Chapter 42
“What are you talking about? Alex is the guardian angel of four souls?” tinanong ko naman siya, “He’s my guardian angel. No one else’s.”
Nawala bigla yung ngiti ni Baron, “Talaga lang? Pinaniniwalaan mo yan?” sinagot niya sa akin. “Bitch, learn how to share. Even the angel shared himself to the rest.”
Lumakad ng lumakad si Baron doon sa room at tumingin-tingin siya doon sa dalawang lalaki na naka-chains doon sa gilid. Hindi ko alam kung may magagawa ba ako. I’m a mortal and he’s a ghost. Hindi ko alam kung may laban ba ako sa kanya even if I tried. I don’t want any one dying because of me. Kung may ginawa ba ako, may masasaktan? I can’t just stand here, can I?
Huminto si Baron nun sa harapan ni Jax na galit na pa rin at sinusubukang makakawala, “Bago ko pala ituloy yung kwento ni Alex the Angel, siguro dapat ikwento ko muna yung kwento mo no? Mas magandang storytelling siguro yun…” he mocked Jax right at his face. He stood up and gave another menacing smile, “You see, Jaxon here thinks he can do everything. For the most part, you have got to give credit to the boy dahil bata pa lang siya ulila na ‘di ba? Young boy, orphaned at the tender age of six. Lovely parents kung hindi lang namatay, ano?”
“Stop talking about my parents!” sinigaw ni Jax sa kanya.
“No, I need to tell the story para exciting itong party tonight. Paano mabubuo yung build-up kung walang background story? Kailangan kumpleto…” he said again, “Jaxon here, well, bata pa lang siya eh—he started rejecting the idea of guardian angels. Kesyo daw kung may anghel tayo bakit daw hindi binantayan ang mga magulang niya? Bakit daw hindi niligtas?” tumingin si Baron sa akin nun, “Guardian angels start to lose their connection when the mortals that they guide do not believe in them anymore. Yung anghel na nagbabantay dito sa best friend ko eh unti-unting nawawalan ng connection sa kanya at nahihirapan na i-guide siya sa tamang paraan. Kaya ako naman,” humawak siya sa dibdib niya as if presenting himself, “Siyempre napakabait ko at nakakita na ako ng pagkakataon. Kaya ayun, nagpakita ako sa kanya. Kailangan lang pala niya ng pagkakatiwalaan eh ako na ‘yun…”
“No, you showed up in front of me saying you were my guardian angel…” sinabi ni Jax sa kanya, “And I believed you.”
“Siyempre naman! Kung sinabi ko bang ghost ako kakausapin mo ako? Siyempre hindi ‘di ba? Isip-isip naman. Kakausapin ba ako ng isang batang anim na taong gulang?” Baron answered him back, “But when you say guardian angel, it has that ring to it right? It sounds good. I pretended to be one because I had to. I needed your help and yet you were stupid enough to fail me.”
Nung narinig ko yun, mabilis akong napatingin kay Jax. I felt really sorry for him. Kung totoo yung sinabi ni Baron, kaparehas ko lang siya. He tried to help a ghost at hindi siya naging successful. And maybe that’s the reason why he was like that. It all makes sense right now.
“Sinubukan mo siyang patayin?” Lumabas sa bibig ko bigla kaya napatingin si Jax, si Baron at si Wally sa akin, “Baron, sinubukan mong patayin si Jax dahil hindi ka niya natulungan?” Ito ba yung istorya na kinuwento sa akin ni Alex?
Ngumiti si Baron sa akin and he started pointing at me, “I like this girl. She’s getting it…” lumapit naman siya sa akin, “Well yes, that’s the idea. Tinanong ko siya kung pwede niya akong tulungan at sinabi niya oo. Tapos nung sinabi ko na patayin niya yung taong naging dahilan kung bakit ako nagpakamatay nung nabubuhay pa ako—hindi niya daw magagawa dahil hindi daw niya kayang pumatay ng tao.” I was so surprised nung bigla na lang nilakasan ni Baron yung boses niya after that, “Papatay lang ng tao hindi pa niya magawa?! Hindi ako nagpapatawad sa mga taong walang isang salita!” Tumingin siya kay Jax nun at pulang-pula na yung mga mata niya na kaparehas na nung buhok niya, “I tried to haunt him to make him go crazy after he let me down. Dinala pa siya ng pamilya niya sa mga therapy at counseling sessions. Trauma daw dahil sa aksidente that’s why he started seeing things when all along it was just me.”
