"Don't be such a loser.."
That's what you said under your breath while looking in the fingerprint smugged mirror of the frathouse's upstairs bathroom. You wanted to get away from the overwhelming and drunk crowd while at the same time, waiting for a guy to message you back. Well, not just a guy but a guy named, Bradley, you'd been talking to for almost a month now. He was sweet, well, the sex was great and sometimes you cuddled after. But, lately, he's been showing signs that it could be more than your friends with benefits relationship, especially after he asked you to come to his fraternity's party so, maybe tonight he'll pop the question of officially dating.
At least that's what you thought before stepping into the party. You glanced down at your phone, pressing the home button and only seeing the time. No new messages. No missed calls. Your bottom lip was between your teeth, convincing yourself that this was okay. Why would he be checking his phone when the party is this huge? You could feel the rumble of the bass shake the floor, vibrating against the soles of your sneakers. He had to just be busy, right?
Another deep breath passed your lips, running your fingers through your hair's part and telling yourself a positive affirmation before stepping back into the hectic party. When you stepped out of the bathroom, the sounds of sex roared from the bedrooms lining down the short hall and loud cheering echoed from outside. You slipped your phone into your back pocket, patting your hands at your sides as you walked toward the stairs. Purple and blue lights replaced the regular lighting, making it harder to see where you were going along with the flickering strobe lamps by the DJ system.
You weaved through the horde of people, feeling booze sticking to the bottom of your shoes and kicking around empty solo cups. As you searched for Bradley, the smell of weed hit your face as a group of people smoking it puffed away in the kitchen. You passed a girl holding a bottle of pure vodka, guzzling it down like it was water. You looked over your shoulder, staring at her, almost judging her, until you bumped into someone.
"Shit, I'm sorry!" You immediately apologized even though his cup of whatever spilled onto your best dress.
"No worries, it was pretty shit anyways." He chuckled, checking the cup to see if anything was left.
You glanced up, squinting your eyes as it was still a bit dark, and trying to make out the stranger's face. The black t-shirt he wore was tight around his chest and biceps with a slender silver chain necklace tucked in it. He looked you up and down, focusing more on the new dark stain covering the left half of your chest. He almost laughed again at his goof, but you passed him by to go outside and get some fresh air.
Once you exited the party, you stepped out to the small courtyard area with other people getting away from the chaos inside. You walked to one of the brick pillars, looking down at your dress and groaning at the stain you knew wouldn't come out of the white fabric. You pressed your thumb against your tongue then slowly rubbed it against the stain but only made it worse.
"Hey.. Um, sorry about that." The same voice said to you, making you turn around to the boy again.
"Oh, no. It's fine. Shouldn't have worn this in the first place." You muttered, giving up on the stain.
He was a little tipsy, but enough to remember who you were tomorrow.
"I'm Tom or Tommy." He lifted his hand, grinning.
Tommy. It fit him and his boyish look. But, now that he was in brighter light, he looked familiar.
"Y/N." You nodded, shaking his hand.
He smiled before licking his lips. Tom was surprised he'd never seen you before. But, he was used to seeing tons of people at parties, in the seats of the stadium and reporters with camera crews. Tom almost pinched himself for sounding conceited in his head, but he focused back on you and wasn't sure if his vision was blurry or the outdoor lighting looked nice against your skin.
"Um, you look familiar. Have we.." You trailed.
"I don't think so." Tom replied, chuckling.
"Oh." You pursed your lips, attempting to slip a giggle in after a few seconds of silence.
"Um. Sorry, you just look like someone I've seen.. Maybe on TV or something?"
"Well, I'm on the baseball team. One of the pitchers. Hopefully won't be sitting on the bench until the pitcher blows out his arm this year." He shrugged and you raised your eyebrows, nodding.
"Oh, yeah.."
You still didn't know shit about this guy. Didn't know which player he was, didn't know any of his stats, didn't even know there were such things as backup pitchers but agreed anyways to make the feel of this conversation less awkward than it already felt.
"..And apart of this frat." Tom added, trying to break the ice further.
