"Mike, she's gone" I hear Gina say, but he isn't giving up, he sprints towards the minibus, should I go with him? Do I even need to ask?
"I'll come with you" I offer
"I think you've done enough already" he mutters
He's right...I scared her, I revealed it. I'm such a hypocrite, I wanted nobody to know about me. And Tracy, well...she didn't either
"It wasn't your fault" Lily whispers, giving me a hug and letting me cry, but the guilt is engulfing me.
"No. It really is my fault Lil, I'm just useless" I whisper shamefully as I run back into the house
MIKES POV - ONE WEEK LATER
Another day of silence. No singing along the hallways, no "Sorry im late!"
She left, and I haven't heard from her since.
And I'm telling you now, I can't take much more of this. Tracys been self harming. That's all I've been able to think about all week.
And I honestly can't believe it. I have to repeat it several times just to get the words to stick! How can she? Why would she? I need to know. She isn't safe alone. I let opal slip through my fingers, Tracy is like a daughter to me. I can't let the same happen to her.
I've had enough of sitting like a statue, so I grab my coat and run down the stairs
"Where ya going man!" Gina shouts
I don't bother to respond. She knows, and it'll only unsettle the kids.
I decide to just take a quick drive round the block to see if I can see her, when I see her, atleast it looks like her?
"Tracy!"
She looks back at me fearfully, shaking at just hearing my name. "Mike just give up on me" She shouts back
I race after her and go to the front of her, looking into her eyes. "Never"
She finally stops running and collapses into my arms in tears. Her clothes are torn, her face stained with tears, and her arms are bleeding heavily. She's self harmed again.
"It's alright shh I'm here for you, it's okay"
She shakes herself out of my grasp. "It's not okay though is it...I've let you down, just like I let everyone down. I'm no good to this world Mike, just let me go"
Fear races through me, my heart pumping faster than ever. "You're not going anywhere, you're stronger than suicide, and you know it" I remind her firmly
"I'm not, Mike! I can't do this anymore, I can't. I can't do this anymore!" she says, angrily thrusting my hands out of hers and going to walk away
"We can do this together. One step at a time."
She turns back round, as if she's been waiting to hear this forever. "Really?"
"Tracy, you are a huge part of my life. And I will help you through this no matter what it takes."
She looks up at me before running into my arms, I scoop her up and reassure her that she's safe, we don't care about the watchful eyes of strangers, it's just me and Tracy.
"Come on, let's go home" I say, offering my hand
"Home?" She asks
I don't answer, because she can't know we're going back to the house, I offer my hand again and she takes it uncertainly as we walk back to my car, we make our way back to ElmTree
The cars silent until I hear a faint whisper. "I can't do this"
"Yes, you can. I'm here Trace, you don't need to run anymore" I assure her as we pull-up outside, she looks at me worriedly, her eyes filed to the brim with a mixture of tears and fear.
"You're going to be okay, I promise" I say as I knock on the door, it opens and Gina greets us the way she usually does. But her irate tone shrinks slightly when she sees the state of Tracy.
"What happened?" She asks
"I think she just needs to be alone" I whisper, to which Gina nods and walks away
TRACYS POV
I shouldn't be here. I need to get out because mikes just gonna fuss over something that isn't a big deal. I don't need saving. I'm fine. I'm fine. Really.
I'm about to leave when I hear a skirt on the floorboards as I look round to see Opal, I shrink back in fear, clinging onto Mike
"Hey, it's just Opal"
"Oh my god...what on earth has happened to you!" She says worriedly as she runs over to me
I glance at her, before feeling tears fall down my cheeks. I feel so bad, but I just can't find words.
"I'm so sorry Tracy. I shouldn't have revealed your secret like that" she says
I stay silent, I feel guilty enough.
"Opal, Tracys a little tired so she's gonna get some rest" Mike says, to which she just silently nods and plods away, her head down and the life sucked out of her, I'd give anything to run after her and tell her..well, everything. But it's too much.
I follow mike up to the staff bedroom and he starts removing sharp objects, which does annoy me, but I'm so tired that I just don't wanna stop him. And I know how precautious he is.
"Have a nice nap lovely" he says, planting a gentle kiss on my head before leaving the room with just about every sharp object known to man.
Once I know he's gone, I grab my pink kit, looking at the gleaming scissors that were staring me in the face.
I go out to the hallway and place them on Mikes bedside table, before getting the bandage out, wrapping it round tightly enough to keep the wounds sealed.
I distract myself by reading, and sure enough it does the trick, before I decide to get some sleep, placing my torn, dirty clothes in the corner, and getting into bed, within seconds I'm dozing off, thinking about...all sorts. A mediation of good and bad. But for the first night in months, I'm not thinking about those scissors, or even harming myself in general.
Baby steps, right?
THE NEXT MORNING
I've been lay awake since one in the morning. Trying and failing to get to sleep, I'm so, so exhausted. My wounds are aching like mad, today just isn't my day.
I reluctantly get up and dressed, immediately going to mikes bedside table, and to my surprise the scissors are still there, I'm guessing it was a test of trust. Feels great to have passed, maybe I can beat this
"Breakfast!!!"
I can't help but roll my eyes, does Gina have to shout that loud? Apparently so. I go downstairs but I don't want anything.
"Tracy? Aren't you going to have any breakfast?" Mike asks
I shake my head swiftly before leaving the room, and sure enough Mike stops me in the hallway. "Trace? Is everything alright?"
I just go for my usual nod. But this isn't convincing enough anymore.
I leave the room with no morewords spoken, I just need to get out of here when I can
I lie down and look up at the ceiling, wondering how on Earth I got into this mess, how could I go from who I used to be, to someone who cuts daily?
I head downstairs to escape my mind and sit down in the kitchen, looking at all the discarded dishes from breakfast, I decide to take my mind off things and gather them up, placing them in the washing bowl and running the water, it's not exactly my idea of fun but it takes my mind off everything easily enough
Just as I'm drying up the last of the plates, I can feel a presence behind me, so I instantly whip around to see Mike
"Hey, only me" he smiles comfortingly, somehow understanding my struggles
I give him a simple "Hey" as I start to put the washing up away, he leaves the room unnoticed and I turn round once I've finished to see my phone light up with a text from Mike
Hey, I didn't want to disturb you before, you looked relaxed despite the task being washing up, anyway, I've got something to talk to you about, I'll see you in the quiet room in ten?
I sit on the table and type out a reply
Yeah, kinda boring but it helps believe it or not, sure see you then :)
Once I'm done I make my way down the hall and open the quiet room door, Mike's sat on one of the couches giving me a welcoming smile
"Hey lovely, take a seat" he offers the one next to him and I decide to sit opposite instead, he's not bothered either way
"What's up?" He asks
"I shouldn't be here Mike"
A look of concern spreads over his face as he gives me a "I'm keeping it together for you" smile
He takes my hand and my sleeve rolls up, exposing my harm beneath, I yank it down quickly but I can see the tears well up in his eyes. "Oh Tracy, why would you do this?" He whispers
I look at him, and I only have to say one word. To sum up all of this.
"Opal"