↠ Alexandra Queen ↞
It's been years. So many years. 4 years to be almost exact. 4 years since I last saw my family, friends or even my home town. I had been living next door to my own town for a month or so and I didn't even know it. I would have put the pieces together when I saw Sam and Elizabeth at that night club or when I dumped into Nathaniel at the beach. I just had so much on my mind then that it didn't even cross it.
I'm ashamed to see them. To think that I almost left them to go to New York and never come back. I was about to leave without them knowing I was completely fine. I'm so selfish, how could I be so selfish.
I want to blame it on my father, Samuel and most of all John for all this selfishness, but I can't. I should have known. I should have tried harder and not given up when John abused me. I should have never had faith that some day my father would change. I should have never trusted Samuel with my past or feelings. I can't blame them even if I wanted to. It's my fault I wasn't strong enough.
I'm so weak and deserve all this pain and suffering. I did this to myself. For not being strong enough. I brought all this pain onto myself. And no one will ever be able to help me repair the damage I have caused on myself.
"We're here Alex" Victor says taking me out of my own thoughts.
I look up and realized we were in front of a huge mansion. I wasn't really that surprised. Nathaniel grew up in money. Would make sense that he would still have it even after I left. Most likely from the business he was suppose to inherit when he turned 22.
"Your friend calls this a house?" I hear Victor say in a grumpy tone. I laugh "You don't seemed shocked by it though, guessing your friends has always had money?" I nod at Victor answering his question.
"Come before I change my mind about being here." I say and walk to the front door. It was huge and could fit a couple people.
"Wait so I'm just suppose to leave my beautiful car there? All alone with no company." He pouts like a baby as I look back at him.
"Stop acting like a baby and let's go. Leave that car there. It not like anyone is going to jump the gate for your car. I'm pretty sure the people in this part of town have enough money to buy better looking cars then yours." I say shaking my head laughing.
Victor opens his mouth to speak but gets interrupted by someone.
"She's right you know. Everyone around here would probably buy 50 of these without blinking a eye just to prove how much money they gave." He laughs making me tense.
Victor glared at him and then looks at me worried. I feel Nathaniel's stare. I was too scared to look back.
"We can leave if you want Alex" he whispers loud enough for me to hear but not Nathaniel. I shake my no "I have to do this" I say back and he nods understanding.
I'm about to turn around to face Nathaniel when we hear the gates open. Back at him once then looking back at the gate. It was Sam, Elizabeth and Adam. They drive in parking behind Victors car. They get out and walk towards us.
I hadn't had time to speak to Sam and Elizabeth so Adam volunteered to pay them a visit this morning. I had planned on them being here. I knew after what Adam told me that Nathaniel was furious with them for not telling him about me. I wanted to make things right between them. It was my fault to begin with so here we are at Nathaniel home.
"Shall we?" Adam said being the only one to dare to speak.
I need to turn around to face Nathaniel, he nods and everyone walks in after him.
I stand there for a while. Victor dlooks back as does Adam. Adam nods towards Victor and he walks towards me. When he reaches me he gives me a sad smile.
"It's alright Alexandra, everything will be fine. Don't over think it too much." I look up at him afraid. "What if they hate me for being so selfish" I whisper as tears threatened to escape but he hears me.
"You aren't selfish Alexandra. You have your reasons and if they don't see that then it's there lost. There aren't your real friends that love you if they don't understand you. You will still have Adam and I. You'll be stuck with us either way" I laugh wiping the tears that escaped. It makes him smile and hug me.
"Thank you Vic" I say into his shoulder. "Always Alexandra." He says back.
He pulls away "Come on now, let's head in." I nod and follow after him.
As we walk in we hear yelling.
"Nathaniel please listen! Let us explain!" Sam yells as I hear someone whimper.
"No! You guys lied to me for god knows how fvcking long! It could have been for years that you had been lying straight to my face! We were suppose to be best friend man!" I hear the hurt in his voice. It wasn't Sams fault though.
"I understand alright! We had no choice! And it wasn't for years alright Nate! Now stop screaming for god sakes!" Sam yells back. I sigh interrupting Nathaniel from yelling back.
They look towards me confused. "They knew about me for just about a day before we dumped into each other. No more, no less. Don't blame them for not telling you. They respected my wishes in not letting anyone know. So if you want to blame someone, blame me and only me." Nathaniel looks at me confused and hurt.
"Say something Nathaniel" I beg. He shakes his head as he sits down. "If you want me to leave and never see me again that's fine." I say lowering me head.
"No, I want you to stay. I just don't get it..." he trailed off. "Get what?" I walk towards him.
"Why? Why Alexandra? Why didn't you come back to us to let us know you were okay." He sounds so hurt, I sigh.
"I had only escaped from my father about a month ago. I know it isn't an excuse but I was scared to come back after years of being gone. I'm not the same girl you guys remember. I have changed." I look down ashamed.
"Alexandra I think it's best to tell them from the begin. Explain everything from when you were kidnapped to when we saw Sam and Elizabeth at the club." Adam suggests.