"Oh, do you know Bradley? Bradley Sanders?"
The only reason you even brought up Bradley's name was out of knowing a mutual person, hoping that it will lead onto a different conversation. Well, that and curiosity. You were somewhat hoping to know where he was in this madhouse.
"Yeah, yeah. Um, brown hair, green eyes? Yeah, yeah. He's a great guy." Tom rambled, only speaking from his one interaction with the newbie.
"He is great." You agreed, thinking about him and how dreamy his emerald eyes were.
Tom chuckled, "Yeah? Are you dating or?"
"Oh, well.. No. We're not." You pinned your lips, disappointed in the night because you thought you would be together by the end of it.
Tom painted a drunk smirk on his lips, taking a step closer as the booze in his system was giving him a bit of confidence. You furrowed your eyebrows, trying to figure out what he was going to do or say. You cross your arms and you could smell the alcohol off his breath.. or was it just your shirt?
"You wanna.. go find a room somewhere? Be alone?" He proposed, his brown eyes sparkling.
God, he was just trying to get into your pants. Of course. You wish you didn't create such high expectations for a complete stranger who just wore the appereance of a nice guy.
Heat rose to your face, letting a chuckle slip past your lips and Tom thought he was smoother than he sounded.
"No thanks, pig.." You snarled and turned back around to where you came through.
Tom watched you walk away, running his fingers through his mop of brunette curls. He knew it was a long shot, debating if it could have been executed better but he didn't beat himself up for trying to make a move on a pretty girl. A deep breath cycled through his chest and out his nose and took a seat in one of the plastic chairs nearby, glancing up at the midnight sky with stars kissed among it.
"Aye, you want a drag?" One of his friends, Matt, asked with a blunt between his thumb and index finger as he pulled up another plastic chair.
Tom looked over his shoulder and nodded, "No thanks. We have to start taking drug tests soon anyways so, don't even know why I came."
Matt bobbed his head before taking another long drag, exhaling the smoke slowly from his lungs. Tom watched the small cloud dissipate into the air, suddenly staring into nothing as his stress developed from even mentioning baseball.
"Who was that girl?" Matt asked, widening his eyes at how dry they were.
"Just.. Some girl."
Tom didn't want to get into it. He knew once a girl's name was mentioned in any context, it would be passed around forever and usually used for rumors. You were a stranger who rejected him and he had no intentions of pissing you off even more than he thought he did.
You found yourself in the eye of the tornado again, trying to find any way to exit quickly and safe. When the crowd became tight around you, it was as if the oxygen turned thick and you couldn't breathe due to the anxiety you got from the compression and awful odors coming from every direction you faced. When you finally squeezed through the crowd, you tripped over some steps but caught yourself quickly, as if anyone was paying attention.
Once you lifted your head and shoulders, your eyes searched the room for the front door but fell on what you never imagined. Bradley. His tongue pressing against a blonde's and his arms locked around her waist while her hands, those bright red nails, in his soft hair. The flashing lights made their makeout happen slower, as if it were a slideshow of pictures that would burn into your brain for who knows how long.
In that moment, the world seemed to stop around you. The air in your lungs stilled, the hairs on the back of your neck stood up, chills ran down your spine and throughout your hands and your heart felt like it was sinking. This is what heartbreak felt like—Cold and unexpected.
You realized how long you were staring at them, seeing them continue to press their lips together and not caring where their hands were going. You took a few steps back and practically fled the other direction. Your breaths were heavy, trying to keep up with how fast your heart was pumping while tears stung your eyes.
When you got out the front door, you breathed out all the oxygen that was taken up in that hellhole. While trying to steady your breath's pace, you pulled out your phone from your pocket and texted your friend to come pick you up. You searched around and figured the safest place to sit where you were visibly seen was the curb, under the streetlight and uncut grass. It was empty in your college town this time at night, so it was peaceful to seem like no one else existed, especially with what you just witnessed.. Rather found out.
