THREE| Not ready to Leave
May 7, 2011
~
Milan sat on the swings as she waited for Kengi to drop by. It was going on 2:00, she's been waiting since 12:00. When he'd usually come.
Her head hung low as her feet dangled. She ended up getting lined up for his attention maybe he'd like her more, all he said was 'you look like you like girls.' And after that she could barely remember what happened, all she know is that bitch was bleeding from her mouth when she was done.
She hadn't talked to him since and she was regretting the hair cut even though it made Joe look at her twice and keep it moving, all she wanted was for Ro to like it.
But he did like it in someways, if that's she was going for- he lived for it, it just made him laugh a bit wondering if she was confused like he was. He wanted to talk about it with her and himself with her she just didn't give him any chance too what so ever.
So today he was leaving out of his apartment to go see her at the swings.
Their swings.
"Yo Lani, wussup." He smiled seeing her there.
She rolled her eyes not looking up at him. She could feel his glare, but she didn't want to talk to him.
She just wanted the one man in the world right now that seemed to never hurt her in no way possible.
Kengi.
"Oh so the silent treatment." He sat down next to her, "I'm sorry for saying that about your hair, I really do think you look good." He told her what he thought she wanted to hear only to be shunned some more.
"I don't care about the hair." She lied just a bit confusing him.
"So what's wrong with you?"
She smacked her lips at him, "You know what you did Royal, don't act stupid."
He jerked his head back at her tone, "What crawled in yo ass and died? Holl'on"
He looked over her appearance and seen the whip mark on her neck that she hid with her hair, he moved it a little bit only to come across a bite mark.
She moved his hand with a slap.
His eyes were wide as he looked at her, "Who bit you like that?" He asked in horror. Soon it turned into anger, "Was it after you left? Man I said let me walk you home why you'an let me?"
"Cause you were too busy, drooling over your boyfriend is why Royalty." She hopped off the swing, "Why you'an tell me?"
"Because Ion know what this is?" He shrugged. "Shelia caught me struttin in her heels a week ago, and we had a talk. She said maybe I was just a little curious to how they felt Ion know what's wrong with me okay." He stood up the same. "Ion gotta tell you everything." He shrugged tryna brush off the way she was coming at him.
It's not what he expected.
"But yes you do." She said, "I tell you everything."
"NO you don't." He quickly defended. "Where'd that bite mark come from?"
"I-I can't tell you tha-"
"STOP RUBBING YOUR EAR! YOU GIVE EVERYTHING AWAY STOP!" He yelled at her for the first time.
She pushed him making him fall, "Don't yell at me."
"AYE!" She heard the familiar voice of Kengi.
Milan just growled at Ro as a warning that it wasn't over. Their conversation that is and she started to walk to Kengi's car. "You late." She said opening the door for her self.
Kengi had laughed, "my bad I had some'n to do shordy."
"Mhm. Just don't do it again please."
"Ight. I promise." He said pulling off.
He looked over at her and nudged her smiling. He ain't say none he just smiled.
She wanted to return it. She just couldn't. "Whats wrong Lan?" He asked her, "You and yo Boyfriend on outs-"
"He's not my boyfriend!" She cut him angrily.
"My bad. Husband?" He smirked teasing her saying 'husband' how Mi would when she spoke about Ro's presence.
"Kengi stop for real." She smiled causing him to laugh.
"There's my girl that's what I'm talking about. What's been going on? Why you not happy? Beside Royal being a goofy."
"He's not a goofy Kengi." She sighed.
"Oh ight I just thought we was Anti-Ro my bad."
"Yeah, well." I shrugged. "Life's just going."
"Just going? Yo what's up?" He parked.
"What you mean?"
"You got this dull look on ya face, half assing my questions. What's wrong with you?" He looked at pondering and rethinking every thought that landed in his mind. Hell he needed to hear it from her anyway.
The look on his face spelled concerned. She couldn't look at him. Her ears were getting a little itchy, but she ignored it and let her ears ring.
On the inside she wanted to scream and tell him what was happening to her in the house. But how will that transpire.
Everybody know you not suppose to fight a crack head and Kengi didn't look like the type to just kill people.
