✆ ᏟᎪᏞᏞ ✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚ Bold- peter ╝
DON'T YOU DARE HANG UP ON ME!
WHAT THE FACK HAPPENED!
THE AVENGERS ARE ABOUT TO COME YEET MY SORRY ASS OUT OF EXISTENCE THAT'S WHAT!
CAN WE STOP SCREAMING!
WHY ARE WE SCREAMING?!
BECAUSE MY LIFE IS IN DANGER, PETER!
THAT'S WHY WE'RE SCREAMING!
No, but like seriously, what happened?
You called me to scream and then hung up
Oh, you haven't heard?
I would have sworn Tony was monitoring my phone ever since your stupidity revealed your secret
I'm actually half expecting him to ram head first into my wall in his Iron Man armor and be like, "Surprise bitch. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me."
That would be iconic
It really would, but I'd be scared as heck with two C's
So, did you accidentally like tell someone I'm Spider-Man?
Because I'm pretty sure Tony would come and kill you
I better start packing my bags then
Wait, YOU DID?!
Not exactly
In fact, I'm trying to preserve your secret, so by any chance do you have a friend that has a similar body shape as you and would be willing to put on your suit without the mask?
No?
Well frick frack diddily dack, there goes my last ditch effort
Just explain to me what's going on
So I was texting MJ and Liz Allan because they're like my best friends
We were talking about typical teenage girl things like consuming the blood of our enemies and all that crap
Right, typical teenage girl stuff
Like you would know, Peter
For some odd reason MJ had a conspiracy theory that you're Spider-Man which I obviously said was absurd
Like Peter Parker as Spider-Man? As if
That hurt, but thanks I guess
And now both MJ and Liz are convinced that you are in fact Spider-Man
I have until tonight to prove them wrong with photographic evidence
Shit
I know right?!
I'm going to tell Tony
He'll know what to do
Rip me
It was a nice run, my friend
See you in the afterlife I guess
If there even is an afterlife that is
Oh, be quiet
You're not going to die
Famous last words
ᴇɴᴅ ᴄᴀʟʟ
✆ Ｔｅｘｔ✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚ Bold- tony & peter ╝
Peter
Help
We've been had
Tony
Do I even want to know?
Peter
Yes
No
Tony
Since (y/n) is saying no, I'm taking it that this is of the utmost importance
Did you kids kill someone??
Why does everyone think that when I talk to them?! I'm literally 17 and the most psychotic thing I've ever done is eat cereal with a fork because all the spoons were dirty
I DONT KILL PEOPLE!!!
Tony
YOU MONSTER!
Peter
Not important. My identity is on the line people!!
Tony
Wait what
I've been bamboozled
Tony
I'm going to [sᴛᴇᴠᴇ ʀᴏɢᴇʀs ᴄᴇɴsᴏʀ]ing kill you
IM INNOCENT
Tony
That's what all the guilty people say before they get sentenced to death
I SWEAR ON MY PATHETIC LIFE THAT IM MORE INNOCENT THAN A NEWBORN BABY
I DIDNT DO SHIT! IT WAS MY FRIENDS THAT CAUSED THIS MESS
Tony
The same friends that you asked the avengers to kill some time ago?
Yeah boi
Tony
Don't yeah boi me, missy
Don't missy me, Toe Knee
Peter
CAN YOU TWO SHUT THE HELL UP
Tony
Peter?!? Did you just tell your father to shut the hell up??!?!!
Tony
The disrespect! (Y/n), can you believe this
My own flesh and blood is telling me to shut the hell up
I'm in a state in shock, Mr. Iron Man sir
Peter
You're not my dad! You always want to hear something, ugly ass [sᴛᴇᴠᴇ ʀᴏɢᴇʀs ᴄᴇɴsᴏʀ]in' noodlehead
Tony
And I thought that I was the one that would be murdered today
You done messed up, Peter
Tony
Son, you're grounded. No Capri Suns for a whole week
Peter
Ok...?
Can we get back to the fact that we have until tonight to prove I'm not Spider-Man to (y/n)'s friends
Stop putting all the pressure on me, pEtEr. They're your friends too
Peter
I don't think MJ would consider me a friend. Same goes for Liz
Tony
What do I have to do? Do you want me to sue them or pay them to keep their mouths shut
Neither? I just need a picture that proves that Peter isn't Spider-Man
Tony
I'm going to have Happy pick the both of you up. I have an idea
Who's Happy?
Peter
His head of security and friend. I'm like 99% sure he hates me
Tony
He doesn't hate you. Happy just doesn't like to admit that he has basic human emotions
I like this Happy person already. I'm stealing your friend, Stark
Peter
Yeah, she does that a lot
Tony
Happy only wants one friend and THAT'S ME, OK
Woah, calm down there. We don't tolerate that kinda attitude in this household
So this plan of yours, what is it exactly?
AND WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE HAPPY TAKE ME?? ARE YOU BRINGING ME TO A SLAUGHTERHOUSE?!?!
Tony
Chill, I was never actually going to kill you
Peter
It sure sounded like you were
Tony
Not now, kid. You're still grounded
Peter
And that means I can't text back??
Duh! Aren't you supposed to be like smart or something
Peter
I'm feeling attacked
Everyone is here. Get used to it, pretty boy
Tony
Did you just-
You know what nvm. That isn't worth my time and effort
Peter
So this plan??
Tony
Right, so (y/n) will FaceTime her two friends or something like that and "accidentally" show both Peter and Spider-Man in the same room together
And that's going to be possible how exactly??
Tony
I'm a genius. I have my ways
Yo Happy just pulled up in my driveway. This is wild. Where am I going exactly??
Tony
Well first your going to stop at Peter's apartment and snatch him. Then you'll head to the Avengers compound so we can set this plan in motion
ASDFGHJKL I'M GOING TO THE LAND OF THE AVENGERS!!!!😭😭
Peter
You've been to Asgard with Thor himself. How does this stuff still excite you
BECAUSE THE COMPOUND IS WERE THE AVENGERS ROAM FREE IN THE WILD
OH MY GOD, STARK, WHO'S THERE RN?!?!
Tony
Pretty much everyone
I might faint
IMMA TAKE PICTURES WITH EVERYONE except you, Mr. aluminum foil
Tony
Offended
Imma get your autograph because it's more valuable on the black market
Just in case I go broke 20 years down the line
Tony
Less offended but still mildly offended
Peter
I'm being highly entertained by this. That can only mean one thing: I'm dying
Fack you, Parker
I have superb comedic skills and you're just jealous
OH LOOK! your apartment building!!
Tony
Peter
???
Whatever, Stark
This plan of yours better work or else I'm ending it all
Have fun living with that! :)