I wake up in the same place I sat pondering life last night, I don't even remember falling asleep. I stretch my legs and rub my eyes, gathering my bearings. My phone lights up with three missed calls from Jake and seven text messages, as well as a text from my mom. What the hell?
I slide to unlock my phone, reading the text from my mom first, postponing whatever the seven texts had to say from Jake.
*Out for breakfast then heading to visit Aunt Carol for a few days. I left money on the counter in case you need it. Love you, Mar. <3*
I roll my eyes, "Of course she is." She always runs off to Carol's when things get tough. Maybe I should take a page out of her book and get away for a few days. Summer is only a month away, maybe then I could get out of here. I sigh, scrolling to find the messages from Jake.
*Amara?*
*Amara, I left my keys in your bag.*
*Amara? I really need my keys, they're for my apartment.*
*I guess you're asleep. Call me when you can.*
*Amara come on. Are you even asleep?*
*Okay, just text me as soon as you can.*
His keys? I rack my brain trying to pinpoint the moment when they were even placed in my bag, nothing comes to mind. I shake off the weird, eerie feeling that crosses me and decide to call him, straighten things out. He lives with his parents, and his sister — one of them will have let him in, right? My eyes focus on my bag that pokes out of the edge of my bed. I peer inside and surely enough, there they are. A set of silver keys held together by a small gold ring. I move the metal in between my fingers, desperately trying to think of what reason he would have to sneak them into by bag without asking me.
Once again, I brush it off and dial his number.
"Hello? Amara?" He answers almost immediately after the first few rings, taking me by surprise.
"Hey, Jake. I'm really sorry, I crashed out last night and didn't see your texts. Did you get inside?" I ask as politely as I can.
There is a brief pause and a muffled sigh as I wait for a response, any response.
"No, I stayed at a friends. I didn't want to wake everyone because you wouldn't answer." he snaps.
His tone is drastically different and he is obviously annoyed. Annoyed? I bite my tongue, trying to compose myself.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I can bring them over if you like?" I offer grudge fully, trying to contain my attitude to avoid an argument. I've been trying to work on that.
"I'll text you the address. Thanks, Amara." he sighs before ending the call.
I throw my phone down onto my bed as I pettily ramble to myself. "Who the hell does that? Why would you just drop your keys into your dates bag? A heads up would have been nice, Jacob." I emphasise his name in annoyance. I vividly remember seeing pockets in his jacket, so why would he need my bag for his keys?
I grab a towel and step into the shower, without turning on my designated 'shower playlist' since I'm in a rush. I shower as quickly as possible, dry my hair and grab my phone to check if Jake had sent me the address of his friend's house, which he had.
"It's a dorm?" I mumble to myself. A dorm at FIU nonetheless. Great, I'll probably know his friend, too. Why didn't he mention he had friends that go there? It would have been a good conversation starter, better than the silence that makes me cringe to think about, it really was beyond awkward.
I quickly grab a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, brush my teeth and throw my shoes on as I make my way to my car. I didn't put any makeup on, which is unusual for me since I feel pretty bare without it, also something I'm working on. But I didn't want to make Jake wait any longer than I had to—for his keys... that he left in my bag, without asking.
On the drive there I begin to wonder if I have any classes with this friend of his, I don't talk to many people that go there since I don't live there—I don't have much time to get to know anybody. I tend to just speak to who I have to, besides Jess. Jess is probably my closest and only friend from FIU, or in general. I haven't seen her as much since she started dating her new boyfriend, but I don't mind. She's happy.
My thoughts are quickly brought back to Jacob and his runaway keys as I pull into the parking lot. I check the dorm number twice before knocking to make sure. I can faintly hear music coming from inside the room, I've never heard it before but it sounds nice. The door opens and Jake pulls me into a hug which I awkwardly lean into.
"Do you want to come inside? I was just about to get some breakfast." he smiles warmly, is he serious?
I decline politely but he insists after hearing my stomach rumbling—I knew I should've stopped for food on the way here.
As I walk inside I see who I assume is his friend, leaning against the wall on his bed, playing guitar. He seemed so caught up in his actions that he didn't notice I was even in the room. That must be the music I heard from outside, it's good. Really good. Maybe he's in a band?
