You once dreamt a marriage but not this kind of marriage, not with someone who you had never love or know. You held your head hight, gathering all your encourage. There, stood a man beside you who is going to be the husband of your life.
As soon as the vows finished, you both faced each other. You observed his face and he was calm, no sign of nervous in his eyes. He moved forward for a kiss but you turned away and kissed your cheek instead.
You managed to whispered something to him.
"Don't you dare to kiss me."
You despised men, every single on of them. In those times, you just had enough with men. To you, living alone without men is your choice and you managed. Without men for all these years and your mother worried about you. She told you to get yourself a husband but you refused. Saying that being alone was good.
So good that you could live in a deserted island alone.
Those time were hard for you. You brokedown alone with no one by your side but your mother. The moment that you realized everything was a lie, you build yourself a wall. The barrier for you with men because you just don't want to associate with them anymore. By doing that, you feel so free.
At the moment, all you care was only yourself.
You woke up by the sound and nice smells from the kitchen. You know who was making those in the kitchen. Slowly, getting off from your bed and made your way to the bathroom, getting ready for work.
As soon as you stepped on the dining room, you smell the scent of coffee and you liked it. You made your way to the kitchen and found your husband was there, brewing coffee while cooking breakfast, as usual.
He turned around and saw you standing at the entrance. "Oh!", was the only thing he said first. "Good morning.", he smiled, revealing his adorable eye smile.
"Morning.", you replied and took a glass from the cabinet before making your way to the fridge.
"Breakfast?"
"No. Thank you.", you said as you grabbed some juice. "I'm late.", you added and washed the used glassed.
You always said that every single day, hoping that your husband got the hint that you don't want to be with him. Either he's too stupid to realize the hint or he ignored the hint that you had gave him.
His attitude made you asking yourself, when will he get tired with all of these things happening between them.
"Oh.", he paused. "Okay then.", he said as his eyes followed your movement. Althought you can't see it but you could feel his gaze were on you. You walked out from the kitchen and went straight to the door. Before you could close the door, you heard a faint voice from kitchen.
"Be careful.", it was your husband.
"How about giving your husband a chance?", your friend said as she feed herself salad. You looked up and rolled your eyes, taking a sip of your latte.
For the umpteenth time, you sighed. You had lost count.
She had been always dropping the same topic each time both of you meet for a meal or hangout on weekend. She never failed to annoy you with the marriage issue and asking about your husband.
"You know the answer, Moonbyul.", you looked down.
Moonbyul put down her fork and picked her fingers infront of you. "Not all men are the same. You're on your denial stage, babe.", she said and continue to eat her salad.
"Which part of men that are not the same, Byul?", you sounds pissed but trying to keep your cool. "You've seen what I had been through! How could you?", you hissed.
"Hey, cool down.", Moonbyul gasped. "I was just...suggesting.", she added.
"You've been suggesting that shit for almost a year, Byul!", you said and stood up, grabbed your coffee before leaving Moonbyul and her salad.
"I don't want to hear about this issue again.", with that you walked away and left the dumbfounded Moonbyul.
"Did I say something wrong?"
"How's your wife?", Hoseok asked as he sipped on his coffee. Hyunwoo shook his head and gave him a smile. At the beginning of the marriage, it was okay for Hyunwoo to talk about his wife with his friends. But as times flew, he doesn't think that it was okay anymore. Especially your attitude.
He wondered where did he got wrong?
"Still the same.", he said and looked down, trying to avoid the gaze that his friends gave him.
He was deadlocked. He wasn't sure what he should do to fix their marriage. He almost did everything and nothing was working out. You're still being cold towards him and sometimes ignored him. All he wanted is you to see that he was waiting for you, to be that somebody that could be the happiness and light in your life.
"Do you know how strong you are right now?", Hyungwon asked and all Hyunwoo could do is chuckled. To think that question again, he also wondered how strong he was.
