HOLD YOUR BREATH AND COUNT TO FIVE.
"Wear something that let's them know you're the one in charge."
Raquel's words bounced around my mind as I sifted through the clothes I brought, now wishing I brought my entire closet.
I didn't have anything powerful looking - just skimpy clothes a rich girl would wear. My mom wore cocktail dresses and heels everywhere, but that wasn't my style. And my dad had it easy, only having to put a suit on, but I didn't own anything close to that.
I was full on panicking as I threw clothes every which way. I had already did my makeup, so I was trying not to cry it off, but I was reaching my limit. I hated everything. Nothing was good enough and I was going to walk into this very important meetings looking like a fool.
No one will take me serious.
"With this on they will."
My head snapped to the doorway to see Raquel leaning against the doorway, a shopping bag in hand.
"What is that?" I asked from my seat on the floor.
"Your outfit for today," he answered. "Figured you might have trouble finding something and brought it as a back up." He looked around. "By the looks of this room, I'm glad I did."
I stood from my spot and ran to him, engulfing him in a hug. "You're the best, oh my God!"
He laughed as I pulled away and handed the bag to me. I took it and set it on my bed, pulling out the articles of clothing inside. There was a crimson pair of pants with a matching jacket and a black blouse to go underneath. To match were a black pair of heels and some hoop earrings.
"Raquel, thank you," I looked to him. "You just saved my ass."
"Thank my wife," he said. "She's the one who picked out the outfit for you. Well, except the necklace."
"Necklace?" my eyebrows scrunched together as I look back into the bag, seeing something glimmering at the bottom. I pulled it out to reveal a silver necklace, a wolf pendant hanging at the end. "A wolf?"
"Don't ask me," he put his hands up. "I didn't buy it."
"If you didn't and your wife didn't who did?" I asked.
"Oscar."
"Oh," I breathed, looking back down at the wolf.
Why the hell would he buy me a wolf necklace? I would've expected a cross from him or something like that.
"You should get ready, the first of them will be arriving soon," Raquel informed me and I nodded.
"Okay."
He gave me a small smile and exited the room, closing the door behind him. I changed into the outfit quickly, admiring myself in the mirror. I looked so... official. Nothing like what I was used to wearing: booty shorts, crop tops and skimpy dresses. That part of me was still inside, but I liked how this new me looked.
As my black, wavy hair cascaded down my back, settling upon my shoulders and my long eyelashes blinked in the mirror, I couldn't help but admire myself. You know that moment in life where you can physically feel yourself growing up and transforming as a person?
As I watched my reflection, I could see it before my eyes.
I could also see the almost completely covered bags under my eyes and my brown eyes that were suddenly darker now. I wondered if growing up and transforming was as tiring and depressing for everyone as it was for me.
My mind went back to all the other times I looked in the mirror. When I was going out to a party back in Cuba, or even back in Freeridge when I'd go hang out with Cat. All the spinning and twirling and dancing I did as I got ready was nowhere to be found today.
All I did was stand and stare and try to get used to this new me.
"You look great."
I spun to see Oscar standing in the doorway now, a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt on.
"Red is a good color on you."
"Thanks... for the necklace."
"You're welcome," he nodded.
"Why a wolf?" I questioned.
"I was watching Animal Planet one day and this special on wolves came on. It said it symbolized strength, courage and self discovery," he explained. "It also said something about how they transform into humans on full moons, but I was really crossfaded when I was watching it, so I might have imagined that part."
A light laugh escaped my lips and Oscar chuckled. "Yeah, I think you definitely imagined that part," I said. "But I love it. Thank you."
"De nada."
I sighed and turned back to the mirror, looking at the sparkling necklace. Oscar appeared behind me and we both looked at each other through the mirror. I had to tear my eyes away from him as I focused on my outfit again.
It was quiet and then, "You're scared."
I took a breath. "I'm always scared these days."
I turned away from the mirror and pushed passed Oscar as I took a seat on the edge of my bed. His eyes followed me and watched as I sat there, looking at the ground covered in clothes.
"When I was little," I began. "Before my mom turned into a complete bitch, she was teaching me how to swim. We had just moved into my childhood home in Cuba and it had a giant pool in the backyard, so she wanted me to learn. But I didn't want to. I was scared of the water and drowning. I was scared of going under and never coming back up."
