I turn to the 4 faces with a weak smile.
"I'm sorry about that, it was uh my friends daughter, I apologise" I give them all a tight smile as I set my phone down on the table.
"It's completely fine, kind of cute too" the blonde one gives me a smile. I think her name is Perrie.
"I'm Jade" the one who took next seat to me said and held out her hand I shook it "y/n" I replied with a smile. No matter how I was feeling inside I was really good at hiding my emotions.
I stood up and greeted each girl with a shake of my hand and they told me their names and I told them mine.
"So y/n what brings you here to the Brits" Perrie asked me.
"Are you a new artist? Sorry if we haven't heard your music we've basically been in America for months" Jesy said with a smile apologising if I was unknown to her.
I gave a light laugh, "An artist? Oh god no no I would clear this venue if I tried to belt out a tune" they all laughed I laughed with them.
"I'm with my fiancé " I confirmed and sipped my wine.
I don't really drink. I liked to be in control and aware of my surroundings. Alcohol stopped me from having that control. Therefore I rarely drank but I had not been feeling myself this evening or lately for that fact.
"You're fiancé?" Jade asked with a slight frown.
"Ugh yeah, sorry Camila's just finished performing she shouldn't be too long, you guys met her at jingle bell ball a few weeks ago, I think, well she mentioned you were there" I nonchalantly stated.
"Camila?" Jesy questioned.
"as in Camila Cabello" Perrie narrowed her eyes at me.
Suddenly all 4 eyes were staring at me waiting for my answer.
"Ugh yes the one and only" I tried to laugh of their stares into my wine.
They all looked at each other a little confused and hesitant to speak there was a bit of pause before Leigh-anne spoke up.
"Oh sorry we didn't know she had a girlfriend, I mean fiancé, is it new relationship?" I heard the hopefulness in her voice.
"no.. um 4 years" I deadpanned.
The mood was officially somber.
They all kind of looked at me sadly, they had no idea and the fact that they performed jingle ball with her only a few weeks and I know she hung out with them gives me a sick feeling in my stomach clearly I wasn't mentioned. I try and brush off this sinking feeling.
"So where is the pop princess" Jesy breaks the tension.
"Oh she was getting changed after her performance that was like half hour ago though.. so god knows" I smile. "You know how these things are". I tried to hold my composure I didn't want to tell them my fiancé was currently to the right of me speaking to some guy and had been for some time.
I throw back the wine.
I think they could sense somethings not right so why hide and cover for her. Maybe losing a bit of control was okay tonight I clearly had lost it over my relationship already.
Jade puts her hand on my arm. "Well I'm sure she be back soon so until then come on sit in between us and have some drinks and tell us about yourself" she gives me a smile.
"I don't want to impose girls you don't have to" I shake my head I didn't want pity.
" No we don't, but we want to, so get your arse over here" Jades tone held no negotiation.
She began to move her chair to the side and I put my chair in between hers and Jesy's with Perrie and Leigh- anne on the other side.
"Okay I can't say no to a beautiful woman let alone 4, so fine but drinks are on me" I joke.
"It's a free bar" Jesy looks confused. We all just look and laugh "oh you were joking" she laughs.
Jade grabs my arm as I take a seat. "My god do you live in the gym, you must be the most sculpted woman I've ever seen, and not in a manly way either"
"Jesus Jade do you want to just crawl into her lap" Perrie shoots back.
Jade gives a slight tilt of head and small nod to Perrie, Perrie just shakes her head and laughs.
I laugh "ugh I am in the army so physical work and keeping fit kind of comes with the territory"
"Wait you are in the army" Leigh-anne clarifies.
Jesy buts in "Like British army?".
"No kazakhzan" I shoot back and they all laugh.
Jade hits my arm softly but grabs it slightly I look down and she's left her arm linger there I'm not complaining I haven't had any kind of attention or a touch in so long. Il take some innocent flirting.
"Wow what is that like? You ever been to dangerous places? Hit? Punched? Stabbed? Shot? OMG have you been tortured please tell us about the torture" my jaw drops and all the girls just look at Jesy with wide eyes.
"Wow" is my response "someone's into torture are they?" I smirk and then wink at Jesy.
"Noo I mean no not that type of torture, bit of kink in bedroom like tying up and that fine but I'm talking like torture like electrocution and that like cutting off fingers and pulling teeth kind of torture" Jesy rambles getting more excited with each sentence falling from her mouth.
"Jesus fucking Christ Jesy, no more documentaries for you" Perrie cuts in in shock.
We all laugh.
"I am pretty good with ropes" I smirk. I catch Jade mouthing to Perrie "hot". I don't think I was meant to see that exchange.
