if being dead felt the same as being alive, lilith never would have tried it
though being dead wasn't her choice to be exact, it was the leather clad asshole who pushed klaus off and-
holy shit, klaus!
lilith opens her eyes and quickly rises up to her feet, she takes a moment to look around and scout her surroundings. didn't seem like much, just a forest, a very quiet one at that
"is this...heaven?" lilith whispers to herself. if it was, heaven was seriously an overrated thing at that
"you wish... this place is more on the lines of purgatory and limbo or whatever you whipper snappers call it these days...i'm too old for this..."
lilith turns to see the person talking with her and her breath hitches momentarily
"y-you..."
the devil smiles gently at lilith, looking as glamarous as a genderless devil could be. "she says that you can't be in heaven because you're basically the devil, however you aren't in hell either cause you're still human who barely had any control over that. it took some real convincing her to not send you to hell, and i thought she was supposed to be the good one"
lilith blinks, unable to process the situation at hand and instead, she remains quiet and listens to the devil, finding comfort in their odd tone, almost missing it
"let me tell you a little something about that little two-faced prick, she can't admit that she lost. the adam and eve thing? it was a frickin' bet and i won and she refuses to admit it-" the devil continues to rant about something when lilith finally approaches them
"y-you're here..." the devil and smiles at lilith gently "yeah, i am, but you aren't supposed to be here yet, i'm sending you back" the devil points up at the white sky, but lilith shakes her head
"no, i have to find klaus"
the devil blinks and awkwardly looks away "he's not here kid"
"what? what do you mean?"
"you're in purgatory and or limbo whatever the fuck you call it, god didn't want you in heaven and i don't want you going to hell. this place is your own heaven and hell, an in between"
lilith shakes her head and lets out a chuckle of disbelief "wait no i'm sorry, klaus is in heaven?!"
the devil stifles a laugh but loses to it, letting out a guffaw "lilith, she'd rather admit she's wrong than put your druggie brother in heaven, no he's like you, stuck in his own heaven and hell"
lilith sighs in relief, klaus and her were dead, it was fine, but she knew they had to get back "so when can we get back?" she asks. the devil grins and taps their chin "just a sec, if not for baby five disrupting the timeline you would have gotten the closure you needed. i'm giving you a chance now"
the devil points behind lilith. she follows their hand and sees a familiar sight, a little blanket fort that was lit up brightly by the overwhelming amount of fairylights inside
lilith lets out a breath, almost too afraid to think. the devil notices this and chuckles at her face "you need this in order to move on. i'm doing this for the both of us, and for the sake of the world for that matter. no more death wishes, please"
she never wanted to accept he was gone, she might never accept it, this wasn't helping
but she wasn't complaining either
"thank you" she whispers to them before running towards the fairy light filled blanket fort
————————————————————
lilith could've sworn the blanket fort was supposed to be smaller than it should be, and that the fairy lights were supposed to be brighter. even as a child lilith vividly remembers those damn lights blinding her and klaus more than once, ben would warn them not to look at it too much but of course klaus influenced lilith into doing it anyway
lilith looks around, hugging herself, fearing that she'd collapse into a ball of tears if she didn't hold herself
she continues to stare at the pink blanket fort surrounding her, a genuine smile on her face, her eyes were filled with nostalgia as various memories start flooding back to her
the most notable ones always with ben. she has the best memories with ben
"l-lilith?"
she never once anticipated that she'd make new ones. not even in her dreams
she didn't need to turn around to recognize the voice. it may have been so long ago but the way her name was spoken told her everything. though it didn't excuse the fact that she was feeling a slight wave of deja vu
has this happened before? if so why couldn't she remember anything. lilith should focus, stay in the present, he was right behind her, all she had to do was turn around
"ben?"
he looked so beautiful even with just a hoodie on, he seemed just as happy to see her as she him. ben doesn't hesitate to run towards a frozen lilith, stopping right in front of her as if he thought it was god playing a sick joke on him
"is this real?" his breath hitches, watching as lilith lets out a chuckle and nod her head as a response
"it's real ben"
ben raises his hand for lilith to take, but she doesn't, for she knows the results and it could only bring her pain. ben however reaches out to her, but just as lilith suspected it goes through her like air
lilith closes her eyes, not wanting ben to read her. he's always known how to do that, especially just by staring at her
but even though her eyes were closed, it didn't change the painful impact of the way ben lets out an exasperated breath in shock and frustration as he realizes he couldn't touch her. "n-no...no...no no no!" he yells out, grabbing his hair and tugging onto it roughly "i was so close...god please i just want to hold her..." he sobs, kneeling before lilith helplessly
lilith whimpers as he does so, a sob suddenly bubbles from her throat. she wanted that as well, to hold him, now especially more than ever "ben..." she whispers in a hushed tone, his sobs further cracking what broken pieces her heart had left
no hesitation, she either does this or die regretting it
"ben, look at me...please look at me" she sees ben shakes his head, almost as if he was afriad that if he did she'd dissapear
"i love you, so so much. even after your death, i've never been able to get closure because i've been denying it for so long...too long" she kneels in front of him, doing the best she could in such a tragic situation as this
ben finally looks at her, his eyes still misty as tears stain his cheeks. in another life she'd be holding him in her arms unwilling to let go, in many other lives they'd be happy together
but this was the life they were given, a cruel life where their abusive father groomed them into perfect heroes but never perfect people, a life where even death couldn't bring them together. it was cruel, but lilith would be damned if she was going to let this sliver of happiness slip through her fingertips like nothing
"lilith...please, please stop trying to kill yourself. i know, it's hard but you have to keep going, who else is going to look after klaus?" ben asks with a sad chuckle in the end. lilith laughs a little, the change of atmosphere suiting them better "yeah... none of the others are born with a 'klaus hargreeves care kit' like we were. diego's getting there though"
"in all seriousness rose, i love you. stop hating yourself, it wasn't your fault, it was never your fault." as soon as ben references what happened so long ago, lilith feels a stray tear fall down her cheek. a few sobs start erupting from her and she can't help but feel so vulnerable as ben stares at her sorry state sadly
they both just wanted to be held, but life couldn't give them that luxury
she just wants to hold him
'god please let me hold him'
at that moment lilith hears the muffled sound of techno music and neon lights flashing through her vision "what..." she whispers to herself in shock, standing up and shutting her eyes in an attempt to get rid of it all
"lilith?" ben calls out, worried as he watches her step back from him
"lilith!"
