I'm sitting in the waiting room and shifting uncomfortably on the chair. I can hear an air conditioner whirring in the background but the room still feels stuffy. There's a clock ticking. It's making my pulse race.
"Lavender Monarch?" A woman sticks her head around the corner and I stand awkwardly. She beckons for me to follow her. She leads me down a corridor and I smooth down my skirt. She stops in front of a door and knocks twice. "Avery will see you now," she tells me.
I walk in tentatively and see another woman standing inside. She adjusts her black frames and beams at me.
"Hello Lavender, welcome." She shuts the door behind us and gestures to the blue armchair. "Please make yourself comfortable."
I'm anything but comfortable. I glance around the room and rest my sweaty palms on my lap. She sits in the other armchair across from me. I watch her cautiously, this seems too casual and relaxed.
"How has your day been?" she asks me.
"Not bad," I mumble.
"Did you get up to anything interesting?"
"Why do you care?" I snap and then bite my tongue back. I don't know why I'm so on edge. "Sorry."
"No, no. It's fine. You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. Okay?"
"Okay."
"And everything you tell me will be kept confidential, I won't even tell your parents the details of our sessions. It's just a chat between you and me. You can be honest." I relax a little. She actually seems nice. "Did you want to talk to me about what's been going on?" I nod my head.
An hour later I step out onto the street feeling refreshed. I see my parent's car parked outside. My mum is sitting in the driver's seat with a newspaper open. She smiles at me as I climb in.
"How was it, honey?"
"It was alright," I say.
"So not terrible then?"
"No. She was really nice and understanding actually."
"I'm glad to hear it." She reaches over to pat my knee.
"She said I should talk to you about," I pause and look out the window avoiding looking in the mirrors, "possibly taking some medication." I bite my lip. I know it'll probably help but medication just seems like an even bigger jump. In my mind, medication equals crazy.
"Okay. We can discuss that," she says without taking her eyes off the road. I let out a small sigh.
When everything in my life feels like it's falling apart, there is only one thing left to do. Ask my sister for advice.
"Mackenzie!" I call out as soon as I burst in the door. She comes running down the stairs with a look of bewilderment.
"What's going on?" I usually flat out ignore her.
"I need your advice," I say simply and drop my bag on the ground.
"Huh. That's a first."
She makes us both a jasmine tea which supposedly promotes honesty according to my dad but who knows whether that's true. She actually lets me into her room to my surprise. Everything is so neat in there and she doesn't like other people coming in and messing it up. She has crisp white sheets and a tapestry of the ocean above her bed. It's really quite peaceful. She has one of those weird diffuser things too that makes her whole room smell like roses. It kinda makes me want to clean my room for once.
"So?" She asks taking a sip of her tea. I cup my hands around my mug and let the warmth seep in while I gather my thoughts.
"Did mum and dad tell you about where I went today?"
"Yes."
"Well, the therapist said I should consider taking medication but I'm scared. I don't want people to think there's something wrong with me," I mumble.
"Don't be silly. There's nothing wrong with you," she says taking my hand. My eyes are watering involuntarily.
"It feels like there is."
"There isn't. You're perfect, Lavender. Medication will help you, and you don't even have to tell anyone about it anyway." My tea has started to get a little cold so I gulp it down.
"I know," I whisper. "But do you think I should tell the...important people?" I choose my words carefully. She doesn't know about Patty.
"Important people? Like family? We already all know and June knows. Who do you mean?" She smiles at me with a glint in her eyes. I could recognise that look anywhere.
"No one!" I cry defensively.
"Sorry if this is insensitive...but is it related to a boy? I mean, I've been wondering for a while now. Who's that guy who you keep hanging out with?"
"June?" I ask innocently and she gives me a pretend slap.
"No! You know who I mean. The tall one."
"His name is Patty." I give in and glance awkwardly down at my hands.
"And?" she cries.
"That's all."
"That's it? You're not going to tell me anything else?" I bite my lip.
"Well...he is kinda my boyfriend."
"You're boyfriend? I can't believe you didn't tell me!" she cries. I just shrug.
