im so sorry y'all.
(excuse all mistakes.)
Compton, California 📍
Vadah Avani Parker | Buddha
I was feeling so many emotions all at once. Anger and confusion being two.
Anger because my food was on the fucking ground.
And confusion because-
"What.. the fuck.. is going on?" I stared with my mouth agape as everyone loudly argued back and forth.
"KB bra it ain't even like that. If I'd a known this was you, I wouldn't even be onnat." Nasiah spoke with his hands up in surrender.
"Oh wow he's a bitchhhh." Nay pursed her lips from beside me.
"Bitch shutup. Can't take nothing serious." Chocolate bust out laughing.
"Esco fuck this nigga cuh!" Flash yelled, still being restrained by his sister.
"You pussy. Shutup." Kamiri shook his head.
"That's what's this all about? Some bitch? Y'all beefing bout this girl that KB brought around?" Armani scrunched her face up.
"Um sis, my sister ain't gone be too many bitches." Daja held her hand up.
"Big dot!" Lady, Chocolate, Nay, and Zaza yelled in unison.
"Fuck you hoes. Yo sister doing dicks." She waved them off.
"Fuck who?!"
"Aye Armani-" I cut Kamiri off.
"Who the fuck doing dicks?" I scrunched up my face. "Girl you don't even know me."
"It don't matter you fucking with my cousin and my brother ho pick a side." She mouthed off.
now the whole family gone think im going...
"She keepin it in the family big cousin." Meechie smirked at Kamiri.
Kamiri smirked and nodded, before cocking his hand back, punching Meechie. "Stop playing with me bitch."
"KB you gotta stop knocking these niggas out man!" Squirrel leaned down slapping the boy.
"You next pussy." Kamiri pointed at Flash then looked down at me. "Go to the car."
"But-"
"Gone na." I frowned and rolled my eyes.
"I'll come with you sis." Za said softly, grabbing my hand.
"Yea us too." Lady and them followed behind us.
"You need to apologize to my girl." I heard Kamiri in the distance.
"Put your hands out so I can practice my punches." I leaned against DaeDae's car once we made it to the front yard.
"Girl move." She laughed and unlocked the door to sit in the passenger seat. "You don't got to worry bout that."
"You right she might beat my ass, let me calm down."
"Buddha shut the fuck up!" Daja bust out laughing. "Bitch ain't gone touch you."
"I knew i didn't like that girl for something." Chocolate shook her head. "I oughta shoot her lil ass."
"She just defending her family. Same way we do eachother. Can't really be mad at that." Zaza shook her head.
"Okay but she did the damn extreme. She don't even know what's going on."
"Exactly, then talking about I'm doing dicks. Like the fuck?"
"No bitch I'm still stuck on Nasiah. Like they know eachother? You folded Buddha." Nay busted out laughing.
"EXACTLYYYYY. I was so confused like what the fuck."
"Flash and Esco." I said putting two and two together.
"Flash and who sco?" Daja scrunched her face up.
"Nooo the whole time, his family kept saying something about two boys named Flash and Esco. Kamiri kept saying how he didn't have any beef with Esco which explains why Nasiah was trying to keep the peace.." I stared into space.
"Okay inspector gadget." Lady raised an eyebrow.
"Girl shush." I rolled my eyes.
"You been real vocal lately.." Nay looked at me.
"You see that?" Lady looked at her. "Talking back and shit."
"I'm supposed to continue to let y'all talk to me any type of way? That's not okay.."
"Buddha stop. Don't even worry about that." I scrunched up my face at how calm Zaza was.
"That baby got you in check huh?" Daja smirked.
She laughed. "I just don't wanna put any stress on myself or the baby. I'm so excited to be pregnant y'all."
"I'm excited too." I smiled small and rubbed her stomach. "My TT bab-"
A whole lot of commotion started in the backyard and people were coming from back there and piling up here.
"This shit ain't right! We is a damn family! This is not what family does!" Kamiri's great grandma waved a bat around.
"Exactly. I did this so we can bond and come together but instead y'all back there acting like a bunch of Jack asses!" His grandma yelled.
Flash's lip was busted and Nasiah's face was leaking...