"You have no idea, Hyunwoo.", Hoseok added and Hyunwoo just shrugs.
"This is not something that I wanted to proud off, guys. I am not proud of what happen to me.", Hyunwoo looked away. "I don't think that she see me as a husband because she sometimes looked at me as if I'm her enemy.", he sighed.
"Have you ever thought about a solution?", Changkyun asked and earned some looks from the elders.
"I did, Changkyung. I really did. I did almost every possible solution that it could be but nothing work out.", Hyunwoo replied.
"How about....", Changkyun paused.
"...and what is that?", Hoseok asked. He had a bad feeling about something that the youngest might say.
"A divorce?", he said and two slaps from both Hoseok and Hyungwon.
"We're trying to save a marriage here, kid. Not to ruin one!", Hoseok hissed. His feeling was right when he felt bad about the suggestion.
"It's okay, Hoseok.", he paused and looked over Changkyun which earned shocking looks from the three of them. "He got a point."
"What?! Are you serious?", Hyungwon asked, still in shock.
"Just in case.", Hyunwoo said. "If she isn't happy with me, what can I do? Plus, there's no point to keep her around me.", he added.
"I did try my best to keep the marriage but she's not.", Hyunwoo lowered his gaze.
"But, Hyunwoo. You better figured other things out. Things might worked out better and divorce isn't the best option, yet.", Hoseok said.
"I'll try my best."
A month has passed since the conversation that Hyunwoo had with his friends. He acted natural and normal, like nothing happen. He wanted to give you more time and space but he too think that the time and space he had gave to you was enough.
He had enough.
It's almost ten in the evening but Hyunwoo wasn't sleepy yet. He was watching television, his favorite show while waiting for you to come home. When the clocked showed almost past ten, he heard someone unlock the door from outside. Knowing who it was, he slowed down the volume and waited you to come in.
"You're home.", Hyunwoo who was watching television turned his head to the door where you just get in. He took the remote control on the coffee table before switched it off.
"Yeah.", you said and took off your shoes.
"We need to talk.", Hyunwoo said.
"About what?", you asked.
"About us.", he replied.
"About us?", you laughed. "Which part about 'us' that you wanted to talk about? I thought we had nothing.", you added.
"It's about you.", he paused, looking at you. "What do you want in your life?"
You gulped down, suddenly feeling both nervous and intimidating. Probably because this is the first time that you talked face to face with him. It's not that you never talk to him face to face.
You did.
But right now, something doesn't feels right. Maybe because your husband was being serious. You looked around and gulped once again before answered his question. You looked up, into his eyes.
"I just want to be happy.", you said. "But not with you. I have no intention to be happy with you and had warned you when we were married."
You finally have the guts to say them. You know it might hurt his feelings but at least he knows. You also, in the other hand wanted him to be happy with someone else. As bad and as cold you are, you still feel sympathy towards him.
Son Hyunwoo was kind, very kind. Way too kind. But he doesn't deserve to be with someone like you. Someone who despised men, a lot.
"Why you didn't refuse the marriage?", he asked, confused.
"As bad as I may look, I just want my mother to be happy. That's why I agree with this.", you paused. "I'm sorry that you stucked with me but...I did this for my mother.", you looked away.
"What?", he shrieked. "Do you think marriage is kind of game?", he questioned you.
"Doesn't men always see it as one?", you smirked. "Look, Mr. Son.", you paused. "I suggested you to find someone else that would like to play this game with you because I'm not interested.", you added. You was about to walk away until Hyunwoo talked back.
"Am I that easy to you?", he sounds hurt.
"No.", you said. "You are one strong opponent to me.", you turned around and greeted his hurtful expression.
Hyunwoo pinched the bridge of his nose and gritted his teeth. He turned around and let a heavy sigh. You was about to walk away but again, was stop because he called you.
He called you by your full name.
"I really had enough with all these bullshits.", he said. "I'm tired.", he added before walked away, leaving you in the living room.