"Details please."
"Nope!" I grin at her and she shakes her head.
"Okay well then the next time he's here, you're giving me permission to come and interrogate him."
"Denied!" I say and roll of her bed.
"Okay well I think you should tell him, you guys seem close."
"Maybe." I stutter and strut out of the room. I can hear her laughing behind me. We tend to not talk very much and we pretty much ignore each other most of the time but when we do talk, or when one of us needs the other we're always there and I guess that's what really matters.
I walk outside and stare up at the wide expanse of blue we call the sky.
I wish you could attach strings to the clouds. Ones that hang all the way down to earth. Then I could climb up them and sit on clouds as soft as fairy floss and smile at the sun. It'd give me time to think up there in the cool breeze when all the problems and people in my life just look like little ants across the landscape.
I text Patty and ask him to come over. We need to talk, I've decided to take my sister's advice. He arrives soon after.
Patty. He's staring at me with those eyes of his. As green as tropical beetles and lime juice.
We're sitting on the front steps outside my house. The sun is just dipping below the horizon spreading a glow as orange as marmalade across the sky.
"What was it you didn't tell me the other night?" I ask him quietly. He needs to spill his secrets before I spill mine.
"Please don't be mad," he says and my heart skips a beat. Mad? he's making it sound like it's something serious.
"I won't," I say "just tell me."
"It's my dad. He got a job interstate."
"What, why?"
"Better pay."
"Aren't you already, like rich?"
"Yeah. Doesn't mean my parents don't want to be richer though."
"So what, is your dad not gonna be around then?"
"Worse," he pauses and I watch him earnestly. "We're moving." It feels like a bomb has been dropped on my head.
"No. Don't be silly. They can't do that. Haven't you tried reasoning?"
"It's too late," he sighs. "It's already confirmed."
Patty!" I cry, "How long have you known?
"Only a week and a half."
"A week and a half? Don't you think you could have told me this before we started dating?"
"Sorry," he mumbles. "I thought you wouldn't want to date me if you knew I was leaving."
"Of course not!" I say, "I just wish you were honest."
"I will be next time." He looks down.
"Whatever," I say shrugging and walk inside.
"You promised not to be mad!" He cries.
"I'm not. I'll see you tomorrow." I close my door in frustration. He can not just move. What the hell? And not telling me right away?
God, boys can be so dumb sometimes.
Speaking of dumb, when I walk around the corner I see my dad with a very panicked look on his face. In the ten minutes I was outside he somehow managed to mess up the entire kitchen. There is liquid spilled all over the counter and dripping onto the floor and it smells like something is burning.
"Lavender, help me," he lets out a chocked whisper. I shake my head and go over to help. He was trying to make another flavour of tea but he ended up spilling it everywhere and in the meantime, burning all the chocolate he was trying to melt. I can't help but laugh.
"Maybe you should drink some chai to help you focus next time," I grin and he shoots me an annoyed glare. He starts humming obnoxiously loudly as we continue cleaning. Probably just to get on my nerves. He's lucky I'm even helping.
"Shut up will you!" I hear my mother yell from upstairs. This only cause him to hum louder. I can hear her footsteps sounding loudly towards us. She takes one look at the kitchen, "What the bloody hell have you done now?" She chortles. My dad just shrugs helplessly.
"I was trying to make organic orange and chocolate tea." She walks over to the stove.
"Is that...burnt chocolate?" I nod and she smiles, "Why that's brilliant. That gives me the best idea for what I can make for dinner tonight." My dad and I exchange confused glances. My parents are such complete messes sometimes. At least it provides for some weeknight entertainment. I'd take this over Million Dollar Minute any day.
Her dinner is a complete failure. I don't think anyone could incorporate burnt chocolate into a dish and make it good. I make myself a sandwich instead. It's become a common occurrence for me now. I wonder if Patty's mum is a good cook?
The thought of him causes me to feel a sudden burst of irritation again. I feel like going up to him and saying just what my mum would;
"What the bloody hell have you done now?"