Standing ovation. It was a stage production and he was at the center of it all! People were going crazy! Everyone, well most… except for her.
He exited the stage but worried he might have looked ungrateful for the support. He was thankful to everyone who stood up but his eyes were fixated on Jessica. “She didn’t like it,” he thought. He should not really care, she was just one person. But he was done lying to himself.
The press was going crazy! “PHILLIP!” “PHILLIP PHILLIPS!” “How do you feel?” “Phillip your thoughts on the performance?” they were all saying at the same time. He just gathered what he could and answered, “It’s good to be performing for y’all again. And I’m grateful and shocked by the huge support of the music industry. Thank you. Have a great night everybody,” he said trying to be as enthusiastic as possible. He did not entertain anymore follow up questions and walked directly to his dressing room.
He headed to row six after changing to his suit. This was his first time in the Grammys. He was trying to live in the moment and absorb his newfound success but it seemed empty. Why couldn’t thousands of people fill in the void of Jessica’s reaction?
“Phillip, bro!” another familiar voice shouted out. There were lots of familiar voices tonight. But he knew exactly who it was.
“Hey Colton.” he replied coldly. He missed the guy but he felt betrayed that he didn’t even bother to contact him after the show.
“Jessica is killing it right?” he said excitedly, “How is Hannah?”
“She definitely is. Uh, Hannah?” His mind suddenly traveled back to the past…
-Flashback-
It’s Hannah again. I missed her last 5 calls, I was too sleepy to answer but… “Hey, Han.” I greeted her.
“Phillip why haven’t you been returning my calls? Is something going on? If you are busy with your girls just tell me!” she replied accusingly.
“What are you talking about? I was just resting.”
“What, with Elise? With Hollie? With your mob of fangirls? With that Jessica?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m on to you, Phillip. Update me from now on. Update me every freakin’ minute.” She hung up.
I was confused. Why was Hannah acting this way? She used to be the most supportive girl but lately she seemed clingy and overprotective. Was something happening that I wasn’t fully aware of? Fame was definitely taking a toll on our relationship.
It was August four. We were on our way to Georgia for the tour. And it was Jessica’s birthday. During my free time in Florida, I looked around for a perfect gift for her. Flowers would wither and die, food was overrated and stuffed toys were too childish. Wow, I am bad at this. The only girl I’ve given gifts to was Hannah and I’d usually only sing a song to her. Sing a song to Jessica? Real funny. I’d rather have HER sing the song.
It had to be something meaningful. We were close already anyway, I think. And I just wanted to give my finale buddy a gift on her special day. Funny, I never really expected to be close to her.
Jess and I had to work on our friendship. She was so quiet; she didn’t really talk to anyone but the girls and DeAndre. Colton was a bit close to her too. Colton was close to everyone anyway. She wasn’t that kind of girl who talked to everybody. But she acted even shyer around me. Either that or she just didn’t like me. But somehow because of her studies and my stomach pains we had to ride home together, we had to leave earlier. She was quiet and it was getting awkward so I had to break the ice by joking around with her. She warmed up after a while and we just started talking and talking. She was actually a pretty sweet girl. And her speaking voice was just as lovely as her singing voice. And she just laughs at everything. It was cute hearing her giggle…
But everything changed after the finale. And I don’t want us going back to being awkward so I had to give her something real good. I remember jamming to Love The Way You Lie during our press tour after the finale. It was a bit awkward but it was nice. Our voices were pretty damn good. Well, hers was, she made mine sound better. And the girl could rap! Is there something she couldn’t do musically? I remember her saying she couldn’t play the guitar.
THAT’S IT, IM BUYING HER ONE! Gibson gave us guitars during Idol but they were too big for her. I saw a place that was selling different sizes of guitars. I ran as fast as I could.
This was perfect. I asked the guy to place a small, sparkly “work hard, stay humble” dedication on top and “PP” at the bottom. This will be awesome.
I saw her alone listening to her mp3 player. I got my gift.
“Hey Jess?” I said, patting her on the back.
“Yeah?” she replied. She removed her earphones.
“Happy birthday!” I said, giving her a slight hug, “I know it’s difficult to, you know, spend your birthday without your whole family but we’re here for you, you know that right?”
“Yes, thank you Phillip.” she said with a small smile.
“I got you a gift. Hope you like it.” I showed her the guitar. “It’s customized.”
“A guitar?” she smiled. She got the guitar from me and strummed it, “but I don’t know how to play.”
“I know, that’s why I’ll teach you. We still have time.”