"Now what the hell he hit Nasiah for? I tell you, KB just don't give a fuck." Lady laughed.
"Grandma all that family shit out the window! Nigga don't even got a valid reason to come round here fuckin with me." Kamiri shook his head laughing. I could tell he was mad though.
"Oh fuck no Buddha. I'll never forget, my mama told me that any nigga that laugh when he mad is a fucking nut case. Abort mission sis. Abort mission." Chocolate shook her head.
"Fuck you mean ion got a valid reason? Bitch you fucked my girl!"
I busted out laughing, not meaning to, Squirrel and Daja following right after me.
"You doing all this cause some girl cuh?" Tonio mugged him, Aubrielle standing right next to him with Tiggy in her arms.
"That was my first love." He fumed making me laugh some more.
"Oh my gosh." I covered my mouth.
"Marquise go home boy." Uncle Joe shook his head.
A car pulled up and two older ladies hopped out.
"What the fuck going on?!" She yelled, hair all tied up, looking a mess.
"Laverne take yo black ass home. Always tryna fight yo pussass son battles." Monique waved her off.
"Monique don't start with me! I'll beat the shit out yo big ass, who fuckin with my son?"
"All disrespect Auntie Laverne, yo son came round here getting ocky." ManMan shrugged.
"Man ian got time for this bullshit. You came round her talking that hot shit but you and yo brother got a busted face. I'm going home." Kamiri shook his head, taking his keys from me.
"He got a gun! He got a gun!" Flash's mother screamed causing everybody else to scream.
"Everybody run! Run for your lives!"
"What in the dysfunctional family is going on here?" Nay bust out laughing.
"Nay shut upppppp!" Daja laughed right with her.
"Really KB?! We your family and you gone pull a gun out on us?!" Armani dramatic ass looked shocked.
"Bitch ian never even pull the gun out shutup. You need to apologize to my girl."
"Ian apologizing to that hoe." She turned her nose up at me. His grandma went to grab her but she pushed her down hard. "Don't fucking touch me!"
"Bitch!" Kamiri and Tonio lunged at her, smacking her down together.
Of course Flash and Es- Nasiah jumped in. Beause who's gonna watch their sister get slapped down by two niggas?
Armani sat on the ground, just watching me with a smirk on her face. She did that little thing Kamiri always did. The little smirk and nod.
I guess crazy ran in the family...
Cause that bitch ran over to me like she was about to run me over. Like we were in a wrestling ring or something. So I politely moved out of the way, causing Daja to clothesline her.
"Awh hell, this bitch gone think she Rey Mysterio now." Squirrel shook his head.
"We should jump this bitch." Nay looked down at her who was groaning in pain.
"Or we could just shoot her." Chocolate shrugged.
Nasiah and Kamiri were into it as Tonio and Nasiah were.
Flash went to punch Kamiri when he moved out the way and slammed him to the ground, sending fast punches to his face.
Meechie snuck over there, making it seem like he was trying to break it up but he was really sneaking hits at Kamiri.
So bitch I walked over there and started knocking on his ass.
Who's there, the fuck?
Everybody was fighting, while some of the adults were tending to Sue Mae who was layed out on the ground.
Some of Kamiri's cousins came over jumping Meechie and Flash, while some came over trying to help Tonio.
Los and all them were fighting too.
I eased my lil ass right on up out of there.
Armani came out of nowhere and hit Zaza right in the stomach making DaeDae swing around and punch her back, down to the ground.
All I seen was red as I thought about the baby my sister had in her stomach.
Yeah, all of my punches probably weren't connecting but I at least felt like I was beating her ass.
It's the thought that counts.
Daja, Nay, Lady, and Chocolate jumped in basically helping me the fuck out cause this bitch was killing my jaw.
"Yeah beat her lil stupid ass!" Monique yelled with a cigarette hanging from the side of her mouth.
"Vadah get yo ass up." Kamiri snatched me up from the ground.
"Move." I shrugged him off about to run back over there when Laverne came over to hit me.
Kamiri pulled me towards him and Monique knocked her down.
I guess slapping people down to the damn ground ran in the family too.
"Dirty ass hoe." She frowned, talking shit from way down there.
