[ 36. so sudden ]
T A E H Y U N G
i lied three more chapters jdksks
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"So you're saying my son can't play football because he's gay? Do you not understand how wrong that sounds?" Beomsoo leans forward in his seat, his lips tugging into a frown. Taehyung's sitting beside him, saying nothing as the coach eyes them both, not at all amused.
Taehyung had been kicked off the team by his own members. When he came back to the lockerroom today with Steven by his side, he didn't expect to see his locker broken open and his things destroyed all over the ground. Every single one of his belongings had been trashed, including his uniform and his gear, destroyed and stomped on.
At first, he kept his head held up high, knowing this is just his teammates acting upon immaturity and bitterness. However, something else had caught his eye on the floor— paper. And the moment he picked up the torn pieces off the ground, his heart fell.
His teammates had ripped apart the only picture of Jeongguk he has.
Taehyung can't stand this level of treatment anymore— it's stupid that he has to suffer for a reason that's this fucking ridiculous. So he went back home with his dad, told him everything, and Beomsoo had insisted to drive back to the school to demand a change.
That's where they are right now: sitting in the coach's office demanding things to change.
"So the reason why you're kicking him off is because he's gay?" Beomsoo spits out, raising an eyebrow at the coach in disbelief. "That sounds valid to you?"
"Nobody on the team is comfortable with your kid, sir. All the boys feel violated around a faggot like him," The coach shrugs, ignoring how Taehyung flinches in his seat at the word. His dad laughs, bitterness in his tone.
"Violated? Have you seen what they did to my son? They beat him up, nearly killing him and destroyed hundreds of dollars worth of football gear," His dad never raises his voice, but now he is. Taehyung hasn't seen this side of him before that it feels odd watching him stand up for him.
"My son does nothing, but you're just going to let this go because he's gay? That's your excuse?"
"We have no evidence," The coach snaps. Beomsoo inhales deeply, shaking his head. Taehyung reaches over and places a hand on his shoulder to calm him down, but his dad gently removes his hand off of him and pats his knee.
"No evidence? I'm a doctor, Coach, and I have his medical records. This is complete nonsense you're trying to keep this up for your players," Beomsoo says, gesturing at the coach angrily. "This is racism and a hate crime that we're talking about."
"Mr. Kim, you're accusing innocent young boys of things they aren't capable of doing. If you're so upset about this, then you shouldn't have had a faggot for a child," The coach folds his hands over his desk, giving them a false apologetic look.
It's obvious he doesn't care. Nobody does.
"His personal preferences are not an excuse to brutally beat up a kid and ruin his things," Beomsoo shouts, slamming his palm on the desk, making the coach flinch. "They're acting on a stigma that's been around for decades at the expense of my son's life."
"M'sorry sir, but we can't help you. What's done is done. Taehyung's off the team, his teammates are uncomfortable, and what happened is simply boys being boys," The coach says. Beomsoo shoots up to his feet, not done with their conversation just yet.
"This is ridiculous. You people are goddamn racist, homophobic idiots," He snaps, pointing a finger at the coach.
He pats Taehyung's shoulder, ordering him to get up. Beomsoo shakes his head, disgust all over his features as he takes Taehyung by the shoulder and walks out.
None of them speak for awhile, mostly because his dad's trying to calm himself down while Taehyung's still processing what had happened moments ago. They walk to his car and get in, neither one saying anything as they sit in complete silence.
After a bit, his dad runs a hand down his face, letting out a string of curses underneath his breath. He proceeds to start the engine, but he doesn't move. Instead, he turns to face Taehyung, frowning.
"I'm sorry kid," He says, sighing as he presses his fingers on the bridge of his nose. "They just don't want to understand. If I could sue them, I would, but they'd p-play that same bullshit—,"
"—Dad, you didn't have to do that for me," Taehyung whispers, interrupting him. Beomsoo frowns a little, the skin between his eyebrows creasing.
"What do you mean? I had to. You expect me to sit back again after I did that for years?" His dad cracks a small smile at him. Taehyung shrugs, finding himself smiling back at him. He reaches over and ruffles Taehyung's hair, chuckling deeply.
