I'm standing in a room surrounded by pewter; the walls, floor, ceiling, clothes of the guards, my own prison garb. Not even the podium is free from are this dull gray that offends my senses almost as much as the smell of dust and misery. I learned a long time ago just how bad the smell of human suffering can be, but at least I'm not being held and tried at one of those wretched places.
The only people in this room, besides myself are the two armed guards and the judges wearing their dingy, black robes who have long sense lost any sense of their humanity. Nine men and women stand before me and don't hide their hatred for my crimes, of which I freely admit to have committed. Their ancient faces with dull eyes look down at me in their arrogance. I want to scream out at each and every one of them, but my mouth is gagged and all I can do is stare with hatred of my own.
The cuffs continue to chafe my wrists, but I haven't bled in a while, which denies them any sense of satisfaction. These judges like to see a little blood, but prefer it to be on some part of the body that isn't the face. Damaging the face makes something look forced, which is the last thing they want from me. They want the world to hear my confession and put on a good show, which I plan to give, but it's not the show they're expecting.
The judge directly in front of me is the Chief Justice of the People's Court. All of the judges are whispering with the eagerness of bringing a quick end of this show trial and ending my life. Justice has not been served in a great many years and there will be no justice today. If there were justice, real justice, these judges and the other two would be on trial, not me and the countless who've gone before me.
The Chief Justice takes her seat and the others follow like overgrown lemmings. Silence reigns over the large room until she received the signal the cameras are on and the world watches her brand of justice take place. Her eyes try to burn into mine to remind me of my place and smile as wide as my bound mouth will allow.
She speaks in a practiced tone to remind the world of the state's control over more than just me as her eyes move to one of the guards. "Prepare to release the prisoner's gag." Her eyes return to mine before continuing with her rehearsed lines. "I warn you to watch your words with this respected body of the state. Any outburst will be added to your crimes. Do I make myself clear, prisoner?"
I want to ask her how adding to the charges against me will result in any additional punishment. My life is already forfeit and won't live past today, but the gag prevents my words from releasing their venom on these fools. All I can do is nod my understanding, which is necessary to release my tongue. The Chief Justice motions to one of the guards and the gag releases from my mouth with more force than necessary, but I won't give the satisfaction of showing just how much it hurt.
The Chief Justice remains silent for a moment to let the camera get a closer look at my face with the expectation of tears. "Prisoner, you have been charged with the most serious crime any citizen can commit against the state. The crime of refusal. The execution will be held after the trial concludes. Do you understand?"
I glare at the ancient woman and with a confident voice. "I understand, you old hag, that this trial is a sham."
Her fists slam the wood beneath her arms and shouts, "How dare you talk to me that way? That language will not be tolerated by the likes of you. Those words will be added to your crimes..."
I interrupt her rant with a raised voice. "Go ahead and add them. You can't execute me twice."
A male judge to her right points at me with a trembling finger. "If only we could, prisoner. Unfortunately, there is only one death for you."
I laugh as I hold his pitiful stare. "Then you might as well add this to my record." My eyes move across each of them as I point them all out. "This body is nothing more than the devil's pawn, worth less than the lowliest creatures inhabiting the earth. I wish you all a slow and painful death."
The Chief Justice pounds her fists a little harder and yells over the sounds of the other judges rising whispers, "It has been added, prisoner. Do you really wish death upon us?"
I glare at her with a forced smile to keep myself from bearing my teeth. "Release my chains and find out."
A female judge to her left asks in a calm voice. "We don't have all day. Can we get on with the charges now? The sooner we get on with the trial, the sooner we can enjoy a nice execution."
The Chief Justice nods as she grins at the words. "Prisoner, your position is, or should I say was, Keeper of the Forbidden Records. Is that correct?"
I nod and match her grin. "That's correct, you foul excuse for a woman."
She's fighting the rage building within, but it won't be long until I push over the edge. "Added to your record. Prisoner, your job was to keep, not reveal. Is that correct?"
I look her right in her dull eyes and see the flame waiting to explode. "It is, you hateful leech."
She starts to shake, but somehow manages to keep her voice under control. "Added. Prisoner, did you release any of the forbidden records?"