He was the good guy in her book. She wanted to keep him that way, she didn't want to loose him.
"Nothings wrong with me Kengi." She lied.
"You telling me the truth all this black just a fashion statement?" He asked her.
The weight in her heart immediately sank. She couldn't lie, she hated liars. It was too many of them and the sickening part of it all was the fact that they didn't even get to have the fun he said they were gonna.
He touched her chin in pulled her do she was facing him. He wiped her tears, but more just kept coming. "It's just a fashion statement."
"You know you could tell me anything right."
"Yeah." It was the truth and that's why it hurt Mi so much it hurt her head, she didn't even notice she was having a mini panic attack until her thoughts got the best of her.
You know screaming inside her mind. She couldn't understand why was she so fuckin scared of Joe, why she couldn't do what so many other girls have done.
She wasn't strong enough and that's what scared her the most.
Kengi ended up racing to the hospital, speeding, switching lanes through cars as he noticed Mi was started to become manic in his eyes.
He seen it once before when he took her to see Marilyn and he didn't know what to do this time either. Shit he even passed red lights just to get there.
And when he did, he illegally parked in the front of the hospital doors.
Taking his keys out he raced to her side pulling her out not forgetting to lock his doors and running into the lobby, "Yo she having a panic attack, her anxiety heavy man. Get her a fucking doctor or some!" He yelled panicking.
He couldn't hold his feelings honestly. He practically raised her.
They took Milan and he was right behind but as soon as they got to the Emergency room. He couldn't go that far enemy more, "Are you her parent or guardian?" The doctor asked.
He shook his head, "i'm kinda like her guardian. I was just taken her out to eat and you know shit got a little hectic and she started crying-"
"Crying how?"
"Milan has bad anxiety she gets them every time she breathes too hard. And when she was born she was born with a whole in her heart. She was a preemie if that correlates to anything-"
"Where you goin with this?"
"Nigga-" Kengi began to tell what he knew about Milan's health. How he knew she was born Premature and that leaf to her breathing problems.
She even had Asthma but grew out of it at Three, but now with Joe she has these anxiety attacks. That then lead to Panic attacks.
", so you're her guardian." The doctor had asked him.
He smacked his lips, "Yeah man, where them papers at?" Then they started to walk to the place where they give them the papers to be signed.
All while Milan was going into emergency surgery for the third time in her life.
They were repairing her lung.
Since Milan was always kicked in the stomach and forcibly fed orange juice for anything that she wanted to drink, and then never going to the doctors. It started to give her a clot in her right lung. Sound dumb, but it's true.
It's called Pulmonary Embolism.
Turns out every time she breathes really hard, her blood clot started too clog into her air way, which starts to make it hard to breath sometimes.
And her anxiety attacks don't make it better which eventually, might start lead into a panic attack.
~
"Hey Lani? You okay now?" He asked rubbing her hair.
She looked around confused, but once she noticed where she was, she groaned. "Why am I here?"
He tilted his head to the side before he sat up, "You had a panic attack. Remember?"
"Why?" She asked.
Kengi was confused on why she'an know why she was bugging out earlier, shit she the reason they there.
Ever since she got out of Surgery the doctor had gave Kengi a list of things that could help her out with her breathing that's uneven and her diagnoses.
An Inhaler and a therapists number for her anxiety.
Since she was a early age and they thought it was her first melt down they wanted to help treat it.
Of course with Kengi money.
And they also prescribed her-
"Oh you're awake?" The doctor came in with a small smile, "That's good. I'm Dr. Shapiro. How you doing this evening Milan?"
She shrugged, not wanting to talk to her, Kengi sensed and turned around talking to the Doctor, "Yes she fine. Just a little shy what's up doc? She good?"
"Uhm yes but no," she said hesitantly. Kent's face changed from Nonchalant too Concerned.
"What's wrong with her?"
She didn't totally disregard his questioning, she just looked at Milan for an answer to her question, "Milan, how old are you?"
Milan swelled the lump in her throat, "E-Eleven." She stated shakily.
The doctor shook her head, "Are you aware that your child is Sexually active sir?"
