I couldn't sleep that night, constantly checking my phone hoping I would get a text from him. And thinking that maybe I should text him myself. But if I did, what would he think of me? I was afraid he would despise me for how I treated him.
Maybe I should have let sex in the backseat happen.
As soon as a closed my eyes, I saw us together that day. I saw how we were sitting at Masal, how I was feeding him Kunefe, and how he smiled eating from my fork. How he was hugging and kissing me by the water.
And his words... "When a guy kisses your hands, it means you are not just another girl in his life, it means you are very special and very dear to him. You hear me, Lola?"
"...It means you are very special and very dear to him..."
"...very dear to him..."
He said, "You hear me, Lola?"
I guess I didn't really hear him.
And what I answered? A cold, "I just don't wanna see you, ok? It's that simple!"
How cruel was that...
I was swirling in bed with these thoughts, unable to sleep.
Maybe I would be happier if I looked just average. If I wasn't spoiled with men's attention. I would be able to notice good men, to appreciate them. And I would be sure they were after me for my character more than for my looks.
I finally calmed myself down with an idea that I would just text him tomorrow night. I would tell him that I wasn't really serious when I said that I didn't want to see him. I would tell him that I got a little mad and offended by something that he said about my looks.
I woke up at 11, took a shower, put on my bathrobe, made myself a coffee and sat at a kitchen table. I like sitting in the kitchen, looking through the window, sipping coffee and just thinking.
All the people walking down there on the street, they all have their own stories. They have relationships, marriages, divorces, love affairs, failures and successes. Each one has its own unique story. Why do we meet certain people in our lives? Is it by random or is it destiny? Does the universe try to teach us something with each new person it sends into our lives?
I looked at my phone. No messages.
Should I call him? Should I text him?
I should wait till the evening. But if I wait I will keep thinking and worrying about it the whole day.
Ok, I will open notes app and write down a sample text.
"Good morning. Listen... Sorry for yesterday, I was just kidding."
I was kidding about what?
"...when I said I don't wanna see you again."
Ahhh, can't send that. What if he replied, "Crazy bitch, leave me alone," or "You were kidding and I am not. I don't want to see you for real. Goodbye!"
Shit!
I needed to get out of the house and have some fresh air. I went to the bedroom and put some random cloth on. After grabbing my wallet, keys and the phone I opened the front door and almost hit someone on the other side. What I saw when I opened the door made me think, Fuck...I'm not even wearing my makeup.
He was standing right in front of me.
I looked at my door, then at him and finally asked, "What are you doing here?"
"Lola, you almost broke my nose."
"What is your nose doing behind my door?"
"Hey, I was about to knock on your door when you suddenly pushed it. What happened, is there a fire in your apartment?"
"I'm going somewhere and I'm late. How do you know my apartment number?"
He looked at me for a few seconds. "Listen, Lola. I wanted to talk to you...about yesterday. But, I probably shouldn't have come."
He turned around and walked towards the stairs. Pausing, he looked at me and added, "I hope you won't be late, wherever you were going," and started going down the stairs.
"Wait!" I ran after him, reached him in the middle of the staircase and pushed him against the wall. "Why are you running away from me?" I pressed my body against his. "You came to talk? So talk. I'm listening." I got angry that he turned his back at me and decided to leave just like that. It just gets to your insecurities. And now, from the outside, it probably looked like I was bullying him.
He looked straight into my eyes.
As if our minds connected, simultaneously, we went for the kiss. A deep, passionate kiss.
I closed my eyes.
His hands grabbed my glutes. I could no longer understand or control what was happening.
He pulled me up, making me wrap my legs around him, turned around and pushed me against the wall. As our pelvics hit, I moaned unexpectedly loud.
Hearing the echo, I suddenly realized where we were and what we were doing.
"Baby, baby, put me down. Let's go inside."
He started kissing me again as if he didn't want to hear anything.
I was afraid that in a moment I would just give up and lose control.
"Hon, I beg you, just go inside."
He finally paused, let one of my legs to go down, and said, "Sure baby, I want you so much." He started unbuckling his belt.
I looked at him with shock. "What...are you doing?" I whispered with a firm voice.
He looked at me. "What? You said to go inside of you. No?"
"I said to go inside of my apartment, not inside of me!"
He turned his head and looked at my door that was still open, then turned back at me. Finally, he said, "Ohhh, inside the apartment?"
We both burst into laughter.
I will never forget this moment. It still makes me giggle when I remember it. Men can look so silly at times as if they all have little playful boys living in them.
The sound of an opening door interrupted our laugher. "Shhh, quiet, "I whispered.
Somebody was opening the door somewhere on my floor. He took my hand and we both dashed into my apartment.
I shut the door behind us. There were just two of us now. Logically, we were supposed to continue what we started on the other side of the door. But when do feelings follow the logic?
