"Hey 'Yoin, how's it going, my man?" Jotaro says to his long time bro, Kakyoin. Jotaro had seen Kakyoin walking on the street and had decided to go up and talk to him.
"Oh, konnichiwa, Jojo! Not bad, not bad at all." Kakyoin replies.
"What should we do today with the possy?"
"I dunno. Maybe we could go bowling?"
"That sounds really fresh, 'Yoin. How much does it cost though? I don't have much cash on me ATM." Jotaro says, embarrassed. He wishes he had more greenbacks, but he's only a kid and has to survive off whatever his meemaw decides to give him for the week.
"That's calm, I have some cash and I'm sure the rest of the possy will be able to back us up."
"True that, true that. I know Jean-Pierre is loaded." Jotaro says, feeling relieved.
"Yeah, he's got the big bucks alright."
"Okay, I'll call them up and see if they're free." Jotaro pulls out his 1.75 pound 1984 Motorola DynaTAC 8000X and calls up Jean-Pierre, while Kakyoin whips out his iPhone 6+ to dial Joseph.
"Allô, bonjour. Who is this?" Jean-Pierre questions.
"Hey bro, y'all free today?" Jotaro says in his crisp British accent.
"Oh, Jotaro Kujo! I'm free, why do you ask?"
"Wanna go bowling? I can go anytime you wanna."
"Sounds good. Any time before 9 in the evening works for me, but after that it's my bedtime."
"That's calm. Does..." Jotaro checks his watch, notching the time is currently 10:46. "...11:30 AM sound Gucci to you? We can get nachos at the ally for lunch."
"That sounds great. Whom-"
"Sorry, don't have time to chat. My 1984 Motorola DynaTAC 8000X only has 30 minutes of battery power, so you know I can't gossip."
"Oh, Understandable. Farewell and au revoir."
"Okay, our boy Jean is free, 'Yoin. Is Joseph, my grand boy, free?"
"Oh, he's chill. I said he could be here around noon, y'all think that's calm?"
"Yeah, you know I want those nachos. Maybe we shoulda chatted about what when we were finna do this before we called though." Jotaro says, passive aggressive.
"You were the one who just called them, though." Kakyoin's voice is a a similar passive-aggressive tone.
"I'm sorry bro, okay?"
"Yeah, okay, that's calm. We just needed some slow burn to lead up to the goodnight homie kiss-" Kakyoin says, breaking the fourth wall.
"Don't spoil it, bro."
"Okay, well, let's get to the BA and wait for the gang there. It'll take like an hour to walk, so let's roll."
"We're going to be late, fam."
"Maybe if we walk fast we can do it in 45. We gotta roll though."
The pair starts walking incredibly fast. They totally forgot to ask Avdol if he wanted to come, though, so when they get to the bowling alley and only see Jean-Pierre and Joseph, they feel a little disappointed.
"We forgot to ask our boy Avdol if he wanted to come!"
"Well, too late now. We'll just have to bowl without our boy."
"Yeah... frick."
"Well, I'll go up and pay for you boys. How long would you like to play for?" Jean-Pierre asks.
"Well, we can play for a hot minute and then eat lunch. How bout... an hour." Jotaro answers.
"That sounds chill." Kakyoin chimes.
"Okay." Jean-Pierre goes up and pays for an hour for the group of four. He comes back with 4 pairs of neon orange bowling shoes.
"What sizes did you get? I have large feet." Jotaro gestures to his oversized shoes.
"Ya, I wear my kicks with a size 15 men's."
"Sorry, I only got a size 12 kid's." Jean-Pierre says, sheepish.
"Those won't fit, dawg. I'll get the size 35s for myself and the size 67s for ya, 'Yoin."
"Bruh, I only need a size 15-..." It's too late. Jotaro is gone. He comes back with two extremely large pairs of shoes, and throws one at Kakyoin. They hit him in the face and he falls over. The shoes are so big that they have the capability to knock him to the ground.
"Jojo these are too big... I think." Kakyoin's voice is muffled by the large kicks on top of him, and Jotaro doesn't hear him.
"'Kay, let's go bowl." Jotaro says, lacing up his shoes. They're way too big, but he doesn't seem to care. Kakyoin shoves the large shoes off of his face and tries to lace them up. He's too nervous to say to Jotaro that they don't fit.
Everyone walks towards their lane, and Kakyoin somehow follows. The employee at the desk sees him with his comically large shoes and suggests that he can change, and Kakyoin obliges, putting on the 15s that he needed in the first place. He makes it over to the group, where everyone is picking out a bowling ball. Jotaro shoves a little kid out of the way to get to a 20 pound bowling ball, and the kid falls on the ground and cries.
"Sorry dawg, but that ball is as heavy as you." He says to the little kid, trying to be comforting. It doesn't work, the kid only wails louder.
"Jojo, what the H-E double hockey sticks are you doing? You can't just shove little kids, this is America."
"I said I was sorry to the scrub." He grunts, hefting the large bowling ball up with one arm.
"Thats kind of big, Jotaro. Should you go for a smaller ball?" Joseph says, butting in.
"I'm a big boy, this ball doesn't stand a chance against me." He strolls over to the lane, leaving the rest of the gang to pick out their bowling balls. Joseph grabs a 15 pounder, Kakyoin gets a 13, and Jean-Pierre gets a 19.
When they get over, Jotaro is waiting patiently. He's put his name into the monitor already, and gestures for everyone else to do the same.
JOJO
KAKYOIN
JOSEPH
JEAN-P
The monitor lights up brighter, and highlights Jotaro's name. Jotaro strolls up, large ball in hand, and confidently throws it. He slips, due to his large shoes not really fitting, but gets a strike anyway.