"It's just you and me now, Tae. I'm not gonna let you down anymore," Beomsoo pats his shoulder and turns back around to drive.
Taehyung leans back into his seat, still unable to grasp the fact his father supports him. To think that a couple of months ago his dad can barely look him in the eye, and now he's fighting his battles with him instead of against him. It's like they've picked off right where they had left off.
"So, I signed the papers with Rachel," His dad says, his voice attracting Taehyung's attention. "We're going to work it out soon, and she agreed it's best if you stay with me. Is that okay with you? I know I'm not the best dad ever, but I'll try harder to be no matter what you choose to do."
"Of course I want to stay with you," Taehyung chuckles, his eyebrows furrowing as he nudges his dad's side. "What kind of question is that?"
"Well, I don't know," Beomsoo laughs along with him, the big, rectangular smile he wears matching his son's. "I didn't think you'd forgive me."
"Really," Taehyung raises an eyebrow at him. His dad nods, tapping his fingers over the steering wheel. "Dad, you accepting me is enough."
"To me it's not. I'll make it up to you. When your boyfriend comes back from Nashville we'll all go meet up with Daniel and Grace in California during summer. I'm in need of one of those hollywood beach trips," He says, sounding genuinely excited to spend time with him. Taehyung is too, in fact, it's like he's reliving his childhood all over again.
"When is Jeongguk coming back?" His dad asks. At this, Taehyung gulps and shrugs, the atmosphere around them shifting.
"It's been a month already," Taehyung says, his voice softening. "I thought he would be back last week," He scratches the side of his neck, feeling a little uneasy.
"Has Jeongguk called you?" Taehyung shakes his head. There was this one odd time where someone called the house phone a couple weeks ago, but other than that, he hasn't heard from him.
"Well we shouldn't worry about him. His parents are really protective over that kid, so they probably got it all under control," Beomsoo says, patting Taehyung's hand. "You'll see your boyfriend soon."
"Hopefully," Taehyung whispers, swallowing the lump building in his throat.
He leans back in his seat, staring out the window as they drive by neighborhoods and the downtown area. His dad continues to talk about summer and how it would be nice to visit New York to see if Taehyung's grandma was doing better, but Taehyung doesn't listen half of the time. He's too preoccupied with something else.
In the back of his mind he can't help but still worry. Where is Jeongguk?
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J E O N G G U K
"Let's begin today with a special guest," Richards claps his hands together, signaling the start of the day with one of those tight-lipped smiles and overly enthusiastic voices to the group.
"Of all the men I've met in my lifetime, Jack Walter, right here, is the manliest man I know," He gestures forward an older man, though unlike Richards he's different. Everyone claps, and when Jeongguk glances over at Jin, he notices the boy rolling his eyes.
He's shorter than him yet buff, and his hair is cut short like everyone else. To Jeongguk, he looks like an ordinary man with tattoos and muscles, though he supposes this guy is an example of masculinity. Strong, tough, straight. That's their perfect idea of masculinity— not his. Honestly, he doesn't know his.
"It's indeed a miracle I'm here, standing before you under the name of God himself. I've been through every bad thing you can think up, if my name was on your genographs it would be filled," He laughs this throaty, raspy laugh that doesn't sound right to Jeongguk's ears. He guesses he was a smoker or something in the past.
"Anyways, we're not here to talk about me. We're here to deal with the same sex attraction all of ya'll are wrestling with," Walter says, gesturing at them with a brief wave of his hand.
"The key to masculinity is to exert it in our actions. Everybody, stand up," Jeongguk follows Jin and Will, keeping an eye on them as the entire group stands. Richards leads Jessica and another girl to watch in front of them.
"First of all, what do you think masculinity is?" Walter asks, crossing his arms over his chest. "Any answer will work," He adds, his lips pulling into a grin when nobody speaks.
Jeongguk and the rest of the male members glance at one another, neither one of them willing to raise their hand. Jin rolls his eyes and shoots his hand up when nobody else does. Walter calls on him, urging him to go.
"The characteristics that associates you with being a man," Walter opens his mouth to speak but Jin holds his hand up, stopping him. "I'm not done yet, sir." Walter nods stiffly, and beside Jin, Will is hiding a smile behind his hand.
