking about what i saw in my sleep, she's smiling down at me, her face glowing, tears also streaming down her cheeks, she whispered something to me, but i didn't hear her.
********
A cup of hot chocolate in my hand, a book in my other hand, i am sitting on the floor of the living room by the long glass window, droplets of rain streaming down the glass, leaving me with painful memories to think of.
I hate rainfall(s).
I sip my drink, duck my head down, literally burying it in the book i am holding, did i mention that i like reading? I do.
I sometimes write too, i pen down my thoughts, because i have no one to share with, my family wants me to just forget it, so i can't talk about it to them, reading helps me forget reality for quite a while.
I continue reading the book, after almost an hour, the rain has stopped leaving only drizzles.
I stood up to take my empty cup to the kitchen, i remove my reading glasses and kept it on the dining table before proceeding to the kitchen.
"You want something my boy?" Mama Zainab asks, she's standing by the gas cooker, obviously cooking something, "No thank you." I said.
She nods her head and continue whatever she is doing, i exit the kitchen, pick my glasses and head upstairs to my room.
I sit on my bed with my camera in my hand, i switch it on and start watching all the pictures i took, even videos sometimes.
A smile grace my lips when i saw an old picture, we all look so happy, big smile in everyones face, I'd give the whole world just for us to be like this again, i sigh and silently pray to Allah.
Few minutes later or hours i don't know and i don't care, my phone starts ringing, i fish it out of my pocket, the caller is; Aunt Tasneem🌷
My uncles second wife, he is my mothers older brother.
I answer the call: "Assalamu Alaikum Anty Tasneem." I greet softly.
"Wa'alakas Salaam Samir, how have you been?" She asks, i can say she's smiling.
"Alhamdulillah, how are you?" I ask while closing my eyes. "Alhamdulillah i am fine, when will you come over?"
I sigh; "I don't know, how is Uncle Mahir?"
"He is fine, he went out with Sulaiha." She answers, Sulaiha is his first wife, we don't get along with her, she's too fake and wicked.
"Oh..." why did she call? I don't mean it in a rude way tho.
"Yea. I called to tell you that you got accepted in UOL, your admission letter is here." She enthusiastically says, i smiled a small smile, Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah.
"This is indeed good news, thank you, I'll make my mum proud in shaa Allah." I said with a sad smile.
"I know you will, i am so proud of you, you're an amazing human and we all love you so much." She says and i don't know why but i am emotional all of a sudden.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, please do visit soon okay? I love you."
"Okay." I said and hang up.
I can't imagine their reaction when i tell them that I've gotten admission in university of London, I mean it's not easy to get an admission there, I'm sure they will be proud of me, my mum might tear up.
I drop my phone and camera on the bedside table and stoop up to go tell my dad.
He is sitting on his bed, reading a newspaper, when his eyes lands on me he smiles; "Marhaban Samir(hello Samir)"
"Masahul khair Abhi(Good evening father)" I greeted, sitting beside him on the bed.
"Masahul khair ibni, kaifa haluk(good evening my son, how are you?" He place his hands on my thigh.
"Ana bikhair Alhamdulillah, wa anta(I'm fine, what about you?)"
"Wana kaman(me too)" He replied.
I smiled at him, I love him so much; "Abhi, i got the admission." I faked enthusiasm, his eyes widen, and his face broke into a big smile. "Masha Allah, i am so happy now i can sell this house." He says with a chuckle.
I narrow my eyes at him and chuckle too, i can't remember the last time i chuckled.
"What? Please don't, where would we stay?" I laugh at my lame joke and so does he, his eyes shining with happiness, "I won't. Now this is good news, I'm proud of you son, which course will you study?" He asks, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.
"Economics. I once told you." I shake my head at my old man, he is so forgetful now.
He nods, his mouth forming the shape of an 'o'; "Your mother wanted you guys to study that." He stated. "I know."
"I'm proud of you, May Allah bless it and may you do good in shaa Allah."
"Ameen. Thank you dad." I said, "Let me go drink water." I added and he nods, i stood up and walk out of his room.
*******
The barely lit up sun, the orange color and the rainbow in the sky, giving it a cool atmosphere.
I raise my camera to my eyes and click two pictures, it's so beautiful. I hang the camera around my neck and pick up the basketball i kept on the floor, just outside my home.
I throw the ball and it went straight through the basket, a smile unknowingly grace my lips, i am so good now, i can throw the ball with my back facing the basket and still it will go through.
I'm a pro Kabir.
I continue playing more like just throwing the ball, gently tho, for some unknown reason i have a small smile playing on my lips, and i don't want to ruin it.