I spit towards her, but fall short of my mark. "You know I did, you lecherous little worm."
The Chief Justice bares her yellow teeth at me, but still can't get her to lose control. "Added. Prisoner, do you admit your first crime of refusal?"
My voices raises to get a nice echo effect. "Gladly, you old witch."
That did it. Her rage slips and her knuckles whiten as she shakes her closed fists in my direction. She starts to scream out words that make no sense and even get a little spittle flying. It's a shame the cameras only record what the judges say. I can't be the only one who finds this funny enough to make my eyes water.
An ancient man to her left tries to cover with a raised voice, but she remains loud enough for the world to enjoy. "Prisoner, why do you provoke this body?"
I look into his lifeless eyes and take a deep breath to recover as a few tears continue to stream freely. "Because I can, you impish little man."
He shakes his head and speaks with false concern. "Prisoner, the state loves you, which means this body loves you. Why do you hate those who love you?"
I glare at him for a moment and see some red starting to show. "Define love, you odious pile of manure."
He continues in that mocking tone and tries to ignore the strange sounds the Chief Justice is starting to make. "Prisoner, no word has any actual definition. Words are whatever the state wants them to mean."
I shout to watch them all jump. "Wrong, you mindless monstrosity." My voice softens as I choose words best for those not in this room. "Among those records I released are dictionaries with only one purpose. To give each word meaning. To define each word. Words are not subject to whatever the state wishes them to mean."
The Chief Justice manages to compose herself enough to keep her mouth from making those funny noised. "All of that has been added. I don't know if we have ever had a record quite as long as yours." Her eyes almost lit up as she grinned. "Prisoner, did you perform your duty as the state demands?"
I smile a little as I choose my words for the benefit of the world. "I have never acted in the best interest of the state. I have always acted in the best interest of the citizenry, you worthless husk of flesh."
Her smile becomes a grin and can't hide the growing excitement in her voice. "Added. Prisoner, do you admit your second crime of refusal?"
My eyes move to the camera. "I do. The state has never acted in the interest of the citizenry. The state serves only to crush those outside of the state. The citizens who can read, which extends to a much greater extent than those who wear the black, is aware of the lies of the state."
She almost lost it again, but recovers before saying anything. "Added. Prisoner, the state does not lie. There are no absolute truths, which means there are no absolute lies. Therefore, the state cannot lie."
I smile, since it makes her a little angrier. "Of course, you lecherous beast, the state says there are no absolutes. Yet, you little worms who call yourself judges tell me my crimes of refusal are wrong."
She glares at me with pure hatred, which causes me to smile a little more. "Added. Prisoner, refusal is a crime, which means it is wrong."
I hold her stare without backing down. "You incompetent toad." I shift my eyes to the camera before changing my tone to more of educator than condemned. "If there are no absolutes, then I can be guilty of nothing. Guilt implies absolutes exist."
It looks like I've done it again and I couldn't be happier. I'm laughing almost as hard as last time as more spittle shoots out. She's actually foaming at the mouth, which causes tears to flow freely. Her hands start to pound the wood with enough force to break a few fingers and those sorry excuse for judges can't pull their eyes away from the spectacle.
Every citizen has seen these trials and not once has any justice ever lost control. The guilty always beg forgiveness before being executed, but I think I'm giving them a much better show. They really need to point one of the cameras at her, since hearing doesn't quite do it justice.
A woman to her right speaks as loud as she can without shouting. "Prisoner, control yourself. Can't you see you aren't helping your case with these ridiculous attacks on the state?"
I don't answer right away, since I want the world to hear just how insane the Chief Justice sounds. "No matter what I say about the state, you cockroach, I will be executed and can do nothing to help my case."
She nods as she speaks with absolute certainty that her words matter to me. "Prisoner, you are expected to show the citizens some degree of sorrow. All citizens knows it's wrong to refuse, just as they know how they're expected to behave when they appear before us."
I nod to make her think I agree, since I need her off balance a little. "If you don't like what I have to say, then have the guards put the gag back. If not, then I'll continue to say whatever I wish and call you all anything I choose. I don't care what you think, you insignificant piece of excrement."
