"Of course the earl of Beral is enthralled by his younger fiancé Lady Erica, but she's in love with the captain of the Eastern guard. They've already started making arrangements, and will elope before the end of the year."
Rig finished his report with a satisfied smirk, having pried out some of the country's biggest secrets and scandals. The nobility would be horrified to know of what all was passed over so easily to me each week by Rig.
"That's... interesting." I answered slowly. I trusted Rig's information, but in my memories Lady Erica married the earl right when I was eighteen, right before my downfall. "Keep your ears out for any plans regarding the Eastern guard."
Rig raised an eyebrow. "You think someone might try to take him out?"
They likely did in another life. "Plenty of powerful people with reason to. Just a gut feeling."
"Well, I trust your gut, girl, it's steered us right quite a few times these past months."
Grinning, we both ignored the harrumph of disapproval that Hallers let out from the corner at his casual speech. After a few weeks of getting to know each other, Rig had happily dispensed with all formalities, calling me "girl" or "kid" instead of by title. I encouraged it, as it reminded me of the times we shared in my first life, one of my few happy memories. But it did tend to ruffle Hallers feathers. He didn't like the idea of anyone showing me disrespect.
"That's all I have for now." Rig packed up his papers. "Any specific things you want me to look into besides the Eastern guard? Or should I just keep a general eye on things?"
"Actually I have a question. Have there been any rival businesses who might make an attempt at copying Prosperity gowns?" I sipped my tea as Rig thought it over, frowning.
"Well there's a few stores who you stole business from, they have made small efforts, buying prosperity gowns and trying to deconstruct them. From what I heard they were unable to get a line on any Tilendrian cloth, and so their dresses were immediately deemed 'cheap knockoffs' by customers." He shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know how YOU managed to get the Tilendria weavers to work with you, they're pretty closed about selling over borders.
I grinned. "It's all about who you know."
"That Nate kid, right? I've got his whole backstory if you're interested..."
"But that information does make me question, why did the gown I'm meant to wear for the party celebrating my birthday disappear for two days?" I interrupted, tapping my chin thoughtfully. "I thought it might have been stolen and given to a rival company to copy, but it sounds like that's less likely now."
"Miss, are you saying something went missing from your bedroom?" Hallers spoke up, his face pale with shock and anger. "How could they ever...?"
"Actually, since you're here, Rig, do you mind taking a look at it?" I pulled it out of the trunk in my office, where I had kept it since I noticed its return after disappearing. It was a baby blue gown, cut simply, decorated with a small amount of intricate lace and a slightly darker blue sash. I had designed it specifically for my birthday, which made me even more suspicious regarding its brief absence.
Rig took the dress carefully, confused. "I'm not a seamstress, girl. Talk to your business partner if you want an opinion on fashion."
"I don't need your opinion on my style choices." I rolled my eyes. "I'm supposed to wear this to a large party, I worry that something might have been done to it, meant to target me. I've looked it over and didn't find anything, but you might be better at spotting a trap than me."
With a grim expression, Rig carefully studied the dress, turning it inside out and feeling over the seams. He leaned forward, smelling the fabric and frowned. "Maybe..." He licked his finger and ran it along a few places on the inside of the dress.
"Really, Mr. Rig!" Hallers protested, "That's hardly appropriate..."
He paused as Rig pulled his hand back sharply, hissing in pain. He smiled, holding out his finger which was already turning red.
"Fire powder. Pretty nasty stuff." He wiped his finger with a handkerchief, wincing. "It's activated by moisture, which is why you didn't notice it when you looked the dress over."
"So if I wore this to the party...?"
"By the time you started sweating at all, you would be itching and burning like crazy." He looked closer, "Looks like they mostly targeted under the arms and in the bodice. Would have been a very uncomfortable night."
"Yes, it would have been." I leaned back in my chair, thinking. My feelings were split, caught between triumph and fear.
