~
This chapter will contain an attempted sexual assault that might and will be triggering to some readers. It is on one paragraph and ends as soon as it starts, so this is a heads up to be mentally and emotionally ready. If not, there will, just as always, be two rows of •~• marking the start and ending of the scene.
xx Michelle
~
I shut my eyes tightly and try holding back my sobs, scratching my hand with my nails really harshly and hoping I'll wake up and realize this is a terrible nightmare. "He's... he's the one doing this to you....?"
"I'm sorry," I whine.
"He's doing this? He's the reason you moved from Minneapolis? Why you didn't want his blood, your behavior at the party, how bad you reacted when you found out he's my.... he...."
"I'm sorry."
"No!"
His words aren't just as silent, he screams those two letters out. He stands up quickly and looks down at me. "No! How can he do this?! How can he do this to you? How...."
I hear my door open and see the silhouettes of the other boys, knowing they're all wondering what's going on.
"What's going on?" Parker asks, but I ignore him. "Landon? What the fuck is wrong with you?"
He's hyperventilating, his hands in his hair as he walks around in my room.
"How the fuck can he do this?!"
I stand up and try to ignore Isaac's attempt of talking to me.
"What going on?" Thomas asks.
"Landon," Dylan calls for him, grabbing his face in his hands. "Calm down bro, whatever the fuck it is we'll solve it, calm down."
Dylan seems to calm him down, because the pace of his breathing starts coming down.
He walks over to my wall and rests his head against it, and I take some cautious step towards him. None of the boys are moving, they just watch the movie they're a part of and try connecting the dots as well.
I wipe my tears and put my hand on his shoulder from behind him.
"Landon I'm so sorry, I didn't wanna tell you, I didn't wanna hurt anyone."
He turns around. His eyes are puffy and red, dead, almost. As if all life and energy has been sucked out of his body.
"You're sorry?" he asks. "You're sorry, Hayden? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't realize, I'm so sorry Hayden."
Without a warning he throws one arm around my shoulders and the other one around my waist. I feel his tears on my skin, and I wanna say Noah's never gonna hurt me again, but I don't know. I don't know whether to be terrified or relieved, I just know that which one it'll even turn out to be, there isn't any in between. All in or nothing. "I promise we're gonna solve this, I promise it's over."
"Let her go for a fucking second," Isaac exclaims and rips us apart. "What the fuck is going on? Why did he scream like that?"
"Isaac," Dylan warns. "We'll take it tomorrow, go."
"Oh my fucking goodness, you've got their backs now? After what happened? Have you already forgotten how you stormed out and wrecked your car? Forgiven forgotten? What the fuck is wrong with you all?"
"Isaac," Parker warns him, sterner than Dylan.
He was in an accident? Why didn't anyone tell me?
"You were in an accident?" I ask Dylan.
"Oh now you care?" Isaac growls. "Now it's important? We didn't tell Miss Hayden so she wouldn't get worried, when she clearly doesn't give a fuck about anything anyways."
"Isaac!" Dylan exclaims. "Cut it. Get out."
"Go fuck yourselves, I'm done."
He storms out of my room and I just remain looking at the ground.
"Don't care about him okay?"
I don't look up. I've never seen Isaac that mad. I knew he was aggressive, but I didn't know he could hit that level of fury.
"Let's go," Parker says, waiting for the boys to leave. "Come on."
When Thomas and Dylan leave he follows them. He wasn't even expecting Landon to come with them.
"How can he do this to you?" he asks, his voice really low.
My tears continue spilling as he approaches me. He grabs my face and forces me to look at him, and he must notice how I flinch, giving his next words. "I know he's my cousin, I know you don't feel safe with me Hayden, but I swear to that God above I'm not gonna hurt you. I swear to everyone I love, I'm not letting anyone hurt you."
He strokes my cheek then and pulls me into a hug, resting my head against his chest. When he lets go he wipes his tears a bit. "And don't worry about Isaac or Dylan, they're fine. Isaac's just frustrated, he'll get over it by tomorrow. Try getting some sleep okay? We really need a talk tomorrow."
"You're going to sleep too, right?" I ask, begging for a yes.
"Why?"
"Please don't go after this, let it go, I don't want someone to get hurt. Dylan's accident and the boys hating me is enough."
"They don't hate you, they're just confused and worried. We'll solve this tomorrow. Come on."
He turns me around and gently pushes me towards my bed, removing the sheets and sitting me down.
I look down. I don't know why I suddenly get really uncomfortable. "Hayden..."