I stared with my mouth agape as the blood leaked from her face.
"Bitch you the dirty one. Bringing this dirty ass bitch round witchu!" She gestured to the lady she brought with her.
"This my girlfriend bitch she go where I go!"
Armani limped over to her mama, helping her up.
"Yo girlfriend? Ew bitch that old ass pussy. So much shit done been up and out of there." Monique flicked some cigarette ash.
Abruptly, Flash pulled out his gun. He cocked it back making me turn around, seeing him pointing it at Kamiri.
"Marquise no!" Butta Mae screamed.
"Nawl Grandma fuck that. This nigga always been yo favorite. Him and Tonio." He flicked the gun at Tonio for a split second.
"Bitch you shoot my sons, you won't live to see another day." Monique pulled a gun out of her purse.
"When you coming for a motherfucking Baker, make sure you come correct!" Somebody yelled.
"Period!"
"This is so ghetto. I love it." Nay smiled.
Once he realized another gun had been added, he didn't know who to point his at.
When Kamiri drawed his gun Tonio, Pj, Los, and Freaky pulled theirs out.
"Aub, go to the car. Y'all go too." Tonio nodded towards us.
They began walking away, but I stood there next to Kamiri, never moving.
"Buddha come on." Lady grabbed my hand.
"No." I snatched away. Kamiri was in a daze.
It was like half of the yard, was against another. Like a family fued.
Nasiah stared at me with this look in his eye. I couldn't tell what it was he just looked.. I don't know disappointed.
And I don't know why but it actually made me feel bad.
"Come on y'all, we don't gotta do this shit. It don't gotta be this way." T1 shook his head.
"We is a family! Y'all breaking up the family!"
"You keep talking all this family shit. Fuck this family."
"Kamiri! Put the gun down!" His Grandma shouted out to him. He looked over at her for a split second before looking back at Flash clenching his jaw.
"KB man come on na. It ain't even that serious bra." Piggy shook his head.
"KB you better than that!" They kept trying to convince him to lower his gun.
"Shoot me! Shoot me KB! You big and bad!"
"Bitch the whole reason you getting shot is cause you pulled a gun on me." Kamiri spoke blandly, putting his finger on the trigger.
"Daddy!" A little girl ran from the back of the house, to Flash.
Everybody gasped, including me.
I looked over at Kamiri who looked like a deer caught in headlights.
He just stood there staring at the same girl kneeling at her dad's side.
She looked over at Kamiri and ran to him, beating on his chest.
"Come here Teiona!"
"My daddy! Don't you shoot him!" His chest began heaving up and down like he was having a panic attack.
"He having a asthma attack!" His grandma yelled, running over here.
She patted his body down, pulling a asthma pump from his pocket.
"Here baby." She pumped three times before caressing his face.
She looked over to me giving me a sweet smile and handed me the pump. "Get my grandbaby home safely please."
"I- I dont-"
"Aye cuh we gotta go. Ms. Rosa nosy ass just called twelve." Los tapped his arm.
I grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the car. He looked back towards the girl before shaking his head, looking back over this way.
"You think you okay to drive?" I asked him once we got to the car.
im asking that like i could drive if he wasn't.
He said nothing, just staring at the grass.
Pursing my lips, I opened the door for him gesturing for him to get in.
"Ian handicap Vadah." He said smartly, slamming the door.
I scrunched up my face and my mouth dropped open in shock, surprised that he said that. "Well fuck you. Just tryna help."
"Don't slam my fucking door."
I opened the door and slammed it back.
Cause the fuck?
"You ain't gone learn till I beat the shit out you." He looked over at me. "Ram yo fuckin head through that glass."
I wanted to tell him to beat the shit out of me but I wasn't that bold.
So I sat there quietly as he zoomed down the street like a fucking mad man.
Not that I didn't like that.
It was just something about seeing a nigga drive.
"Slow down Kamiri. You way over the limit."
He shrugged, jaw clenching in the process.
"Are you okay?" I asked seriously.
He didn't say anything, still driving. I didn't even know where the fuck he was going.
marv. 💞: EverythiNg good?