Nakita ko na tinatakpan ni Jax yung tenga niya na para bang ayaw niya yung mga naririnig niya. Nakapikit na rin yung mga mata niya nung mga oras na iyon, “Tama na! Tigilan mo na! Tama na!”
“Hindi pa ako tapos!” sinigaw niya kay Jax at sa akin uli siya nakatingin, “In the end, nakita ko na wala na siyang silbi sa akin at kinakailangan ko na siyang i-dispatsa. I set off to kill him—his guardian angel interfered using that good-for-nothing angel dagger at binigay niya kay Jax—and for some reason…” he tilted his head kay Jax, “Instead of me being killed like how it’s supposed to be, it backfired. I somehow got trapped inside his body.” Pinaliwanag niya kay Jax, “Nung una mahirap dahil hindi ako makaalis. After a while, saka ko lang napag-aralan kung paano ko magamit yung katawan niya kahit na stuck ako sa loob. He lost his guardian angel when I took over his body.”
Ano nga ba yung sinabi ni Alex sa akin? Something about Jax being full of hate kaya siya may resident ghost? What was it Alex? Ano yung sinabi mo sa akin that one night you broke up with me?
Saka lang idinilat ni Jax yung mga mata niya at parang gulat na gulat siya doon sa narinig niya, “You took over my body? Hindi ako naniniwala sa iyo.”
“Believe what you want to believe pero hindi mo pa rin maipapaliwanag yung mga pagkakataong may mga bagay na ginawa ka na hindi mo matandaan. Alam mo kung bakit? Dahil ako yun. Ako ang nag mamay-ari ng katawan mo sa mga oras na iyon. Ako rin ang dahilan kung bakit alam mo ang mga bagay-bagay tungkol sa kahit anong ispiritual. I had that knowledge and you ended up gaining it through me because we shared the same body.”
He later on ignored Jax and he came back to where I was. Nakatayo lang ako doon at panay na ang lunok ko sa sobrang niyerbiyos ko. He then grabbed me by my chin at nasaktan pa ako, at iniangat niya yung ulo ko para itapat sa mukha niya, “Okay lang naman sana ako na may ka-share ako sa katawang mortal. It’s almost the same as half living. But this girl right here had to ruin it…” he said to me sternly. “Nung nakilala ka ni Jaxon, mas nahirapan akong kontrolin siya sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. Ng dahil sa iyo, nasira lahat ng plano ko.” He let go of me and he looked at Jax bago siya nag-continue magsalita, “There was this strong force of attraction. Ng dahil sa atraksiyon na yan, mas madalas yung paglabas niya at ako ang nawawala. Nakakasuka!” sinigaw niya sa akin, “And then after sometime, you met that old fortune teller na nagkwento tungkol sa soulmate at kung anu-anong kalokohan. Dahil wala akong eksplanasyon sa mga nangyayari naisip ko na baka tama siya. I made my bestfriend Jax look for her at narinig ko yung sagot sa tanong ko. Jax and Zoe are soulmates. How cute…” sinabi niya at nakaramdam pa ako ng inis, “This strong force na hindi ko malaman kung papaano eh pre-destined attraction pala na ang tawag eh ‘soulmates.’ Good news for my bestfriend—he has two soulmates and he doesn’t need you if you die. Bad news for you…” tinuro niya ako, “You only have one and you vowed to hate the boy because of your never ending forbidden love with Alex the Angel.”
“I… do not hate him.” I said in a low voice.
“Huwag ka ng magsinungaling, alam natin ang totoo…” sinagot niya sa akin kaagad, “You hated the guy. Siguro ako rin dapat ang sisihin doon dahil ako naman talaga ang may kasalanan. Come to think of it, I should feel bad that you both did not end up liking each other how it’s supposed to happen as defined by that ‘soulmate’ bullshit, mainly because I took over his body—but I really don’t feel bad about it. I should feel sorry, but I don’t feel sorry.” He told me again, “I altered your fates.”
Nung marinig ko yun sa kanya, hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. If Baron did not exist at nagkakilala kami ni Jax noon, I wonder kung iba na ngayon ang sitwasyon. Nagustuhan ko kaya siya as how he was? Will Alex exist in the picture? I guess hindi ko malalaman dahil hindi ganun ang nangyari. I can’t just very well tell my heart to go to Jax.
Sa sobrang inis ko sa kanya, mabilis akong tumakbo at sinubukan kong hampas-hampasin si Baron. “Ang sama mo! Ang sama-sama mo!” ang naaalala ko lang na sinabi ko nung mga oras na iyon. I felt dizzy, and at one point, hindi ko na rin alam kung anong ginagawa ko.