He gets down on a knee and grabs my hand. "Don't be scared of me. I'll see you tomorrow."
•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
I haven't slept anything tonight, even though I took three sleeping pills.
At eight I get up and take on my clothes, brush my hair and walk down, seeing Thomas drinking some coffee.
"Hey," he says when he sees me, but he's not as usual. I can't blame him either.
"Hi," I say. "I'm really sorry."
He shakes his head.
"Don't apologize Hayden. Nothing changes anyway."
I wanna say a "but", but I stop myself before I can even think about it.
"What are your plans today?" Landon's voice is heard from behind me.
"I'm going out."
"Cancel it."
"Why would I?"
"This is important Thomas, cancel your date with Iona."
Thomas doesn't argue with him. He just leaves.
When the doorbell rings I volunteer to open it, and when I do, I see a messed up Isaac standing in front of me, head down.
"Isaac-," I try.
"Don't talk to me," he interrupts. "I don't wanna say something I'll regret later, so leave me alone."
He's about to walk inside when someone else walks up to the door.
"Hayden?" he asks, and when I look, I see a smiling Tanner.
Without a word to Tanner, Isaac walks inside.
"Tanner, hey," I say.
I see his parents show up behind him, both with a hand on his shoulders, smiling at me sadly. "Hi."
"So it's Hayden," his mum says. "Not Jackie."
"I'm sorry."
"No, we're sorry," his dad says. "We can't ever repay what you did, we can just tell you we're eternally grateful. Tanner wanted to see you, so we talked to the hospital and convinced them to give us your information."
"I did what I thought was right, I'm sorry I caused a scene."
"No dear, don't worry," his mum assures me.
"I wanted to tell you something," Tanner says.
"We'll wait in the car," his mum says before she and his dad disappear.
I smile at him.
"Go on," I say.
"You were right," he tells me. "I would probably ruin my life if it'd go on like that, thank you."
"Tanner I didn't do anything, I just wanted to help."
"You did. We sued her."
"Really? That's great."
He just smiles a bit. He hesitantly takes a step forward, and then hugs my waist. He's not much shorter than me. I wanna say I get a bit uncomfortable, but it's a fifteen year old boy who's been in my position.
When he lets go he looks kinda concerned.
"Hayden.... we sued her for what she did... aren't you gonna sue him for what he's doing?"
"Tanner-"
"What?" a voice growls from behind me. I turn around and see Isaac storm over to us, out from the kitchen. "What the fuck did you just say?"
"What are you doing?" I ask him.
"I was making sure they wouldn't scream at you again. What did he say?"
I'm dead.
"I....," Tanner tries, just as terrified as me to see Isaac like this. If not even more.
"Tanner I'm sorry," I say, just wanting to get rid off him now. "I'm glad you came over to tell me, but you'd better leave now."
He doesn't say anything, he escapes and I close the door, mentally preparing myself for Isaac.
"What's going on?" Parker asks with an exhausted tone in his voice.
I understand him. After all the fights that I've created he should kick me out, not just ignore me.
"Sue him?!" Isaac screams. "Sue him?Just like he sued her for raping him?"
"Isaac, it's not what you think," I try.
"Then what the fuck is it?! Is it other than that someone's raping you?"
"What?" Parker exclaims, and all the boys are down a second later.
"You cared so much when we were in the hospital because you knew what was going on with him. Every time we touched you, every time you came home like that, that's because you're being raped?"
I don't say anything more. I just look at the wooden floor, spilling tears and hoping I'll on some magical way disappear. "Answer me!"
"Isaac calm down!" Landon screams.
He walks over to me and puts a string of hair behind my ear. "Look at me." I look at him and he grabs my hand. "Tell them. They deserve to know."
I look back down. He's right. They deserve an explanation.
"Give me a fucking answer Hayden!" Isaac screams.
"Isaac shut up," Parker warns him, his voice being just as loud. "Shut up a fucking second."
"I....," I start, blank.
"Sit down," Landon demands. "Just get inside and sit down."
Dylan pushes Isaac towards the couches, and I remain in my spot with my hand in Landon's.
"Come on," he says, pulling me with him.
I'm now standing in front of them, Landon beside me, and I'm burning under the lasers that are their eyes.
"Can you pull the curtains down?" I ask, scared they're gonna be here this time as well and see me tell the boys.
Landon nods and walks over to the windows, releasing all the curtains from their knots and letting them meet with their twin at the middle of the window, and then he comes back to me.