You went to a cafe near to your workplace one fine evening. You had been asking Moonbyul to come with you but she refused, saying that he got a lot of work to do. That's why you were alone, buying coffee for two.
For you and Moonbyul.
"Excuse me.", you heard someone called your name from behind. You turned around to see a good looking stranger. He seems familiar to you but you don't know who he was.
"Yes?"
"Sorry, I'm Minhyuk. Lee Minhyuk.", he paused and you looked at him, confused. You wondered who is this good looking guy in front of you who introduced himself as Minhyuk.
What does he wants from me? You thought.
"O...kay?"
"I'm Hyunwoo friend.", he said and you gasped. You finally remember this guy in front you. He was the one who singing with crack voice in your wedding. Althought you wasn't happy about the marriage but at least this Minhyuk guy made your worst day to a better day.
"Oh yeah. I remember you.", you said.
"Since I met you in this nice place, let's find a place to sit.", he offered. You were hesitate at first but in second thought, your coffee might take some times because there were a lot of customers. Once you both found a place to seat, you settled yourself.
"How are you?", he asked.
"Just good.", you shrugged.
"You lied.", he smiled.
"What do you mean?", you asked, trying to hide panic expression on your face.
"Hyunwoo told us everything.", he's still smiling. "You know what? We all wondered what so special about you? He keep talking about you non-stop for the first three months of the marriage. He was happy back then but he changed.", he paused. "What did you do to him?", Minhyuk wasn't smiling anymore.
"What do you mean?", you were confused.
"Hyunwoo loves you with all his heart!", he hissed. "Can you see that?"
"Well, he should stop now because I wouldn't love him back and he should know that I didn't love him. I have make it obvious.", you said.
"He wouldn't stop from loving you.", he said. "You were his first love and it will be hard for him to forget about you."
"That was his fault.", you paused. "His fault for being to attach to me."
"Are you that ignorant?!", he snapped.
"Maybe...I am."
"How long have you two did this kind of thing behind my back?", a familiar voice suddenly interupted you and Minhyuk. You looked up and shocked to see Hyunwoo standing between you and Minhyuk.
"No, Hyunwoo!", Minhyuk stood up.
"Shut up, Minhyuk.", Hyunwoo gave him a death glare before turning to you. He bend down and looked into your eyes.
"So it was my fault to love you now?", Hyunwoo gritted his teeth. "My mistake that I ignored your hints before.", he chuckled but it sounds cynical.
Althought you feel intimidated right now, you stared into Hyunwoo's eyes as well.
"Fine then, I'll stop loving you.", Hyunwoo paused. "And you're not allowed to love me. Understood?", he was about to walk away but the turned around.
"I'll file a divorce after this.", he smiled and walked away. However, you realized that it was the sad one.
"Well, enjoy your life.", Minhyuk walked away, leaving her behind.
A few minutes had passed and you were still sitting on the same spot, looking outside of the window. Trying to process everything that had happen earlier.
Shouldn't I be happy because I finally got to be alone? But...mother? Why do I feel sad?
It's been a week since the incident and since that day, you hadn't see Hyunwoo in the house. One evening, you decided to get inside of your husband's room. It was locked but lucky that you got a spare keys.
His room were clean and everything was organized into it's own place. You walked to the closet and opened it, only to find it empty. You wondered again, when did he come home and take all his clothes? Again, you felt sad about he left you.
I should be happy because he had finally left.
You looked around before lying on the bed, looking at the ceiling of the room. You then turned around, laying on your stomach on the bed instead. You tucked your hand under the pillow because it feel comfortable and smells of Hyunwoo's cologne was still in the room, especially on his bed.
Suddenly, you felt something under one of the pillow. You pulled it out and it was a diary. Hyunwoo's diary to be exact.
What was that?
You slowly sat on the bed and opened the diary in your hand. On the first page was the wedding picture of both of you, you felt overwhelmed. Then, you turned to the next page. It was Hyunwoo's handwriting, telling the diary how happy he was when he finally become a husband.