"WHAT!?" Kengi had asked, "Nah this lil girl? Hell nah, what type of question is that my Nigga!" He opposed honestly in utter disbelief cause what the fuck.
He didn't hear any other responses so that caused him to get this eerie feeling, so he turned to look at her, "Milan you having sex? At eleven bruh?"
Milan held her head down. She'an like the looks she was getting. Lowkey made her look at him a little different.
The doctor said, "Milan I'm sorry to inform you but you have ghonereah-"
"WHAT?!" They both yelled.
Joe gave me something? Oh my lord,
"WHO WAS YOU FUCKING!? DON'T CRY NOW!" He yelled at her for the first time.
"Sir you need to calm down-
"Man fuck that!"
His heart was breaking. Not only was she eleven having sex, but she had caught something.
SOMETHING THAT COULD INTERFERE WITH HER HAVING KIDS IN THE NEAR FUTURE IF WASN'T TOLD BOUT TILL LATER DOWN IN LIFE!
He was yelling not because he was mad at her even though he was mad at the fact that this was happening, but at the fact that he thought she knew what she was doing and had this happen to her.
He thought she wasn't thinking about anything.
He wanted to beat the nigga-child that was having sex with her ass.
"Kengi I-"
"Now thank God that you had came here sooner. I've prescribed her of antibiotics for it and also a gynecologist-"
"You've got to be fucking kidding me." He stressed, "When can she leave?"
"I'll get to that sir." She stopped him from coming at her foul.
"Ight."
"Milan we had to perform an Emergency Surgery on you for DVT. Pulmonary Embolism."
"W-what is that?"
"It's a blood clot that forms in the lung. In your case it was because of a surgery that you had and-have you ever fractured your leg before?"
"Yeah, boarding." She lied.
"Okay. Where going to give a prescription for your DVT as well okay. First where going to start off with Injectable then oral--"
"ORAL?!" Her eyebrows rose, "What is that?"
"I know it sounds scary. I'll walk you through everything."
~
They had road in silence. Pure silence.
Kengi was flabbergasted. She was gone have to take the antibiotics up to three weeks, then go to the doctor to get checked out, then switch to oral medication.
Milan didn't say anything cause she wanted to forget that it even happened. She didn't even wanna be in same presence. It was five and a Saturday. She wanted to go to Granny Ruby house.
"You can just drop me at my Ruby house-"
"That lil nigga live by her or some-"
She smacked her lips, "Kengi it's not even like that-"
"Then how is it then Milan?! To me it seems like you being irre-fucking-sponsible! That's how it seems!"
"DON'T YELL AT ME!"
"I CAN DO WHAT EVER THE FUCK I WANT!"
"YOU NOT EVEN MY DADDY! WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH!" She exploded, leaving them both silent afterwards.
It was like a slap in the face to Kengi. He practically raised this girl, bought her shit cause he seen she ain't have it while Joe ass looked like he was living a modern life. Took her out the hood every week to show her it's more to life then violence.
He taught her things no one ever thought of teaching her that would help her when she got older; and most of all he was there, and was always there for her.
Even when she didn't ask for it, and more than her father could be.
He was her father. Not technically, or biologically. But figuratively, and to hear from her own lips that she'an see him that way really did strike Kengi.
On the streets Kengi was a cold and feared man, that held weight in the streets of Harlem and a little bit of Brooklyn, even his girlfriend was a bit scared of him sometimes, but Milan wasn't and that's only because when it came to her, he seen his little sister that died at the hands of a man, that raped and killed her.
His own father.
It wasn't just the fact that he liked Marilyn, it was because he didn't wanna see a little girl like Milan, like how Kayla was growing up in an environment like how they was living all alone.
If he could adopt the brat he would.
He just shook his head at her, "I'ma just drop you home, shordy."
"Kengi-"
"Nah it's coo." He nodded and blinked, "damn." He shook his head. "Damn."
That's all he could say. She really hurt his fucking feelings.
She was finna make a hard nigga cry.
Finna.
Milan didn't mean to say it she was just mad that he cared so much about her. She was mad that he actually wanted to hear her out and she couldn't tell him. She was mad he wouldn't just drop the issue, so she went for the toughest thing that she knew might shut him up. Without thinking about his feelings, or hers after she remembered. She didn't care at the time.
