5 Years Later....
I stood there, listening to the calls of the others in the distance, the slight breeze cool against my skin, the smell of salt strong in my nose, and I couldn't believe it was real.
We were here. We had made it. It was over.
Humanity had survived.
The crashing of the surf against the beach drew my gaze back to the vast, blue sea stretching out before me, as far as the eye could see. The damp sea air was heavy and warm against my skin, and I could taste salt on my lips and tongue, the taste new and exciting and indicative of change.
An excited call from a ways down the beach drew me out of my thoughts and I glanced down the long line of sandy land, to where Hange stood in the surf, the water pooling around her calves, as she held up something for Arlert, who stood on the beach, to see.
Arms snaked around my waist, and then I felt Levi's chest against my back through my shirt, as his voice spoke, low and disgusted in my ear. "Tch. Four-eyes is going to get sick from that water. We don't know anything about it."
I laughed slightly and dropped my hands to cover his, which were clasped at my waist. I laced my fingers through his, still watching Arlert and Hange, who were now both knee deep in the sea water, excitedly conversing over something else they had discovered. "Let them be. Nothing's ever going to be as dangerous as what we've already survived."
Levi's hold around my waist tightened slightly at my words and then I felt him rest his chin on my shoulder as we both watched the two in the surf for a few moments in silence. Finally, he spoke again. "Oi, (F/N)."
"Mmm?" I made a noncommittal sound, my gaze drifting out over the calming presence of the teal water laid out before us, moving in and out in rhythmic fashion against the sand of the beach.
"What are you thinking about?" His voice held a curious edge.
I glanced down the beach, past Hange and Arlert, to where Ackerman stood on a small bluff alone, staring out over the ocean, the breeze whipping her dark hair around her face so her features weren't visible.
I let out a long sigh and leaned my head back, so it was resting on Levi's shoulder, as I closed my eyes for a brief moment. "It hurts like hell that they're not all here to enjoy this with us." I felt a lump of emotion rise in my throat, and swallowed hard, my voice quavering just a bit when I spoke again quietly. "They would have loved this."
Images of those we had lost flashed across my dark, closed eyelids. Johnson, Jaeger, Erwin, Isabel, Farlan. Why were they gone? They had fought just as hard as we had to be able to free humanity and get to where we were today. So why did they have to pay with their lives, when we were still here? Still here to see the ocean and the land outside the walls?
It seemed anything but fair. It seemed damn unfair right now.
I felt Levi brush his lips gently across my neck. "Oi, (F/N)." I opened my eyes and shifted to meet his gaze. He stared at me for a few moments, his dark eyes unreadable, and then he said gruffly, "Stop thinking like that. We knew going into this that there was no guarantee the people who stood beside us today would be there tomorrow." He raised an eyebrow at me. "We have to live with our choices now. And those who got left behind, they don't regret it, so we shouldn't either. They made the ultimate choice for humanity-the choice with no regrets."
I reached up to wipe a tear from the corner of my eye and then took in a deep breath, before I nodded to him. "You're right." I gave him a slight smile and squeezed his fingers between mine before I stepped out of his embrace. Sitting down on the sand, I began to unbuckle my boots, shooting him a mischievous glance as I did so. "All we can do is embrace today. There's no guarantee about tomorrow."
He watched me take off my shoes, digging my toes into the sand beneath my feet, as a gleeful smile flicked across my face. Holy hell, I'd never felt anything like this before.
"What the hell are you doing?" He spoke up as I continued to run my feet back and forth through the sand, his voice skeptical as he watched me with an expression close to horror flickering across his features.
I shot him a grin. "I"m living for today. Come on, Levi. Who knows when we'll see the ocean again?"
He muttered something under his breath, but before I could say anything else to him, we were interrupted by someone calling to us from down the beach.
"Mama (F/N)! Papa Levi!"
I glanced up as the girl bounded toward us across the sand, a smile lighting her features and her long, blonde hair streaming out behind her in the breeze coming off of the water. As she came to a stop in front of us, she grasped my hand in hers and excitedly said, "Come and see! Loren taught me how to build things out of the sand! We're making a house!"
My gaze flicked past her, over her head, to where Miller sat beside the sea, patting the sand into shapes around her. I directed my attention back to her and gave her a smile as I said, "That's amazing, Mory."
