CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
"You look so grown up."
I couldn't help but get lost in her eyes as I looked beyond my reflection. Years of pain and uncertainty were hidden behind her smile. Her whole life must've changed when she found out she was pregnant, and then again when she gave us up for adoption. So many mixed emotions would have come along with that decision, so much heartbreak.
She glanced at me, her eyes locking with mine. It felt oddly familiar, like looking at an old friend but still, my body shook with fear and the hairs on my arms stood up on end.
"I guess I should introduce myself; I'm Beth." She smiled and cleared her throat. "Come sit down. Do you want anything to drink or eat? I hope it's all right that I already ordered myself something." She held up her coffee. "Anything you want; it's my treat."
"No thank you. I'm fine." I was too nervous to eat and far too shaky for a cup of coffee. That would have sent me right over the edge, but Cameron had other ideas.
"Sure," he said. As she started towards the counter, I stuck my elbow in Cameron's side, earning a confused glare. "What?"
"What can I get for you?" The man at the cash register asked, and Beth turned to Cameron for him to order.
He tugged at a loose piece of skin on his finger before shoving his hands in his pockets. A nervous habit that I thought he'd overcome - until now. I was probably the only one in the room who noticed; he could never seem to hide it from me. "I'll have a medium coffee, thanks."
"Samara, are you sure you don't want anything?" I tried to convince myself that Beth was just trying to be nice but my brain screamed, I already told you I was fine!
I took a deep breath and clasped my hands together. "I'm okay, thanks though," I decided to say.
We waited in silence for Cameron's coffee before heading to a table in the back corner of the nearly empty cafe. I was glad there weren't other people around to witness this. I felt like it needed to be a private moment so things could be aired out in the open. The chair screeched across the floor, and I winced, afraid of the looks we were getting. No one could tell we were meeting our birth mother could they? Cameron kicked my foot playfully, trying to lighten my mood but failed.
"Are you both still in school? It's not summer yet is it?" She crossed her legs and leaned on the table inquisitively.
Cameron looked to me, wondering if I was going to take the lead on this one and finally say something. My eyes flickered down to my hands as my nails dug into the skin on my palms. I would have hissed in pain if I wasn't so used to the feeling. He sighed, "No, there are still two weeks left and then we have exams."
"Are you looking forward to being done?" Another question rolled off her tongue without a second thought as if she had rehearsed the conversation a thousand times over.
"Yeah," Cameron answered, while I just nodded. Hopefully.
"Do you have any plans for after graduation?" I didn't want to jinx it. I was so close to making it out alive after everything I'd been through, but a few months was all it took to send all of my hard work circling down the drain. How could I tell her my plans and then have them not pan out? Embarrassment would eat me alive.
"I was accepted to Robert Townsend Community College to become a mechanic."
Cameron's answer sparked something in Beth's eyes. Her smile twitched as she looked to her hands wrapped around her to-go cup. I got the feeling he had taken her by surprise. "That was exactly what your birth father wanted to do growing up; he loved cars. You look so much like him," her voice caught in her throat, "you both do."
A smile pulled at Cameron's lips. It was exactly what he wanted to hear, the beginning of why he was the way he was.
The big question hung on the tip of my tongue, but I bit my lip, holding it in. I didn't know whether we were supposed to talk about the big things, especially when small talk seemed so much easier.
"How did you two meet?" He muttered, his voice wavering. He wanted to know the big stuff too, there just wasn't an internal battle going on inside of his head.
"We met in junior high. We were in the same classes and hung around with some of the same people. In grade nine, we started dating." She faltered. We'd hit a sore spot which was obviously hard for her to talk about. Cameron opened his mouth like he was about to say something else, but it slowly shut. "You can ask me anything. I promise I will answer or at least I will try my best to."
"Okay..." He trailed off, not knowing what else to say or ask.
There it was again, that big question threatening to make an appearance. She said you can ask anything. My breath shook as I wiped my sweaty palms against my jeans and my tongue burned with the weight of the question. "Why did you give us up?"
Cameron's headshot in my direction, and he gaped at me, his eyes burning a hole in the side of my cheek. I gulped, a sequence of swear words bouncing around in my head. His eyes flashed back to Beth and his expression shifted from angry to curious.
"That's one loaded question," she muttered. "But you deserve to know." There was a long pause as she gathered her thoughts. "I'm not sure how much you know so I guess I'll start at the beginning.
"I was fifteen when I found out that I was pregnant. All I knew was that I didn't want my child to have the same upbringing as I did. My mom had remarried and he wasn't very nice to me or my sister. Devon didn't have it any better. He was living in a foster home at the time; both of his parents were alcoholics. When my mom and stepdad found out I was pregnant, they kicked me out. Thankfully, a friend took me in.
"What I'm trying to say is that neither of us was in any position to be able to provide for a baby, let alone two. We started to look into adoption. Devon's older brother, who was 19, offered to adopt you both, but I was concerned. He was still young and already had a seven-month-old daughter. I wanted the best possible life for my twins, all of the opportunities that I never had.