Lil Baby 💜: yeah.. wya?
marv. 💞: Shidddd, Home Na. Los And Nem Told Me Don't Come Dat Way Wit Riah
marv. 💞: Wya?
Lil Baby 💜: with kamiri
marv. 💞: He Good?
"Marv asked are you okay..." I asked, because I wanted to know too and he wouldn't answer me.
"I'm good, I'm good. He good? You good?"
"Yes.. He's fine, I'm fine." I furrowed my eyebrows.
"Good. I'm good, he good, you good. Everything's good." He nodded, as his chest began heaving up and down.
"Kamiri, pull over." I grew alert.
Quickly pulling over, he put the car in gear and sat back, hyperventilating. I crossed over the middle console, straddling his lap.
"Hm." I put the asthma pump I had in my hand, in his mouth, pumping a few times, mocking what his grandmother did.
His breathing slowed down and he shut his eyes tightly.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, me just watching him.
"Drive."
I didn't say anything, pursing my lips. "I can't."
His eyes popped open and he mugged the shit out of me. "What the fuck can you do?"
"I-" I went to talk but closed my mouth, feeling a little embarrassed. "Ouch."
He sighed and tapped my thigh, indicating I needed to get off of him.
Sometimes I thought Kamiri was too fucking mean. Or maybe it was me who was too sensitive.
It's not like he was nice in the beginning and then rude afterwards. He was just mean all around. From the time I met him.
I liked that in him though.
"Where're you taking me?" I asked, realizing we drove past the way to my house.
"Spend the night with me." He spoke, telling me more than he was asking me.
"I don't have any clothes..."
He continued down 10th avenue, making a left on Leighton.
"Run in there and get some clothes then."
"What if my daddy asks where I'm going."
"Tell him you going wit me, duh."
I blankly stared at him, blinking slowly. "That's not how it works."
"Make it work then." He parked in front of my house.
I seen my daddy's, Chauncey's, and my grandpa's car parked in the driveway.
Blowing out a breath, I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out.
When I opened the door, all three of them were kneel- well not all three. My grandpa was sitting on the couch because he had bad knees.
Chauncey and Daddy were kneeled down and they were all shooting dice.
"Hey y'all." I spoke over the music that was playing in the background.
"Buddha belly!" My grandpa exclaimed.
"Hey Grandpa." I went over there to hug him.
"Waddup ugly." Chauncey was focused on the game that he looked like he was losing.
"Hey stupid." I mushed his head and stood next to my dad.
"Daddy."
"Nigga child." He was focused too.
I nodded, seeing he wasn't paying attention and eased my way to the hallway, basically running up the stairs.
You know that thing you do when you're rushing and you skip one or two steps?
Yeah. Almost bust my ass.
I grabbed my black Louis Vuitton duffle and started putting outfits together.
I really didn't know what to get, just making sure everything was cute.
don't do too much, don't do too less.
I was moving dangerously slow, getting off track and finding other things to do. I could never stick to one thing.
One minute I'd be in my closet moving clothes from the left side to the right, then my mind floated off I'd be under the bed examining some sock that'd been there from two weeks ago.
"Make me a sandwic-." My daddy bust in my room. "Woah where you going?"
"I'm running away." I chuckled.
"With the nigga sitting in my driveway?"
I froze, wanting to laugh so bad. "Huh?"
"If you can huh, you can hear." He invited himself in, sitting on my bed.
I mentally rolled my eyes. I hated when he said that cause nigga, sometimes I actually didn't hear you.
"So that's dude?"
"You know that's 'dude'." I made air quotation marks with my fingers.
"That's dude dude?"
"Daddy get out." I bust out laughing, folding up a t-shirt dress.
"So what, you plan on spending the night with him?"
"Can I?"
"You asking me?"
I stopped folding up the Ethika briefs I had in my hands and looked at him. "Uhh... Yea."
"Shidd, yo sisters don't ask. Just waltz they grown ass through the door and lie when I ask where they been. That's why you my favorite."
Not wanting to hear that, I looked over at him. "So can I?..."
"..."
"..."
"No." My mouth dropped in shock as he stared at me with his lips pursed.
"No?" I asked in shock with my mouth agape.
"Close ya mouth baby." He patted my head and walked out.
