Those words from his mouth filled me with dread. I hope she hadn't done anything stupid.
No she wouldn't, she wasn't the type.
Well I didn't think she was the type to cheat so did I really know her?
"What's wrong? Is she okay?" I ask the worry dripping from my voice no matter how much I didn't want to care I could not just turn off my feelings, even though I wanted to.
He clicks on to what I am thinking and his eyes go wide "Oh no no!" he tries to reassure me "she's fine there's nothing like that.." he trails off not sure what words to use.
"It's just, she keeps ringing Lauren trying to get in touch with you, Lauren said she has rung her mobile and the landline, she tried ringing me but I blocked her" he sounds a bit guilty at that admission. Camila and Nick had always got on really well and Lauren and Camila were friends. It must have hurt him to block her but he wanted to stay loyal to me.
I was grateful for that.
"I'm sorry Nick I didn't want you and Lauren getting caught up in this" I shake my head looking at the ground I still can't believe all this is happening.
"Tell Lauren I am sorry, Camila shouldn't be bothering her, it's between her and I, only." I am confident about that, too many people were involved already and Lauren had enough stress with Nick going on tour for a month, she didn't need another couples problems, well their breakup.
"She's okay about it, she just said Camila won't stop ringing her and crying and asking her to ask me to ask you to answer the phone, or at least put it on" God, that sounded convoluted.
"But Nick I don't want to talk to her" I really didn't.
"I told Lauren that, but we got a bit of a problem" he looks nervous.
"What..." I narrow my eyes.
"Lauren accidentally slipped that this was your final tour and Camila first of all flipped that you were going on tour and secondly asked why it was your last one, then Lauren may have told her that you agreed to leave at the end of your contract." The apologetic tone was evident in his voice. This wasn't his or Lauren's fault I had wanted to tell Camila all this, but then the shit storm happened and then there was no need to tell her anything, she lost the right to know about my plans and to care about me going on tour the day she allowed him to go balls deep in her vagina.
It was crude, but it was the truth.
I let out a frustrated sigh. "It's not you or Lauren's fault man, sorry about this"
He looked expectantly at me "there's more"
"oh Jesus Christ Nick, what now? You are really bad at giving bad news you know? If anything ever happens to me your not allowed to tell my next of kin" I laughed, but inside I felt empty, my next of kin was Camila.
I kept laughing "Actually my next of kin is still Camila, please feel free to tell her about my untimely death in any long drawn out way you like."
"You really need to change that dude" he laughed with me.
"Yeah right to who? I don't have anyone else, well except you and Lauren" it was true, I didn't have any family, with Camila and me over it was just Nick and Lauren and Nancy who were family.
"What about Rhiana Vente? I am sure she would be more than happy to nurse you back to health if you got injured" he wiggled his eyebrows.
"Yes I am sure Ariana Grande! would love that 3am phone call! Anyway stop changing the subject what's the other bad news" I rolled my eyes at him.
"Well... Camila, who after last night I know refer to affectionately as Camila the Cunt" I smirked, I shouldn't have but it was a bit funny "may have told Lauren that if you did not speak to her before you left for Iran she was going to come to the barracks and climb the fence until you spoke to her, Lauren said she made a lot of other threats but that one she believed, she said Camila is quite flexible and stubborn." I rolled my eyes. He was right about her flexibility and her stubbornness.
"Fucking Canola" I mumbled out.
"I hate to say this, but just ring her, pacify her and then block her ass because she's not going to follow you all the way to Iran and she sure as shit is not going to find out out there." Nick pointed his phone at me.
I huffed, I didn't want to speak to her, I just wanted to disappear.
"Fine Fuck!" my arms went behind my head.
I didn't want to do this, but she was capable of anything and the last thing I needed was her storming my barracks the paps getting wind and pissing Major Francis off any further.
"I will meet you later, I got a call to make" I walked towards the dorm with the weight of the world back on my damn shoulders. It looks like my difficult conversations would not be ending any time soon.
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I had been sat on my bed staring at my phone for the last 40 minutes. I couldn't bring myself to put it on. Each time my finger hoovered over the 'on' button it would recoil like it was burnt.
I looked up to the ceiling looking for courage that I knew I didn't have right now. I gave a deep breath and pressed the button with my index finger.
It was an agonising wait for my phone to load and when it did the quiet room was filled with the sound of rapid alerts coming through.
I seen them come through, notification after notification, there was at least 85 messages and the missed calls were still coming through. It also notified me to the voice mails.
I wouldn't read or listen to any of them. That's not what I had come here to do, plus I had to be strong right now, if I read her pleading messages I would soften, I couldn't allow that.
I flicked to contacts and saw the picture of Camila I took when we were on the beach last summer and pressed her contact name "Wifey" I would change that later.
