Important Author's Note at the end.
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Two weeks later, we were on a plane towards Italy and I was assigned a tutor until I returned to LA come late October. Italy was beautiful and it made my heart ache. I didn’t want to spend all my time in my hotel room with Signora Cazziolato, learning about physics. However, what I wanted clearly didn’t matter. Going to set was no longer an option for me. Not only was school sucking away my life, but I did not feel like putting up with Liam or Gemma or anyone for that matter. So I delved into my Senior year studies, trying to remain ahead of the curve so when I returned to school in a month and a half, I wouldn’t feel lost. I’ve been in contact with teachers and they’ve informed me what they would be studying so I wouldn’t fall behind
The month flew by in Italy and I didn’t realize how quickly time had passed until we were on a plane back to London. I didn’t see anyone in Italy. I didn’t go adventuring. My life had reached an ultimate moot point where I had to focus on two things: current classes and college. Not celebrities, not travels, and most definitely not stupid boys with stupid pretty eyes who had to so stupidly kiss me and ruin my life.
London was pouring rain upon arrival. It didn’t stop raining the entire month we were there. Rain while I was at school, rain while I sulked in my room, rain when I went to coffee shops to work on college applications (purposefully avoiding the one Liam took me to). The clouds hung low over the white crowning of the buildings and the tips of trees were covered. Mom and Dad were happy to see their two children again, although I couldn’t say the feelings were reciprocated at the time. James had the weight of finishing a movie on his shoulders and I was trying to avoid ever telling my parents about what happened between Liam and I. The situation was important to me, but they’d probably freak out – more than James ever did – and I didn’t need that in my life right now.
About a week before we went home, James came into my room and was laying on my bed. It was nearly two in the morning on a Thursday so I wasn’t quite sure why either one of us was awake. However, there he was, the faint traces of leftover makeup on his forehead from filming, his phone sitting on his chest, and eyes wide open.
“What are you doing up?” I asked him.
“I don’t know,” was his response.
“Are you okay?” I prodded.
“Yeah. It’s just weird, y’know?”
“What is?”
“I’m done filming in four days. It’s weird to think about it.”
I got up from my desk chair and pushed James so I could lay on the bed too. “Yeah, I guess it is, a bit.”
“I met my girlfriend on set. What if we can’t keep it up with both of us across the world?”
“Well, you’re both rich, so I’m sure if you both want to keep it up, you can fly back and forth.”
“I do want to keep it up.”
“Good, then it shouldn’t be a problem unless Ava doesn’t want to.”
“Cam, can I tell you something?”
“Shoot.”
“I think I love her.”
It took me a moment to process what he said and when I did, I sat straight up and looked down at him with wide, excited eyes.
“You do?” My voice went up several octaves which made James groan. I forgot how late it was and how quiet we were talking before.
“Yeah, I… I do. Everytime I think about being away from her, I get this sick, twisting feeling in the pit of my stomach and the thought of not getting to hang out with her anymore is enough to make me just want to move here.”
“Well… why don’t you?”
“What?”
“Why don’t you move to England? You’re 21, you don’t have to live in LA with your family. Seriously, Mom and Dad will understand if you want to leave. You are an adult, with a career, with someone he loves. I think you’re at a time in life where it’s okay to go.”
James sat in silence for awhile, mulling over the thought. I didn’t understand what else there was to think about. If I had the means, I’d move here in a heartbeat.
“It sounds too simple.”
“Maybe because if you over think it, you’ll talk yourself out of it.”
He went quiet again and I sat in patient silence.
“I’ll talk to Rick tomorrow about the possibility. I don’t think it’ll be an issue, but who knows all the logistics.”
“You need to. Because you love Ava. And she’s too good to let go. And I’m pretty sure she loves you back.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I don’t. That’s why you need to tell her how you feel.”
“Yeah, halfway through filming, just go, ‘Ava! I love you!’ Ha. That’ll work out.”
“That’s why you don’t do it while you’re filming. Tomorrow is Friday. Take her on a date. There’s plenty of pretty places in London that you can tell her that. Just let me know how it goes.”
“But it needs to be in the moment. I’m not proposing or anything. Telling a girl you love her is a big deal and it needs to be personal, not planned.”
“Alright, I’ll leave it up to you then,” I said, beginning to push myself off my bed to grab some water before bed. “Just do not mess this up.”
“Brilliant, thanks,” he said, sarcastically.
“You’ve been hanging out with Liam too much,” I said at the notice of English terminology.
“We happen to be living in England. It’s not exactly just Liam that’s influencing my speech.” I stayed silent, shrugging passively. “Speaking of love… do you love–”
“No.”
“Really?” He sat up on the edge of the bed as I sat back on my desk chair.
“Yes. I’m giving up on that whole idea. I spent too long waiting on him and it’s getting so stupid.”
“You’re in denial. I know you, you don’t just stop liking someone.”
“I haven’t even talked to him since France. It’s all so pointless.”
“But when you do talk to him, you enjoy it?”
“Of course I do.”
“Which means you aren’t completely over him.”
“Your logic is highly flawed, James.”
“No, yours is.”
“How?”
“I’m not blind, ya know? I can actually see you two when you talk. You don’t seem annoyed when you’re talking. You look hopeful.”
“What do you want me to say? That I’m clinging the hope he’ll realize he’s madly in love with me and tell me so?”
“Yes.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “James, that’s not how this goes.”
“You know what? Fine. He doesn’t love you. You don’t love him. But you’re both idiots.” James’ words stung my soul as he got up and started walking out of my room, seeming actually frustrated about this situation.