He even said I was pretty. She chuckled.
As she read through the pages, she felt something inside her. It was love that her husband had been looking for. She fell in love with his writing and she feel bad about everything that she had done towards him.
She reached this one page where Hyunwoo write about his hard time to win your hard and what he feel about it. Everything! Everything that you did to him.
Am I becoming bad? You asked yourself.
You finally reached the last page of the diary and there's still a lot of empty pages in the diary.
Honey, I want to be the love of your life. Let me fill the empty space in your life. Everyday, I hope that you would opened up to me someday. Everyday, I dream about coming from work and tell you some funny stories that happen in my workplace. I dream about holding your hands. I dream about going for a honeymoon with you and walking at the beach hand by hand. I want to tell how much I love you and how beautiful you are.
But those were all dream.
I wouldn't be able to be your love. I wouldn't be able to fill that empty space. I wouldn't be able to tell you some funny stories. I wouldn't be able to hold your hands. I wouldn't be able to go for a honeymoon with you and go to the beach.
The worst part are, I couldn't tell how much I love you and how beautiful you are.
You've cried.
"Hyunwoo...", someone called from outside of his room. Slowly, he get off from his bed and went to the door before open it. It was his mother called him.
"Yes, mother?", he asked.
"She's here.", his mother said.
"Tell her to go home. I don't want to see her anymore.", he said and turned away. His mother could only sigh because of his attitude.
"Hyunwoo, I don't know what's your problem with your wife but things can be fix in a proper way, Hyunwoo.", his mother said. "Go meet her. She had been looking for you two weeks."
"Who cares?", he scoffed.
"What's got into you, Hyunwoo? She's your wife! How could you do that?!", his mother hissed.
"We're going to divorce.", he said without guilty.
"Why?", his mother asked.
"She asked for it. What do you want me to do? I should say no?", he snapped.
"Of course you have to say no!", his mother snapped back and Hyunwoo said nothing to his mother anymore. He walked to the bed and lay down. "Please, meet her. Okay? You two need to discuss."
"You were on her side instead of me?", Hyunwoo scoffed. "Unbelieveable."
"Son Hyunwoo!"
"Yes, alright! I meet her, now. Okay?", he stood up. "Happy?"
"Very!", she said.
"Honey...", was her first word in the tense atmosphere. "You want me call you that, right?", you asked, a bit nervous. You doesn't know what should you say when his mother said he agreed to see you.
"No.", he paused. "I disgusted it.", he said, not looking at your way. Though it was hurt but you have to accept it because you are the one who started it first.
Slowly, you held out your hands and held his hand. However, he harshly pulled it back and clicked his tongue.
"Do not touch me.", he warned as he gave you a death glare.
"Can you give me another chance?", you looked down which made Hyunwoo cynically chuckled at you.
"Chance?", he shook his head. "I gave you too much chances before but you didn't appreciate it, never once!", he spat.
"Please.", you paused. "Just one more chance. I beg you.", you are still looking down, not daring to look up. "I know it's my mistake, my fault. I was selfish, I was ignorant. I was rude to you and I never once appreciate you. But here I am today, to make up to you. I want to fix my mistake.", you slowly said.
"It was too late.", he said and stood up. He want to walk away.
"Please...", you keep begging.
"My answer is still a no."
Your tears was threatening to fall down but you were trying so hard to not crying in front of him. You slowly stood up and looked at his way. You were lucky he was looking away and you quickly wiped away the tears in your eyes.
"Son Hyunwoo.", you called his full name and he turned around. "I am disappointed with you.", you said and turned away. "I thought you were different from those men that I have ever met but I guess I was wrong.", you paused.
"Men will always be the same. Men will always be men. They were born for breaking people's hearts.", you added. "I was wrong to trust you. I was totally wrong.", with that you walked away.