Seconds, minutes and hours passed by in a blur and it is time for maghrib now, i stopped playing and recite the dua after adhaan.
I walk to the direction of the masjid, muttering dhikr.
I did my wudhu and we all prayed silently, i turn around the mosque looking for my dad, how is he not here?
I quickly finish my evening azkhar and almost ran home.
My dad is still sitting on the prayer mat in the living room, reciting the Quran with a smile on his face.
"Why aren't you in the masjid dad?" I ask as i sit close to him.
He kept the Holy Book: "I am not feeling well ibni(my son)." My father says.
My heart skips a beat, "What's wrong with you?" I ask in a low voice.
He chuckles; "Nothing serious habibi, don't worry too much about it." He finished off with a grin.
I hope so, Ya Allah grant him shifa'a(health) Amin.
"Allahumma yashfik(May Allah grant you health)."
"Amin ibni, Jazakallah khair."
I smiled at him and pick the Quran, i start reading the words of Al-wahab. I memorized almost one quarter of the Quran, i have barely few surahs to finish the whole book.
Mama Zainab came inside the living room after a while, and we all read the Quran, turn by turn, she has a beautiful voice Masha Allah.
After a while the adhaan of Ishaa is heard, we all prayed together, the three of us, my dad leading the prayer.
"What do you want for dinner?" Mama Zainab asks once she finished her duas.
My dad chuckle; "Are you this hungry Zainab?"
She giggles: "You can say that."
"Let's go cook something." I said, attempting to stand up, both my dad and step mum are looking at me weirdly, as if i've said or done something out of the ordinary.
Well, maybe i did.
I shake my head and start walking towards the kitchen when someone press the door bell.
Okay..?
I walk towards the door and open it, and it reveals two of my aunts and my uncle, Aunt Sarah literally jumped and engulf me in a hug, Ugh!
I tried to push her: "Look who's a grown up and going to college." She says, her British accent very noticeably with a smile, wiping a fake tear.
"C'mon." I murmur.
"Come in." I said to them, Uncle Mahir shook hands with me and Aunt Tasneem smiled at me, before they enter the house.
"You coming in or should i just close the door?" I impatiently ask Anty Sarah.
She pouts: "Why are you rude to me Samir, i just missed you." Her voice is barely above a whisper.
I look directly into her eyes, eyes exactly like my mums, it held pity, i can't help but shake my head and walk upstairs.
Once inside my room, i hang my towel around my neck and walk to the bathroom, i took a warm bath, brushed my teeth and exit the restroom.
I put on my pajamas.
I sit on my bed with my black journal and pen in my hand, i start scribbling words, i doubt if they even make sense, it does to me tho.
'It's been years Immi(mum), But i still have nightmares...'
"Ta'ala Samir(Samir come)." My dad yell from downstairs.
I open my drawer, keep the journal and descend down the stairs.
"Look, they brought your admission letter." My dad says, sounding very happy, i smiled at him and thank them.
"It's our pleasure." Uncle Mahir says patting my shoulder, i sit on the floor, beside Anty Sarah.
"Masha Allah you've added weight." Anty Tasneem said, i smiled at her; "I have?" And she nod.
I have so much respect for her.
Anty Sarah wrap her arms around my shoulders, i turn to look at her with questioning glare but she just grin widely at me.
My father and his guests are talking about random things and i paid no heed to it, i just want to lie down on my bed with either a book or a camera in my hand.
"Hey!" Anty Sarah whispers, trying to get my attention.
I raise my brows at her; "Guess what?" She says happily.
"I'd rather not." I said.
"You're killing my vibe but I'll still tell you."
"I am getting a baby." She says cheerfully and clap her hands, getting everyones attention, she place her hands on her mouth.
My eyes widened, she chuckle at my reaction, "Yes, you'll soon have a cousin."
Masha Allah, I'm happy for her, she has always wanted a baby, she has been married for almost 4 years, there was a time when she actually thought she was barren, i had to console her.
Strange right?!
I know, i have a weird way of showing how much i care.
Does it make sense?!
"I'm happy for you Madam S, you deserve all the happiness in the world."
Her eyes fill with tears, "So do you Samir, so do you." And she hugs me, i hugged her back.
"Can i at least join the hug?" Aunt Tasneem says jokingly but joined anyways.
Uncle Mahir and my dad chuckle.
"Dinner's ready." Mama Zainab announce.
I want to be normal again, my eyes filled with unshed tears.
*******
Wassup humans😂
Howdy? Alhamdulillah.
I'm liking Aunt Sarah😂💓 who else?
How's the story so far?
Thank youuu❤️
Malika🤧