A man to the far end of her pipes up to prevent her from taking the bait, which disappoints me a little. "No, prisoner. The state wants to hear you speak. They want the citizenry to see a fair trial take place."
I turn and snap at him. "You ugly little rat, you will not order me gagged, because you're incapable of any thought. The state has not told you to do anything different, and you don't have what it takes to make a decision for yourself. If you had any courage, you would come down here and gag me yourself.
"These trials have nothing to do with fair and it doesn't matter if you believe otherwise." I move my eyes to the camera before saying anything else. "Trials used to come before verdicts. The state had to prove its case of guilt. Anyone brought before the courts was presumed innocent until a verdict was determined."
The same judge speaks up, but I keep my eyes on those watching. "What a horrendous system that must have been. How can you have a trial without knowing the outcome? This is the only way to guarantee a true verdict, prisoner."
I don't bother responding directly to him. "There's that word again. True. It's amazing how many times the state uses a word they don't believe exists."
The Chief Justice recovers enough to call my attention away from the camera. "Added. Stop lying to this body. Prisoner, there has never been any other to hold court. This is the way it has always been done and this is the way it will continue to be held for long after you're dead."
I hold her eyes and speak in a voice that gets under her skin. "Didn't you say there are no absolute truths and no absolute lies, you miserable toad?"
She smiles and comes close to shouting. "Added. Prisoner, what you say is correct."
I take my time to see if there's anything resembling a clear thought in her thick skull. "You really are nothing more than a thoughtless beast. If there are no lies, then how can I be lying?"
She responds with an animated voice, but lacks the spittle. "Added. Prisoner, I said the state cannot lie. You are not the state. Prisoner, you have been charged with two counts of refusal and multiple charges of contempt. You have plead guilty. It is time to get on with your execution."
I look over each justice slowly and decide to postpone my execution for a little longer. "What about my other crimes of refusal?"
One of the male judges speaks with excitement at my admitting to anything beyond what I've already pleaded. "Prisoner, what other crimes?"
I look into his dull eyes and know he wants to hear me speak about being sorry for whatever other crimes I've committed. "You'll get no remorse from me. If you're looking for someone to beg forgiveness, I suggest it be you. I can smell you from here and can't imagine what its like sitting next to you.
"I know it's not a confession, but this is. I released the plan by the state to bring about another purge. It's difficult to pull something like that off if everyone knows about, which they do now. Not everyone can read, but all are required to watch this trial. There are no exception for those not of the state."
I see the nervousness start to build within each of them and wish the cameras would do more than record my face. They're going to deny everything, as they always do, but it doesn't matter. My word were heard by those outside the state and the state can do nothing about it.
The Chief Justice shouts at me with more anger than I've heard since this sham began. "That is a lie! There is no purge."
My eyes hold the camera and don't even glance her direction. "A purge is coming. Every member of this body signed those orders, as did I and the other two. We all sat at the same table and not one of you would listen to reason. The state can deny all they wish, but we all know the state lies about everything."
I'm about to continue, but one of the female judges shouts before I get a chance. "Liar!"
I ignore the interruption as I continue to speak to the world. "There used to be countries run by governments that did not control their citizenry. The citizenry controlled their governments through something democratic methods."
The same female stops me and I'm getting a little tired of being interrupted. "The state cannot be subject to the people. It would be anti-revolutionary. Chief Justice, I believe we have more charges of refusal."
The Chief Justice nods with a smile. "Quite right. Prisoner, it is a shame you can only be executed once."
I look at her with a smile of my own. "You should know I've released the locations of every food and weapons facility the state denies exists." My eyes move to the camera. "The anti-revolutionaries have most of the weapons and working on the food. What the state won't admit is their forces are losing on every front."
The Chief Justice tries to slam her wrists, but the damage is already done and cries out in pain. "There are no hidden weapons. There is no hidden food. There are no anti-revolutionaries winning anything. There are no anti-revolutionaries amongst the citizenry. The only anti-revolutionary is you.
"Guards, take the prisoner to the courtyard. It's time for the execution."
Chains loosen and the guards drag me in the most violent manner to try and get me to call out, but won't play their game. There are going to be more cameras waiting to show the world my death and I'm content with what's about to happen. My work can't be undone and words can't be unheard.