"Masculinity differs between any person. You can be strong and tough, or emotional and soft. Doesn't matter as long as you feel masculine because it's a word meant to be defined by you," Jin forces out an innocent smile. Walter and Richards exchange looks, the duo clearly not appreciating his answer.
"Cute, but men don't act cute," Walter says, nearly snapping at Jin. Jin rolls his eyes, the smile we wears pressing into a tight line. Will accidentally snorts and tries to cover it up as a sneeze.
"Masculinity is not a flexible word, kid. Now, the key to masculinity is to project it in your actions. For example, your stance, how you sit, and how you speak. How you feel also adds to it. Your same sex attraction goes against that." Walter continues, keeping his eye on the two of them.
Jeongguk notices Jin mimicking Walter from the corner of his eye. Despite how shitty this place is, Jin still manages to make everything worth fighting through. Jin's like the light at the end of the darkest tunnel and the warmth that keeps you comfortable when things don't feel great.
He fights a smile on his lips as Walter directs them to stand straight and fix their posture. Slouched backs aren't masculine. Cowering shoulders are too feminine because they make them look small. He critiques all of their postures until he finds them masculine, or well, whatever that word means.
"Your shape also applies to how masculine you are," Walter says, his hands on his hips while he observes them one by one. "Triangles are the strongest shape there is. All ya'll put your hands on your hips like me."
"Triangle is the strongest shape my ass," Jeongguk hears Jin whisper. "Bitch the only thing a triangle can hold is ice cream. Like have you seen a circle? Those things hold up cars, Will. Fuckin' cars."
All of them put their hands on their hips, though that's what Jeongguk doesn't really like. He knows his waist is smaller than usual, and when he places his hands on his hips, he gulps, already feeling Walter's eyes particularly settling on him.
"Small waist, huh?" Walter walks over to him, giving him a lookover from head to toe. "Anybody told you that you got girly proportions Jeon?" He whispers, though Jeongguk knows everybody can hear him.
Walter pats his shoulder roughly and returns to his spot facing all of them. Jeongguk swallows, forcing his hands to stay still. He can still feel Walter's hand on his shoulder, crushing him, though he knows it's just his head playing games with him. Jeongguk forces himself to look straight ahead like the others.
"Consider your stance," Walter paces back and forth, his voice booming throughout the room. "Ask yourself, is this a masculine pose or a girly, feminine pose? If it isn't, fake it. Fake it 'till you make it and it'll become real."
"On second thought, hey Jessica, dear," Walter points at her. She walks towards him, her expression unreadable as she stops by his side. "I want you to rank these guys from least to most masculine in your opiniom."
All the boys stand still, not expecting that to happen. Jeongguk gulps, hoping Jessica won't put him last. None of them want to be last even though this entire exercise is stupid. It's ironic how it works, but each of them know well it's going to affect their time here.
Jessica walks up to them, eyeing them each carefully before pulling them by the arm to their spots. They all watch her as she orders them into line, following Walter's intructions with ease. Jeongguk holds his breath when she tugs his sleeve.
"This is your final choice?" Walter asks Jessica when she finally steps back. Jessica nods, and so, Walter claps his hands together to get their attention.
Jeongguk glances around to see that he's toward the end, and thankfully a boy much smaller than him is by his side. Will isn't a surprise being at the front of the line— he's tall, well-built, and looks like the typical jock from highschool. Jin's beside him, mostly because his shoulders are wide and he's quite intimidating.
"I do approve of your choices Jess, but none of them are masculine just yet, m'afraid. You're still working on eliminating that same sex attraction," Walter chuckles, patting Jessica's shoulder for her to sit down.
"Now, all of you. This is just the start," Walter crosses his arms over his chest, eyeing every single one of them. "I'd like to hear what you think of yourself through those moral inventories you've prepared."
Upon hearing moral inventory, Jeongguk instantly tenses on the spot. He drops his arms to his side like the others, but Walter's eyes are still on him. Moral inventories are meant to expose their inner, private thoughts to the group. Each one Jeongguk has heard so far has been graphic, detailed, and embarrassing.
Jeongguk is the last one to read his.