"Anyway.. " I trail off "further to your earlier question yep I have been beat I have been stabbed and shot and I was tortured once briefly but they didn't get very far I got out of there" I just kind of whisper.
"What you've been shot and stabbed? And your alive" Perrie asks her eyebrows are in her hairline.
I snorted a bit, most people are not interested in my job, Camila use to be, she use to kiss every bruise and wound and wanted me to tell her about my day and what I had been doing. That had started to disappear lately.. I noticed a few weeks before Christmas that things were different then she missed my birthday in January and now in February things are still not right.
"Ive been lucky but there are risks of the job, and a few risky missions in Iraq" I shrug off and sip my newly filled wine glass.
"You've been to Iraq Jesus that must have been scary" Jade looks genuinely worried and her hand comes on my arm again and gave a squeeze.
I shrug my shoulders "I knew what I was getting into when I signed up."
"How old are you?" Leigh-Anne asks.
"I Ugh just turned 22" I confirmed I looked down sadly and think of the uneventful day that was my birthday in January.
Flashback
I had been woken up particularly early that morning. I was turning 22 which also marked the beginning of the end of my 4 year contract with the army in the next few months I needed to decided if I was signing another contract or discharging myself. I had already started to put plans in motion for the future for Camila and I and hopefully it would go to plan. It still scared me though.
The Army and this uniform is all I had known for 4 years being released fully into civilian life terrified and excited me at the same time. But I was looking forward to spending my time unrestricted with my girl. We had both wanted this badly and talked about this so regularly.
I think about what I had set up in the background and not told her excited to surprise her that I was finally leaving this all behind for her. Camila had constantly talked about me leaving about us buying a house getting married having kids, I wanted all that with her and I was able to give it now with my contract coming to end. I was excited but scared to tell her about my plans. I hoped she wouldn't be mad at me for me not telling her what I had been planning behind her back for 9 months. But hopefully she would see it was all for her, for us.
My birthday celebrations with my troop had came and gone I kept my phone on loud to make sure I could take the call from my girl, but every time it dinged like an enthusiastic puppy I unlocked it only to see that it was from a friend wishing me happy birthday.
I know there was a time difference between me and her but I looked at the clock and it had to have been at least 2pm where she was. Maybe she was in the studio she usually got in her zone and would ignore the world. I understood that it was her art.
I had a message from her mom who said she was in Miami and hadn't heard from Camila that day and not to worry I'm sure she will ring me soon.
I was tagged in Instagram pictures and videos by Friends and even Sofi, Camila's little sister tagged me in a post. I appreciated it all but I just wanted to hear my girls voice.
It was now 12:34am. I was lying in my bunk on my back staring at the ceiling. My phone on my chest tightly wrapped in my hands.
My 22nd birthday has passed with no call or text from Camila.
I didn't know what to think or to feel I thought back to the fuss she had made for my 21st and when I had told her that there was no need she told me that there was because my birthday was special to her as without it I wouldn't have been born and we wouldn't have met.
Clearly that was not the case now. I finally cracked and sent her a text message as maybe something had happened? Maybe she was hurt and I was lying here being selfish thinking about myself.
Me: Is everything okay? I haven't heard from you? X
Over and hour passed before I received a response.
Wifey: Yeah I'm really good just been hanging out with some friends :-)
I read the text over and over again.
She wasn't hurt.
She wasn't busy in the studio.
She had been with friends.
She had forgotten all about my birthday.
A small tear rolled down my face. I placed my phone on silent and put it down on the side. I rolled onto my side the opposite direction from my phone. It was like I wanted to distance myself from that text from Camila from all of the hurt. I closed my eyes as more hot tears fell. I wiped them and buried my head into my pillow and hoped that sleep would come quickly.
End flashback
I shake my head to get rid of the horrible memory of a few weeks ago, Camila still hadn't mentioned that she missed my birthday. And I was too hurt to raise it.
"Okay I wanna see where you were shot and stabbed" Jesy says matter of factly putting down her drink and tapping the table
I laugh " I can't show you my bullet wound without dropping my pants and I am not doing that here" they are all laugh.
"But stab wound?" Jade asks hopeful.
I look up all 4 pairs of eyes on me.
I am met with a chorus of "please" and "come ons"
"But the cameras?" I hesitantly say, I'm not made for the spot light therefore I can't see Camila appreciating me showing my body live on television. It would probably embarrass her more than I already do.
"Oh they're on commercial break, they won't be on look" I look up to the large screen Perrie was pointing at. On there was a countdown timer.
I have 2 minutes
"Okay quick" I stand up and take off my black dress jacket I see Jade's eyes go up and down my body I raise the right side of my white shirt and by doing so I expose my abs and my v line I hear Jade suck in a breath. I am sculptured and I know it but I work out everyday and eat healthy. I am pure muscle but still maintain a feminine look and softness.