another voice calls to her, it wasn' ben's though, no it was klaus'
"wait, wait no...please a little longer, a little longer-"
"lilith!" she could feel her entire body shake as she returns to where she last was, on the cold floor of a rave. klaus' hands on her shoulder, gripping it forcefully in concern but relaxes as lilith regains consciousness
"k-klaus?" lilith whispers in shock, sitting up quickly to trap klaus in a warm embrace. finally, a moment of pure vulnerability she sobs into his shoulder "i thought i lost you i was so scared..."
klaus himself was pretty shocked when lilith started violently crying on him, but nevertheless he returns the embrace in an attempt to soothe her, what exactly had happened that made her so scared?
————————————————————
klaus had asked a shaken lilith to stay put while he went on his own expedition to find luther, worrying for lilith. but as his sister lilith also had the right to worry, wanting to come with klaus who looked just as shaken as she did
it was settled with rock paper scissors and lilith had to stay
it was peaceful, it wasn't so bad. being left to her thoughts about her purgatory experience
ben
her heart swells at the mere reminder of him, she can't help but feel weak as she watches people in the street going about their daily lives, finding it so amazing that people can take things for granted and have a breakdown when it's take away
she'd have to call herself a hypocrite though
lilith was cold although she wore a very expensive jacket that would take weeks to get cleaned, though it wouldn't be necessary since it was pretty ripped
she just wants to be held, held by ben specifically
a stray tear falls from her eye as she realizes that it had felt real, but without his touch it might as well have been a delusion, something that never actually happened
"hey, don't cry rose"
if this was another dirty trick lilith would have to find the nearest brifge and jump off, she didn't have the energy to deal with whatever the hell this was
and yet she wonders... for a possibility that it was real
lilith looks up and her breath staggers, as does her stepping when she quickly stands up "ben?" she asks, slowly walking up towards him
he doesn't seem as fazed, instead he wears a sad smile on his face "yeah...hi" cheeky little bastard, a deceased lived one coming back to you as a ghost doesn't happen very often so lilith thinks she deserves more than a "hi"
"am i dead or..." she looks around for signs of her apparent "death" but stops as ben laughs at her silliness. "nope, you're alive and well... this time i'm not letting you go through life alone, rose"
lilith doesn't cry, instead she smiles, a glimmer of hope apparent in her eyes "good, cause from now on whatever we do we do together"
they both walk towards each other, with lilith stretching out to hold him but of course it easily passes through
lilith and ben let out a chuckle as if a joke was shared between the two "of course...ghost"
"hey lily i found luther- holy shit!"
ben and lilith look towards where klaus was. lilith smiles at him and waves as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening
"when have you-"
"long story"
lilith laughs as klaus' jaw nearly hits the ground watching his two best friends interact with one another, lilith couldn't blame him for being slack jawed though
"now...where did you say you found luther"
DISCLAIMER: THIS WAS NOT PROOF READ SO I APOLOGIZE SINCERELY FOR YOUR EYES
IT DIDN'T START WELL IT DIDN'T CLIMAX WELL AND IT DIDN'T END WELL
I WAS HAVING AN INSPIRATIONAL WRITER'S MOMENT BUT THEN IT DIED DOWN SO I'M VERY SORRY
OTHER THAN THAT I'M VERY VERY VERY SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN A REALLY REALLY REALLY LONG TIME
THESE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS HAVE BEEN CRAZY I'VE BEEN PRACTICING FOR A NATIONAL COMPETITION
AND GET THIS
YOUR BITCH ACTUALLY WON LIKE WHAAAAAT
WHEN THEY READ THE RESULTS AND I CAME OUT ON FIRST PLACE I WAS LIKE I AM CONFUSION
BUT HEY I WON AND I PUBLISHED A NEW CHAPTER ON THIS AND MY OTHER UMBRELLA ACADEMY BOOK "THE REPLACEMENT" A FIVE HARGREEVES X READER FANFIC
WELL THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY FOR NOW, IM GONNA GO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER NOW WHILE WAITING FOR BITLIFE TO UPDATE BYEEEE