I stared down towards the top of my feet as I sat quietly opposite Mr Kim at his working table, my mind still couldn't quite take in everything that I had learned just now.
Mr Kim has a picture of a younger me.
How is that even possible?
Even my mother doesn't keep any old photographs of us anymore, especially what with us losing the house and all. But then, even if she did keep it, it would be understandable since she's my mother after all.
But Mr Kim?
And not to mention that Kim Taemin guy...
I vaguely register a small headache forming inside my head at the single name alone.
"There was a reason why I came to Thailand that day."
At the wistful tone inside his voice, I lifted my head warily to look at him across the table.
"Kim Taemin was my dearest little brother and the only family I have left. When I first heard the news about the crash, I felt so betrayed," he continued.
"Why?" My mouth uttered unconsciously.
A sad smile took over his face, "My brother... he was a very private person. He doesn't like unnecessary attention, so he usually only kept everything to himself. Even from his own family."
I blinked my eyes slowly at the little piece of information, my hands fiddling around under the table.
"I was mad at him for leaving me so early when I still have so many things I wanted to ask him. There were a few times when I wondered if I'm the one at fault for not making enough effort but then...."
He trailed for a while before meeting my gaze, "But then there was you."
Me?
"Do you know why he rarely ever went to see you back then?" He asked out of the blue.
I searched inside my head as I went over the words that I had read not too long ago.
I shook my head hesitantly.
"He never exactly told me but I knew deep down that he was afraid he would start loving you."
My heart immediately let out a sharp pang at that. "What do you mean?"
"After our parents died when we were still young kids, Taemin started developing this little phobia where he stopped interacting with other people. We managed to get him some medical attention but the small issues still remained and ever since then he always avoided from getting attached to anyone."
"Including me," I guessed.
Mr Kim shot me a solemn look.
So all this time my father never left me and instead was actually afraid of commitments.
I honestly have no idea which one was worse.
"What about the letter then?" I asked when I started feeling the sadness build up inside me.
Mr Kim's face softened a bit at the mention of the sacred letter that he had kept inside his drawer for so long now.
As if knowing what I was thinking, his hand reached down towards said drawer and pulled the folded paper up. "Truth to be told, I was actually quite skeptical at first when he told me about you. I asked him many times to do a DNA test but somehow he kept insisting that he just knew you was his daughter and his only."
As gently as ever, he grabbed my arm so that my palm was facing upward on his table and placed the letter inside, "That was the moment when I knew that you had already crawled your way deep inside his heart."
Staring down at the old and wrinkly paper, I didn't even realize that there were tears running down my cheeks as my eyes scanned the beautifully scrawled words again.
"He loved you, Lisa. Hell, he probably had loved you long when he found out about you. I guess he was just scared." Mr Kim explained with a low voice, his own eyes slowly turning glassy.
Taking in a deep breath, I swallowed down before croaking. "Can you bring me to the place where he was buried later?"
Mr Kim immediately lowered his head at that, both his shoulders slumping down in what I acknowledged as remorse.
After a few lapse of silence, he finally answered. "There were no remains of him. Or anyone even. We only knew that he was one of the passengers and that the whole plane blew before touching down into the middle of the sea."
Oh God.
"Where was the plane headed in the first place?" I wondered out loud as I wiped another escaped tear.
Mr Kim appeared to be hesitant for a split second, "It was headed to Thailand."
I widened my eyes at him.
"I checked with his company and found out that he doesn't even have any ongoing business there. Which led me to one final conclusion," he said as his eyes searched my face, "That letter was the last one that he had ever sent to me. I never replied to it. But I think... He had eventually decided on what to do anyway."
I stared at him in silence, my heart slowly breaking inside me pieces by pieces.
A few tears had already formed inside his eyes now, "He chose to stay with you, Lisa."
While everything began clicking into its place, my throat let out a choked sob as I closed my eyes tightly.
"It honestly doesn't register to me until so many years later when I suddenly thought about you again," a warm hand closed over my clasped ones on the table and squeezed, "I began going over his previous letters after that and when the thought crossed over my head, I just knew that I had to find you."
"Was that why you came to Thailand that day?" I sniffled.
He let out a tired sigh. "Yes, that was exactly the reason why."
I stared at him for a few beats as I straightened over my seat when I remembered about something.
"What about when you got stabbed? Was that planned too?"
He shook his head, "That was a total coincidence," he trailed as a thoughtful look passed over his face. "Although I would much rather call it fate."
"I'm glad that I saved you that day," the words was already pouring out of me without me even realizing.
Mr Kim watched as I wiped at my tears again and smiled softly, the corners of his eyes crinkling.
