I slide down on the floor beside her feet. She pauses and looks down at me confused.
"What are you talking about?"
"Patty," I breathe out and lean my head back against the lockers.
"And? What about him?" she prods. I sigh. Shit, I never thought this would happen and I don't know how to handle my feelings.
"I think...I think I've fallen way too hard for him." Her expression says everything, she raises an eyebrow and her lips quirk quizzically.
"Are you saying you...love him?" she asks, her smile growing. I bury my face into my hands and she crouches down next to me.
"I don't know if I could say love yet, but it's getting close," I groan. "I don't know how I feel about this." This is not good. Love is a trap and somehow I've gotten caught up in the web. I feel so vulnerable and helpless and I don't like it. "Should I break up with him?"
"Lavender! No!" Jade cries shocked. "Why would you even say that? Patty is great and you've been so happy with him."
"I know. I know. It's just...scary," I say. She shakes her head at me. The medication has been helping me a lot. It's been stopping my thoughts from spiraling out of control and I think I'm starting to manage the panic attacks a little better. Otherwise, I'd probably be throwing up right now.
"Anyone who isn't afraid to fall in love is an idiot. I was terrified to let my guard down with Indigo, but trust me. It's worth it." The bells rings and she stands up, "sorry gorgeous but I gotta go." She pats my back and walks off. I stand up, grab my bag and walk in the opposite direction to my class, my head still swirling.
I just don't wanna get hurt. I don't want to get my heart broken, or break anyone else's for that matter.
Love seems like a much too dangerous thing to mess around with.
Patty's leaving today.
He has mismatched sets of belongings bundled under his arms. Beige and maroon vintage trunks, tartan blankets and a camera hanging around his neck. I swear he looks like he could be some 1930's newsboy or something. He loads his stuff into his car while his mum stands behind him with her arms crossed. He hauls the last suitcase in and slams the boot shut with a thud. He turns on his heels to face me.
"Petal, I'm sorry again. Really," he says and pulls me in for a hug. I lean my head against his shoulder, he smells like honeydew and pine trees. It makes me want to steal one of his jumpers to wear while he's away because I've grown to find his scent so comforting.
"It's fine," I mumble. I don't want him to leave with any frustration or annoyance between us. I don't want to let go either. Frankly, it scares me how attached I've grown to him in such little time. It seems like he doesn't want to let go either and we hug for an abnormally long time.
"Okay. That's enough. Patty get in the car," his mum says interrupting us. I respect her no-fuss attitude but she's the one forcing him to move. Can't she at least let him say a proper goodbye to his girlfriend?
He smiles at me and starts walking away, tugging on my hand a final time just before he lets go. It's a small gesture but it fills me up with little butterflies that flutter in loops and zigzags.
"I'll call you tonight, promise," he says as he walks to around to the passenger seat. His mum starts the car and he frantically rolls down the window. He sticks his head out as she backs down the driveway, "and I'll text you an update when I get there."
"Okay," I call back, waving. He looks so stupid with his head stuck out the window as he tries to face me, I can't help but smile at him. The car peels away down the street but he's still calling various things out at me to the last moment. I can't fully hear him in the wind, but I strain to make it out.
"I'll miss...okay, I love..., Lav-...." and just like that he's gone. The car turns the corner and I drop my arm. Suddenly it hits me, did he call out that he...loves me? I brush it off. Of course not, I couldn't even hear him properly and who knows what he meant to say. Plus, if that was his plan to first say it then I would be extremely disappointed. Not romantic in the slightest.
My mum drives by to pick me up from his house, I was there for the morning hanging out so we could spend as much time together as possible before he left. She brings me to school and signs the late notice. I was pleasantly surprised she even let me skip school just for the purpose of seeing my boyfriend. I head off to my biology class, dragging my feet.
It feels like I'm walking underwater. Everything is slow and misty and just plain difficult. I feel like I'd need to be struck by a lightning bolt in order to wake up. I open the door to the classroom and twenty or so heads turn to face me. The teacher takes my pass and I slump into my usual seat next to Jade.
"How did it go?" she asks with a gentle smile.
"It was okay. It's whatever." I shrug and she seems to get the message that I'm not interested in talking about it. I just have to keep reminding myself that its only twelve weeks. It's really not that long. Our teacher, however, doesn't seem to get the memo.