Baron pushed me, and I fell on the side at tumama yung ulo ko doon sa dingding. “Zoe! Zoe okay ka lang?!” narinig ko na sinigaw ni Jax doon sa kabilang side ng room pero hindi siya makakawala doon sa chains na nasa katawan niya, “I’m warning you. If you hurt her…”
“If I hurt her… what?” Sinagot naman ni Baron kay Jax at tumingin siya sa akin pababa. Hawak-hawak ko pa yung ulo ko dahil sa sakit ng pagtama doon sa dingding, “I should tell your story, Zoe Aldana…”
I was staring at him and I felt scared doon sa sinabi niya. Story? Is there even a story to tell? Meron bang bagay na hindi ko alam? Somehow, a huge part of me does not want to know. Maybe I’m better off not knowing. I’m scared to find out that I did something terrible, or didn’t do something I was supposed to. “Hindi mo ako kilala at wala kang masasabi tungkol sa akin.” I told him.
“You think just like your soulmate over there. Like you know everything there is to know already.” he jerked his head towards Jax, “No wonder bagay kayo?” He crouched down doon sa level ng mukha ko at nagsimula na naman siya uling magkwento. “Saan na ba ako sa istorya ko? Oh that’s right. Jax finally meets the princess—si Zoe. Si Zoe na parang wala ring magulang dahil unang-una, ulila sa ina. Pangalawa, kahit meron naman eh parang wala namang ama. Hindi ba?”
“I love my Dad and you have no reason to—“
“You secretly hate your dad too. Don’t fool yourself.” He said matter of factly at hindi niya pinatapos yung sasabihin ko, “Kaya nga lumabas yung anghel mo ‘di ba? You felt really alone that you started seeking for a companion—someone to depend on physically. That desire was so strong that you started seeing your guardian angel.”
I don’t remember Alex telling me that. Ang alam ko lang, sinabi niya na tinawag ko siya. Baka nga ito na yung sinasabi niya. Baka tama nga si Baron. “Alex came to me because he wanted to see me…” sinabi ko sa kanya.
“Alex came to you because that’s his job. At least in the beginning, you’re just a job.” He smiled at me as if mocking me again, “Sa simula si Zoe lang naman talaga ang binabantayan ni Alex. That’s the law of nature ng mga guardian angel. They’re only supposed to guard one mortal until that mortal dies.” Tumayo siya uli at naiwan ako doon sa sahig. He started pacing again and then he looked at the clock na nasasabit doon sa wall nung bahay, “The mechanics are simple for angels who are in training kagaya ni Alex. First, they make a connection sa mortal nila. Unknowingly, they start feeling the same feelings as the mortal they’re guarding. Alam niyo ba kung bakit?”
I did not expect nung sumagot si Wally doon sa gilid, “Para matutunan at maintindihan nila kung ano ang nararamdaman ng mga mortal.”
Napatingin bigla si Baron kay Wally, “Wow, the ghost speaks!” pumalakpak pa siya, “Tama. Para malaman nila kung ano ang nararamdaman ng mga mortal. Pero, hindi nila alam iyon sa simula hindi ba? Akala nila, normal na koneksiyon lang iyon. The idea is, they have to break the connection and distinguish which one is theirs apart from the mortal. By the way, mahirap yun. Alam mo na, kung may nararamdaman ka lang—paano mo malalaman kung alin ang sa iyo at alin ang sa kanya?” he stopped for a little bit, “Kaya ako? Hindi ako magiging anghel. I would hate that job. Stupid job really. And it’s all for what? Wings?”
The mortal emotions. Hindi ba sinabi niya sa akin yun? Nung una kong narinig yun, it almost bothered me na baka hindi totoong mahal ako ni Alex. Na mahal lang niya ako dahil nararamdaman niya kung ano yung nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Na hindi totoo ang lahat.
“He didn’t love me.” I said again, “That’s what you’re trying to tell me, right?”
Sumigaw naman si Wally doon sa gilid, “Zoe hindi totoo yan! Huwag kang maniwala diyan!”
“Baka gusto mong ituloy yung kwento, Wally? Please, do.”
Nanahimik doon si Baron sa gilid at lahat kami eh nakatingin na lang kay Wally. Nakayuko siya nun na para bang hindi niya alam kung sasabihin ba niya sa akin yung alam niya, “Nung panahon na muntik na kitang pinatay sa camping trip, akala niya mawawala ka na. He broke one connection with you and that one was love. He started feeling love on his own towards you that early on. Matagal na niyang naputol ang koneksiyon na iyon sa iyo, and I know, dahil kaming mga patay na, we feel different energies. It’s a sickening feel, kagaya ng sinabi ni Baron. Love is something the ghosts forget as time passes. And when we feel an energy as strong as that, it makes us feel sick that we want to stay away from it.” Narinig ko na sinabi ni Wally, “Alex broke that connection with you that day after he saved your life. Hindi lang niya alam.”
