It's Monday and school feels like a raincloud pouring directly on my head. Yet, somehow, I find myself going out of the front door to walk there anyway. June is already on the pavement with his earphones in waiting for me.
"Morning," I say as I close the gate to my yard.
"What's up buttercup?" He pulls me in for a hug.
"Not much. Had to listen to my mother telling me a bunch of astrological nonsense about my star-sign or whatever again."
"I'd prefer that over screaming and being stabbed with crayons any day." I just laugh and he holds out an earbud to me.
We listen to his music in solitude. It's not really my taste. He listens to more rock and punk whereas I prefer quieter folk and indie songs. He always teases me about it saying I have terrible taste and that I don't even know a good song when I hear it. I think he is just hellbent on destroying his hearing before he turns thirty.
It starts to drizzle a little, which soon turns into fat globs of rain sliding in rivets down the sky. Our school is just over a fifteen-minute walk from our houses so we really only get driven if the weather is really bad.
Our footsteps fall into sync and I look down at the grey of the pavement, avoiding the cracks. It gives me something else to focus on besides the fact that he is walking so, so close to me.
My favourite song starts playing and I look up to see he's beaming at me. His smile reminds me of peaches and cream.
"Seemed like you were getting sick of my songs." He says in explanation.
By the time we get to school, both of us have gotten pretty wet. I really don't get why our parents won't just drive us. I look over at June and notice his curly hair has gone flat and is sticking to his forehead. It's kind of cute, but like, in a friendly way. I say goodbye to him and head over to my locker so I can pick up my biology book before class. We are working on a research program at the moment about the life cycle of an animal of our choice. I picked frogs. More specifically, the Hyalinobatrachium-Aureoguttatum (a.k.a the Atrato Glass Frog) which is a very rare breed.
Jade is already there when I arrive, leaning against the locker. She looks pretty bad-ass today, her fashion is pretty much opposite to mine. She's wearing fishnets and high-waisted denim shorts with a cropped black shirt and Doc Marten boots.
"Aren't you cold?" I ask her walking over. I have on jeans, a baggy jumper and a bomber jacket and I'm still freezing.
"Uh duh! But fashion over comfort, baby. You know me!" She smiles and gives me a hug. "You and June looked pretty cute over there by the way. Sharing his earphones."
"Don't be dumb," I tell her.
"I'm not! I know you guys are friends and all but you hang out so much and he's never had a girlfriend so just maybe he's crushing on you." She is so far off. Like if the sun was the truth, she would have fallen out of orbit a billion light-years ago.
"Dude, I've explained this to you a million times. We hang out all the time because we're best friends. That's it." She sighs and follows after me.
I drag her along with me to class and she sits beside me practically whining in my ear the whole time about how much she hates this project. She chose to research elephants which I thought was kinda boring. Another girl in our class was already doing that too.
"What are you two researching?" I hear someone say. I look up from my laptop to see Patty Waters leaning on the front of the desk and staring right into my eyes. I look away in annoyance. Patty is the biggest jerk at our school. He's on the football team and he's always hanging out with his stupid jock friends acting like an idiot. Not to mention all the horrible slurs and way in which they talk about the girls in this school. He's probably decided that I'm going to be his later conquest. But he's certainly read me wrong.
"How can I help you?" I smile sweetly, laying the sarcasm on thick. He smiles right back.
"I just wanted to chat. That okay?" he asks. I roll my eyes. There is no way that he just wants to chat. Patty Waters is always after something more. He runs a hand through his shoulder length brown hair and bites his lip. I sigh.
"Actually it's not," I say, pursing my lips.
"Suit yourself," he shrugs, swaggering off to his table. Jade and I share a look. I have no idea why Patty would ever even speak to me in the first place. I'd assumed he'd be much too 'cool' for that. Jade reaches into her bag and pulls something out. She slides the slip of paper into my hand and I flip it over. It's a bright pink invitation to a party at Samantha's tonight.
"How did you get this?" I ask. I never get invited to these kinds of parties.
"Connections," she says, and waggles her eyebrows at me. I stifle a laugh as to not get in trouble.
"Who throws a party on a Monday anyway?"
"I dunno, but I'm sure as hell going and so are you." She pushes me playfully and I groan. "Plus, then we can find you a cute boy to hook-up with." I don't know why people always assume that I want a boy to talk to or hook-up with. Just because someone is single doesn't mean that they automatically are looking for someone. I kind of like being single. If I dated someone then I wouldn't have any time to write poetry or do theatre or hang out with June. I don't need, or want a boyfriend and that suits me just fine.
I think.
She comes over to my house after school, a bag full of ridiculous dresses in tow.
"I'm still not on board with this," I say looking over my shoulder as I lead her up to my room.
"You will be," she smiles.
Getting ready for the party is actually pretty fun. Jade always gets so into it. She puts on music really loudly and starts dancing around the bathroom, grabbing my hands and making me join in. I laugh at her and she starts shouting the words.
"C' mon Lavender! Get into it girl!" She is jumping up and down while putting on her mascara. I honestly have no idea how she hasn't smudged it everywhere. I sit quietly up on the bathroom counter observing her antics. She has way too much energy.
She shoves one of her dresses into my hands and orders me to put it on. It's a black strapless dress with a flowy skirt and a ribbon around the centre. I try it on and do a little spin. It looks good but it's definitely too short for me. Jade whistles.
"There is no way I'm wearing this. It practically shows off half my ass!" I cry indignantly.
"You look so hot, please?" She begs. I mean, it is a party and I guess it's not that bad. I often see girls wearing skirts a lot shorter at parties like this. I always give in to her and she knows it.