"I.....," I start, not knowing what more to say. I'm fighting against tears, and I'm losing. "He's right.... I.... I'm sorry...."
"That's it?" Thomas asks. "He's right? That's what you have to say?"
"I'm sorry."
"Stop fucking apologizing!" Isaac screams, tears wetting his face. "Tell us what the fuck is going on, from the whole fucking beginning."
"What?" I ask, not able to stop my tears now. "What am I supposed to tell you? That I quit my job because he found me? That I couldn't stand your touch? That I tried to kill myself so I wouldn't need to bear it anymore? That I lied to you for four months? What do you wanna hear?"
I swallow times over and I'm fidgeting in hope this is gonna get easier. It doesn't. They all are in tears now, trying to connect it all, and I'm standing in front of them, trying to not let my heart jump out of my chest. "I didn't come here to get you involved, I didn't wanna hurt you, and if it'd be up to me, you still wouldn't know. I'm sorry for every problem I've caused you, I really am, and Parker I know you can't stand me here anymore, so I'm just gonna leave okay? Keep this month's rent."
"Who told you to leave?" Parker asks. "Who told you I can't stand you? This isn't your fault. Tell us who it is."
I keep crying, my gaze on the floor again.
"I....."
"It's," Landon starts, swallowing. I know it's hard for him.
"Landon don't."
"I'm sorry. It's Noah."
He spits his answer out so he doesn't have to think whether to tell or not.
I get him. Even though he hates him, you never wanna tell someone your cousin is a rapist.
The second his name leaves Landon's mouth, Dylan's halfway to the door.
"Dylan!" I exclaim and run after him. He gets inside Isaac's car, and I jump in front of it. "Dylan no, please don't."
He gets out of the car, his eyes bleeding with tears.
"He's....," he says. "To you? It's not fair, and the motherfucker is gonna pay for it."
"Dylan he's not worth it, don't."
"He's not, he's not worth anything, but you are, and Landon definitely is."
Landon? What's this got to do with him? "Get out of my way Hayden, you can't stop me."
He tries shoving me inside the door, but just when he turns around to walk back to the car, I storm over to him again. This time I don't try reasoning with him, I just get in his way and tightly hug his waist. He stops moving. He stays where he is and I stay where I am.
"Dylan," someone says from inside the house. Landon. "There's more to it."
Dylan let's out a laugh.
"Of course it is. As long as he's in the picture we're never really finished, are we?"
He then suddenly makes me release my grip around him and turns around. "You know I didn't mean it like that."
"It's fine," Landon tells him. "It's true. As long as he's in the picture he's gonna cause trouble, which he's done. I'm the reason you even know who he is."
"Stop your bullshit," Parker tells him. "Don't continue that sentence if you want to be able to walk. Get inside. All of you."
Everyone do as they're told, and this time we're all standing in the hall. "None of you are leaving this house, not you," he looks at me, "and not you," he looks at Landon. "Get your crap together."
"There's more to it," Landon says again.
"What?" Thomas asks.
"It started in Minneapolis. That's why she came here."
They're all silent for a while.
"For how long?" Isaac asks, his voice cracked.
"A year," I whisper.
"A year? You've been going through this hell for a year?"
"Stop blaming her," Parker says, and I've got to say he's the only one who's emotionally stable right now. "Hayden.... you've got to do something about this, this can't go on."
"His dad's almost the governor, what am I supposed to do?" I cry.
"We can end this, but you can't be scared of him if we're gonna do that. Hayden we can help you through this, but you've got to want our help. Do you want it?"
"I don't wanna get you hurt."
"This is what hurts us, he can't do anything. Don't be scared of him."
I look at Landon and see him looking down at the floor. Something's wrong with him. "Are you gonna let us help you?"
I look down. What am I gonna say? Yes? Am I gonna sign their death paper by my own?
"Hayden," Dylan's voice calls for me. He puts his hands around my arms and I look at him. "You're gonna get our help whether you want it or not. The thing you can do, is to make it easier for us."
I look up at his teary eyes, and I nod. I wanna put an end to it, both my, and their suffering.
He hugs me tightly and I hug him back, feeling his tears on my shoulder. Can it finally be over this time?
•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
Just like every other weekend, this one's got a party as well, and Landon somehow convinced them to go.
I walk out of the kitchen and see him kneeled down beside the main door. I haven't been able to talk to him alone.
"Hi," I say, and he immediately gets up.
"Hey," he says, not looking at me.
"Thanks."
"For what?"