Parang ang bigat-bigat ng dibdib ko at nagsimula ng lumuha ng mga mata ko. Hearing about Alex and his struggles just hurt me. I hate that fact that I didn’t know, and that there was nothing I could do to help him.
“That energy was so strong, it’s much more sickening than yours…” tinuro ni Baron si Jax nun. “Does that mean the angel loved you more than Jax did?” Baron pointed out, “Ituloy mo na yung istorya Wally at para lalong maintindihan ni Zoe kung gaano siya hindi bagay sa anghel niya.”
Wally ignored Baron, and he continued on with his story. “They’re not allowed fall in love as an angel—and he didn’t think it was possible in the beginning. Yun ang sinabi niya sa akin. Sinabi niya na baka may nagawa daw siyang mali kaya daw siya nagkakaganun. The next few tries na sinubukan kitang patayin—he disappeared on your side a few times to chase after me. To convince me to take him in.”
Nanlaki yung mata ko nun kay Wally. Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong ibig sabihin nun, “Take you in?”
Tumango naman siya sa akin, “Sabi niya na ang dahilan daw kaya sumasama ang mga ‘lost souls’ as he called me then ay dahil wala na silang anghel. Wala na daw guardian because we reject them. So he asked me to accept him. Para daw maging anghel ko siya at para magabayan niya ako.” Huminto siya at nakatingin lang siya pababa, “He wanted to guide me too so I won’t go around killing you.”
Natawa na naman si Baron doon sa gilid. His laugh bothered me so much I even told him to stop pero hindi niya ako pinansin. “That’s his first mistake. You can only guard one because each soul sucks up a lot of your energy. Sa nakita kong ginawa niya, being a guardian angel of a ghost is very painful. It’s like being tortured over and over.”
“I’m sorry, Zoe. Hindi ko sinasadya…” narinig ko na sinabi ni Wally, “Lahat ng masasamang naiisip ko, ginagawa ko, he absorbs it all. Kahit na nagta-try ako para maging mabuti, hindi ako katulad ni Alex na kayang-kaya kong maging perpekto. I keep thinking of doing bad things and he’ll try and advise me not to do them. He guides you and he guides me at the same time. But in exchange, he absorbs it all.”
“Negative force.” Sumabat naman si Jax doon sa gilid, “Yun ba? Yun ba yung sinasabi mo? Just like how they can’t handle it when mortals do things they do not approve of?”
“The headaches? Kagaya sa party?” I added doon sa sinabi ni Jax, “Just like that?”
Nag-agree naman si Wally sa kanya, “Oo. Except sa kaso niya, dalawa kami ni Zoe.” Tumingin siya sa akin uli, “I’m sorry, Zoe. I’m really sorry. Hindi na sana niya kailangang dapat gawin yun kung na-control ko lang ang sarili ko. Pero kaya daw niyang gawin kahit ano para sa iyo.”
“This is exciting!” Baron said sarcastically, “We’re having a conversation at this party!”
I felt like my heart was going to come out of my chest. It was pounding, and I could feel that it literally hurts me. “Si Jax at ikaw? Paanong si Alex ang naging anghel niyo?” I asked Baron.
He smiled again at me, “Yan yung next chapter ng story ni Alex the Angel who unluckily fell in love with a mortal. How sad.” Sinabi naman niya, “At one point, natuklasan niya na may resident ghost si Jax after you told him he killed a ghost. He figured it out then.” Tumingin siya kay Jax tapos sa akin uli, “Nung una, wala naman siyang ginawa kung hindi ang protektahan ka lang dito sa bestfriend ko. Okay na sana but this self-righteous angel felt like he’s cheating Jax with his life when he found out that he is your soulmate.”
“What do you mean?” tinanong ko naman. Napatingin din ako kay Jax na mukhang interesadong-interesado doon sa kinukwento ni Baron.
“He felt that since the Jax that he met was probably influenced by the ghost who is inside of him, a.k.a ME, he felt that it was wrong to fight for his love for you against a guy na wala naman palang kalaban-laban. He figured, if the real Jax is out and you end up choosing him, he will give way.” Baron opened his arms, “As he’s an angel who is not supposed to fall in love, you have that one shot of happiness with your one and only soulmate Jax and he doesn’t want to rob you of that opportunity.”