Mory's face brightened with another smile and she tugged on my hand again, hopping excitedly from one foot to the other in front of me. "I know! Come on! You have to come and see!"
Levi stepped up beside where I sat on the sand and tousled Mory's long blonde hair affectionately, before he said roughly, "Come on, brat. Show me what you're making."
Mory grabbed his hand in hers and began to pull him down toward the edge of the water, chattering to him excitedly as they walked.
I watched them go, headed toward the surf and Miller, and I couldn't help but think how much things had changed in just a few years.
Mory had come to live with us from her foster family after the walls had been demolished, and she was almost nine now. It had taken her the past two years to get comfortable with calling us anything other than (F/N) and Levi, but one day, of her own accord, she had started calling us mama and papa. And I took that as a sign that she was finally happy. And that's all I wanted for her after all she'd been through and all she'd lost-happiness.
I watched, a slight smile on my lips, as Levi crouched down beside Mory on the sand, listening to her as she pointed out all of the shapes she and Miller had been making. I wanted the same thing for him after all he'd been through and lost-happiness. Everyone I loved, I just wanted them to finally be happy.
After all, we deserved it, didn't we?
I watched them for a few more moments, soaking in the feeling of finally being here, the chance that maybe we could all finally be happy, and then I stood from the sand. I glanced down the beach and saw that Ackerman had joined Arlert and Hange by the water, as Hange gestured excitedly with her hands and motioned to something at their feet.
Walking down the beach, in the opposite direction from the rest of the group, I took a moment to just really appreciate the feel of the cool ocean breeze against my cheeks and the sharp smell of salt in my nose and the sound of the waves crashing in and out against the sandy shore.
It all still felt like such a dream. We had won. We were safe. We had made it outside the walls.
I came around an outcropping of rock that jutted out into the water, creating a small, calm area of sea within its walls. The area was a small inlet, hidden from the view of the others down the beach, and the water looked too blue and cool for me to resist.
I glanced behind me to make sure I was alone and then pulled my shirt over my head, dropping it to the sand at my feet before I reached down and slipped out of my pants. It felt odd not to have to spend time unbuckling all of the straps of the leather 3DM harness that was usually around my waist. It was freeing to be able to undress so quickly and easily. It was yet another reminder of the complicated world we had finally left behind.
I waded into the surf, gasping slightly as the chilly water lapped at my calves. The salt stung my skin slightly as I continued to go deeper, the teal water licking up around my hips, as I dropped my fingers down under its smooth surface, feeling the cool liquid form seamlessly around my hand.
When I had waded far enough out that I was up on my toes, and the water had reached my chin, I kicked off from the sandy bottom and took a few strokes, my breath coming in tight, quick gasps as I adjusted to the cold. I paused for a moment, treading water, the feeling of the deep blue nothingness around me all at once terrifying and exhilarating, and then I ducked beneath the surface of the sea, the heavy, cool water surrounding me.
I stayed underneath the water as long as I could hold my breath, my eyes squeezed shut, my arms out from my sides, floating weightlessly, all sounds muffled in my ears.
It was a comforting feeling, the feeling of nothingness.
Finally, I surfaced for air again, breaking through the waves of the ocean with a small splash, as I gasped oxygen back into my lungs, my mouth and throat stinging from the salt water.
"Oi, (F/N)!"
I glanced over to the beach and saw Levi standing beside my pile of discarded clothes, arms crossed over his chest, a slight look of displeasure resting on his dark features. I took a few smooth strokes through the water toward him, and when I could touch again, stood up, the water still deep enough that it was up to my chin, but shallow enough that I didn't have to tread water for the time being. I lifted my hand out of the water, droplets cascading down the skin of my arm, and gave him a little wave as I called out, "Levi! You should come in!"
He scoffed. "Tch. No way in hell is that happening. I already told you, we know nothing about this place."
I shot him a grin. "Come on, Levi. Don't be a pain in the ass. Have some fun for once." I splashed some water in his direction, getting the sand wet at his feet, and he took a step back to avoid getting damp, as he gave me a glare. "It can't be as dirty as the cistern water we used to swim in as kids." I held up my hands for him to see, my fingers splayed. "And look! I haven't turned into any sort of mutant yet."