"No? No? What the fuck is a no?" I started flinging my arms.
"Girl don't nobody care bout that lil ahh tantrum you throwing." Chauncey stood in my doorway. "Bratty ass."
"I hate it here!"
"Bitch you love it here, shet up."
"Chaunceyyyyy." I pouted.
"If you bout to cry I'm leaving."
"I'm not gonna cry." I frowned sitting on my bed.
"Okay Mary J." He came in and sat next to me. "What's wrong with you?"
"Daddy won't let me go spend the night with Kamiri. It's not fair because if it was Nay or Zaza he wouldn't care."
"If it was Nay, she would've snuck out." He said matter-of-factly. "Zaza grown and pregnant."
"True, true."
"I'll go talk to him for you."
"Foreal?" I perked up.
"Yeah. If you watch Milly for me."
"Why?" I frowned.
"Ohhh you growing up foreal." His eyebrows raised. "You used to just watch her no questions."
"I didn't have plans then."
"I like this grown you. Maybe now you can start standing up to yo sisters."
I rolled my eyes and chuckled a little bit. "So are you gonna talk to him?"
"You gone watch my baby?"
"Yessss." I whined.
"Okay cool." I nodded, feeling a little better. He walked out and I heard his loud ass footsteps going down the stairs.
I didn't know why my daddy was acting like that. I was starting to get the feeling that he didn't really like Kamiri.
I don't understand how when he didn't even know him.
"Damn even my own daddy." I rolled my eyes, falling back on my bed. My phone started vibrating from up under me making me fish for it and answer it.
"Yes?"
"You taking for fuckin ever."
"I—"
"BUDDHA!" Chauncey yelling my name throughout the house cut me off.
"YES?!"
"SNEAK OUT!" He screamed, and something sounded off like a loud ass slap.
"Oh my fucking goodness!" I threw myself back on my bed.
"What happened?"
"He saying I can't go with you."
He sighed. "I be forgetting you seventeen."
It was quiet for a minute before we decided to speak at the same time. "I'm coming."
"Imma come and get you tom— huh?"
"Just, park around the corner. I'm coming." I hung up and sat up, flinging my phone somewhere on the bed.
Knowing I needed to move quickly, I went in my bathroom and grabbed my bonnet along with my hygienic products.
I gathered the lotion that was sitting in a corner on my dresser.
I was excited but I was scared at the same time. I had never spent the night to no nigga's house and I definitely never snuck out. This was new for me.
All of this was new for me. Kamiri, the life he lived. Everything.
I liked different though.
"Okay, do I have everyth—" A ball of paper hitting my face stopped me from speaking.
"Why would you do that?" I squinted my eyes at Chauncey.
"Cause you ugly."
"And you're childish."
"AnD yOu,Re ChiLdiSh."
"Act your age, not your shoe size."
"How imma act my age? Ian never even been this age before." He dramatically held out his arms making me roll my eyes. He really acted like a damn kid sometimes. Like my big damn brother instead of my uncle.
"They just ran to Popeye's. You got fifteen minutes, better hurry up."
"I'm leaving now." I started walking towards the door.
"Wait!" He called out as soon as I touched the nob. "Yo still sharing yo location with me?"
"I never stop."
"Better stop sharing it wit yo daddy." He chuckled. "Call me if anything go down. Ion care how much trouble you think you in. Make sure you call me."
"Chauncey I know."
"I know you know, but I wouldn't be a good uncle if ian remind you. You need some money?"
"You're offering... So, of course I do."
He dug in his pocket, not even looking when he handed it to me. I looked down at the 100, three 20s, and 50 dollar bills that were crumpled up in the palm of my hand.
"Thank you." I smiled, twisting the nob.
"Wait!"
"Oh my God, Chauncey." I rolled my eyes and groaned. He was so worrisome.
"My bad, my bad. Let me just look at you." He held my shoulders, staring in my eyes before busting out laughing. "You really growing up on me man. Never in a million years would I think I'd be in'nis bitch helping you sneak out.
He kissed my forehead. "I love you, be safe please."
"I love you too." I laughed, finally walking out of my room, and down the stairs.