We looked at each other. Both smiled. Some hesitance appeared in both of us.
After a few weird moments I finally said, "Well, let me show you my place."
"I thought you were going somewhere. Won't you be late?"
"No, it's nothing important. Come on in."
We proceeded to the living room.
I looked around.
Fuck... I forgot it was a mess. The sofa was covered with my clothes - jeans, leggings, underwear, blouses. And the cabinet was wide open. Yesterday I couldn't decide what to put on.
"Sorry for the mess, I was just cleaning my cabinet, and didn't finish it yet. Here, I will make you a room to sit."
I approached the sofa and moved all the clothes into one pile.
He sat on the sofa, resting his right hand on the pile as if it were an armrest. "No problem Lola. Indeed, you have a very cozy place here, I like it." He smiled.
I stood next to the sofa, started taking my clothes one by one from under his arm, folding them and putting them aside.
"What brought you here in the morning?" I asked him.
After a long pause, he answered. "I couldn't sleep last night. Did you sleep well?"
"Me?" I made a surprised face. "I slept like an angel."
"So you can just break up with someone, tell him you don't wanna see him and..."
"So what if I said that?" I interrupted him. "Maybe I was mad. And look, just after a few hours here you are, sitting on my sofa..." For some reason, I started to become emotional. "And how the fuck do you know how I feel? No, I didn't sleep well at night. Are you happy now?" I started crying and covered my face with whatever piece of clothing I had in hands that moment.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to..." He wrapped his arms around my legs and pull me on the sofa. "Lola, baby, the last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you. I swear. " He put his hand on my forehead, as I was still covering my face with my hands and fabric.
"It's just you women are so complicated sometimes, it is really hard to understand you. Lola, you can tell me whatever you want now as long as I can come and sit on your sofa the next day. Deal?"
"Idiot!" I sniffed, still refusing to uncover my face.
He started laughing out loud.
I finally revealed my face, tears still in my eyes, but with a smile on my lips.
He reached to me and we started kissing. His kisses were intense, and I could feel he wanted more.
"Wait, wait!" I pushed him away.
"What's wrong?" He didn't want to stop.
"What, are you hoping to have sex today? It ain't happening." I got up from the sofa and started fixing my hair.
"Lola, why are you teasing me?"
"Chill baby, I don't owe you sex. Sorry, I got to use the bathroom."
I went to the bathroom, washed my face, looked in the mirror and thought, Lola, why are you pushing him away? It is your fucking character... You just can't do it differently, can't you? Do you want to push all good men away and live with cats for the rest of your life? I don't have cats yet, but maybe it's already time to get one. Ok, if he truly likes me, he will wait. If he doesn't, me sleeping with him won't make him stick around.
"Lola, I'm leaving," I heard him from behind the bathroom door.
I opened the door. "So sudden?"
"Yeah, I have to run some errands. I will call you tonight."
"Yeah, sure."
"Can I take this with me?" He asked with a smile and showed me something in his hand. It was my panties.
"No! Where did you get that?" I demanded an answer, trying to snatch them from his hand.
He wouldn't let me take it, and instead, brought them close to his lips.
"Hmm, they smell so delicious," he said with a quirky smile and put the panties in his mouth.
"Stop! Give them back to me!" Yet again I tried to grab the panties from him, as he was getting away from me. When I got him cornered in the kitchen, he was laughing, definitely trying to have a good time.
"First of all, they are clean, " I made a statement finally getting a hold of my underwear.
He sat on the chair by the kitchen table. "I wouldn't care if they weren't clean"
"I see you are a very nasty guy."
"I am," he agreed with pride moving his chair in front of me, making me a seat on the edge of the table.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm not doing anything wrong, Lola. Just touching the girl I really like." He started getting his hands under my skirt and caressing my thighs.
"You know it's a wrong approach? I'm not even pushing you away, you should know it yourself."
"I guess I'm the wrong guy," he started caressing my inners thighs.
My body started to shake. I was turned on and anxious at the same time.
He lifted up my skirt, I started shaking even more.
"Lola, your body is trembling."
"I...know," I said, gritting my teeth.
"I will make you relax". Holding my both legs, and moving away from my underwear with his left hand, he landed his tongue in between my legs.
He is eating out like a hungry beast.
Such an intense pleasure, I am screaming.
Hearing him taking off his pants.
"Aaaaaa!"
Thrusts, thrust, thrust.
More and more...
We breathe in sync.
So good, how could I wait so long?
I scream so loud.
"Aaaa! Aaaaaa! Aaaaa!"
Thrust... Thrust... Thrust...
This is insanely good.
He is thrusting faster.
"Lola... Aaaaaa!"
I was still lying on the table, resting on my elbows. He leaned his forehead against mine. We were still breathing heavily. Both relaxed and smiling at each other. It was such a good release.