This hadn't happened in my first lifetime. I had been embarrassed at the party, yes, but that had been due to others actions and words, not a powder in my dress.
The world was changing. I was changing the future.
But that also meant my advantage was slipping. My knowledge of what happened was becoming less and less accurate. If I hadn't noticed the dress going missing...
I needed to be careful.
"But how did they get this dress out of your room?" Rig looked worried. "Do you need some guards? I know a few women who could stay by your side, rip a man's head off with their bare hands!"
"I'll be okay for now. I know how they got the dress." I met Hallers' eyes, who quickly came to a realization as I spoke.
"Angela!" He spat the name out like poison. "Oh, this will be taken care of." He rubbed his hands together, as if planning something terrible. I knew that because it was Hallers, it was likely something tame, such as firing her without a reference, but I still held my hand up, halting his schemes.
"Oh no, leave her in place for now."
"Begging your pardon?"
"Are you crazy, girl?"
The two men spoke up at the same time.
"Right now, I know who she is, and who she works for." I explained patiently. "I can use her if I need to, but if I get rid of her, they might just find someone else, and that could be dangerous."
"Who does she work for?" Rig looked indignant that there was a secret that he wasn't privy to.
"You're the spymaster, you tell me."
"Would you like me to dispose of this dress, then?" Hallers asked, ignoring Rig's offended sputtering.
I smiled. "No need. I have plans for this dress."
____________________________
We finished the meeting, and I returned to my paperwork, only to be interrupted a few hours later by an excited Hallers.
"Her Majesty, the Queen." He introduced her with a formal bow, letting the Queen in and standing to attention off to the side.
My stomach dropped. I had been berating myself over the last couple of days over losing my composure at the last lesson. How could I explain what I had said? Fortunately she didn't look angry, only determined.
"I'm sorry I dropped in uninvited, but I worried if I sent any notice you might avoid me." She sat down in the chair in front of my desk, waving me to sit back down as I tried to stand and curtsy.
"..." I nodded silently. I couldn't argue. I likely would have avoided her if I had known she was coming.
Queen Amerande looked over uncertainly at Hallers. "Would it be okay if we spoke alone?"
Hallers paused, ignoring the Queen's implicit order and looking to me instead. I had a feeling that if I wanted him to stay he would, even if it meant disobeying royalty.
But I wouldn't ask that of him. "Why don't you go ask the kitchen to make us a fresh pot of tea?"
The butler nodded, shooting a surprisingly sharp glance at the queen, as if warning her not to upset me, before turning and leaving the room quietly.
The door closed behind him, and with the click, she burst into laughter. "He's very loyal."
"Yes, sorry, please don't hold that against him."
She shook her head. "No, I'm actually very glad. You should have people like him around you, who would stand up to anyone to protect you, even royalty."
Taking a deep breath, as if steeling her nerves, the queen continued. "I'm going to say something, and please humor me by hearing me out to the end of this:"
She held up a hand as if stopping the argument she knew I wanted to make. "I love you, dear. I couldn't love you more even if I had given birth to you myself. I know you don't trust me. But believe it or not, I won't stop loving you, and if I have to spend the rest of my life proving it to you, I'm willing to do that."
She spoke passionately, her hands clasped tightly in her laugh. I wanted to believe her, wished I could believe her.
But I couldn't. I knew how the story ended, and it wasn't with her and I being family. It ended with her with a different daughter-in-law, forgetting about me, and me dying on the streets, long after she already considered me dead to her.
"I know that you have many reasons not to trust people... especially with your mother..." She trailed off, sighing. "I won't force you to consider me your family, but I wanted to tell you it won't change how much I care."
"Thank you." My tone was polite, nothing more. The queen's shoulders slumped a little as I spoke, but even as I watched she straightened up again, looking more determined than ever.
"As for my son, I agree with your concerns that he doesn't seem... invested in the relationship. I would suggest simply breaking it off, but you WERE right about one thing:" She rubbed her forehead. "It would ruin your reputation. People would assume it was your fault, no matter what I said publically. I don't want to destroy your chances of happiness."