"Mason, you dick." Jacob yells, making me gasp a little, I've never heard Jake talk like that, even though I know its in a playful way.
His friend's head snaps up, rolling his eyes as he sees me before turning his attention back to the instrument in his hand.
"What? I was on a roll." he scoffs, tapping his fingers on the wooden base.
"This is Amara, the girl I was telling you about. She's going to have breakfast with me." Jake informs him, sounding almost.. excited?
I smile towards the dark headed boy on the bed.
"Hey, I'm Amara. Nice to meet you." I say, stretching out my hand for him to shake it. As soon as I do, I immediately regret it.
He looks down at my hand and sniggers under his breath before looking back to Jake with a raised brow. Why did I just do that? A handshake, seriously?
"So this is the one that locked you out." he says playfully, I think. His tone seems serious and his eyes look stern. I begin to realise Jake is the nicer friend out of the two. Noted.
"Do you mind if I shower quickly? I didn't get the chance to last night and it's driving me crazy." Jake asks, already picking out a towel from the shelf, showing me that it wasn't really a question—rather a pleasantry that he asked my permission.
I flash him a panicked look and my best 'please don't leave me with your rude friend' face. But, he doesn't seem to catch on. Or he does, and just didn't care.
"Yeah, sure, no problem." I awkwardly nod. You really are inconvenient, Jake.
So, I stand in the middle of a strangers dorm that clearly does not want me here since Jake disappeared to shower.
I try to avert my gaze anywhere besides the bed, desperately avoiding eye contact with.. Mason? I think that's what Jake called him. He's staring down, focused on the guitar resting against his chest, plucking the strings —although not playing them. Maybe he's shy.. or doesn't like playing in front of people?
Not in a band after all, also noted.
"Are you just going to stand there and stare at me, Amara?" he breaks the silence, his eyes burning into me. There was no hint of playfulness in his tone like when he spoke to Jake, only annoyance.
Or maybe not. I can't quite figure out what was laced underneath his tone.
"I wasn't staring at you, I was trying to figure out which song you were trying to play." I retort. I will not let some boy I just met speak to me like he's better than me, Jake's friend or not. I don't even know anything about Jake besides the fact he has a sister called Ava, and a friend who isn't a people's person. Plus, he likes to leave his things in his date's bags.
He laughs, no returned comment—just a simple laugh. And for some reason, that annoyed me more. Don't be petty, Amara.
I take a seat on a chair at the opposite end of the room, and pretend to be texting. Anything to avoid conversation, not that there is any—something him and Jake have in common.
"Are you just going to sit there and not talk?" the other voice in the room scoffs, again full of.. anger? I can't put my finger on it. It reminds me of when my younger cousin has tantrums, childish and irritating.
"Why would I? I came here to give Jake his keys, not be snapped at by some asshole with a guitar." as soon as the words leave my mouth I scold myself, why did I take his bait? I'm usually the mature one. He angers me in a weird way and I don't like it.
"Asshole with a guitar, huh?" he chuckles. "Someone needs to take a chill pill, Tamara."
"It's Amara," I scoff, trying to wrap my head around the sheer audacity of the stranger in front of me. "Tell Jake I'll have breakfast with him another time." I stand up abruptly, grabbing my phone and keys. I'm way too tired to deal with immaturity today. Plus, I didn't even come here to have breakfast.
"Oh, come on. I was only joking. I'll talk to you while you wait on Jake." he says, seeming semi-sincere. I ponder for a moment before sitting back down, maybe I'm just taking my anger from my mom out on him.
"So, what do you study here? I've never seen you around." I ask, trying to break the thick tension in the room.
"You go here?" he gapes, seeming shocked. I'm not sure which way to take that. I study science and engineering, sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
"Yeah. When I can be bothered going to classes, they're just so early." he says nonchalantly.
I notice that his voice sounds strange, he has an accent. It's more prominent with certain words and almost sounds like he's making an effort to hold it back. I can't quite put my finger on it, it sounds foreign.
"Where are you from originally?" I ask as I glance down at my phone to check the time, Jake is taking forever.