It rung only two times before she answered.
"Y/N... Y/NN is that you" I could hear the wonder and emotion in her voice, not quite believing I answered her.
"Hmm" I just hummed, my throat instantly dried up and closed.
"Y/n Baby I am so glad you called me I'm so.." I stopped her I didn't call to have a replay of last night.
"Camila just don't, I haven't called to hear your apologies" my voice didn't betray me, it sounded stronger than I felt.
"Oh.. I .. I just wanted you to know that.." I cut her off again.
"Know what? how sorry you are and that it will never happen again and how you love me and need me? Yeah you said all this last night Camila, it didn't work then and it won't now" I was firm, I wanted to be in control for once.
"Look Y/N Lauren told me that you are going on tour...why.. why didn't you tell me?" she wasn't accusatory she actually sounded upset. She had no right.
"Stop pumping Lauren for information Camila, she has enough going on with her husband leaving for tour, she doesn't need you ringing her constantly putting your problems on her"
"But Y/N..." I cut her off again.
"No buts, when could I tell you? While we were at the Brits? no because you didn't speak to me half the night, the afterparty? no because you probably left with him and had your mouth to pre-occupied with his dick to be able to ask me a question, or what about last night? oh no sorry that was when you were sitting across from him holding his hands and kissing his lips! When did we spend more than an hour in each other's presence Camila? When did you actually ask me what was going on with me? answer me that and I will answer you" I never raised my voice once, I was cool and calm, just giving her the cold hard truth.
"I'm sorry!!!!" she burst into tears "I don't know how many times I can tell you that, and I deserve everything you are telling me and saying right now, I do, but that doesn't stop the fact that I love you and you are going to a dangerous place for a month, CAN'T I FUCKING WORRY!!!" she started shouting.
"You lost that right the night you laid in bed with another man Camila" the dangerous tone even suprised me.
"I am not giving up on us Y/N this is not over" there was conviction in her voice, she was also not going to be persuaded, I would let her believe whatever she wanted to believe.
"Camila what are we?" I asked genuinely, I wanted to know what she thought we were, cos I knew we were over.
"Wha....What? What do you mean?" it caught her off guard.
"What are we? What are we to each other?" I wanted her to tell me.
"We are soul mates" she whispered it so softly my eyes closed as the tears started that's how she had always referred to us before all this shit happened "and soul mates are meant for each other no matter what" she was crying but so was I, but I wouldn't let her know that "we are in love, we are engaged we are going to get married when you get back from tour" I heard her sniff and I could tell she was wiping her eyes and the tone in her voice she believed her words "we are going to have many many babies and I am going to spend the rest of my life making this up to you and showing you that you are the most important thing in my life, that I need you and love you more than anything and that I have made the biggest mistake in my life, taking you and your love for granted"
I looked up and let the tears fall from my eyes, she was telling me everything I wanted to hear.
But it was too late.
I had to ask.
"And what about him?" my voice was cracking.
"What about him?" her tone changed, she sounded nervous.
"What. about. him." she knew what I was talking about.
"It's over, I don't want him. I tol... told you that" her voice was shaky.
"Have you told him?" I needed to punish myself further, had she been in contact with him.
"What? why does it matter. babe I just want you!" she tried to distract me, I knew what she was going.
"Camila.... have you told him" my teeth were gritted.
"No..." she whispered out. She knew there was no point in lying to me.
My eyes slammed shut. She hadn't even ended it.
"But I will... I promise I will... baby please, I don't care about him" she was professing herself again, in rushed tones.
I wasn't interested. She was trying to convince me to stay when she hadn't even told him to go.
"Camila, please do not contact Lauren for the next month for updates about me, please do not contact me non-stop to talk to you, please do not act like everything is okay and we will go back to how we use to be months ago. It's done." I was shaky but I didn't care, I didn't have to be tough all the time.
"But Y/N you are my fiancé, and.." I cut her off again, she needed reminding.
"You don't wear the ring Camila, you took that off, you didn't want my ring, or my love, you just didn't want me" I shrugged in defeat but she couldn't see that "and I have to accept that...you already have"
"No... NO!! We are engaged dammit, I will fix this.. Y/N please" she turned from strong to broken and was hysterical "Y/n please let me fix this.. I will, I promise you, you can turn off this phone but I will write to you every single day until you are back in my arms. I am not giving up on you, I am not giving up on us. I WILL fix this, I will earn that ring back and I promise you.... I swear to you that it will never come off again" she was breathing heavily.
My fight had gone, I wasn't going to convince her of what has already happened, there was nothing left to say.
"Goodbye Camila" my voice was flat.
"I will do this, don't forget me, I want you to come back to me, I love you"
I didn't responded. I just ended the call and fell back on the bed.
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