“Wow, love the dedication. And it’s blue! My favorite color. And it’s smaller than usual, it’s perfect! I love it, Phillip. Thank you.” She hugged me tightly. She loved it! I was so relieved.
I taught her how to play some songs, Beyoncé songs. I knew she loved her. I saw her rendition of Smash Into You on Youtube so I figured I could teach her how to play it using an acoustic guitar. For an hour or so we were just playing and joking around and everything seemed back to normal.
“Stop it, PP! You’re killing me!” she said while laughing at my jokes. I really love that she gets my humor. Not like the others, they get offended.
Apart from Heejun and Elise, I was really feeling the most comfortable around her. Something I did not at all expect. It was different, the level of comfort and warmth she exuded. “Jessica, sing for me.” I said, looking directly in her eyes.
She got self-conscious and looked elsewhere. “What do you want me to sing?” she asked shyly.
“A song you would dedicate to me.” I think she got a little surprised with what I said. ”C’mon now. You did say I was your Idol crush. Remember?” I said with a wink.
“I’d sing SHUT UP by the Black Eyed Peas, how’s that?” she joked.
I pretended to be sad and started to turn away.
“I’m just kidding, you goofball!” she said laughing and then hugged me from behind. “So glad you gave me this gift, PP, I love it so much.”
“Go sing for me now will ya, BB Chez, or whatever Jay-jay!” I said pretending to be impatient.
“Okay here we go…”
She was just about to sing when my phone rang. It was Hannah. “Wait I gotta take this, Jess. Sorry.”
She smiled weakly and said, “I’m sure you do. I’ll see you later, Philly!” she got up and messed my hair. She was adorable.
“But Jess wait! –” I didn’t want her to leave, this would just take a minute.
“Say hi to Hannah for me.” Then she left.
-End of flashback-
He shook his head to escape his thoughts. He was trying to think of Hannah but it again shifted to Jessica…
He shook his head again.
He looked at Colton and answered, “We broke up several years back, man.”
“Oh I’m – I’m sorry.”
“No problem. It was mutual anyway.” It wasn’t.
They watched the remainder of the Grammys silently. They applauded the performers – so that’s Diggy Simmons – and supported those who won. He and Colton automatically stood up when Jessica was given the Album of the Year award. Colton was shouting and shrieking. He was just quiet, he had no right anyway.
After the show Colton approached him again, he was with Skylar this time. “PHILLLLLIIIIIIPPPPP!” Skylar shouted. She hugged him so tight he couldn’t breathe. “You rocked the show tonight, buddy! So glad to see you again!”
He was glad to see Skylar, he missed that ball of electricity “I missed you, Sky! I loved your new album.” he replied.
“Hey guys we should totally have a reunion!” Colton joined the conversation. “Idol top 13, what do you say?”
“That would be awesome!” Skylar shrieked. She was always so energetic.
“Yeah that’d be cool but aren’t they busy?” he asked, a bit hesitant about the idea.
“Don’t worry about it, Phil. I’ll take care of it!” Skylar said with a wink. “We should all go to Jessica! I’m sure she’d be glad!”
Skylar dragged them both backstage. He felt his heart sink to his stomach at the sight of Jessica. She was now wearing this beautiful black and gold dress. She looked so freakin’ good. She was 20 years old now, but somehow he felt guilty for seeing her in a different light. “She’s hot,” he whispered.
“She is.” Colton replied, looking very captivated as well.
She was talking to the media and socializing with different celebrities. Posing for photos seemed natural for her already. He suddenly missed the shy Jess. He looked around to see Jay-Z and Luke Bryan approaching him.
“Good job on the performance tonight, Phillip. It rocked. Hope to collaborate with you soon,” Luke told him shaking his hand.
“I’d love that, Luke. Thank you.” He replied.
“Hey, we should do a track too. I’ve been looking for that raspy vocal to add to some singles. You interested?” Jay-Z asked.
He was star struck. He couldn’t breathe. Jay-Z was talking to him.
After composing himself he replied, “Yes that would be awesome! I’d love that.”
“I’ll get someone to contact your manager. Great job.”
Jay-Z approached Jessica next and hugged her. She was talking to Beyoncé during that time. She seemed to be very close with her idol. “Love you, Jay! See you soon, okay?” Beyoncé told her.
“See you, Mama B! I love you. I’ll see you around. Bye, Z!” she said then hugged them.
Skylar waved her hands crazily and Jessica noticed. Here we go. She smiled and headed towards their direction.
“Baby girl! You did so well tonight, three awards! How amazing is that?” she tells Jessica. They hugged tightly.