I remember when Camila use to worship my body as I did hers, that hasn't been for awhile. Not without trying but Camila just uses every excuse she can think of. And I'm not dumb, no ones period lasts 15 days.
"OMG that body, I'm not gay but Jesus I would totally fuck you" Perrie growls.
I show them my stab would which is just below my right breast at the top half of my rib cage. It's still healing it's red and looks angry and I would be lying if it still didn't hurt at times but the stitches had been removed a couple of days before my flight to London. The 8 hour flight had been uncomfortable with the wound but the thought of seeing Camila had kept me going.
Jade's hand reaches out, then hesitates. "Can I touch it"
"If you want to" I shrug she caresses the wound and then her hand lingers there and moves slowly down my ribs and graces my abs before recoiling.
"OMG that was surreal" Jade exclaims.
I laugh lowering my shirt and tucking it back in and replacing my jacket.
Just as I do I notice Camila make her way back over.
"Hi Camila" Jesy shouts first.
They all echo after Jesy.
I just sit down and make no move to move my seat back to it's old position.
"Hi girls!" She puts on her fake smile and makes her way around hugging each one.
"Commercials over now y/n you need to move back here, or you will be in my shot" she doesn't even look at me just orders me taking a seat and taking out her phone from her purse.
I notice her ring is still on the wrong finger.
I fake salute."yes sir".
All the girls giggle, Camila looks up from this and eyes me suspiciously.
I decide to have a bit of fun. As I stand up and pick up my chair I place my hand on Jade's shoulder and lean in.
"How was that for you Jade? As good as it was for me?" I tease.
Jade giggles. "For my first time I can't say I was disappointed, left me wanting more though" Camilas eyes shoot up and watched the exchange between Jade and I.
Perrie pipes up "honestly though girl you are just ripped I need to know your work out routine, also your instagram because I hope to god you have shirtless selfies for me to drool over." Perrie gets her phone out waiting for my insta name.
"Wank over more like" Jesy scoffs out.
I choke on my wine.
Camila is looking around confused then whispers. "why is she talking about you being ripped"
Before I can say anything some guy with a clipboard shouting "okay 10 seconds all before we are live again"
I tell Perrie my Instagram name and all girls take it down and start following me I look down at my phone and see the notifications of friend requests.
Then I see a serious of eyebrows raises and the notifications were streaming in from Little Mix liking my photographs of anything that I am remotely showing flesh in. The ones where I am just in a bra was being spammed with emojis of fire, hearts and heart eye emojis.
I chuckle and smirk. It's nice to be appreciated.
Camila elbows me in the ribs, clearly she has forgot I have a stab wound there and gives me a what the hell face.I hold in the wince, but I think my face betrayed me. That really hurt, but it hurt more than she didn't remember or think about my wound. Camila usually use to apologise for the smallest of rough touches when I was injured. It seems that has changed also.
Before I can speak James Corden walks on stage, introducing the next artist to hand out an award. On walks Shawn Mendes and Dua Lipa.
"Okay this next award goes to the best international female newcomer awards... all these women are talented, beautiful and sexy but they all have something else in common. They all have had a successful year"
"Isn't that yours?" I say to Camila.
"Yes do I look okay?" She nervously asks checking her hair and patting down her dress.
"Beautiful" I confirm with a smile. She really was she had always been beautiful to me. "I know you will win."
She looks around and mumbles a thanks. She can't even give me eye contact. I'm so lost in my thoughts it didn't register that Shawn and Dua called her name as the winner. It was only when crying in the club coming over the arena speakers that snapped me back into reality.
Pride came over me and I stood up giving a big cheer and clapped my hands and whistled. I lean in to give her a kiss on the cheek but she turned her body the other way to get up and make her way towards the stage, she walks away from me.
I watch as she walks off and she stops briefly to see that guy from earlier and he takes her hand and I seen him squeeze it, she smiled and she stops to hug her manager Roger. I visibly gulp at the blatant rejection she didn't even acknowledge me.
I stop clapping and I don't even look to the stage to see her receive the award. I just sit in my seat grab the bottle of wine and top up my glass. I actively avoid the 4 sets of eyes looking at me, I don't need their sympathy right now. I'm starting to feel my sadness turn to anger. This is twice tonight.
I take a deep breath and hear my phone ding. It's from Nick.
Nick: WTF was that... I know you don't want to hear it but something is up with her man. Your too good for her shit! Love you dude X
I don't even reply I just place down my phone and the horrible feeling that has been growing in me for a few weeks is threatening to bubble to the surface. I swallow it down for the 2nd time tonight.
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Awww this was tough chapter at parts to write hope you enjoyed. One of my favourite chapters are coming up!