After sitting there for a few minutes, sulking and sniffling, headlights beamed on you and your best friend, Haley, stopped her car. You opened the passenger door, sliding into the leather seat and shutting the door in a huff. She could see the mascara smudge under your eyes and streamed down your cheeks as you buckled your seatbelt.
"Thanks, Ley." You sniffled, not wanting to look her in the eye.
"No problem. You alright?" She asked, putting the car into drive but still looking at you.
"Yeah. Just.. take me home, please." You deflected the question, not ready to talk about what you saw.
On the drive to your apartment, you stared out the window, completely and utterly exhausted. You weren't sure if it was the fumes from the party or the effects of not eating or drinking anything in the past three hours. Your head was pounding, but that could possibly be from crying for almost fifteen straight minutes. You weren't sure what to do or think or even say, but it's not like you were dating.. Right? ..Fuck.
It was only 12:49AM which was upsetting, having to think that the start of your day was this. You tossed your hoodie on the kitchen counter along with your keys and phone. As you passed the bathroom, the thought of a hot shower was appealing, but to actually do it after being this drained was a stretch. Haley watched you walk like a zombie into your room, but she decided to let you be till the morning. She felt somewhat guilty that she knew what Bradley's intentions would end up being, but Haley was always too nice about it to tell you the truth.
Once the door shut, you fell into your unmade bed, on top of your covers and blankets and stared at the ceiling. You thought the silence would be comforting compared to the annoying vibrations of the DJ's amped bass or drunk and stoned strangers rubbing up against your back. God, your ears were still rining from how loud the music was blasting throughout that house.
You wiped the back of your hand across your eyes, feeling the dried mascara. Your heavy eyes were incredibly dry and tired, but nothing could get you out of this bed to take off the ruined makeup. You knew you'd regret it in the morning but you were fucking exhausted.
Before you knew it, morning came and your eyes opened to the light blue sky and morning sun naturally brightening your small bedroom. Usually the sound of birds chirping outside your window and the smell of bacon were the best things to wake up to, but not when you were dealing with a huge dehydration headache. You heard every single kink in your body crack as you rolled over, your head between your knees as you rub your face against your left shoulder.
After a series of groans and hisses left your mouth, you rolled off your bed and began to see stars from your lightheadedness. You closed your eyes and tried to find your balance until those terrible ten seconds of daze were over. Haley's head shot up as she heard the sound of your footsteps come closer and she sat up in her chair by the small kitchen table. When you walked out, the first thing she noticed was you were wearing the same outfit and makeup as last night... This was really bad.
"Morning." She said flashing a quick smile.
"Morning.." You mumbled, walking over to the kitchen cabinets.
Haley's hazel eyes were locked on you, watching you sluggishly pour coffee into your assigned mug that just so happened to say "a cup of sunshine" across the middle. You turned around and saw her staring, but it was her sympathetic look; her eyebrows slightly risen, her eyes glossy and her plump lips to the side.
"What?" You asked, trying to make her seem like the dumb one.
"What happened last night?" She wasn't cutting around corners.
You groaned, quickly reliving the moment your heart sank and the world seemed to stop.
"Nothing.. Happened." You trailed, sitting in the mismatched chair across from her.
You brought your knees to your chest, your fingers grazing against the handle of your hot cup of coffee and seeing your chipped black nail polish from picking at it at the party. That stupid party.
"Okay. Then.. how was the party?" She tried to crack at you like a chisel going into marble; not too hard or you could shatter into a million pieces.
"It was alright." You huffed before bringing your warm mug toward your lips, blowing your coffee.
"Did you see him?"
"Who?"
"Bradley."
You clenched your jaw at the name, quickly adverting to sucking on your bottom lip and nodding your head.
"Nope. I don't think he was even there." You lied.
"Oh, sorry about that." She furrowed her eyebrows, thinking the only reason you went to the party is because of him.
"Yeah.. it's whatever. The party was pretty shit, only reason why I drank a few then called you." You continued to lie, trying to get past your embarrassment.
Haley chuckled, "I'm always happy to be your DD."