I paused, thinking back at the memory. I could picture little me in my pink, flowery swimming suit, standing at the edge of pool and looking down into the crystal blue, clear water.
Even at that age I wondered how something so calm and still could be so deadly.
Reminiscing I could remember the smell of the chlorine and how cold the water was when me and my mom tip-toed in together. I could feel her holding me up and trying to comfort me enough so I'd get enough courage to dip my head under.
"When I finally mustered up the courage to get in with her, she was holding me up and trying to tell me how it wasn't as scary as I thought it was," I continued, still looking at the messy floor. "'You have to learn, mija. So you can stay above the waves. So you can float instead of sink,'" I imitated her voice. "We spent an hour just standing in the same place as she tried to talk me into it. 'Go under, hold your breath and count to five and then come back up. That's all you have to do.' She tried so hard, but I just refused."
"Then another thirty minutes passed and she had had enough," I recalled. "So without warning, she gripped me tight and dunked me under. I instantly held my breath and counted to five and then she pulled me back up and I gasped in the air." I finally looked up at him. "My point is, yes I'm scared, but I have to go down and face them. I have to throw myself under, hold my breath and count to five and hope when I reemerge there's a fresh, rejuvenating breath of air waiting on me."
I sighed, standing up from the bed and began trying to quickly pick up around the room.
"And what if when you get to five and come up there's no air to breathe?" Oscar questioned, his eyes following me around the room as I straightened up. "What if you can't get back to the surface and there's only water and more water?"
I stopped my movements, a shirt resting in my hand as I connected eyes with him. A moment of silence and then, "Then I drown."
A knock on the door ripped Oscar and I's gazes from each other as we turned to see Raquel standing in the doorway.
"Sorry to interrupt but," he looked at me. "It's time. Everyone's downstairs and waiting on you."
I could instantly feel my heart rate speed up and sweat sweep from my skin. I took a deep, shaky breath and nodded. "Okay."
I dropped the shirt in my hand back on the floor and slowly walked to the door and passed Raquel. Oscar followed behind me, but Raquel stopped him. "Not you."
"What the fuck do you mean not me?" Oscar snapped, trying to push past, but Raquel wouldn't let him.
"This is for the top ten gangs and you're not in the top ten," Raquel explained. "Just because you two are together doesn't change the rules. You stay up here."
"I'm not fuc-"
"Oscar, it's okay," I assured him and he looked over at me. "I'll be okay. I have Raquel."
"No, I won't-"
"You don't have a choice," I said, sadly. I gave a small smile. "It's time to hold my breath." I looked to Raquel. "I'm ready."
He nodded and walked with me to the staircase, leaving Oscar behind. I took one last breath before descending down, Raquel right behind me. I straightened up and held my head high. Fake it until you make it.
As I walked in the circles of the staircase, the table came to view, but unlike yesterday it was completely full of people chattering among themselves - their faces instantly recognizable from the pictures.
I reached the bottom of the staircase and that's when some of them began to notice me. They tapped and nodded to alert the others and soon enough all ten pairs of eyes were watching me as I approached the front of the table.
"Hello," I awkwardly introduced, coming to a stop and taking my spot at the head of the table. "My name is Violetta which I'm sure you all knew but... yeah."
"You're so cute," Thalia gushed from next to me and I smiled at her.
"Cute doesn't get business done," Meira interjected from her seat a few away from mine.
"Don't be a bitch," Rakel commented.
Meira whipped her head towards her. "Or what? You're gonna get your lions to maul me?"
"Oh my," Selina sighed.
"Here we go again," Matias stated.
"No, ladies!" I inserted myself. "We don't have time to argue. We have a lot to get done and limited time."
"Fine," Meira succeeded, putting her attention back on me. "What's the first order of business?"
"Well," I paused looking to Raquel who was standing off to the side. He gave me a supportive nod and I gulped, turning back to the group. "I heard many of you aren't pleased with my decision to take Cain's men under my control. And I thought I'd let them plead their case to you. Thomas, go ahead."