The anti-revolutionaries have been winning the battles and the state can never retake the land that's been lost. Their control slips a little more and no longer have a Keeper in place to hide the truth from the world. They've already lost and I wish I would've lived long enough to see it through to the end.
I look up at the grimy ceiling as I'm dragged out of the building and see the sun shining brightly above. My death is near and I remain calm as concrete changes to soft soil and more sunlight washes over my body. I knew my life was forfeit the moment I released the records hidden for generations and only regret I didn't act sooner.
Something pops as I'm yanked up and I think I just had one of my arms pop out of its socket. Pain threatens to break me and find gritting my teeth holds off the sounds they want to hear. My chains loosen enough for me to attempt escape, but it would be met with getting shot in some unpleasant place that won't kill me right away.
I have no intention of attempting escape, since I know my death is just. I'll never be tried for the crimes I committed and my moments of weakness lay heavy on my shoulders. Some may see me as a martyr, but there are many others far more deserving.
My hands are pulled back painfully behind me and I feel the chains once again press into my flesh. The justices walk out in their dingy, black robes and I can see the fire in their eyes. They're excited by my impending death and want to make sure they are well positioned to see my life leave my body.
The Chief Justice speaks in a gleeful voice. "Prisoner, do you have any last words? The state awaits your plea for forgiveness for your crimes."
I nod and hit the back of my head on the post I'm chained to, which causes me to grunt from the fresh wave of pain. "I do. There is no greater love than a man laying down his life for his friends and the citizenry are my friends. I regret that I have but one life to give for them."
The Chief Justice laughs and bounces a little. "That's not what you were expected to say, but no matter. Since you have nothing important to say to the state, get on with the execution."
I see the guards start to take aim towards my heart as one in their well-practiced exercise. It's my hope that at least one of them is a decent shot and I can pay my price with little pain. There's a loud explosion somewhere behind me, and I know the anti-revolutionaries are very close. They're attacking this esteemed building of the state in hopes of freeing me from my sentence, but there's no need to risk their lives for me. At least I get to hear the sounds of battle before I die.
The Chief Justice calls out as the battle outside the wall intensifies. "What is it?"
I smile and speak loud enough to catch her attention. "That, you evil hag, is the sound of the anti-revolutionaries that don't exist bringing the war to you."
She shakes her head in disbelief and refuses to believe what she hears. "The state has said there are no anti-revolutionaries, except for you."
I grin more for the cameras than her. "Then the explosion and weapons fire aren't happening. After you shoot me, maybe you should charge yourself with idiocy, or at least get your hearing checked."
I feel a powerful blast from behind and debris hit my body as my ears start to ring. Smoke and dust fill my nostrils and try to shake the cloudiness of thought. It should have killed me, but I remain standing and don't know how. The judges cower in confusion and unable to see a single guard. Did they run away or were they behind me when it happened?
The sound of gunfire's muffled, but not enough to avoid hearing it sing out just above the ringing. How am I still alive? Perhaps I'm not really alive and this is my punishment for what I've done. It's a fitting end to a life filled with weakness and lost opportunity.
The Chief Justice stands and glares down at me, which tells me I've yet to die. The howls sound muffled, but there's no denying the fury I see on this wretch. Pain starts to return, along with the full faculty of thought and try to scream out something close to coherent, since they can still save themselves.
Strong hands yank on my wrists. No, not my wrists, but the chains holding them. Someone's trying to free me and I think I just came to my senses. Freedom is preferable to death and I wish my final statement had been a little longer. I do my best to relax my arms and endure the pain my freedom brings.
A guard rushes out of the courthouse and gets shot after taking a few steps, which causes him to fall next to the Chief Justice. She pulls the gun from beneath the collapsed body and glares at me with murder in her eyes. The Chief Justice ignores the gunfire and walks to me with not even the semblance of a human look. Hard metal presses deep into my gut and laughs as she pulls the trigger.
She is standing over me and spits out, "Who's the little worm now?"
At least I think that's what she said, but my hearing isn't what it used to be and the pain doesn't help. "You are, you old hag."