"You don't have to Alex if you don't want to. Don't force yourself to relive those remembers if you don't want to." Victor say practically begging me to not. I have to though. "I have to Vic," I say looking up "it's the least I can do for them." He nods understanding.
Elizabeth, Sam and Nathaniel just stood quite watching the the interaction. I look at them before I begin to speak. Taking a deep breath I begin.
"I'll have to go back a little more before being kidnapped. This all started when I was younger. My father and his friend John would abuse my sister and I. It was fun and games to them. Who ever made us cry more won. That's how our lives were most days before and after school. My sister being the older sister she was would try her best to take most of the hits so she had it worst. John sometimes took her to our room to do god knows what. Years later my sister just got sick of it and killed herself. She had run away one day and a day later her body was found on a shore. We couldn't tell from how beaten up her face was but because of the bracelet I had made her with my mom for her birthday the year before. She hadn't taken it off, not even after she killed herself. My father and John just became worst after her death."
"Wait" Sam interrupts "how do you know it was suicide if her face was beaten so badly the the point you couldn't tell who it was. How are you sure it wasn't your father or John who killed her and just dropped her body in the ocean."
I sigh "because my father and John had been beating me for answers about where she was, when she ran away and before she was discovered. And since they can't be in two places at once, it wasn't them. And like I said, because of the bracelet. She had promise me she would never take it off."
'But boy was that a huge lie'
"What about the police? Why didn't you tell them anything?" Elizabeth speaks up this time.
I don't get to answer when Nathaniel does for me. "Her fathers friend John has them in his pocket. So they could get away with anything even murder." I look at him confused.
"How did you know that?" I ask him. "That day that we were suppose to call Sam. The day I lost you, he bragged about it and how if I didn't leave you forever and gave him the money he wanted that he would continue hurting you and your mom. He talked about the fact that he would know because he has police everywhere." He bows his head ashamed.
"Don't blame yourself Nathaniel, you did it to protect me and my mom. Thank you" I smile at him thanking him when he looks up at me.
"What happened after your sisters death?" Asks Elizabeth. I look at her with a blank emotion.
"It just got worse then when she ran away, I had to lie to Sam and Nathaniel about who Jasmine was. They were confused but never brought her up because I said she was my cousin and ran away. Since we were young, you guys eventually forgot about her. I blamed myself for her death, how I couldn't protect her like she protected me. I was coming to terms with it when that day came. The one Nathaniel mentioned.
"It was the day I learned what happened. John bragged what he did to her. He was sick, I always knew he was. Messed up in the head." I sigh stopping.
I hear Victor about to say my name. I knew what he was already going to say so I stopped him. Shaking me head, he got what I meant without me speaking a word.
"He got into my room one day. I was alone, counting down the minutes for Nathaniel to come so we could call Sam. I had made extra sure that John wouldn't have been able to get in. Helping my father get drunk, didn't do much since he did that a lot on his own. I locked the house doors to come inside. I knew that Nathaniel would be there right on time so I just waited. My mom had keys to the house and since she volunteered to cook for us. To make us our favorite snacks and food. I knew she was coming home early so when I heard the door open downstairs I thought it was her. But when my room door was opened I found out how wrong I was. It was John who got in.
"He corned me in my room and tried to do unspeakable thing. Mentioned how he wanted me to pleasure him like Jasmine did. When he said that it almost happened. I snapped out of it and ran downstairs. He caught me before I could escape. Let's just say what happened between him catching me at the door and Nathaniel coming in, me and my mom were no longer going to be the same." I wiped the tears that escaped me without knowing. I held onto myself thinking about that day.
"Alexandra please don't continue. It's only going to harm you more thinking about it!" Victor yelled at me to stop. "Alexandra listen to him" Sam said siding with him. "As much as I want to know what happened I won't let you hurt yourself by reliving your past." Nathaniel added. "Please for god sake listen to them Alexandra" cried Elizabeth. "Even they agree Alex, don't hurt yourself" Adam was the final one to speak.
"No!" I yelled at them. They looked surprised. "I'm not weak so don't treat me as such. I'll go through this. I owe that much to you three. And you should agree after years of you guys worrying me while I was selfish." I cried.
"You aren't selfish Alexandra and you don't owe us anything" sighed Nathaniel. I still shake my head stubbornly.
"I'm doing it now because I will have to eventually. So stop trying to talk me out of it because I'm doing this." They all sigh giving up.
"Fine, if no one can stop you then I'm staying by your side until your done." Victor say walking over to me and placing me on his lap. I just smile at him and thank him.
"Alright, to where I was..."
I take a deep breath and so I explained everything that happened from that moment on until the night at the nightclub. They had to know and now they do.
•🥀•
"So Ryan knew about where you were before anyone?" I nod ashamed.
"Just as Adam begged you not to tell anyone about me, I had begged him not to as well. Obviously he was completely against it. It took a lot of convincing to agree. Mostly because he knew I was still with my kidnapper. If it wasn't for him though, I would have never made it out of there."
"Yeah and into New York. You were going to leave us and never let us-the people who love you-that you were alive. Do you know how selfish that is!" Nathaniel yelled getting angry.