When I finally made it outside and walked down the driveway, I noticed Kamiri's car sitting a block down.
"Okay because who about to walk way down there." I unlocked my phone.
As soon as I went to hit his contact name, he started to drive down here.
"Pop the trunk." I tapped the window.
I walked towards the back and placed my bag down, closing the trunk afterwards.
"You sneakin out now and shit?"
"He wouldn't let me go." I stopped sharing my location with my daddy.
"So why you ain't stay yo ass Inna house and listen?" He chuckled.
"Because I wanted to be with you. Make sure you're okay."
"Don't make my mental state get you in trouble mama."
My heart fluttered at the pet name, making me turn around and look out the window.
"You hungry or anything? You good?"
"Kamiri you having whole ass panic attacks, and you worried bout if I'm good."
"You right, you right." He nodded, speeding up.
I smirked looking over at him. "Why you going so fast?"
He just ignored me, opening it up a lil more.
"Slowwww downnnnn." I recorded, trying to get when he was doing 100 but he had already started slowing down.
"Vadah let me do what I do." He chuckled. "Just sit there and look pretty."
He turned the radio up and the famous Rod Wave beat began playing through the speakers making me smile.
hE iGhT.
i put him on, i don't care.
She say, 'Why you thug me like that?'
I don't mean to
Sometimes I feel like I don't need you
Unlike other people, I done been here twice before
So I know how the dices roll
"Turn it upppp." I smiled and unlocked my phone. This was my favorite song at the moment.
"Let's, jump on a plane, see the world together. Give you my last name, you my girl forever." I cheesed, holding my hand over my chest. This song made me so happy.
"They see the instagram, the comments, and all the likes." Kamiri stopped at a red light.
"But they don't see the make-ups, and the break-ups, and the fights." He looked over at me, staring.
I did that little thing where you rolled your eyes and shook your head from side to side, smiling. "It's a cold cold world, and a wild wild life. But long as I got you boy I'm alright."
I decided to end the video there, looking it over. I put a blue heart over Kamiri, the moment I seen him in it.
"You always covering me up wit emojis and shit." He looked at me.
"You all in my phone." I smirked.
"Fuck eva. Move that emoji. Then post that bitch."
"You just tryna set me up." I smiled, removing it and saving it.
"You look good too. Send me that."
Blushing, I nodded and posted it, sending it to him afterwards.
So what if somebody noticed? Shouldn't be on my page tryna be Inspector Gadget anyways.
♛
"Gimme some of that." Kamiri nodded at the 'A Thousand Wishes' lotion I had in my hand. It was my favorite and in my opinion, the best one Bath and Body Works had.
"...Girl lotion?" I continued to lotion my legs.
"Yeah. It smell good." I looked at him weirdly before squirting some in his hand.
When we got to his house, I immediately wanted to take a shower. I took mine first and Kamiri followed soon after.
That's 45 minutes after.
Maybe a hour... I don't remember.
"You're gonna smell like a girl." I closed it up and placed it back in my bag.
"Gon smell like my girl."
I tried to hide the blush that crept up on my cheeks. "Chile please, you know how many bitches wear that?"
He looked over at me, mugging me. "Shut the fuck up bra."
"I'm just saying." I shrugged, chuckling. "Let's watch a movie."
"Ion wanna watch no movie."
"Okay, you wanna watch a show?" I grabbed the remote.
The first couple of times I started coming over here, I was shy. Sitting on the bed the whole time.
I mean I guess I was still a little shy but now I touched things I was certain I could touch.
"Ion wanna watch nothing." He laid back on the bed, throwing his left arm over his eyes and putting his right hand in his pants.
"So what you wanna do..." I looked around the room.
He didn't say anything making me frown.
"You wanted me to come over here for you to go to sleep?"
"Be quiettttt." He groaned.
"Wake upppp." I crawled towards him, slapping his face softly.
"What you want?" He moved his arm, mugging me.
"You're so mean." I pouted. Our faces were inches apart and I really wanted a kiss.
shit, why not?
Leaning in, I pecked his lips. A smile instantly showed up on his face, making me smile.
"Awh are you blushinggggg?" I teased.
"Vadah get out my face." He twisted his lips to the side, trying to hide his smile.