"Your parents seemed like the perfect fit. They were struggling to make a family and they had respectable jobs. I knew that you would have a good life with them.
"Please don't get me wrong, giving you up was hands down the hardest decision that I ever had to make but it was for the best." Tears slipped down Beth's cheeks, and she quickly wiped them away.
My heart ached in my chest, feeling so much for a woman that I had only just met.
"Being pregnant with you gave me a reason to get healthy and thinking of you helped me stick with it." It felt like something that she just let slip, a last thought that made Cameron and I furrow our eyebrows.
I was too scared to ask, but thankfully Cameron wasn't plagued with that burden. "Get healthy?"
"Right," she chuckled almost to cover up her anxiety and then sighed heavily. "I struggled with anorexia."
What she said echoed in my head, and my stomach twisted into knots. Never once had I thought that my anorexia could have been genetic. Of course, only a few months ago I didn't know I was adopted. It was a reason, the reason that I had been searching for for years. I felt as though her words had reached across the table and wrapped around my neck, inhibiting my breath. A warmth crept over my body, creating a burning sensation in my cheeks.
Cameron's lips moved in slow motion, but I couldn't hear a sound. My hands slapped against the table, and I stood suddenly. "Excuse me," my voice was a mere whisper as my feet carried me past the washroom and out the front door.
I fought to catch my breath; with each deep inhale, my chest tightened uncomfortably and my lungs refused to expand. Black spots invaded my vision as my eyes drifted across the parking lot. The car door opened and Noah rushed out, his blurry figure nearing me in snippets as I blinked, making sure he was real. His hands grabbed my shoulders, stopping me in my tracks.
I wrapped my hands around his wrists, feeling the warmth of his touch. "Noah," I choked out, a salty taste hitting my tongue. Tears had soaked my cheeks and made small puddles on my blouse.
He embraced me tightly and laid his lips gently against my neck, tickling me slightly as he spoke. "You're okay, just focus on me and my breathing. I've got you."
I felt his chest rise and fall, and I slowly began to count the breaths in my head. One mississippi, two mississippi, I got all the way to twenty before I started to feel like myself again. My hands trailed up Noah's back as I returned the embrace, sighing. "Thank you."
I buried my head in his chest, letting his scent engulf me. The sweet scent of laundry mixed with a hint of sandalwood hit my nose, and I relaxed further.
"Are you okay?" Noah pushed me back slightly and tilted my chin up with his thumb.
I nodded, feeling drained. "Yeah, I'm okay." My hands lingered on his waist, not wanting to let go.
"Sammy, are you okay?" Cameron jogged towards us, a worried look plaguing his face. He laid a hand on my back, turning me to face him. His eyes looked me up and down and landed on the tear stains on my cheeks. I nodded again. "I'm sorry, I was not expecting her to say that. I've heard about it being genetic, but I just never thought..."
"Me neither," I shrugged, feeling my heart pounding in my chest.
"Wait, what's genetic?" Noah asked confused, entwining our fingers. "What's he talking about?"
I gulped and looked down at the pavement. "She struggled with anorexia too; it's probably hereditary. I never thought I would find a reason, and I guess now I have one." I looked at Cameron. "I wish I knew it sooner."
He sighed, "Do you want to go back in?"
"You don't have to if you don't want to," Noah interjected.
"It's okay. I'm going to go." I reached up on my toes and pecked his lips.
Beth stood when she saw us coming. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm still trying to figure all of this out, and I'm struggling to find the right words. I just ramble when I'm nervous."
I bit my lip. She was only human. I knew that, but the voice inside my head kept comparing her to my mom, the mature woman who always knew the right words to say. It was almost as if she was still a teenager trapped in a woman's body.
"It's okay," I told her and sat back down. I pulled my leg up over my knee, squishing my hands between to keep from fidgeting. "You just caught me off guard, that's all."
"Tell us about yourself." Cameron butt in, changing the subject. I was grateful. There was only so much I could say about my mental health to a complete stranger, even if she was our birth mother.
"Okay well, I work at a tattoo parlour doing reception and I definitely have some tattoos of my own. I've been with my boyfriend Phil for a little over a year now. He owns a vape shop. We have two dogs, pitbulls, who are like our kids. We like going to sports games and out to bars," She trailed off. "I think that's pretty much it. Not very exciting, I know."
I hated myself for judging her life choices, but I was. She wasn't what I was expecting, not what I pictured in my head. I had cousins her age and their lives were on the up and up. Married with kids and a nice house, that was what I expected.
"Yeah right," I muttered under my breath. She was right about one thing, giving us up was probably for the best.
Thanks for reading!
I hope that you've enjoyed this chapter of The Truth About Us! How do you think Samara and Cameron's visit with their birth mother went? Was it as you expected? Do you think they will want her in their lives or start to regret their decision? What will happen next?
Let me know your thoughts in the comments down below! Also I really appreciate any feedback and constructive criticism, it helps me grow as a writer!
xx Allie