"Okay fine, just this once," I say. Jade claps her hands. We both finish getting ready and I chuck on some black boots.
When I walk downstairs I find my dad making himself a cup of tea. He looks me up and down and shakes his head.
"Please tell me you're not actually planning to wear that out." My silent pleading look gives him the answer he was dreading, "Rachel?" He calls out and my mum pops her head into the kitchen.
"Look what your daughter is planning to wear out." He looks at her expectantly but she just smiles.
"Lavender, go have fun!" My dad stares at her his mouth open, "She's seventeen, Tim. She hardly goes out just leave it. Do you need a lift?" She asks, he shrugs and stirs his cup of tea.
"Whatever your mother says then."
"Thank you and yes please!" I say in the sweetest voice I can muster before flouncing out the door with Jade on my heels. My mum grabs her keys and heads out after us
As soon as we walk in there are people everywhere. The music is too loud and I already wish I hadn't agreed to come.
Jade is straight into her extraverted self and she disappears into the crowd giving hugs and talking to people I have never seen in my life. It's weird how some people are like that. It seems that they just draw everyone around them into their sphere.
She has so many friends and just about everyone knows her somehow. She's always been like that but it's what makes her so fun to be around. She's loud and doesn't care what anyone thinks about her. I wish I could be a bit more like that. Less self-conscious, more talkative. I have no idea how people like her get the courage to talk to strangers. Like how are you just supposed to go up to someone and start a conversation? It seems so awkward and that's not a situation I would ever want to put myself in. Hence the fact that my social circle is made up of literally two people that I've known for years.
I'm always too caught up in my own daydreams to pay enough attention to anyone else.
With no idea where she has gotten to, I walk over to the kitchen and pour myself a drink. There are so many bottles and I honestly don't know what any of it is. I pick one at random and pour it into a plastic cup. I take a sip. It's really strong and bitter, definitely not to my taste so I drench it in orange juice to make it more palatable.
"Here try this." Says someone taking my cup and replacing it with another one. I recognise the voice, it's Patty. I take the cup from him reluctantly and bring it to my lips. The vibrant taste surprises me. It's good, to my great annoyance.
"It's not bad," I say with a scowl and start to walk away. I can see him eyeing me up and down out of the corner of my eye. Suddenly Jade appears beside me.
"That guy was so checking you out."
"He was not!" I say.
"Um, yes he was." She laughs. I mean I could kind of tell he was, but I'm not admitting that to Jade. "C' mon. Let's dance." She says, bringing me over to the dance floor. I skull the rest of my drink on the way, putting the empty red cup on the mantle.
"You go, girl!" She laughs and starts dancing. I join in but to be honest I feel out of place. Dancing has never really been my thing, especially when a bunch of people I don't know are everywhere around me and in my space.
Whenever I go to parties like this I feel like I'm a jigsaw puzzle. One of those ones that looks like it's the right piece and you can just force it into joining. But once it's there, it's not quite right. There are those little gaps and a weird tension between the pieces and you have to pull it out and find the correct one. I'm that piece.
Eventually, I'm able to slip away as she gets distracted by other people again. I go outside and I'm grateful for the fresh air. It's freezing, I'm starting to really regret wearing such a little amount of clothing.
I see the Patty kid walking towards me again and I resist the urge to go lock myself in the bathroom.
"Hey," he says.
"Hi," I mumble looking away. Why has he not gotten the message that I don't want to talk to him? I see some people doing shots at a table nearby. I don't want to be here physically but if I can't leave I guess there is no harm in taking myself away mentally. He tries to say something else to me but I've already started walking away. I don't feel like socialising with anyone and there is no point in talking to boys. I've labelled myself as emotionally unavailable.
I've never been drunk before. I think I might be now and I already feel a deep sense of regret. I mean it's fun and I feel sublimely happy for no reason whatsoever but I also think I'm going to throw up.
I need to find Jade so I go back into the lounge room where I saw her last and I see she's dancing again. She grabs my hand and I give in. She starts talking but I'm not really paying attention. Whatever music they are playing is really good. I'm actually having fun for once. I lose myself in the rhythm and it feels like there is no gravity.
I'm an astronaut in space.
It's brilliant, that is until a wave of nausea passes over me. Suddenly, I don't feel all too great so I inch out of the crowd and slide onto a couch on the side of the room. There's a group of boys already there who are talking about video games or something.
I feel a bit light-headed, maybe I drank too much. Understatement. I definitely drank too much. I close my eyes, just for a second but then I feel someone grabbing my hands. I look up and see June. Since when was he here?
"June?" I ask. "Why are you here?" I can hardly get my words out and my brain feels foggy.
"I didn't trust Jade to take care of you. It looks like I was right." He pulls me up and I immediately fall into his arms. "Woah there, how much have you had to drink?" I shrug.
"I don't know. Vodka...Shots or something."
"Jeez, Lavender," he shakes his head and picks me up. "Let's get you home."
"I can walk you know, don't carry me like a princess!" I hit his arm. "And I don't wanna leave." He ignores me and takes me out to the front yard where he puts me down. I immediately feel a wave of nausea and I double over. I heave into a bush several times and then kneel on the ground to catch my breath. I wipe my mouth and look up at June.
"Okay." I can hardly keep my eyes open. "Take me home." He sighs and helps me up, I feel like a ragdoll. He brings me to his car and closes the door. The last thought I have before I promptly fall asleep is that this is going to be the one and only time I ever get drunk in my entire life.