I smiled, trying to reassure her. "It's fine."
"But let's not give up hope yet. You two really haven't spent much time together since you were children. After your birthday, I'll set up some time for you to see each other each week, so you can get to know one another again." Her smile was slightly lopsided. "If he can understand even half the wonderful person you are, he would be thrilled to marry you."
I couldn't help it, I laughed.
____________________________
"He doesn't like me." I sobbed into Queen Amerande's shoulder, feeling worthless.
"He just doesn't know you! We'll set up some time for you two to spend together, and if he doesn't care for you then, well... he's blind!" She stroked my hair, smiling reassuringly.
I sat up slightly, feeling hopeful. "Really? You mean it?"
"Of course I do."
____________________________
"You never change." I looked up at the ceiling, sighing. Her plan to allow us to grow closer, just like in my past life. A little early, this hadn't been set up until after my seventeenth birthday the first time, but the same plan all the same. She was always trying to help, cheering for my hopeless love from the sidelines.
But I didn't love him anymore.
"You don't need to go through that trouble." I assured her, feeling tired.
The Queen shook her head solemnly. "Please, give this a chance. If it works, great. If after all this you don't want to marry him? Then you and I will face the nobility, together."
"Fine. We can have tea on lesson days, then. I can't spare any other time from my schedule." My answer was begrudging, but she smiled brightly all the same.
"Thank you."
Hallers entered once more with tea, glancing over at me quickly as if to reassure himself that I was okay. I nodded silently and with a relieved expression he poured the tea, resuming his post by the wall.
"So about your birthday." She studied me carefully, as if judging my reaction. "I can understand if, given the recent discussion we've had, you don't want me planning your party. I can hand over the reigns to someone else, or even cancel it if you don't feel up to it."
I was skeptical, and let it show. "Really? Cancel a huge party right before the date? What would the nobility say?"
She chuckled. "What are they going to do, complain to the King about his wife not throwing a party? What use is there to being Queen if I can't step on a few toes now and then for the sake of people I care about?"
I smiled at that. "Well you won't have to. I'm happy to have you plan the party."
And I was. Despite my mistrust of her, she was a much better choice than anyone else. Like my mother. I shuddered at the thought.
"Really?" She sat up in her chair, visibly excited. "I'm so glad! It's going to be a wonderful party!"
I grinned, thinking of the dress locked in the trunk behind me. "Yes, it certainly is."
____________________________
A few days passed. Plans for the party moved forward, and with only three days left my office became an even busier place than normal, as I prepared to take a full two days off.
Marile came by multiple times as we worked over sketches and plans, trying to get everything necessary done in time. I knew how busy she was, given how many orders Prosperity had still to fill, but she waved off my concerns with a grin.
"Consider it part of my birthday present to you, dear."
Everything was coming together, but as I worked through stacks of paperwork, I came across a letter I had almost missed.
Opening it up, I read through the contents, feeling the blood drain from my face.
____________________________
"You're worthless." The words weren't angry, they were simply filled with disappointment,
I couldn't see her clearly, my vision blurred with tears. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry as well." She sighed, the sound cutting into my heart easier than any knife ever could. "Sorry that you're my daughter."
____________________________
"Miss?" Hallers had come in with a tray of food, he paused in the doorway, looking concerned. I wasn't sure what expression I had on, but I knew it probably wasn't good.
"It's fine, Hallers." I gestured for him to set down the tray. "My mother has written, she'll be here tomorrow. Please make sure her rooms are ready."
His face was stone-like, nothing showing through to give away his reaction to my words. "Yes, Miss."
He left, with one last concerned glance at me when he thought I wouldn't notice. Finally alone, I groaned, looking the food, my appetite now long gone.
"Well, it had to happen sometime." I muttered to myself, thinking of the folder locked beneath a fake drawer bottom in my desk.
"Welcome home, Mother."