"So Jeongguk, would you come up and tell us about your moral inventory?" Walter asks, flashing him a smile that's obviously forced. Jeongguk swallows, turning to Jin and Will for help, but all of them know he can't escape this. It's impossible.
"C'mon kid, tell us. Tell us all your thoughts," All of them are staring at him now. Jeongguk's fingers curl into fists and having no other choice, he walks up.
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T A E H Y U N G
Taehyung's Dad has invited Grace and her dad to eat dinner with them since he's in town before taking Grace to California in a couple days for the summer. And apparently his dad and Grace's dad go way back to their elementary days when his dad first moved to America.
"I met Dan before Rachel in third grade," His dad had told him while making their dinner for tonight. "We lost touch before highschool since he moved here. Funny how small the world is, right? You can lose people you cared about for years yet still be able to find them if they're meant to be in your life."
When Dan and Grace finally come over, Grace and Taehyung watch their dads reconnect, the two of them acting like old buddies. It's not long until they're in the kitchen, drinking beer and catching up while Grace and Taehyung are in the living room, playing connect four.
"Pretty sure my dad is gay but he's too stressed out to acknowledge it," Grace says, dropping a yellow checker over Taehyung's red checker. Taehyung follows after, snorting as he takes a sip of his coke.
"Doesn't he have a girlfriend back in California?" Taehyung ask her, leaning against his couch as Grace wins the round for the sixth time in a row.
"No he doesn't. Says he dates around but they never last," Grace says before noticing that's she has won again, her eyes immediately splaying wide open.
She fist pumps the air, biting down on her lip as she pretends to box Taehyung's shoulder. Taehyung shakes his head, shoving her away from him, a wide smile on his face. Grace sticks her tongue out at him, to which Taehyung grabs a fistful of her hair and shoves it in her face.
"I hate you, you pinhead," Grace squeals, smacking his hand away from her. Both of them burst into laughter, continously pushing each other away from one another as their laughter fills the living room.
"I wish Jeongguk was here," Taehyung suddenly blurts out out of habit, their laughter immediately dying when he realizes what he has said. After a while, he inhales sharply, running his fingers through his hair, unsure what to say.
"He was supposed to be back last week, wasn't he?" Grace asks, her tone softening. Taehyung nods, remembering waiting all night for the light in Jeongguk's room to turn on. It never did.
"Maybe he's spending time with his parents in Nashville?" Grace tries to lighten up the mood, but the two of them know it's not that easy. Taehyung shrugs, tapping his coke on the table.
"Nope. His dad's been working with Steven's dad and his mom hasn't returned yet," Taehyung says, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice. He sets his drink on the table and lets a sigh, his shoulders slumping.
"It's only been a week, Tae. I don't see anything concerning about it," Grace says, placing her hand on his shoulder. Taehyung slowly turns his head to look at her, his bottom lip captured between his teeth as he meets her hopeful gaze.
"You think he'd call by now and tell me he's okay, but he hasn't," Taehyung murmurs, running a hand down his face. Grace doesn't say anything and drops her hand from his shoulder. "You okay there?" He asks, his eyebrows furrowing.
"Jeongguk's probably still overwhelmed," Grace whispers, pulling her knees close to her chest. "We can't blame him for ignoring us, you know. Poor guy suffered so much at once."
"I know that. I'm not dumb," Taehyung holds his head in his palms. "I just miss him. A lot," He whispers, his words muffled by his hands. Grace pats his back, leaning her head against his.
"You'll see him again soon," She says, throwing her arms around him, giving him a hug. "Like my dad said, people who love each other will always find their way back to one another," She chuckles.
"Dan should write a book," Taehyung rests his head against hers, ignoring how her wild curls tickle his cheek. "It should be about how much of a dumb bitch you are plus his dad quotes," He snickers, his lips pulling into a smile when Grace slaps his back.
"Grace, remember our rule: three inches no matter if the person has a vagina or a penis," Both of them pull apart when they see Dan and Beomsoo standing by the doorway, pretending to look disappointed at the two with beer cans in hand.
"Jeez Dad, that's gross. I expected better out of you," Grace pretends to gag as she gets to her feet. She offers an hand to Taehyung who takes it, but almost immediately he pushes her into the couch.