"Thank you," Thomas said, turning to the side of the table filled with my Dad's men. "I just want you all to know that Violetta did us a giant favor by taking us in and we're immensely grateful to her for it. She didn't have to do what she did, but she extended her hand out to strangers-"
"Yeah, like an idiot," Meira interrupted him.
"Watch your words Abaddon," Raquel threatened.
"I mean come on," she continued, ignoring Raquel. "Only a fool takes in people who have tried to kill her."
"We didn't try to kill her," Harlow defended.
"But you took orders from the man who did," Matias pointed out from his seat next to Meira. "It's all the same, sweetheart."
"You're outsiders," Rakel bit out, venomously.
"We all were outsiders once," Thalia commented. "We all were outsiders looking for a way in and Victor gave us that chance and now Violetta is giving them theirs."
"No one cares what you have to say," Meira shot back. "It was a bad decision and I say kick their asses out right now."
"I'll be honest, I don't know how my dad ran things, but I'm in charge now and I took Cain's men in because I wanted to give them a chance. Plus, two is stronger than one."
"Not when number two is plotting number one's demise," she stated and I fiddled my hands in front of me nervously.
"I-I know it's hard accepting change," I stuttered. I could feel myself begin to sweat. "But it's important to understand how we could all benefit from this."
"How the hell do we benefit from letting enemies under our roofs and inside our walls?" Meira shot back.
"Cain's gone," I said. "And I've taken in his people-"
"Again, like an idiot," Meira repeated, shaking her head.
"Abaddon," Raquel warned once again.
"B-But with them comes all of Cain's territory!" I added, quickly. "And his money. And his men! Men are strength. Men are power."
"Men that are not to be trusted are weaknesses," Matias spoke, looking over at me. "They're dangerous. They turn against you, take all of your people, all you've worked for. They kill you."
"That's not what this is," I shook my head, pleading with my eyes for them to understand.
They didn't.
"It's not?" Meira laughed. "What do you call what happened that night in Freeridge then?"
My body went cold and I stood tall as I looked at her. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying how are we even supposed to trust someone who went against her own parents?"
"Selina went against her father," I pointed out, trying to defend myself.
"And she's also on your side right now, so that's to be expected," Meira said.
"What about Rakel? She went against her own sister."
"Maria didn't give me food and shelter and hundred thousand dollar clothes my entire life," Rakel shrugged.
I wanted so badly to say that wasn't enough. That that was all they gave me. That there was no love or no patience. No empathy and no tenderness. But I knew they wouldn't understand. I would just sound like the spoiled and unthankful rich girl. That's all I was to everybody. Nobody ever saw any different.
Not my parents, not strangers, not even gang leaders.
The only ones who understood were the people in Freeridge. But half of them hated me now.
"I'm sorry I'm not my father," I apologized, trying not to cry. "I'm sorry Raquel stood up for me that night. And you guys may think that I am untrustworthy. I get it. But what would make me look even worse is if I went back on my word and kicked the people I've already promised my guardianship over out on the streets. I won't be that treacherous. They're in and I kind of anticipated you all not getting along, so I came up with an idea that would give you all the space to bond."
"Which is?" Selina asked.
"A party," I smiled, defeatedly. "Well, more like a ball. A month from now. All the leaders and a few of their top members can come. I'm gonna rent out a space in New York."
They all began whispering among themselves. "It's super formal as most places in New York are, so dress your best. Suits, gowns, makeup, the whole nine."
"Will he be there?" Meira asked, looking across the warehouse.
I followed her eye line to the staircase to see Oscar standing at the bottom, silently watching the scene unfold.
"What the hell are you doing down here?" I fumed. "You're supposed to be upstairs."
"I got bored," he shrugged, making his way over to me, walking past the table as he did so.
As he walked, Meira's eyes never left him.
He paid her no mind though as he grabbed one of the chairs and pulled it over to sit next to where I was standing.
"You can't be here," I said, glaring at him. "This is a classified meeting for the top ten only."
"As number one for years running now," Meira slightly gloated. "I promise you we don't mind." She was batting her eyes at him and I think she was close to physically drooling as she stared at him.
She extended her manicured out, the top of her hand showing. "Abaddon. And what do they call you?"
Oscar eyed her hand, uninterested as he grumbled out his answer. "Spooky."