"Awhhh suckaaaa!" I poked the dimple in his cheek.
"Move dude. Ain't nobody blushing." He rolled his eyes.
"Niggas be lying." I bust out laughing, laying next to him.
We were laying in silence for a couple of minutes before I spoke up, asking a question that had been on my mind.
"Nasiah's your cousin?"
He moved his arm for a second, looking at me, then moved it back. "Yeah, why?"
"I just have one question.. Just one." I held up one finger, stifling my laughter.
"What?"
"How the hell didn't you know? Like I consistently said his name." I bust out laughing.
"I had a feeling-"
"Nawwllll cuh." I cut him off.
"Cuh?" He raised his eyebrow in amusement.
"Yup." I popped the p, blushing. I didn't even realize I said that till he pointed it out.
"My whole family call him Esco so ian think much of it. It wasn't till you kept saying Nasiah, Nasiah, Nasiah. That shit started fuckin wit me and I got to thinking. Remember when I asked you what his last name was?"
"Oh yeah. I thought you were just asking so you could kill him or something."
"I was." He nodded. "But I wanted to know if he was my cousin too though."
"You're evil." I bust out laughing. "And you did not have to hit him."
"He came at me ocky, fuck you tombout?"
"Last I checked, he was trying to keep the peace." I frowned.
"Keep the peace my ass. That shit was a fat ass act."
"Didn't look like an act to me." I pursed my lips.
"That's my cousin. You think you know my cousin better than me?"
I bust out laughing. "Boy you better be mad."
"Ain't nobody mad, I'm just saying." He shrugged.
We were sitting in silence for a while before he decided to speak up.
"I was scared Peanut."
"Huh?" I looked at him, confusedly.
"Today man." He shook his head. He was just looking up at the ceiling. Staring into space. "I was scared as fuck."
"With Flash?"
He shook his head. "Teiona. His daughter. My lil cousin."
"Ohhh. Yeah I was too. I think everybody was." I scratched my head.
"No you'on understand." He still wouldn't look at me. He just kept his focus on the ceiling fan. "In that moment, I was in shock. On some déjà vu type shit."
"Kamiri déjà vu is when you have a feeling of already experiencing the situation at hand. Meaning it never really happened." I chuckled.
"Oh, well..." He trailed off.
"Oh well what? Has that happened before?"
He didn't say anything making me stop laughing and look over at him.
I furrowed my eyebrows and sat up. "That's happened before hasn't it?"
He stayed silent.
"Kami-"
"Vadah I killed somebody's child." Yet and still, he would not look at me. Like he was too ashamed to look my way. Like he was scared I was gonna look at him differently.
"Well whenever you kill someone that's you killing someone's child so..." I trailed off. "Don't be so hard on yourself."
"I'm serious man. Boy couldn't be no older than eight." He sat up.
I didn't say anything, wanting him to continue talking, I just watched him.
"That same exact thing happened cuh. I'm tombout, that shit was down to a t. I started panicking and shit cause I just felt like my lungs was giving out. I couldn't breathe. Like the walls was closing in on me."
"Then my grandma- my grandma was telling me put the gun down and I just felt pressured. Then Tei ran out and did the same exact thing the lil boy did Vadah. The same damn thing." He finally looked over at me.
"When Flash pulled out his shit and pointed it at me, ian feel no way. Cause family turn on family. That's how it go. So ian feel no way bout uppin' my blick on him."
"But, killing a kid don't sit right wit me cuh. That shit been weighing on my mind all day." He closed his eyes and shook his head.
"I could've killed my lil cousin. She only seven bro."
"Well, when did the little boy- y'know-"
"When I killed him? The night before. The night I texted you."
"Ohhhh." I nodded, raising my eyebrows. "Oh okay."
He looked over at me quickly. "But I had to though. It was a job. It wasn-"
"Shhh." I cut his rambling off. "It's okay."
He layed back down and put his pillow over his head, chest heaving up and down.
"Kamiri." I started looking around trying to remember where I placed his inhaler. He was scaring the fuck out of me right now.
"Hm?" He kept the pillow over his face.
my poor baby going through it.