"For helping me. I really wouldn't be able to do anything if you wouldn't help me. You've done many things for me until now, and I won't be able to repay them, but I'm gonna try."
"You don't owe me anything Hayden, it's fine. Don't worry."
Why isn't he looking at me?
I walk over to him and hesitate when I see his posture change.
"Have I done anything?"
"No, nothing. My mind's just.... locked."
"But.... why aren't you..... looking at me?"
He looks up a second, but he's once more looking at the floor. "If you're... blaming yourself-"
"No, I'm not."
"Are you sure?"
He's hiding something. I know a lie when I see it. If lies would be a language I'd be speaking it fluently by now.
"Yeah, I've just got some things on my mind."
"Landon....." I force myself to take his hand, intertwine my fingers with his, just like he's done every time I've been scared. "I don't believe you."
He lets out a laugh, and I let go of his hand and fold both my arms around his neck instead. He hugs me just as tight and I feel his breaths in my neck, probably reflecting my own as I inhale his scent.
What is going on with me? This isn't me, I'm not the girl to do this. I don't mean hugging him, I mean talking like this.
But even though I feel really weird about the whole thing, even though it hasn't been a long while since what Noah did, I close my eyes and hold on tighter to him.
Even when I let him go, he doesn't look at me.
"Thanks," he says. "Sorry, there's something with the door, I was fixing it."
"Yeah, sure. Sorry."
I walk upstairs, and when I reach the top, a smiling Dylan is looking at me.
"Maybe this is too soon," he says. "But you look really good together."
I remember when Iona said that to me. I had completely freaked out on her since I didn't know what was going on with Landon, but even though it was a bit too soon, this doesn't freak me out. I just get uncomfortable.
"When's your party?" I ask him, and his smile fades.
"It's, uh, we'll leave soon."
I nod and walk back to my room, staring out of the window as the boys all get inside the cars and leave; Dylan with Isaac, Thomas with Parker, and Landon by himself.
Something was terribly off with them when they left, and I'm not blaming them; I just dropped a bomb on them, but I don't know how Landon could convince them all to go to that party.
I walk down to the kitchen and grab some water, and when I come back, I drop my glass.
"We had some unfinished business that we were going to finish," he says. "Do me a favor doll; be just like yesterday."
•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
HEADS UP!
Attempted Sexual Assault.
He starts walking towards me, and I back away. I fall when I reach the stairs and he gets on top of me. I start screaming when he kisses my neck and unbuttons my shirt, my tears streaming.
"Noah don't, please don't," I yelp. "Please just leave me alone!"
•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
He's then ripped off me, thrown to the side, and I look up to see Landon looking at me. I can't tell if he's scared, worried, angry or sad. His teeth are grit, and with clenched fists he jumps on Noah. He's on top of him, holding his neck with his left hand and punching him with his right hand.
"I'm gonna kill you," he says times over, and when he suddenly stops punching him and instead pulls out a gun from the back of his jeans, I stumble over to him.
"He's not worth it," I beg. "Don't do this to yourself."
He puts the gun on Noah's forehead and squeezes his throat harder. "Don't do this to yourself Landon, don't do this to me."
His tears are running down his eyes and his jaw is so tight it might break, but he doesn't let go of Noah's neck or take down the gun. "Please don't."
"Why?" he asks me, his teeth still grit. "He ruined your life. He ruined mine, he's ruining theirs."
"And you'll ruin all our lives if you do this. They'll send you to jail, and I won't bear if he dies because you wanted revenge for me, and the boys will lose their best friend. Think about Dylan, do you think he can go on without you? I can't let you do this to yourself, me, or them. They need you, and I need you. You can't end it this way, it's not a good end."
He just looks at me, and when Noah's face starts turning blue, he lets go. He slaps him once and puts the gun back at his forehead, but he's not gonna shoot. I know he isn't.
"Listen," he warns. "If you're able to walk on your feet out of here, it's because of her. You dare touch her again Noah, you dare put your finger on her, you won't be as lucky. Motherfuckers like you don't deserve to live, and I swear, I swear to God, if I find out you've just thought about her, I'm gonna plant a bullet, right here."
He punches him one last time and he gets up, pushing me behind him. I grab his arm and see how Noah stands up, holding his bleeding nose. His whole face is bleeding, actually. He stumbles out of the house and Landon walks over to the door, doing something to the lock.
He then turns around and looks down again.
"How did you know he'd come?" I ask him.
"I didn't," he answers. "It was just a feeling I got before."
"What were you doing to the door?"
"Screw it. Are you okay?"