"Why are you so fucking nosy?" he snaps, his abrupt tone startling me and causing me to drop my phone. "Who said I wasn't from here?" he scoffs, his tone has completely changed yet again and his eyes have gotten colder.
"Nobody did, but-" I'm interrupted by Jake walking back into the room, drying his hair with a towel. I've never been more relieved. What the fuck is his problem? This is why I don't live here, I can't imagine having to live with someone with such a horrible attitude and mood swings.
"I have to go, my mom called." I tell Jake, praying silently that Mason doesn't call me out on my blatant lie.
"Is everything okay?" he asks, with what I hope is concern in his voice and not disbelief.
"Yeah, she's going out of town for a few days and has to see me first." I half lie, I mean she is going out of town, she just didn't care enough to wait until I was awake.
Jake pulls me into a warm hug to say goodbye and I find myself hoping Mason doesn't tell him about... whatever that was. An argument? A heated exchange? Even though I wasn't in the wrong.
I drive myself home and decide to call Jess to pass the time, since I have nothing better to do.
"Hey, you've reached Jess. Sorry I can't come to the phone right n-"
Answering machine.
I love that Jess is happy with her boyfriend, she deserves to be happy—I just wish we got to hang out more. I'm not the best at socialising and she's really the only friend I have around here. It's not like I can spend any time with my mom.
I decide to make myself some pizza and watch a movie, the notebook to be exact.
I'm not the best cook, but the house has never been burned down, so I'll take that as a win. There was that one time where I made the microwave blow up, but that wasn't my fault.
Okay, it was. But I didn't know you couldn't put metal in there. Besides that, I'm pretty good.
I plop myself down on the couch with a blanket as I turn the movie on. I love it, its by far one of my favourite movies to ever exist—even if it does make me ugly cry.
——————
As the movie finishes, I've wasted almost three hours—including the time to sob into my left over pizza. I can't help but wonder if my mom got to Carol's okay. I'm angry, so, so angry at her—but she's still my mom and I still worry.
I decide to put on some makeup, partially to pass the time and partially because I look like a crying mess after the movie. I look into the mirror, my blue eyes are blotchy and puffy and my hair is untamed. I look like a complete disaster, yet I still watch it every time. I don't exactly enjoy classes, but I can't help but be relieved tomorrow is Monday, I can't deal with having nothing to do.
I sit on my bed and open my makeup bag, only adding some mascara and concealer—my eyebrows have always been pretty full, I don't tend to put anything on them, and I don't really like foundation unless I'm going somewhere important.
It's almost four and I give in and decide to call my mom. It rings a few times then goes to her answering machine, I'm beyond fed up of telling her to keep her phone charged. I dial Aunt Carol's number instead.
"Mar! My darling girl, how are you?!" she chirps, she sounds so excited to hear from me. She really is my favourite.
"I just wanted to make sure my mom was doing okay. Don't tell her I called, I just wanted to know." at least this way I get to keep my pride.
"Your mom?" she asks, her voice full of confusion.
I hear her move the phone from her face as she calls on my uncle. "Steve, is Dawn here? Did she call?" the worry in her voice is clear and my stomach drops.
She clears her throat before putting the phone back to her ear. "Honey, your mom isn't here. I haven't heard from her in a while now. She didn't mention coming here." I can tell she's trying to mask the fear in her voice as much as I am.
"I must have heard her wrong this morning on the phone, I have to go." another lie. But I don't want her to know she lost her sobriety, even if she does have a right to know, it is her sister after all.
"Mar, is everything okay?" her voice is sympathetic and full of pity.
I hate being pitied, even if it is with good intentions, it's all I've heard growing up. Pity. Sympathy. I want to be able to handle this myself.
"It's fine! She must have said she was going to call you, let me know if she does?" I plea.
"Of course. I'm here if you need me, Amara." she sighs before hanging up.
I run my fingers through my hair in frustration as hundreds of thoughts flood my mind. Where is she? Why did she lie? Is she drunk? Is she driving drunk? Is she hurt?
I feel my chest becoming heavy and as much as I want to handle this on my own, I can't. I immediately grab my phone and re-dial Jess' number. Jess is the only person who knows about my mom's... habits, I need her.