I moved next to him, laying my head on his chest. I felt him tense up before he actually relaxed and his breathing slowed, going back to normal.
Reaching up, I hesitantly grabbed the pillow from his face.
I threw it on the side of me and continued to lay on his chest, listening to his heart beat.
That was the only thing I heard, for we were sitting in silence.
"You think I'm a bad person?" He spoke up.
"..." I thought about my answer before actually saying something. I didn't wanna say the wrong thing.
"Nevermind." I guess I was taking a little too long for his liking.
"I don't think you're a bad person at all."
He didn't respond, staying quiet for a few minutes. "My mama used to always tell me I was a bad person."
"She told me I wasn't no good. I was gone grow up a heathen." He chuckled before speaking again. "Her ass called me the devil's spawn."
"I guess she was right cause that's what a nigga grew up to be." I frowned up my face.
"I remember I was about six. My ol' girl left me in the crib by myself. She always did that though so it won't none new. Only that time, she ain't come home for two days and the lights was off."
I just layed on his chest listening to him vent. I decided it was best for me not to say anything. After all, he did say he needed someone to talk to.
"After the first day, it won't no food in the house man and a nigga was sooo hungry. Mommy always told me don't go out the door and don't open that bitch for nobody. Ion listen though so of course I took my black ass outside."
"I went right to Ms.Cathy house next door and got me a nice ass homecooked meal, took me a nice ass warm shower, watched nice ass cable TV. I was feeling so good boa." He shook his head.
"I walked back across the hallway around seven o'clock, bout to go get in my bed. Soon as I walk through the door, my mama beat my ass so decent."
"Was hitting my lil skinny ass with the belt buckle. Then she took me to the shower and 'baptized' me." He put air quotation marks around baptized.
"Told me I was a demon and I needed to be washed away of my sins or some shit. I was a devil, and devils don't listen." He bust out laughing.
"Let me tell you that shit hurttttt. You know that lil burning sensation you get when you take a shower and you got a scrape on yo knee or some?" I chuckled, nodding.
"I realized all I did was love that lady and she hated me so much." He shook his head. "I made mistakes Vadah, what child don't? Why she couldn't just love me?"
I didn't know how to answer him. He sounded so hurt behind it and I was speechless. Has anyone ever came to you to vent and you didn't know what else to say but 'damn that's crazy'?
"My mama left me with my daddy when I was fourteen." I spoke up. "I guess she thought she was doing what was best for me but in all honesty I just think that she didn't want any kids. She had Lady when she was 16. Kids took away her whole childhood."
"Where she at na?"
"Jamaica last time I heard." I shrugged.
"My mama left me when I was fourteen too. That shit hurt so bad. I was always left thinking, damn what did I do that was so fucking wrong. I used to try and think of different ways to fix it. Shit I still do."Pop
It's true you never understand why a person acts the way they act until you actually know them.
He continued to vent, telling me about how he grew up. It was honestly sad, he gave up his childhood and had to grow up quick.
"I raised myself. Even when she was around, it's like she wasn't. There were a couple of times where she actually decided she wanted to be a mother but, that was over just as quick as it came."
"I never understood mother's who don't do right by their kids. At the end of the day, we never asked to be here."
"Hell ya. Then they hit you with that, I put clothes on yo back, shoes on yo feet, food on the table, a roof over yo head. Like, you supposed to do that shit. You a parent."
"I don't need my mama. I'm good without her. The best thing she ever did was leave me with my dad."
"Nawl." He shook his head. "My mama do wrong but I need her. Everybody need they mama."
I stayed silent only because it looked like it was a touchy subject for him. I felt like I didn't need my mother.
She put my daddy on child support while he took care of three other kids full time. She was spiteful.
She was no mother to me.
"Be my lady." He said quietly after those few minutes of silence.
"I am your lady."
lady kb.
_____________
man writers block is da damn devil, okay?
ion even like dis.😗😗😗
aye y'all know baba? who run w yb? ughhh, nigga sooo fine g. 😩
anyways, i think i got another update comin today cus y'all turned chapter nineteen up like whatttt.
thanks for reading. 💕
vote + comment. 🖤
08/11/19
_slimsantana.🎲