"Good job, my boy." Joseph says approvingly.
"Thanks, grand boy."
"Okay, my turn." Kakyoin strides up and throws the ball. He throws it way too hard and it rockets across the lane, burying itself into the drywall above the pins with a loud crack.
"'Yoin!" Jotaro shouts, mildly annoyed.
"Whoops."
"I'll go get it." Joseph carefully walks down the lane and pulls the ball out of the wall, before waking back. Unfortunately for him, Kakyoin has already thrown his second ball out of impatience, and it knocks Joseph over.
"Ow! Kakyoin, young man!" Joseph shouts, groaning as he staggers to his feet.
"Sorry, Joe."
"Whatever. Just keep bowling."
The group spends the next hour laughing and bowling without incident. After their hour is up, they go to the small café to order some nachos. The nachos come quickly, steaming hot. Jotaro takes a bite and immediately starts to cry.
"OMG, bro. Nacho cheese is straight up god pee."
"What?" Kakyoin says, weirded out. "God pee?"
"Yeah. Got a prob with that?"
"No bro." Kakyoin says, even though he does have a problem with it.
"K bro. Take a bite of yours, bro."
Kakyoin takes a bite. The nachos taste pretty bad, like chemicals and fake cheese flavoring.
"They aren't very good."
"What? You tryna be on world star or something?"
"Nah, I'm just saying they aren't good."
"You diss these nachos, you diss me. Square up dude, I've got my dollar store camera on."
"I'm not tryna fight!" Kakyoin says, frightened.
Jotaro punches him in the face, producing a loud cracking sound. Everybody in the cafeteria looks over, concerned.
"Whoops bro, kinda punched too hard. Cracked my knuckles on your piehole."
"It didn't hurt. You're weak, man."
"Well, that's good then. Don't call me weak again, though."
The group goes back to eating. Everyone finishes their nachos, even if they aren't that good.
"K, I'm headed out. Bedtime is at 9 o'clock, homies, and I'll be there to give y'all a goodnight kiss." Jotaro reminds the group.
"Understood. I don't really want the... goodnight kiss though. You're my grandson, after all."
"Naw, you don't get to refuse, grand boy. It's just a little kiss on the cheek, no biggie."
"Umm... okay."
"Well, I'm skedaddling. See you broskis later!" Jotaro speed walks away, leaving everyone else at the table.
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
"Okay homie, goodnight. Y'all want me to read you a bedtime story?"
"No thank you." Jean-Pierre says politely.
"Okay then. Just the homie kiss goodnight, then." Jotaro gets up and gives Jean-Pierre a quick peck on the cheek. "No homo."
"What does that mean?" Jean-Pierre questions.
"No homo? Means that there was no sexual or romantic connotation to my goodnight kiss, man. I'm straight. Not gay, man. If you are though, that's totally chill."
"Umm... okay."
"'Kay, I've gotta go give my homie Kakyoin his kiss now." Jotaro jumps out of Jean-Pierre's window and speed walks to Kakyoin's pad. He knocks on the door, but gets no response. He then climbs through his window, where he find Kakyoin on his phone. Avdol is also there, in a sleeping bag in the ground.
"Lit, y'all having a sleepover?"
"Yeah. My house burned down." Avdol says.
"Oh, that sucks. Anyway, I'll give you two a goodnight homie kiss on the cheek, the usual." Jotaro bends down and quickly gives Avdol a kiss. "No homo."
"Now for my boy 'Yoin." Jotaro strides over to Kakyoin's bed, and leans in for the kiss. Kakyoin, trying to be a sneaky boy, also goes in for a cheek kiss. They miss, and the two homie's lips meet.
Jotaro feels an electric jolt go up his spine, startled by the sudden contact. They linger for just a millisecond too long, and Jotaro knows that the kiss is firmly out of no homo territory at this point, but he finds himself not caring. He's frozen, just sitting there with Kakyoin's lips on his.
"What are you guys doing over there?" Avdol questions.
They can't answer, they're both still and silent.
"Are you guys okay?" Avdol sounds mildly concerned.
Jotaro can't focus on Avdol, though. All he can focus on is the warmth of Kakyoin's lips, the way that goosebumps are raised on his arm from the touch. He's never kissed anybody, but he never knew it could feel this good.
He finally pulls away, stunned. He stumbles back, unable to hear past the roar in his ears.
"Oh..." Kakyoin says, shocked.
"I was finna say no homo... but... could I say yes homo? That was really calm, man."
"That was, man. Like that was wild, not calm at all."
"Did you kiss?" Avdol sounds confused.
"Yeehaw, man. That was crazy." Jotaro says, ignoring Avdol.
"Did y'all kiss though." Avdol says, louder.
"Yeah man. And it was kinda good, man."
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
That's it. It's done. I hope you like it, because I sure don't. I literally know nothing about JJBA, so like... if it's wildly inaccurate, sorry. I just kinda got asked to do this so I did.
It's a joke, by the way, if you couldn't tell.
edit:
hello, it's me from around 2 years in the future, cool. i never really think about this fic anymore as i have moved onto bigger and better things (literally just posting on ao3 but if you're here for jojo stuff you won't be interested in anything i have here as it is decidedly not funny and very depressing actually) but i still get emails about people commenting on it every single day of my life. i have 4,000 unread emails and a large number of them are notifications from this fic. so listen: i meant posse. i thought it was spelled "possy" and when i read over it again i was like "oh that's wrong but it's kinda funny" so i kept it. please i'm begging you. stop asking, i know i spelled it wrong. i wrote this when i was a freshman in highschool and stupid as hell.
also why do people still read this??? like damn shawty people still use wattpad in 2021??? not to insult my readers but i simply do not understand why this has an audience.