Answering machine.
I try again another three times with the same outcome, what the hell am I going to do? I rack my brain thinking of who to call, who else can I call besides Jake?
"Shit." I sigh at the thought of having to ask for his help. But really, what have I got to lose? I dial his number and wait for an answer.
"Hello?" his voice sounds like music to my ears right now.
"Jake! It's Amara, I-"
"Sike! This is my voicemail, bet I got you. Leave a message if you want and I'll cal-"
"Damn it," I groan, throwing my phone onto my bed. I have no idea were he lives, how the hell am I going to find him? Maybe he's still at the dorm. It's worth a shot.
I grab my keys and head to my car, driving as quickly as I can. My mind is running a marathon as I pull into the FIU parking lot.
I make my way back to the dorm and nervously twirl my hair around my fingers as I wait for the door to open. I hear footsteps coming towards the door before it opens to see, Mason.
I take a deep breath, "Is Jake here?"
"No, he left shortly after you abandoned him here." he says smugly with a smirk plastered on his face.
"Do you know where he is?" I ask nervously, hearing my voice crack. I can feel my chest getting heavier as I fight the urge to cry, I refuse to in front of a stranger.
"He went to see friends, I don't know where," he shrugs, "Are you... okay?" he asks seemingly reluctantly with a furrowed brow.
"I'm fine. Can you tell him I'm looking for him if you see him?" I can hear my voice shaking and my eyes watering, I blink it away quickly and hope that he didn't notice. I look up to see him looking at me with... pity. I want to scream, but it's hard to contain my anxiety about my mom when I know how this has ended several times before.
"Do you.. want a glass of water?" he asks, rubbing the back of his neck. I can tell this isn't something he's used to. He looks just as uncomfortable as me.
As much as I want to say 'no' and run back to my car, my mouth and throat feel like they're closing up and some water sounds amazing.
"Please." I nod.
Mason motions for me to come in, patting a spot on the bed before fetching me some water. I sit down and put my head in my hands, trying to think of what to do. It's 5pm, almost seven hours since she left. She had no intentions of going to Carol's, clearly.
Mason hands me the glass and sits on the opposite side of the bed. My thoughts are interrupted by my phone ringing, I grab it out of my pocket as quickly as I can — it's Jess. Slight relief floods over me as I answer, walking to the other end of the room to avoid Mason hearing.
"Jess, can you come get me? It's my-" I'm cut off by the loud eruption of laughter and music, a party? Unlike her.
"Hey, Mar!" she yells. "I'm at a party with some new friends, what were you saying?"
"My mom isn't here, I don't know where she is, she lied about going to Carol's. I need to look for her, she relapsed Jess, what if she's drinking? Please come with me, I'll pick you up in ten." I ramble pathetically, and without even realising a tear slips down my cheek, then another, and another.
I stay facing the wall, I hate people seeing me cry. I don't know why, exactly—but I hate it.
"I'm sorry, Mar. That's horrible. I can't leave though, I promised I'd stay here. I'm really sorry." she says through the racket of the party. I feel my heart sink again, how can she dismiss me like that?
The call ends and I just stare at my phone for a second, trying to process what just happened. I wipe my eyes and try to compose myself before turning around. Alright, plan B—go alone, I tell myself.
"Thank you for the water, I have to go." I say politely, making a brisk turn towards the door to stop myself from crying again.
As I reach the door and move to bend the handle, a hesitant arm grabs my wrist.
"I'll go with you." The voice from behind me says,
I turn around to see Mason with his eyes set on the floor, obviously unaware of how to deal with the situation. That makes two of us. I put two and two together, realising he must have heard me talking to Jess. In reality, Mason is the last person I envisioned myself doing this with, and I consider turning him down. But deep down I know that she's drunk, and I can't carry her alone. I'll take what I can get.
"Okay." I add, clearly to his surprise as I walk to my car.
{a/n: I'm writing this after publishing chapter 20, I'm going back to edit these chapters as I feel like they could be better:) I also want to say... hang in there! The storyline gets so much better and I'm excited for it. And again, if you don't like strong language, mature scenes etc - I'd not read the full thing. Thank you! }