Hyunwoo could only looked your figure fades from his sight.
"Why you didn't chase after her? I saw she's crying.", his mother suddenly came which startled him a bit.
"Like I care.", he said. He was about to walk away when he saw something familiar on the coffee table.
It was his diary. He took it and flicked it until the last page. He knew he had accidentally left it at their house but he doesn't want to go back just to take his diary. He doesn't want to meet her.
He was sure that the last page that he wrote was his but this wasn't his. So, he read.
I always tried to live alone. I build walls. No one hold me and I feel free, the foolish me.
I only care for my mother and myself. But then, you tried to hold your hands out for me.
Thank you, for holding out your hands and wanted to be somebody in my life.
I appreciated, but I'm scared.
After I met you, my eyes open and I finally see the empty spaces.
A lot of empty spaces, can you help to fill them all?
I'm sorry that I don't know how to live for others.
If you tell me that you love me, I would've say the same now.
I love you, Son Hyunwoo.
"Shit!", he cursed under his breath. That was a reply from his wife. She have read his diary.
He threw his diary and ran out from the house to see if you were still there or not. To his disappointment, you weren't there anymore. He get back inside of his house and took his phone, dialing your number. This is the first time he dialed your number but it was unavailable.
You have turned off your phone. He keep on trying to dial your number but not to avail. He gave up and get inside of his room before lying down.
He laid there almost for an hour but then he was about to fall asleep his phone ring.
Hyunwoo ran fast into the hospital as soon as he parked his car. He managed to make his way towards the ER and straight to the receptionist.
He received a call just now and he thought it was you but it was actually from the hospital. He almost got an heart attack when the hospital told him that you got into an accident and your condition were critical. The hospital had informed him that your car collided with a truck.
He stormed out from his room, ignoring his mother's call and drive straight to the hospital.
"May I know who you are?", the nurse asked.
"I'm her husband. I'm Son Hyunwoo."
"Oh yes, Mr. Son.", the nurse greeted. "Come with me.", she added.
Hyunwoo followed the nurse to the ward where you were placed. ICU, he managed to read it when he entered althought he was worried about you. He was told by the doctor who was treating you, that you have lost a lot of blood but luckily you could be save in time and he silently pray for that.
The doctor also informed about your condition before the operation. It's because Hyunwoo asked.
"She had a cervical fracture.", the doctor said, pointed to you. "A broken left leg and arm. Other than that, she's fine.", she sighed. "At least we hope so, because we've tried our best.", the doctor added.
"I understood, doctor. Thank you so much.", Hyunwoo bowed and the doctor smiles before walked away.
There he stood beside you, holding himself from crying. He looking at your weak condition made his heart hurt so bad. He took a sit on the chair beside you and hold you hand.
It was cold.
"It's funny how I pulled my hand away when your warm fingers hold my mine. Now, here I am holding yours but it was cold.", he said and he finally cried.
"Hey, wake up. I'm sorry.", he sobbed.
"Hyunwoo...", he turned around and saw his mother-in-law.
"Have she opened up with you?", your mother asked Hyunwoo and he nods which made your mother smile. "Finally..."
"May I asked?", Hyunwoo looked at your mother.
"What is it?"
"She told that she was scared.", Hyunwoo said, trying to remember the letter that you've wrote back to him. "Also, she had been saying that all men were the same. What does she mean?", he asked.
"She had been through heartbreaks a lot.", your mother paused.
"It was my husband.", your mother paused. "Her father was irresponsible and an abuser. He would abuse her sometimes. I managed to divorce with him and we started a new life. She had a few boyfriends before.", your mother add.
"There's someone who purposed her and they both engaged but after a few months, they broke up because the guy cheated behind her. And there's also another guy who purpose her.", she sighed. "They was about to get marry but he ran away during their wedding day because he wasn't ready, yet."
He touched the side of his forehead trying to calm down the throbbing on the sides of his head. He was furious about everything. He wonder why you never once talked about this.