A small smile formed on your lips before attempting to take a sip of your coffee. The two of you sat there in silence for a few minutes, defrosting from your slumbers as the hot, chestnut roasts traveled down your throats. You debated whether drinking the last sip, but it was best you start drinking some water before you passed out.
When you get up to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, you close the door and examine the big calender posted on it. While you uncap the bottle, your eyes scan each day before they fall on March 18th and you almost spit out your water. In all caps and circled in red was "RENT DUE" and after carefully counting each day with your finger, you only had two weeks to collect the rest of it.
"Shit." You cursed, loud enough for Haley to hear.
"What?"
"I forgot about the rent. Shit, shit, shit!" You almost felt your life spiraling more than it was last night.
From all your time consumed of being with Bradley, your other priorities weren't even on your radar. You slagged off teaching tutoring sessions because you were wrapped up in his cocoon of late night hookups and unexpected afternoons.
"Don't worry, you can just pay me back."
"No, Ley. I can make the money, it's not much."
You lied. It was at least $100 but if you could get at least one tutoring session a day for the next two weeks, you could scrape it together at the last minute.
"Are you sure?"
Last chance. You could admit you need a little help or prove that you can do this.
"No, it's fine. I swear, I got this." You said confidently, but inside your anxiety's gears were beginning to turn again.
You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself before getting up with your mug of coffee and heading to your room again. You headed to your desk, sitting comfortably then opening up your laptop. You searched for your old tutoring ad in your documents, quickly pressing print after confirming ten copies.
Not even an hour later, you were running around campus and trying to find any free space to place your ad. You were starting to rethink regular white paper and should have gone with something brighter so more people would see it. Maybe the font should have been bigger. You couldn't change anything now so, you huffed and that's all you could do.
After placing an ad on the union's bulletin board, you had one left and you already ran, what felt like a marathon throughout the whole campus. You groaned as you walked toward the exit door, but the Starbucks in the corner of the building caught your attention. The bottoms of your sneakers squeaked against the polished floor as you turned quickly, walking through the doors and being hit with the smell of a heavenly roast mixed with toasted bakery pastries.
You saw they recently added a bulletin board which was like the X on a treasure map. A tired smile beamed on your face as you stuck in the tack at the top of the paper, feeling a weight off your chest and like you were able to breathe again knowing you were satisfied for getting it done. Now, all you had to do was wait, but patience seemed like a virtue.
As you walked past the line of people waiting to have their orders taken, Tom was sitting at one of the tables wanting to blow his head off. His dad had been taking his ear off about how his English grade was slipping and in order to keep his baseball scholarship, Tom needs to "buck up".
Tom's fist was under his chin, watching the dust pass under the bright lights until his eyes wandered to the clock by the waiting counter and an hour had passed. He quickly made up an excuse as to why he had to go and felt the ache in his hand from holding the phone up for so long.
After he cracked his knuckles and stretched his back from his crouched position, Tom slugged his backpack strap on his shoulder and began to walk with his head down. With his warm hand massaging the back of his neck, he tried to think of some way to get some kind of extra credit until his tired eyes gazed at your ad. Hastily, Tom pulled his phone out of his back pocket, fumbling it a few times before opening the dial pad.
You were struggling to open the jammed driver's door of your outdated Jeep Liberty before your phone vibrated in your front pocket. You groaned as you set down your backpack, pulling out the phone and squinting your eyes to see it was an unknown number.
"Hello?" You answered in a huff which threw off Tom.
"Um.. Hi. I was calling about tutoring?"
Your eyebrows arched, surprised that a call came this early.
"Yes! Yes, Hi. Um, what's the subject, what time and where do you wanna meet?"
Tom chuckled, "Aren't we a little hasty?"
"Sorry.. You're the first person who's called me so.." You trailed, walking to the passenger side of your car with your phone pressed between your ear and shoulder and your straps in your hands.
"Well, how's American Literature, six pm and library, second floor? There's a far table in the right corner. It's by the philosophy section.. No one is ever there so it's nice and quiet." Tom spit out, only because that was his usual studying place which was more for dozing off than reading Shakespeare.