"I'ma just drop you home..." he chuckled before he turned on her street, and stopped in front of the building without parking.
She unbuckled her seat belt, and looked at him, feeling like she messed up and was gonna go to sleep thinking about this.
Crying about this. "Kengi i'm sorry okay. I am-"
"Yeah ight shordy. I'ma pick you up. Ion know when but a ah," he wiped his nose, "when I do you ah notice."
She was stunned as he gave her her pharmacy bag, but he couldn't look at her.
Her voice cracked feeling dumb for blowing up like that, "Yo you're leaving me now. Look i'm sorry okay. Ian mean to spazz on you." She felt herself get worked up.
"Nah Lani for real, you gone notice when I come back," he started the car. "Just wait a minute i'ma come back."
"BUT I NEED TO KNOW WHEN?!" She tried not to cry, "You're barely all I got."
"Just give me a while to cool off." He shifted in his seat, "Ian gone be too long yo, i promise."
And just like that he was gone like the rest of them. And now it was her fault.
She turned around in anger and walked to her apartment building. Disregarding the piss smell that lingered in the hallways or the crackheads up the stairs.
She hid her bag in her shirt and pants and fixed herself up before opening the door.
And to her surprise there was no Joe.
She walked into her very plain tan-ish plain room that had a ceiling light but didn't work, a TV that was broken in front of her bed. A not so small dresser that held the TV on top of it, A glass mirror closet that she took her shirt off and put inside, switching it for the long sleeve Ani-manic graffiti shirt.
She switched her pants for some shorts with strings as she tied them as tight as she could. She took off her shoes and replaced them for long socks.
She cut on the TV, low static in the back ground before she climbed in the bed with her pillow in between her arms as she stared at the wall before she'd get up eventually to make Joe a struggle meal since there wasn't anything in the fridge.
And after ten minutes of crying to her self. She sat up, wiped her face and exited out the room to make Joe dinner.
She didn't wanna get in trouble for expressing her emotions via. Milan time.
~
Kengi parked into his home that he lived in with his girlfriend and got out.
Her ass was the reason he was late for Milan.
She wanted a little affection, and he loved giving it to her. They'an call her Cakes for nothing.
"Wussgood bae," he greeted her honestly tired and ready for bed.
"Kengi." She said simply.
He smacked his lips at her, "What's wrong with you now?"
"Nothing you just really funny."
"I'm funny?" He asked her, "Funny how?"
"I find it funny how you leave at two and come home at nine. Where you been for seven hours, Kent."
"Some Where that does not concern you Camilla." He retorted taking off his clothes leaving him in his rollie chain and briefs, "damn I can't come home and sleep under you after a long day? We gotta talk bout how I'm spending my time."
"Well we know how you are."
"And I know how you is, you're point being?" He waited, "Exactly shut up and do that thing I like." He said as he laid on her stomach wrapping his arms around her.
She smacked her lips and changed the channel to Oxygen on demand to watch BGC6, dumb ass show.
"You don't deserve me." She started to massage his shoulders.
"Mh, but I love you is that good 'nough?" He pecked her lips.
She shrugged, "Its whatever." She smirked.
"Just whatever?"
"Mh," she shrugged again.
He nodded his head and got off her, "Bet."
And just then she knew she fucked up.
"I was just playing I do love you Kenny." She played with his ears, he swatted her hands away from him.
"Fuck off me yo," he told her strictly.
She smacked her lips at his tone and clapped her hands to turn off the lights, "You get offended way too fast Kengi."
"Mh, sounds nice."
He wasn't speaking no more, instead he was thinking, thinking bout only one thing.
Milan and he how'd he reacted to everything.
After all he was scared for her.
She was his, what father wouldn't be.
"Kengi you good." Cakes asked hearing the little sniffle coming from his side.
He wiped his eyes are cleared his throat as discreetly as she he could, "Yeah I'm good."
She nodded, "You know I do love you though right."
He nodded, "I love you too." He pecked her lips one time before cuddling up to her stomach.
Kengi in MM
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