"Me too, Lisa. Me too."
***
I was a total wreck by the time evening passes.
As soon as I got out of Mr Kim's office, I immediately went to confront my mother inside her room and its safe to say that we were both a huge crying mess once the talk ended.
I mean, it was pretty much obvious to me now. As poor as we were back then, my mom would never had accepted an offer from a mere stranger.
But then she met Mr Kim and all of a sudden we were both moving to South Korea and were given financial aid for the rest of our lives.
Financial aid which I now knew was meant for me ever since I was born. Turns out my father used to be a big shot businessman back then and had saved all of his assets under my name.
My father.
The term still felt foreign to me whenever I thought about it but after learning everything from Mr Kim today, I guess it wouldn't hurt for me to start getting used to it.
It was what he deserved after all.
I may not be able to see him anymore but I will always keep him inside my heart from now on.
I briefly felt the tears forming at the corner of my eyes again when the front door opened.
Wiping at them hastily, I whipped my head from the comfortable couch to find Taehyung making his way towards me.
He did a double take once he saw my face, "Hey."
I smiled. "Hey."
Taking a seat opposite from me, his eyes never even once left my face. "I got a call from my dad just now."
"Did you knew about it?" I didn't waste any time to ask.
The same sad smile that I saw on his father today appeared on his own face, "Yes, but only before we went to Jeju-do."
"Oh."
I stared down towards the coffee table between us and heaved out a deep sigh.
"Well then, cousins huh?" I joked.
"I guess? Not gonna lie, I actually had a hard time accepting that fact."
I lifted my eyebrows at him, "Why?"
His smile turned sheepish for a second, "I mean, I did had a small crush on you after all."
At the reminder about his unrequited love towards me, I barked out a laugh for the first time today.
"Treat me burgers again and we'll forget about it."
"Deal," he agreed.
Both of us were grinning at each other when I remembered about something. Or someone specifically.
"How's Jungkook?"
At the mention of his best friend, Taehyung flattened his lips. "He's doing fine. Still wouldn't talk to us save for a few short messages but fine nonetheless."
Wait. So he could reply to their messages but not mine?
I was just about to express my frustration regarding him when Taehyung beat me to it.
"He knows, by the way."
I shot him a confused look, "About my father?"
"Well no, for now it was only Jimin because he was with me at that time. Jungkook knows that you didn't post the confession."
I briefly felt the air whooshing out of my lungs, "Did you guys explain to him?"
Taehyung shook his head, "We didn't have to. He practically insisted about it to us."
Feeling my heart swell at the thought that he actually had faith in me, I had just let out a relieved sigh when something struck inside my head.
"Oh my God," I groaned out loud, catching Taehyung's attention.
"What? What's the matter?" He asked in concern.
"He knew I didn't do it yet he still ignored me. Does that mean that he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore?" I widened my eyes at him.
Taehyung seemed to be struggling for words as he watched me hyperventilate opposite him.
He cleared his throat, "Well, Jungkook wasn't exactly the kind of person who would just remove someone from his life without meeting them first—"
"So he's really getting rid of me?" I cut him off.
He was sweating by this point, "Uh, I don't really know," he stopped when he saw my teary face, "Are you crying?"
I sniffled as I rubbed at my eyes.
"Oh my God, you're really crying. Do you need me to hug you like last time? I mean, Jungkook is probably gonna kill me—"
I sniffled again.
"Alright, alright," he exclaimed in panic just as I felt the couch dip beside me, his arms instantly going around me.
"God, I don't even know why I'm crying, really." I managed as I wiped away the tears, "I guess I'm just so sensitive right now after learning about my father."
I felt Taehyung nod beside me, "I know how you feel. I was still a kid when he passed away but I still remembered the pain as if it was yesterday."
"Were you guys close?"
"Very. Although Jungkook was much more tight with him."
I lifted my head in surprise, "Jungkook was close to my father?"
"Yeah, he was his favourite too. I guess he kinda had a soft spot for him since he knew about the situation with his parents." He explained.
"Oh."
Taehyung let out a deep sigh, "This may sound ridiculous but I think your father actually knew."
"Knew what?"
"That you and Jungkook were meant to be together."
I can't help but smile at the thought, "Maybe."
We were both silent for a few seconds before I opened my mouth.
"Hey Taehyung?"
"Uh huh?"
"You're honestly the best cousin that I could ever wish for."
I didn't even have to look at him to find him smiling.
"I know."
***
Author's Note: This was honestly the most depressing chapter that I had written so far but I hope it answers everything that you guys have been wondering for a while now.
Anyways, who misses Jungkook?