She reluctantly took her hand back and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear instead.
"So you're the one whose name made it across the nation," Thomas recognized. "I got to say, I'm impressed."
"Am I missing something?" Mai spoke up. "Who's Spooky?"
"Leader of Los Santos in Freeridge, California," Dominic filled her in from the seat next to her. "Also known as our gracious leader's boyfriend."
"Oh," she breathed, her mouth in an 'o' shape.
"Anyways!" I interjected. "Our last topic," I paused, looking over at Raquel. "What's our last topic point again?"
"Contact," he answered.
"Oh, right," I nodded, turning back to the table. "If you need me, Raquel has all your numbers saved. Call him and he'll inform me on whatever is going on. Relay that to all the other leaders, too."
"Violetta," Selina sounded and I looked to her.
"Yes?"
"I have a favor to ask," she stated.
"Uh, yeah, go ahead."
"One of my girls needs protection," she said. "Her husband got in some real nasty stuff and got killed a month ago. The ones who killed him will come after her soon and she has a newborn baby she needs to protect. She can't stay where she is."
It was then it hit me. This was exactly why Raquel saw me fit to lead. Because I had the heart for it. I needed both control and empathy to be a good leader. I I was still working on the control part, but I already had empathy. That I didn't have to struggle to obtain.
"She's more than welcome to stay here until she feels safe going back," I offered. "It's guarded twenty four-seven. She and her little one will be safe here."
"Gracias, Reina," she smiled.
"She's gonna stay in a warehouse for months?" Eleanor questioned.
"We have rooms upstairs for these kinds of situations," I informed her.
"No offense, Reina, but no one should be forced to live in a warehouse," Eleanor argued. "She should come stay at Paraíso."
"What's that?" I asked, confused.
"It's our own safe house," she told me. "Well, more like a mansion. Three floors, three wings, more rooms and bathrooms than you could ever count. A pool, movie theater and spa. We have more than enough room. She should come stay somewhere where her and her baby are comfortable."
"Okay well, if she's comfortable with it she can move in there," I said to Selina. "And for the rest of you, if anyone else is needing a safe house you can move them in, too. Any, um, other grievances anyone would like to express?"
All of them shook their heads, even though I could tell they wanted to. I suppose it was a problem for another day.
"Okay," I breathed. "Well, meeting adjourned."
They all snickered and got up from their seats. They filed out of the door and I heard their rides drive off. It was until then I could feel my breath release. I gripped onto the ends of the table and put my head down as I released my breath.
"It could have been worse," Raquel said, walking up to me.
"I don't see how," I snapped, looking up at him. "They hate me. They don't respect me. They think I'm a snake for going against my parents. I wouldn't be surprised if they're all planning coups in their heads right now."
"Viol-" Raquel tried to speak again, but I kept going.
"I shouldn't have done this," I shook my head. I turned to Oscar who was looking at me sadly. "You were right. I'm sure you're happy."
"You think you not being able to control your people makes me happy?" he questioned, offended.
"I don't know," I shrugged. "I don't know anything anymore," I turned to Raquel, "You should have just stayed quiet that night. Why did you do this to me?"
"Because I knew you were capable," he answered. "Because I knew you deserved it."
"No," I shook my head, the tears streaming down my face now. "I don't."
I pushed past him and ran back upstairs. They didn't try to stop me as I locked myself in my room to pity myself.
I hated Raquel for doing this to me. For putting this pressure onto me. I didn't want it. I didn't want to be their leader. All I wanted was Oscar. All I wanted was the family I had made in Freeridge.
Now, I had thousands of gang members who hated me and my family was nowhere to be found.
†††
Later that night, I was sitting in my temporary room sulking at myself. Raquel had retired to his room after trying to make me feel better about the disaster for an hour straight. And Oscar was across the hall doing God knows what. The last I heard of him was his voice through the walls as he was one the phone. I was pretty sure he was talking to Sad Eyes and from what I could tell it was about one of the trap houses.
I was almost positive Oscar wasn't even going to try and update me on the situation. He didn't like answering me. It made him feel weird and I couldn't even be mad at him about it. It made me feel weird, too. That wasn't how our relationship worked.