"Ever since that day, she didn't believe in men. She said, it would be better if she live her life alone without them.", your mother looked down and cried. "I'm sorry that I hooked her up with you. I just-"
"Mother, it's okay.", Hyunwoo soothe her. "I wanted to say thank you to you, mother. Thank you for hooked me up with your daughter.", he said and your mother hugged him.
"Thank you to you too for accepting who she is.", your mother smiles.
Hyunwoo sat beside you as he hold your hand and caressed it. He stared at your covered face, which was being covered with oxygen mask. Wondering to himself when will you wake up. Also, he had been thinking what should he say to when you wake up.
"Wake up, please.", Hyunwoo sighed. He leaned forward and kissed your forehead. He doesn't want to go anywhere but to stay by your side. He want you to see him first when you woke up. His mother also had been bringing him foods and some clothes for him because he doesn't want to get out from your room.
Suddenly, he felt the sudden flinch from your hand. He was startled and looked up. You began to move a bit and Hyunwoo was so excited.
You heard someone called your name and someone is holding your hand. You could tell the hand was big and warm. The way it hold on yours comforts you and you felt safe. The voice who had been calling your name sounds familiar.
Slowly, you open your eyes and blinked because of the lights made your eyes sting but you finally managed to open your eyes. Your head was throbbing but it wasn't that bad.
The voice called your name again and you turned to your side, only to see Hyunwoo right by your side. He was holding your cold hand.
"Thank God.", Hyunwoo breathe and kissed your forehead again.
You felt your eyes got watery and cried after he did that. You don't know why but you were touched by his action. To be honest, the last person you thought during the accident was no other than your husband, Hyunwoo.
You wanted to move but you felt heavy, pain, and uncomfortable on your neck. Turning your head to the side and saw your left hand and leg were casted. You turned to look at Hyunwoo, wanting an explanation.
"The doctor said you had broken neck, left arm and leg.", he said as he wiped your tears but that made you want to cry more. Not because of the pain but the feeling you had for Hyunwoo.
A week had passed and you were getting better. However, your left arm and leg were still in casted. Your neck also was in brace. You couldn't do anything but watching television and you were bored. You looked at the door, wondering when will Hyunwoo come because you're hungry.
"I'm hungry.", you whispered and switched into another channel.
"Good afternoon!", someone stormed into the room and it startled you. It happen to be Hyunwoo, came with foods.
"Sorry, I was late. I had a few works to do.", he smiles. You just realized that he had the most adorable eye smile that you have ever seen and he's quite good looking too.
"Uhm, are you done checking me out?", Hyunwoo smirked and you laughed. To be honest, he likes to see you smile and laughed. He would do anything to keep your smile on.
"I'm sorry.", you are still laughing.
"No need to be sorry.", he smiles. "Here, I brought you chicken soup, some vegetables and rice. Your mom cooked it.". he added as he set those foods on the desk.
"Thank you for the meal!", you beamed and slowly dig into your food. There's Hyunwoo sat next to you and watched you eating. You looked at him and raised your eyebrows.
"You are not eating?", you asked.
"I will, later.", he said, still couldn't take his eyes off you.
"Let's share this.", you said and pushed some of the foods towards him.
"It's okay, you-"
"How about you? Don't you have to eat too?", you said and he finally gave in.
"Okay.", he sighed and took the spoon from your hand and took a bite of rice, a spoon of soup, and vegetables. He then took a spoonful of rice and brought it up to you, feeding you.
Your cheeks heat up because of his action. "I can feed myself...", you whispered.
"I insisted.", he said. You slowly opened your mouth and took a bite.
After a while, you looked at Hyunwoo. "Thank you.", you said.
"No problem.", he smiled.
"No. I mean, thank you. For everything.", you added which made Hyunwoo smiled again and kissed your cheek.
"Let's start a new life, shall we?", he asked and you nods.