“He’s the idiot!” I called after him.
“Shh.”
“He’s the idiot,” I said, quieter. “He’s the one who hasn’t done anything.”
“Camille, it’s the twenty-first century. Believe it or not, girls are allowed to express their feelings to guys before he does.”
“But he’s the one who kissed me,” I pouted. Now was not the time for my mind to be changed about this whole ordeal.
“You kissed him back didn’t you? You both have explaining to do. Now do it before we leave next week.”
“I–”
“No more excuse, Cam. Do it, or just forget about the entire situation. As for now, I’m going back to bed.” He left before I could say anything else and next thing I knew I was throwing pillows at the closed door.
He doesn’t understand, I told myself. He doesn’t know what it’s like to want to be with someone so badly, but you have absolutely nothing to go off of if he feels the same.
The days crept on painfully slow. James wouldn’t talk to me – especially after how I did nothing but complain about my situation instead of just putting on my big girl panties and talking to Liam. I refused. I wouldn’t do it and nobody could make me. The last day of filming rolled and James didn’t come home that night. They probably all had a large party at some cool club in London. All I knew was that I was sulking more and more as the day we left came closer. I was supposed to talk to Liam before we left. But I didn’t go to set, I didn’t ask James to bring him over, and I didn’t go to places I would hope to run into Liam. I stayed home and hoped James would never ask him here. That was all I hoped for.
On our last night, we had dinner as a family. It hadn’t happened in months and I don’t think Mom and Dad appreciated me being anti-social and James so invested in Ava and filming. The table was set, the food was placed, and we all sat in our little circle as Mom and Dad interrogated us. James almost smiled at me when they went about asking me about school and life and future plans.
“So, we’re leaving tomorrow at 7AM, do you both understand that? Leaving at 7,” Dad reminded us. I nodded while I heard James clear his throat.
“Actually, I’ve been meaning to tell you.” Mom rose an eyebrow and Dad barely stopped chewing his food to listen. “I’m going to be staying in London.”
Mom’s eyes widened completely.
“I’m sorry, you’re what?”
“I bought an apartment here in London. I don’t want to leave yet. I’ve discussed it with Rick and he said it’ll work out just fine. There was a part available for a movie that’s being filmed here and they want me for it.”
“So you’re not coming home? Don’t you think this is something we should have discussed before?”
“Dad, I’m 21-years-old. I think it’s time I stop living with my parents. Besides, there are people here that I want to spend more time with.”
“Ava?” Mom asked.
“Yes. I don’t want to test long distance now. I want to be here. I love it here.”
“James, you can’t just –”
“Yes, he can,” Mom cut Dad off. “He’s a grown man, now. He has a girl here. He has a career here. He’s doing nothing that we shouldn’t support.” Mom reached over and squeezed James’ arm.
Dad remained silent while Mom beamed at her successful son. I felt insignificant. What was I doing in the next few weeks and months? Oh right, high school. Boo.
“Very well. But we expect you home for Thanksgiving and Christmas,” Dad said.
“Dad, I have a full time career. Not sure I’ll be able to do that.”
“I don’t care if it’s for one day. You’re coming.”
James knew better than arguing with our father when he felt betrayed somehow.
“Sure, Dad, of course.”
“And how about you, Camo? Staying here?”
“No, I’ll be coming home with you tomorrow. Don’t worry about me,” I said, grabbing my dishes and heading to the kitchen.
“Good, you need to finish school. Can’t have all our children dropping out,” I heard Dad say and I shook my head. James has done remarkably well for dropping out of school.
I heard footsteps behind me and saw James putting his dishes in the dishwasher.
“So you told her then?” I asked him.
It was the first I’d seen him smile at me fully.
“I did. And she loves me too. I look her to the Kensington Gardens after we wrapped. When I told her, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look so beautiful. Then she told me she felt the same way, which led me to asking how she felt about me staying here instead of going back to Los Angeles. I think she almost started crying. Lots of hugging and kissing.”
I was happy for him, I swear. My heart just longed for that kind of feeling.
“I bought an apartment the next day and worked it all out with Rick. I’m going to be playing a soldier in World War II in the next film. It’s going to be sick, Cam.”
“I’m proud of you, James. You did better than I did.”
He nodded solemnly.
“I’m sorry about these past few months. I wish one of you did something.”
I sighed. “Yeah, me too. But we didn’t. And that’s that.”
“I love you, Cammie. I’ll see you in a few months.” James wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.
“I love you too, Jamesie-Poo.” I grinned and started snickering. How I loved that terrible nickname.
“Most cases I’d push you for saying that, but I’m going to pretend like it never happened.”
I hugged him tighter. I’m out a brother for the next while, but he was doing what I couldn’t. At least I could be happy for that.
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HEEEYYYYYY
So this is still a month late, but I finally finished this chapter and I mainly have the next chapters planned out and most of it even written. College is sucking my soul. So is work. So is life. SO. That's always fun.
THE BOOK IS ALMOST DONE THO AND IT'S MAKING MY HEART HURT. Gah. So sad. However, two things!
1) I do have The Intern already being published, so please please please go read it! I entered it in to the Pencil Prize and it's already made it through the first round, so your support is very much appreciated.
2) I'm going to do a special chapter on Liam's POV, however, you get to decide WHICH chapter. So go through and find which one. You might even want to wait until after the book is finished, which is when the special chapter will be published.
SO WHAT DID YOU THINK? Votes and comments are very much appreciated.
Love you all, stay classy,
- Kate