I'm probably wrong about what she said, but my response covers whatever she intended. To be fair, a raging madwoman is difficult to understand under the best of circumstances, which this isn't even close. I don't think she understood a word I said, since coughing up blood tends to make words difficult to form.
She moves the barrel to my chest and I should notice the heat, but in a little too much pain to notice. The ringing starts to fade a little, or she's breathing far louder than she should. Was she making these noises in the court? I hope that's the case, since the entire world could've gotten a good laugh, but I don't recall either way.
A round catches her in the thigh, but oblivious to what just hit her. She screams once she realizes the next one will end her life and falls to the ground for cover. My hands are freed as she tries to crawl away, but another round ends her movement forever. I feel my body being dragged and my vision starts to fade. Death has come for me at last and try to smile knowing I saw her die first.
My vision goes in and out as pain comes and goes. Sky turns to gray and back to sky and still I must wait for death. Every bump from every step sends waves of pain and occasional stars replace my vision. Muffled voices can be heard over me, but can't open my eyes any longer.
Pain wracks the entirety of my body as I force my eyes to open. My vision is blurred, but make out some movement. The distant figures move towards me and start to make out some human features. A face gets close enough to reveal the person in front of me is a man, but I'm in no condition to know with any degree of certainty.
A muffled voice calls out just above the ringing. "The Keeper's awake!"
There's a flurry of blurred movement and the ringing isn't quite as strong as it was. Either that, or they're making a lot of unnecessary noise for my benefit. The only thing I know for certain is I'm in the hands of anti-revolutionaries, since the state would've let me die.
My gut feels like someone set it on fire. I try to move my hands to cover the wound, but find myself unable to move either one. One arm may be useless, unless someone forced it back in, but not both. I don't know if I'm being held down or just in a weakened state.
A female's voice comes from somewhere in the distance. "Don't move, Keeper. You were shot. We're not giving up on you."
I try to turn towards her and find myself unable to do even the most basic of tasks, other than talking and know my speech isn't what anyone could call clear. "What did you call me?"
She hovers over my like a phantom. "Keeper. Don't know what else to call you. Citizen makes you sound ordinary."
I suppress a groan, but don't think I did a good job of it. "I'm just a citizen."
I think her face is just above mine, but she could be nothing more than a figment of my imagination and this is nothing more than a delusion brought on by my impending death. "No, Keeper, you're not. No citizen has ever done what you did. You're a hero."
I try to tell her just how wrong she is, but a male voice an eternity away speaks. "You're in no condition to argue with anyone. We'll call you Keeper, hero, or anything else we want. You're dying and don't have much time."
I manage to nod my head, at least I think I did. "Fine. You win."
His voice is filled with urgency. "I don't know why, but anti-revolutionaries are looking at me to lead them."
I cough and keep my words short. "You don't want the job"
He moves his head close to mine and shakes his head. "I don't know how to lead them."
There's something I need to say, but don't recall. "The food. Maps will show you."
His eyes hold mine and this is no figment. "We already took it and the weapons. We'll check the maps again, but don't think we missed anything. There has to be something you can tell me about leading."
I cough hard enough to bring back some pain that had started to fade. "Learn from the records. It's all there."
He's frustrated with my answer and I wish I had the time to go into detail. "There's so much there. It could take a lifetime to read. Where do I start?"
How can I shorten a lifetime of lessons so he understands? "Failures."
He shakes his head. "I don't understand."
I wish my mouth worked as well as my mind right now. "Failures of all revolutions. Except one."
There's a light in his eyes showing recognition of something, but he's not there yet. "Which one?"
I ignore the growing pain and manage to stifle the urge to groan. "American. It was the only one."
His eyes search mine for something as he considers his words. "Why did it work?"
I feel myself starting to go, but have to hold on a little longer. "Revolutions built on tearing down. American built on building up."
The look on his face tells me I've lost him. "Building up?"
I take a ragged breath, which gives me just enough strength to say one last thing. "Republic, not a collective."
My eyes close for the last time and I hope I gave him enough to restore more than a single nation, but an entire world to its foundation. I hear him calling out, but darkness is coming to take me at long last. I want to say a great deal more, but my words remain hidden within me. I feel my spirit start to take me towards the unknown, and I welcome the peace I feel as I drift away.