I started crying again. Hindi ko na napigilan yung luha ko dahil hindi ko alam na ganito pala yung nararamdaman ni Alex nun. Nanlalabo na yung mga mata ko at napatingin na lang ako kay Jax nun na parang hindi rin makapaniwala sa naririnig niya. I heard him speak not long after, “That’s why I’ve been hearing him in my head. Because he’s my g-guardian angel too.”
“You’re starting to be smart too!” sinabi naman ni Baron sa kanya, “Of course, in order to protect you, he had to kick me out from your body. Siyempre, hindi naman madali yun. He had to do the same thing with me as he did with Wally. Blah blah… so I don’t go around doing a killing spree—he asked to me to accept him to be his angel. So he can guide me—para maging peace and happy ending in this world.” Sumigaw naman si Baron bigla-bigla, “WRONG!”
“You’re sick! You can’t do this to him!”
“He’s weak kaya nahihirapan siyang kontrolin ako. Pero pumayag ako na maging anghel siya dahil may mas maganda akong plano. But you see, I still do things to weaken him—kagaya nung sinubukan kitang patayin sa school.” Tinuro niya ako, “Guardian angels can’t kill who they’re guarding. It’s a conflict of interest almost.” Paliwanag ni Baron sa akin, “Pero dahil ghost ako, it’s a special case. Dahil hindi niya ako mapapatay, he can only hurt me. But in return, some of my qualities get transferred to him. I’m sure you remember bad boy Alex? But don’t get me wrong, hindi ko kukunin lahat ng credit sa pagiging masama niya. It’s all of us. If you think it, did it, or anything you’re not supposed to do and you did not listen to him, he takes it all in. Four souls into one angel?” he laughed again, “Have you heard of too much of everything is bad for you?”
“Bakit kami nandito? Anong kailangan mo sa amin?” tinanong ni Jax kay Baron.
“Hindi pa rin maliwanag? I have to spell it out for you?” he said out loud, “Dahil apat tayong nagsha-share sa energy niya at pinagpapalit niya yung buhay niya para iligtas tayong apat—and mainly because of his love for this girl who does not even deserve him…” he said to me, “His energy is almost gone. He’s holding onto one connection with this girl at hindi ko alam kung ano yun. But I want him to break it. Once he does, sama-sama tayong apat and he can turn into a full angel. It’s like, all four negative forces all in one room. Don’t you think he’ll finally lose it? I mean, the markings on his back—alam ko nakita niyo na yun—he has those markings because his wings are starting to come out.”
Nanlaki yung mata ni Wally doon sa gilid, “Dark wings? Hinihintay mo siyang magkaroon ng pakpak pero hindi yung pakpak na gusto niya?”
“Exactly! I get bored with a mortal body kaya hindi ko na kailangan ang katawan ni Jax. I’m curious how powerful I’d be if I take over the body of an angel.” Sinabi naman ni Baron, “A fallen angel to be precise.”
Nagsimula ng magwala si Jax at Wally doon sa gilid pero parang walang nangyayari. Hindi sila makakawala doon sa pagkaka-chain ng katawan nila. I felt useless. I kept crying at hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko.
“May naalala lang ako…” sinabi uli ni Baron, “This story almost sounds similar to a story that happened before...” He waved his hand while he was talking, “Some famous goodie-two-shoes came down to Earth and he saved all of the mortals from their sins in exchange of his life. I’m sure kilala niyo ito. It’s kind of parallel to Alex the Angel ‘di ba? He came to Zoe and he tried to exchange his existence to save all of us from our sins.” Ngumiti uli si Baron, “Ano na nga bang ending nun? Tragic ba?”
The realization of what he was talking about started to hit me. The story—even though he didn’t necessarily say it, became very clear.
He died. In that parallel story, He died for our sins.
I heard a lot of screaming from Jax and Wally and I heard another isolated sound somewhere. Bago pa ako nakalingon, may naamoy na naman ako na pamilyar na sa akin. That sweet smell. The familiar shiver in my spine.
He’s here.
“Guess who finally arrived?” narinig ko na sinabi ni Baron in high spirits. He turned around sa kabilang side ng room. My eyes were too blurry but I could tell from afar that familiar radiating blue light coming from that side.
No. No. You’re not supposed to be here. You have to go.
“Baron,” I heard his voice from the other side.
“Alex!” si Baron ang nagsalita, “It’s so nice of you to finally join our party. Welcome! Let’s have some fun tonight.”