"See Beomsoo, having a gay kid is the best thing ever," Dan clinks his can against Taehyung's dad, a smile playling on his lips. Beomsoo snorts, elbowing his side, though none of them can miss the grin spreading on his face.
"Breaking news: two divorced men with gay kids are chatting over beer and obviously flirting. Doesn't this seem fishy to you Taehyung?" Grace pretends her hand is a mike as she holds her fist in front of Taehyung's mouth. He rolls his eyes and pushes her hand away.
"Breaking news: there's a dumbass in my living room. Stop being delusional and accept the fact our parents like girls," Taehyung grabs her off the couch and the two follow their dads into the kitchen for dinner.
"I'm kidding, jeez. But Dad, know if you do come out gay I'll support you with my whole heart, okay?" Grace drapes her arm over his shoulder when they all sit at the table. Dan rolls his eyes, struggling to keep himself from smiling as he pecks his daughter's forehead.
"Thanks nugget. Your support means alot to me," Dan says, his voice monotonous. Grace shoots up in her seat, her eyes just as wide as the grin that splays across her lips.
"Wait actually?" Dan shakes his head, everyone but Grace bursting into laughter. "Grace, I already told you. I only need you to be happy."
"Ew, can you guys not be all mushy gushy at the dinner table?" Taehyung sticks his tongue at Grace, mimicking her from early. She rolls her eyes at him, kicking his foot from beneath the table.
Before the four can dig in to the dinner Taehyung's dad prepared, the phone in the kitchen goes off. Beomsoo gets up without a word, his eyebrows furrowed as he reaches the telephone. The other three exchange confused looks, wondering what's going on.
"Is that Jeongguk?" Grace whispers, gesturing over at Taehyung's dad whose back is facing them. Taehyung shrugs, unsure.
Nobody says a thing as Beomsoo continues to speak in a hushed voice into the phone. Grace, Dan, and Taehyung expect it to be a short call like most of them are, but as Taehyung glances over at the clock every so often, he notices time's going by faster than he has expected.
"Hey dad, is everything alright?" Taehyung asks him, pushing his hands on the table to slide out of his chair noticing how his dad's shoulders begin to tremble.
His dad finally turns around, and when he finally gets a glimpse at his face, Taehyung's features drains of all color seeing his eyes are all red and watery.
"I'll tell him right now hyung," Beomsoo murmurs into the phone and hangs up. Taehyung instantly gets up and rushes over to his dad, placing his hands on his shoulder as he covers his face with his palms.
"Dad, is everything fine?" Taehyung asks, gently shaking him. Grace and Dan are turning around, both of them genuinely concerned to see the night shift this way.
His dad shakes his head, pulling off his glasses and swiping at his eyes with his wrist. He exhales, facing Taehyung with tears welling in his eyes. Taehyung's never seen him cry before except for the stories about his wedding where he cried the entire evening.
"Your grandmother in Korea," He says, the words that leave his lips are raspy and tight. Taehyung frowns. He's never seen his grandma his entire life. Hell, he's never been to Korea.
"My mom, she's falling ill, and your uncle called me to let me know."
"What are you guys gonna do?" Dan asks, his voice soft. He gets up along with Grace, the two of them standing behind Taehyung. Beomsoo shrugs, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.
"My older brother that lives in New Jersey is telling me he heard she just got diagnosed with this memory loss illness these doctors don't know a lot about," He says, running a hand down the side of his neck. "They say she has Alzheimer's."
"How bad is that?" Grace asks. Taehyung, on the other hand can't seem to speak. All of this is so sudden, so random, he swears this can't be true.
"Alzheimer's depends on the patient. It gets worse as times goes on, however, and that means she'll need all the help she can get since my sister there is getting old too," Beomsoo sighs, shaking his head. Taehyung's eyebrows furrow. He swallows, not sure what he means by that.
"So what are we going to do?" Taehyung speaks up, his voice small as the words seem to get stuck in his throat. Beomsoo shrugs, running a hand down his face.
"I think," Beomsoo whispers, "we're going to have to stay in Korea for awhile."
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just gonna leave you there (:
also question: what's your top three
favorite bts songs?? mine will forever
be fake love, heartbeat, & mikrokosmos 💛
love you guys! 💛💛