He watched me for a moment, his eyes hooded, his face unreadable, and then he reached for the hem of his shirt. He pulled it up and over his head in a smooth movement, as he said in a slightly annoyed voice, "Fine. But everyone is getting cleaned up as soon as we leave here. I'll be damned if we all catch anything because of improper hygiene."
He finished undressing down to his shorts and then took a step into the incoming surf, shuddering slightly as the water washed over his feet. I watched him, a smug smile on my lips, as he continued to wade into the water toward me, displeasure still flashing across his features consistently as the water got deeper.
When he finally reached me, he came to a stop in front of me, the water lapping underneath his chin, and gave me another glare as he hissed between his teeth, "Are you happy now?"
I flashed him a sweet smile. "Ah. You came in. I'm so proud of you." I crossed over to him and draped my arms around his neck, my wet skin sticking to the hair at the base of his neck as I met his gaze. "You didn't have to, you know."
He raised an eyebrow at me. "I know. But I seem to always be doing things I wouldn't normally do when you're around, (F/N)."
The teasings smile dropped from my lips as he held my gaze, his tone serious. His dark eyes watching me sent a shiver across my skin. "Well, I guess I just bring out that side of you, Ackerman." I spoke, my voice barely above a murmur.
"Mmm." He made a slight sound in agreement and moved his lips close to my ear, his breath cool against my dampened skin. "I'll deny it if you ever repeat this to anyone, but I like when you bring out that side of me."
I felt my breath catch slightly in my throat as his teeth grazed my earlobe gently as he pulled away, and then he met my gaze again, raising an eyebrow at me, before he said in an impatient tone, "Now. Can we get out of this water before we both catch some strange disease? I didn't spend years of my life battling titans, only to get taken out by a damn drop of unsanitary water."
I let a small smirk flick across my lips as he watched me expectantly. "I don't know. You haven't even gotten your head wet yet...."
Before he could react, I took in a mouthful of the sea water, the salt burning my tongue and throat again, and sprayed it at him, the droplets sparkling as they rolled off his pale skin and dark strands of hair.
I laughed at the look of disgust and surprise on his face and kicked away from him through the water, trying to reach shore before he could retaliate.
I made it maybe a few feet before I felt his fingers close around my ankle and with a yelp, he dragged me underneath the surface of the water before I could wriggle out of his grip.
Breaking through the surface of the water with a gasp, I took in deep lungfuls of air, my wet hair plastered against my forehead, droplets of the sea rolling down my temples and across the skin of my neck.
I glanced around for Levi, and suddenly an arm went around my waist, causing me to let out another small cry of surprise as he began to drag me with him through the water toward the shore. He held me up as I stumbled along the wet sand that lined the bottom of the sea, and glanced down at me as he continued to pull me along beside him toward the edge of the cove. He shot me a triumphant look as I attempted to struggle weakly in his grasp and then said, slightly out of breath, water dripping from his hair down his face, "I win, (L/N)."
When we reached the shallow water that washed in and out on the sand of the beach, he dropped me into the surf and collapsed down beside me.
We both laid there for a few silent moments, gasping for breath from the playful struggle, as the seawater pulled in and out, in and out, washing beneath our bodies in gentle tides over and over.
Finally, Levi pushed himself up from the sand, coming up on his elbows beside me, and said, "We should get back. The others will want to be headed out soon, before night falls."
I closed my eyes for a brief moment and took in a deep breath of the salty air through my nose, releasing it as I said in a slightly sad tone, "I wish we could all stay here forever." The feel of the rough sand beneath my bare skin, the ocean water wet against my back and legs, my damp hair stuck to my forehead, the smell of salt. I wanted nothing to change, ever again.
I heard Levi move beside me and opened my eyes to see him straddling me on hands and knees, his damp dark hair falling over his brow and into his eyes as he watched me carefully for a few moments. Finally, after several seconds of nothing but the surf sounds around us, he said in a low voice, "Tch. Is that what you really want, (F/N)?"
I let out a sigh, digging my fingers into the wet sand beneath me, the grains harsh against my palms. "No." I reached up a hand, tracing my finger down his cheekbone and jawline. A drop of water fell from the wet strands of his hair and landed softly on the skin between my eyes. "I just mean that I wish we could all stay this happy forever."
He watched me for another silent moment, his eyes black in the lengthening shadows of the twilight, and then asked, "What makes you happy, (F/N)?"