"Nathaniel p-" he interrupts me. "Don't beg me to forgive you or to understand you. I take back when I said you aren't selfish because that exactly what you are! A selfish person! I'm sorry about what happened to you. I really am, I wish I could have done something for you. But leaving people think that your probably dead just so you leave and start somewhere fresh, is nothing but a selfish act." He finally finishes and leaves. When I hear an engine roar and take off I let go the tears I had being holding back escape.
"I'm going to fvcking kill him" I hear Victor yell behind me. Before he can get up I stop him by placing my hand on his arm. He stops and sighs understanding.
"He has every right to say what he said, I am selfish. There's no surprise there. Only surprise is that both of you are still here." I say looking up at Sam and Elizabeth.
"Because it isn't Alexandra, Nathaniel is just hurt right now. He's not thinking straight. Let him take everything in first and then you'll see. Anyone with the past that you had would take the first chance they can to start over without looking back. The real surprise is that you haven't yet. You could have healed and then left after you meet Adam and him. But you didn't. You could have also fled when we saw you at the nightclub. Still you didn't. Not even after you saw Nathaniel at the beach that day. You stood instead of taking the chances you had to flee. You didn't have to contact us or Nathaniel but you did. You aren't selfish Alexandra because if you were, you wouldn't be here right now." I wiped my tears.
"I'm selfish whether you guys see it or not. Always will be and always have been. I should be going now. I have no business being here anymore. I hope to see you guys some time." I get up from Victors lap and head to the door.
"Where are you going?" I hear Elizabeth say behind me. "Because to me what it sound like is that your leaving forever." I turn back and smile at her "take care Liz and tell Ryan for me thank you for everything he did." I turn to Sam who was behind her. "And Sam, take care of yourself and Nathaniel. I wish I could but..." I look away with a sad look.
"Don't do this Alexandra. You know how devastated he'll be. He's going to blame himself." I look back up at him. "Make sure he doesn't because it isn't and will never be his fault. None of it."
"What exactly are you planning Alexandra." I smile at them as a tear slides down my cheek. "Just take care of each other please and don't worry about me. I'll be fine." Before they could say anything else I exit.
I had grabbed Victors keys without him knowing so when I reach the car I unlock it and get in. Once I'm in I lock it. Adam and Victor tried unlocking the door but couldn't. Looking at me confused I shake my head. I'm sorry I mouth and drive off.
He was going to get his car back, I wasn't stealing it because I knew they could track it. And I didn't want them tracking it to where I was going.
Once I get home, knowing my way around since I knew this city like the back of hand. Even after years of being gone.
I rush to my room and packing all my things and taking out my money. Taking out two pieces of paper and wrote a letter to both of them. Two different once's.
Dear Adam,
Thank you so much for understanding me without knowing me. I didn't even have to say much and you already knew me. You are so kind and pure. I have no idea how you and Victor ended up like this but I do know this, both of you didn't deserve it. You will over come it. I'll take care of Samuel so you both can be free officially. I know Samuel and I know he'll come looking for me. Which gives me more reason to leave so you guys don't get caught in the crossfire of things.
I'm sorry for leaving like this. I couldn't handle facing you guys because I know how Victor is and he wouldn't let me leave. And since I have to leave I couldn't take that chance. I'm selfish that way, I'm sorry.
I'm grateful for you guys and I will always be indebted to you guys for your kindness. Take care of Victor for me.
Love, Alexandra
Dear Victor,
I know you have your own kind of past filled with pain. And me leaving would just make it worse and for that I hate myself. I'm so sorry we couldn't do this some other way.
But I know well enough, even if it's been a month. You would never let me leave and as much as that warms my heart I can't let you.
In this month I have come to see the real you. I wish I could stay to keep seeing it. Unfortunately I can't and I'm sorry. You can hide behind those walls all you want but you'll have to come from behind them someday. The right person will help you do that. I'm not that person. I wish I was but I'm not. Two broken people can't help each other mend the pain..
Take care of Adam and try and not be so harsh on him. I know it's tough love, your only doing it because you think your protecting him that way but your not. Too much tough love might just drive him away. And the thought of you being alone terrifies me. Don't lose each other because that's all you guys have right now. I believe it will get better for you guys in the future, you just have to believe it as well Vic.
Goodbye Victor
Love, Alexandra
I feel as the tears drop. Whipping them away I fold up the pieces of paper and leave them on the bed with the name of who it's for in the front. I call a cab using the phone Adam gave me to replace my old one.
Once it's done I leave it there along with the letters. They could easily use that to track me so I won't take it. I head downstairs with my suitcase to wait for the cab.
It arrives in no time. As I'm getting in I hear someone yell my name. I look up at them.
"You better not get in that cab Alex!" Victor yells as he stomps towards me. My eyes widen in surprise. I quickly getting in and letting the cab to drive off.
Once we're far enough the cab driver asks where to. I tell him an address. As he drives towards the address I have only one thought in mind.
'I just hope she still lives there'
『 𝙳𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚟𝚘𝚝𝚎 𝚋𝚢 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚘𝚖, 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚙𝚜 𝚖𝚎 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚝 』
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