"Okay, sounds good. You wanna start tomorrow night?"
Tom's right eye squinted, his left eyebrow arched as he tried to remember if he started practice tomorrow.
"Uhhhh, yeah. Yeah, we can start tomorrow." He reassured you and possibly himself.
"Cool. Sounds like a plan." You grinned, tossing your backpack on the floor of the passenger seat.
Before you could hang up, you heard Tom ask "Ummm.." which made you stay on the line.
"What's your name?" He asked.
"Y/N. You?"
Tom bit the inside of his right cheek, remembering how he embarrassed himself in front of a girl with the same name.
"Um, Tommy. Tom. Either one works." He chuckled.
You nodded, your head tilting and brows furrowed at the familiarity of the name. It was the same name of the guy who tried to get you into the nearest bathroom for a quickie at the party last night.
"Okay. Cool. See you tomorrow." You shrugged before hanging up, climbing over your passenger seat and console to plop into the driver's seat.
You suddenly felt like your luck was changing. As if the universe saw you needed a break from all the madness and they just placed you on top of the world from just one single phone call. You smiled to yourself, gripping your hands around the steering wheel. You leaned forward, the hot leather of your steering wheel pressed against your forehead before you looked up and flipped your hair back.
The next day rolled by and you found yourself at the table you were told to meet at. It was a square wooden table with four matching chairs to complete it. There were blue and red pen markings scribbled into the finish, the edges of the table picked and carved at as well. Your fingernail picked at one of the larger doodles while you continued to wait patiently, your right leg dangling while you sat on the left one.
Tom was running late, already worried he was making a bad impression on the tutor he desperately needed. He ran his fingers through his un-gelled hair, trying to look presentable and not in a rush as he stepped onto the second floor. He entered through the two massive doors, pushing his weight on the door with his shoulder as he checked his phone to see if you had texted. He was relieved to see no messages, except from his dad asking him if he was still seeing his tutor but would text him after, hoping to impress and show him that he was working hard.
Once Tom turned the corner around the last bookshelf, his eyes met the table and his jaw clenched.
"Shit." He muttered, a heavy sigh past his lips.
It was you. The pretty girl who rejected him last night. Shit.
Now, he wasn't angry. He was far from it. Instead, Tom was embarrassed because he was drunk, which was the thing that he thought would give him more confidence.
He sucked on his bottom lip, hiding behind the bookcase and wondering if he should bail, but he knew he could never do that. Not only would it be inconsiderate and rude, but he knew he had to face the consequences and apologize. He was just hoping you'd give him a chance to speak, but he didn't blame you if you were a bit hostile.
You lifted your head when you thought you felt someone coming closer. But, when you saw who it was, those brown curls, black hoodie and tired eyes.. you tried to keep your cool. One part of you wanted to chuckle at how you thought the universe would throw this at you, but the other almost didn't care because you knew he was somewhat drunk last night and you were already in a shitty mood.
You were sitting in the seat Tom usually sat in but this situation was awkward enough. While you straighten your posture, Tom walked toward the table and sat in the diagonal seat from yours, putting his backpack in the seat next to his.
"Hey.." He chuckled, placing his hands on the table.
"Hey." You quickly grinned.
"Um, I owe you an apology."
You furrowed your eyebrows, why was he apologizing?
"I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to hit on you.. Especially when you told me about Bradley and everything so.."
You chuckled, "You don't have to apologize. You were tipsy, it's okay."
It was almost shocked that he was this nice and somewhat down-to-earth.
Tom was somewhat relieved, "So.. I didn't make a complete ass out of myself?"
"Oh, I never said that. Just said you didn't have to apologize." You joked and he chuckled again. His laugh were really sweet, catching yourself heating up from it a bit.
"Well.. let me re-introduce myself.. I'm Tom." He reached out his hand, same as he did last night.
"Y/N." You shook it again, holding it softly before you pulled it back.
"I'll remember this time." He joked and you giggled, biting your bottom lip.