I let out a slight laugh, my lips quirking upward just barely into the hint of a smile, as I let my finger trail down his neck and trace his collarbone for a few seconds before answering. "You."
His brow creased slightly in confusion. "I still don't understand how that's possible."
I stopped the movement of my finger on his skin and glanced up at him, meeting his serious gaze. He really didn't get it. Still. After all these years. He still couldn't see it.
"Levi." I raised my eyebrows at him, reaching up to take his face between my hands, hoping I could convey the importance of my words to him in this moment. "Why would it be anything else but you? After all this time? When we were kids, you did nothing but protect me. When we grew up and left the Underground, you did nothing but protect me. When the war ended, you did nothing but protect me. Even now." I laughed slightly at the absurdity of it all, of him not seeing what I saw. "When everything's said and done, you've done nothing but protect me."
I dug my fingers into his skin gently, hoping he was really listening to what I was saying to him. Particles of sand clung to his skin from my fingers. His dark gaze held mine, never wavering. "And after all these years, you still don't see. You don't see that all this time, by protecting me, you've actually been protecting my happiness. My heart." I gave him a soft smile, stroking my thumbs down his skin as I did so. "So why in the hell would you, the protector of my happiness, the holder of my heart, not be the one thing that truly makes me happy, Levi Ackerman?"
I grew silent, realizing that the sun had officially started to go down while we had been talking, and that I was shivering slightly in the chilly air, still lying in the shallow ocean water with Levi.
I glanced up at him again, his face intense with thought as he looked at me, and not wanting to disturb the moment, but feeling my limbs start to grow numb from the cold, said hesitantly, "Hey, Levi...."
Before I could finish the sentence, his lips were on mine. His skin was chilled against my own, but in that moment, I couldn't feel the cold anymore. And that kiss, as his lips moved against mine, warming me from the very soul, felt as if it was the very first one.
He pulled back from me slightly, his breath warm on the still slightly damp, cool skin of my face, and murmured to me, his dark eyes back on mine, "Get dressed. I have something for you." He ran his hand gently down the skin of my neck, causing me to shiver, but not from the cold, and then he pushed himself up off of me and headed toward our pile of clothes on the beach.
We both dressed quickly, the chilly air nipping at our damp underclothes and wet skin, and as I was finishing pulling the fabric of my shirt over my head, I glanced over to Levi, who was already dressed and watching me, his face blank. I raised an eyebrow at him as I adjusted my shirt on my shoulders. "What, dummy?"
He studied me for a few more moments and then crossed the beach to me, taking me by surprise as he took me by the arms and pushed me up against the crag of rock behind me. The rough stone was slightly uncomfortable against my back through the thin material of my shirt, but I wasn't focused on that as Levi pressed me tightly against the surface with his body, his voice low as he said, "What did I promise you, (F/N)?"
I couldn't focus when he was this close to me. His smell, even though it was slightly hidden by the scent of salt, was familiar in my nose and his hands were warm and rough on my arms, his every hot breath washing across my skin. I shook my head slightly to gather my thoughts. "I...You promised you'd never leave me behind."
His eyes were nothing but deep, black, piercing orbs in the shadows of the twilight. In that moment, our gazes locked, I was sure he could see everything I was thinking and feeling. "Tch. That's right. I promised I'd never leave you behind again. And I've kept that promise." His arms tightened slightly around my arms as the intensity in his voice rose. "The question I have for you now then, is do you want me to continue to keep that promise to you?"
I felt confusion wash across my features at his words. Of course I wanted him to keep that promise. Didn't he know that?
He continued, his voice fervent, his eyes still on mine. "Because, from what you're saying, for some damn odd reason, I make you happy. And if I continue to keep that promise, to never leave you behind again, I'll always be here. And that would make you happy?" My heart pounded in my chest slightly at the earnestness on his face as he spoke. "You said you wanted to stay this happy forever. And if I stay with you forever, cause and effect dictates that you could indeed, stay this happy forever. If I was there with you. Do you understand what I'm getting at, idiot?"
I felt my breath catch in my throat as he stopped talking. Holy hell, I couldn't be thinking the same thing he was thinking. Could I?
He released one of his holds on my arm and reached down, slipping his fingers into the pocket of his pants, looking for something.