“Thanks, Sky. I know, crazy right? Like literally, I did not expect to win!” she said.
Like literally. She always used to say those two words when doing interviews.
Colton was the next one to approach her, “Jess, oh my god you look so beautiful! I need to hug the superstar!” he hugged her tightly and she returned the favor.
“Thanks, skinny mini buddy!” she giggled. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”
Colton and Skylar were called by the press for an interview and they respectfully obliged. Now it was just them two. Just the two of them.
He was sweating. He knew he looked good but she looked even better, it was unfair. He could feel Jessica’s eyes examining him from head to toe, thinking if he deserved any of her precious time. He probably didn’t but she was still there.
“So…” Jessica started.
“Uhm, hello.” He croaked. Great, first conversation in a long time and he sounded like a frog. “Hey, lo-long time.” He tried again. Now he was stuttering?
“I guess so. How long has it been?” she said dryly.
“Uh, a-about four years?” he was so nervous.
“Right. I guess I’ll see you around?” she asked, she seemed determined to end the conversation.
That’s all? “Uh, yeah sure. See you then,” he said coldly. He was pissed. She was so uninterested, unlike with Colton or Skylar.
“Okay.”
“Phillip! Jessica!” the press shouted, “how about a photo?”
Jessica smiled at them. “Um, I don’t think it’s –“
“Let’s do it! Come on for old times sake!” he said, winking at her. What did he have to lose? Getting nervous won’t help anyway, he’ll just try to act the same way he was before.
Jessica nodded and followed him to the backdrop.
The press was having a feast with this photo op. Surely they would try to revive the Idol rivalry again.
He wrapped his hand around her waist and he felt her stiffen. She used to be so relaxed when they did this. Times have really changed. But he was feeling so electrified! He missed their moments. He missed her.
After the pictorial, he ignored any feeling of nervousness or shame and just went with his gut. “I miss you, Jess,” he said.
Jessica stiffened again. Was she really that disgusted?
“I’m sure Phillip, I miss everyone too.” she replied.
She wasn’t getting it. “No, I miss you.” he said again, “You.”
Before she could respond, Colton and Skylar came running back to where they were. “How cute is this, huh?” Skylar asked, “The gang is back together! Baby girl you up for the reunion?”
“What reunion?” Jessica asked.
“We wanted to have a reunion, us Top 13 idols. American Idol 11. Come on, Jessie!” Colton said.
“I want to go but I’m not sure, my schedule has been hectic lately.”
He knew it. She was too big for them anyway.
“I have a tour comin’ up and this movie thing. I really want to guys. But I’m so sorry.” she said apologetically.
“We’ll work around your schedule then. Surely 2-3 days would be enough.” He said. Hopefully he didn’t sound too desperate.
“YEAH JESS! PRETTY PLEASE! Josh and Hollie can fly here from Britain and we’ll contact Elise and the others.” Skylar said.
“I guess I can do that. I’ll ask my schedule from my manager.” Jessica replied.
“I can contact Elise, we toured together last year. We pretty much still hang out. And Heejun, of course.” he added.
“Oh. I see.” Jessica said dryly, again. “Anyway, is it okay if we do it in my house in Miami? I still need to record some material. But if we do it there I’m sure we’d all have time to catch up. What do you say?”
“That’s perfect, Jess!” Colton said. “I’ll contact the others! Anyway, I have to go, my manager is waiting for me! I’ll keep in touch.”
“I gotta go too, loves. I have another place to be in.” Skylar said and waved goodbye.
“Wait! I have a new number, guys!” Jess shouted. They didn’t hear her anymore.
They were left alone again. “Well, you can, uh, probably give it to me?” he said shyly. He felt like a teenage boy asking for his crush’s number. “I never got your number before.”
“You’re right, you never did ask for my number.”
He was so dumb.
Jessica pulled out a calling card from her purse. “You got a pen?” she asked. He automatically gave her his. She wrote down her number on the other side of the card and gave it to him. “Call me. I mean, you know, about the reunion.”
He was feeling weird. He was feeling giddy all over. His head was exploding. “Jess.”
“I have to go. I’ll see you soon.” Jess replied.
“Wait, Jess!” he reached for her hand. WOW. She had the softest hands, exactly like the way he held them the last time. But they were cold.
“I’m sorry Phillip, I really need to go.” she let go of his hand and immediately walked away.
He watched her disappear in the crowd. Somehow, he felt content because he got to talk to her… and he finally got her number. While holding the piece of paper, he allowed himself to get lots in his thoughts once again.