"Excuse me Miss Sommers, Miss Fields. Would you like to share whatever you're talking about with the class?" I hate it when teachers do this. I know I walked in late and yes we weren't listening but can we not speak two sentences to each other without getting into trouble.
"No, we'll be quiet. Sorry Ms Evans," I mumble.
"Hmm, well how about you come and share your presentation next then." Presentation? She looks at me expectantly and I stare up in confusion. I didn't know we had any presentations due today. Oh, wait. The frogs. The fricking frogs.
I stand up from the table and look at Jade for encouragement. She just holds up her folder, evidently full of all the work.
"Sorry, I can't really help," she whispers and I walk to the front of the classroom a little shakily. I turn to the sea of faces and immediately the little shred of confidence I have disappears. I turn to Ms Evans.
"I'm so sorry. I've had a lot going on," I say. Have I really though? I think I'm just forgetful more than anything. "I haven't finished it." Or really done much at all for that matter, but she doesn't need to know that, "Is there any chance I could present later on?"
"Fine," she sighs. "You can present with the second half of the class tomorrow." Tomorrow? Looks like my night has just disappeared. "Jade?"
I walk back to my seat, relieved and Jade passes by me. Her presentation is fantastic. I don't know how I'm going to get mine done on time. I mentally scold myself for being so disorganised. The rest of the day passes by without incident and now I'm in a rush to get home so I can complete this darn thing.
I'm a little surprised when I see June standing by the gate at the front of the school, looking down at his phone. We haven't walked home together in ages, although we used to do it every day. Patty was driving me home most days so I almost forgot about that habit we used to have. It feels kind of nice to fall back into it. I wander up to him and he looks up at me, tucking his phone away in his pocket.
"How was your day?" he asks me, his bag slung lazily over one shoulder. We fall into step together, walking the familiar route. Chatting amiably in streams and lulls, mainly just enjoying one another's company.
When it gets on to the topic of schoolwork, I complain in length to June about my project and he chuckles under his breath. By this point, we have almost arrived at our houses so we part onto our separate streets.
I make myself a tea and some carrot sticks head up to my room. I wish I could drop out of school. I'm just getting into it when I hear a knock at my door. I groan and pull my headphones off. I specifically told my parents not to disturb me.
It's June. Why is he at my house so damn much? He shows up here all the time uninvited, I'm not complaining though.
"Why are you here?" I ask.
"I'm gonna help you!" He cries. I rub my temples. I have a feeling that he's going to be nothing but a distraction. I open the door wider and let him anyways, but with the notion in the back of my mind that I'll kick him out as soon at the first sign of annoyance.
He follows me to my bedroom and before I can stop him, he unzips his bag and tips the entire contents out over my floor. He surveys it with a satisfied look and I simply stare in confusion.
"What is all this?" I ask.
"Supplies!" He gestures to the pile of glue sticks, scissors, markers and craft papers. Honestly, the most confusing part is where on earth he got all these things from. I certainly don't think he has a secret scrapbooking hobby from what I've heard.
When he sees my perplexed look, his cheeks grow a little red, "my mum," he elaborates, "she bought a bunch of stuff to make photo albums for us kids but she's never gotten around to it so they've been in the cupboard for over a year." That makes sense. I smile at him.
"You don't have to lie to me," I tease, "You can be a scrapbooker if you want, June."
"Oh be quiet," he laughs and we both sit down. I still can't figure out why he's helping me. I would never volunteer to do someone else's schoolwork. If June had a project like this that he forgot to complete, I'd probably just laugh at him for being ditzy and leave him to fend for himself. I'm not complaining though, I'll take any help I can get at this stage.
I start compiling the information into a document. The only thing June seems to be doing at the moment is occasionally calling out a random fun fact about some frog species. Half the time its not even related to the project in the slightest.
I print out several pages and while I write up the rest of the report, June takes creative control. He has his tongue sticking out as he draws and cuts and glues and I can barely see what he's doing. After a couple of hours have passed, I let out a sigh of relief. I have all the information done. I pry June's creative work out of his hands. It's way better than anything I ever could have done.
Part of the requirements was to present the information in a poster and this is the best poster I've ever seen. He's drawn a beautiful little frog and done fancy calligraphy and colours bubbles and its so good. I'm so grateful and I give him a massive hug.
"Thank you!" I cry, "You don't even know how helpful this is."
"You know I've always got your back," he says.