When I finally spoke again, my voice held a slight tremor, and it wasn't from the cool night air. "Don't call me an idiot." I watched as he found what he was looking and pulled his hand back out from his pocket, something clasped tightly in his palm. I felt panicky, my heart pounding against my ribcage like a trapped bird desperate for air. "But I don't understand what you're trying to get at, Levi..."
"Tch. Let me make it a littler clearer for you then, dummy." He held his hand out to me and opened his fingers, and in the dimming light of the oncoming evening, nestled in his palm, there was a ring.
I opened my mouth, staring at the ring he held, but nothing came out. I swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly dry. Where in the hell had this come from?
Levi watched me silently, his hand still extended, and then he spoke again, his voice holding a sharp edge as he said, "Oi, (F/N). Do you understand now?" I flicked my gaze up to his dark intense one, and he raised an eyebrow at me impatiently. "I can't spell it out any clearer for you. We both grew up the same, we both survived that hellhole, we survived the scouts, we survived the war. And now..." He took in a deep breath, his voice and eyes suddenly softening just a bit. "I want to seal that promise I made to you all those years ago. That I'll never leave you behind again."
I dropped my eyes from his, back to the ring nestled in the palm of his hand, and suddenly, I noticed something.
It wasn't an ordinary ring.
I let out a small gasp and reached out, taking the ring carefully from him, and held it up so that I could be sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. No, I was right. I knew that pattern.
The ring was made from the handle of the teacup we had shared together all those years ago, the same faded, chipped teacup Levi had kept safely locked away in the box of memories that lived in the bottom of his office drawer.
I felt tears start to pool in my eyes, causing the floral pattern that ran around the outside of the ring to blur, and I took a step forward, throwing my arms around Levi's neck and knocking him slightly off balance with the sudden movement.
I buried my head in his shoulder as I felt his arms go around me, hugging my body tightly to his.
We stood there for several unspeaking moments, the shadows of night falling over us, the sound of the surf against the shore gentle in the background, the sand coarse beneath our bare feet.
Finally, I pulled back from him, reaching up to wipe away my tears with the palm of my hand as I said in a voice hoarse with emotion, "How in the hell did you do this?"
He chuckled slightly. "I had four eyes help me. It wasn't too difficult." He grew serious again as he watched me stare at the ring, still held gently between my fingers. "Oi, (F/N)."
I glanced up at him, pulling my eye reluctantly away from the ring. "Yes?"
A soft smirk pulled up one corner of his usually straight, emotionless lips. "Are you going to let me protect you from now on or what?"
I grinned and slipped the ring onto my finger, the feel of the cool, delicate china comforting against my skin. "Just this one time."
He pulled me to him and kissed me, deeply, passionately, his touch setting my whole body on fire.
I wanted to live in that moment forever, but in this world, things like that can't last forever, no matter how much I want them to.
"Mama (F/N)! Papa Levi!"
Mory came bounding around the outcropping of rock as we broke apart, followed closely by the rest of the group we had brought with us.
She ran up to us, a grin splitting her features, and threw her arms around our waists, burying her head in my shirt as she said, "We've been looking for you! It's time to go home."
I glanced over at Hange, who winked at me, and then let my gaze drift across the rest of the cadets-Arlert and Ackerman, all that was left of the famous trio, and Miller, the last surviving cadet from my old squad of ragtag beginners.
And of course, those we had lost along the way. Jaeger, Erwin, Johnson, Farlan, Isabel, Mike.....
I felt Levi's arm go around my waist and glanced over at him. He raised an eyebrow at me, as if to let me know that he knew I was thinking over things too much again. He had an uncanny ability to read me when no one else could.
I shot him a brief smile and then glanced back to the others, Mory still clinging to my waist. I dropped my hand to her head and then said, "Alright, everyone. What are we waiting for? Let's go home, then."
As we walked away from the sea, back toward the inland, back toward home, back toward humanity, I couldn't help but think that though the war against the titans had hardened and changed all of us, in some ways, it had created things that never would have been otherwise.
It had created a burning flame of resilience in all of our hearts, the intense desire to survive, no matter what came our way, and now, that it was all over, all of humankind had finally found where they belonged.
Just like a girl from the Underground, all those years ago, had finally found where she belonged after all this time.
And at last, after a lifetime of storm, there was calm.