I nod. "Change your shirt okay? I'll stay here."
I do as he says, and when I come back down I see him rubbing the floor with a cloth. The broken pieces of the glass aren't there anymore.
"I'll do it," I say.
"No it's fine," he says, not looking at me.
"Landon...."
I sit down on the last step of the stairs and I see him rub harder. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, don't worry."
"I don't believe you, what is it?"
"Hayden I'm sorry, but I don't wanna talk about it."
He gets up and walks to the kitchen, and I hear the water rush down from the tap. He comes back and walks up the stairs with me following him.
"What changed?" I ask him. "Why are you so distant?"
"Not now."
I pull his arm and he turns around, just as shocked as me to see I did this. I immediately let go of him and look down a second. "Don't be scared of me. Please."
"I'm not."
He doesn't say anything. He just continues his path to his room and I remain there looking at his back.
Don't do this to me.
I need you.
You look really good together.
There might be a chance I've gotten too attached to him.
~
I'm currently sitting on my bed, reading. Tonight could've ended really badly.
I don't feel as bad as I usually did, and that's probably because much didn't happen tonight and the fact that Landon is in the other room.
He's made me feel many things since I got here, but the main thing I feel whenever he's around, whenever he talks or even when he's angry, is safety. I know I'm safe with him. Even though I see Noah's face when I look at him sometimes, I know I'm safe. He just proved it. And now we're sitting in separate rooms, doing nothing and awaiting the boys.
I see my door slowly open before Landon peeks inside.
"Sorry," he says. "I thought you were asleep."
"It's eight," I say.
"I don't know, you usually sleep after.... Dylan called. They'll come back at eleven."
Discreet change of subject.
"Can you.... please step inside and talk to me?"
He takes a step inside and looks down. "What's wrong with you?"
I immediately regret how rude I made that question sound like. "I mean-"
"No, I get it. I just don't.... this is really hard for me...."
"That's not what I mean, I mean that... you weren't so distant before, and then you just suddenly changed."
He nods.
"It's not important, I'm getting a cold."
He's so lying.
I get up from my bed and approach him.
"You're lying."
He lets out a laugh.
"You're really stubborn. When someone lies, you need to act like you believe it, because they don't want to tell the truth."
"Did you act like you believed me?"
He looks up at me, meeting my eyes. He holds my gaze longer than he's done the whole day, but it comes to an end.
"That was different."
"Really? Because to me, it seems like you're doing what you told me not to do."
"When did you get so straight forward?"
I kinda regret it now. I said it was a bad idea to try and let the old Hayden come back. "It suits you. The whole boss attitude."
"Boss attitude? I'm just stating the truth. You're the one with the boss attitude."
He smiles.
"Did you eat any dinner?"
"No, I wasn't hungry."
"We can get pizza?"
"Yeah. Don't tell Dylan."
He laughs. It feels like years ago since I heard a genuine laugh leave his lips. Just like all his other laughs in a long while, this one's also halfhearted. Me on the other hand miss Dylan. The real Dylan, the one laughing and being my bestie. Not the one I broke and who now knows my biggest secret. In fact, I miss all the boys.
"He'll turn us into pizza if he finds out. I'll go order."
"Wait," I stop him. He turns back around and looks at me. "How long do you think the boys are gonna hate me?"
He turns around fully and looks me in the eyes.
"They don't hate you. This was just hard for them. They'll get over it, don't worry."
I nod. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Better than I thought I'd be."
"Progress."
"Thanks to you."
He smiles again, also this one sad.
He walks down and I put my things back and follow him. He's in the middle of ordering a Batman pizza.
"What do you wanna watch?" he asks and turns the TV on.
"Doesn't matter," I answer.
"Well I'm up for anything except The Notebook and Thirteen Reasons Why and shit like that."
"And I'm fine with everything except those boy movies Dylan forced me to watch."
"Oh come on. What about Back Home?"
~
Change brings about insecurity and uncertainty, but it also enables development and progress
~
Heyyy guys!!
I hope your school start was okay, even though school starts aren't fun :/
I've put up a plan for my writing because I feel like we're going forward really slowly, and since I need some motivation to start writing and actually move forward and have a deadline so I can post a chapter before the ten thousand years delay, I'll update once (or twice) a week, Fridays. Until next Friday, I'll post one more chapter for this week.
What did you think? FINALLY they know.
What's gonna happen?
What will Noah do now?
What are the boys gonna do?
Things are slowly getting real...
Don't forget to
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Have a nice week!
xoxoMichelle