So, imagine my surprise when there was a knock on my door and he stepped inside the room.
"Hola," he greeted, closing the door behind him and standing in his spot.
"Buenas," I gave a small smile, sitting up in my bed. "What's up?"
"Sad Eyes called earlier," he relayed. "Said some of the girls working at the trap house on fifteenth and Jacksons saw some Prophet cars drive by with eyes on the place."
"You think they're going to do something to break the truce?" I asked, concerned.
My mind flashed back to the nights after the quince. The endless gun shots echoing in the nights, the bodies on the pavement, the blood everywhere and the countless memorials that went up everyday. The staying locked in the house, not knowing if Oscar would come back. I started shaking thinking about it.
If this truce ended, I wouldn't have a fucking clue on what to do. I couldn't return to those times. I wasn't strong enough to handle it. I didn't want anyone else to die. I understood I was in the wrong business for the wishes I had, but then again I was put into this role. I could laugh at myself really.
A gang lord who hated seeing people die.
The irony was a joke.
"I don't know," Oscar shrugged. "They have before. They ain't do nothing so far, but everyone's sitting and ready if they do decide to pop off."
I nodded, silently. I didn't know what else to say because the air was awkward again. I began pulling my split ends apart, Oscar just standing and watching.
There was a long silence before, "I'm worried about you, Letty."
I looked up at him, a small smirk on my face. "Letty? I thought you despised that nickname."
He gave me a small smile. "It's growing on me."
"Por que?"
The smile slipped from his face. His brown eyes glistening with a certain sadness I couldn't place. "You don't smile anymore." My face fell straight and I slouched, not wanting to participate in this conversation anymore. "It scares me."
"I don't want to do this right now."
"I do."
"I don't want to argue, Oscar," I sighed, meeting his eyes again. "I see a lot of arguing in my future and I want you to be apart of that."
"I'm not arguing with you. I'm just saying that you need to talk to somebody."
"Like who?" I snapped. "A therapist?"
"No-"
"Cat?" I snorted. "The girl wants me dead."
"She doesn't want you dead-"
"You haven't seen the way she looks at me these days. Like I'm the one who shot her mom," I pointed at myself. "I can't talk to her, I can't talk to a therapist, I can't talk to you."
"Why not?" he asked getting angrier.
"Oscar, you ignored me for days because I made a choice you didn't agree with!" I shrieked, my face becoming hot. "How the hell am I supposed to rely on your shoulder to cry on when one day you talk to me and give me necklaces and the next you look past me like I'm not there."
"I told you, that's done," he stressed, walking closer. "I'm with you now, Violetta. I mean that. I'm not leaving you on your own to deal with the people I saw sitting at that table today. I won't let them tear you apart. I'm next to you from here on out."
His words caused a few tears to slip from eyes and I quickly wiped them away. I didn't reply. I didn't tell him how much that meant to me. And he didn't need me to as he stalked to the side of the bed and sat next to me. I leaned my head onto his large shoulder and let the tears fall, soaking his shirt as he just soothingly stroked my hair and told me it was going to be okay.
Oscar truly was the only thing I had left in this world. Cat was done with me, my parents were God knows where (not that I had them much in the first place), Cesar was sleeping on the streets and the kids altogether were dealing with their own demons as the Santos were too busy trying to defend themselves from another war.
I had Raquel, but only half-so. He had his own family to worry about.
The only person I had completely was Oscar and I couldn't risk losing him, too. I don't know after recently what would be worse enough to push him away, but I had to make sure I never found out.
If Oscar left me, that would be the end of everything.
∭
okay, sorry for taking such a long time to update but i actually haaaate this chapter
i dont know what it is about it, but i've rewritten it from scratch three times and i still can't seem to like it but it's been so long and i needed to update this story for you guys. maybe when my brain comes up with something decent i'll rewrite again, but honestly i think this is the best its gonna get so hopefully u guys don't hate it too much
what do u guys think of the top ten?
raise your hand if u love meira but also hate her!
there will be more personal scenes with the leaders to come so u can get a better sense of who they are and all that. this was kind of just a first impressions so don't worry, you'll be seeing a lot more of them from here on out.
now lets all pray to the writing gods that the next chapter doesnt suck ass