"No I can't."
I felt my heart sink in my chest, my eyes dancing between hers as if maybe they'd give me some sort of answer.
"Why?" My voice came out foreign to my ears.
I'm not entirely sure what hurt most. Hearing from Max she was purposely acting like she hated me or hearing her say she couldn't trust me.
They're both kind low blows that left me slightly breathless with a dull ache in my chest.
I watched her shake her head, taking another bite of her food like she hadn't just tried to stick a knife in my heart directly beside the one from Drew. I'd only taken a couple of bites but my appetite was gone, just like that.
"Mina, why can't you trust me?" I pushed when she didn't supply me with an answer. "What did I do?"
"Nothing." She was quiet as she responded, avoiding my eyes even though I was staring directly at her.
"Nothing?" It fell out of me, choked and confused. I couldn't even form words.
"Just forget about it Owen."
I didn't mean to raise my voice but my chest was tight and I was scared. I was scared this was it. That this was all I'd ever be to her. I loved her. And I didn't want to be one of those guys that lost the girl he loved.
"No!" She jumped at my outburst and I instantly felt bad. "I'm sorry, I just, Mina, please."
It felt like the walls of the restaurant were closing in on me.
"I can't, Owen, even if I wanted to. I can't."
"Why?"
"Because I can't Owen!" She started to yell at me, frustrated that I wouldn't let it go.
"But.."
"It has nothing to do with you!" The tears sprung back in her eyes, the sight made me feel like a dick for pushing it.
She looked back down at her plate, letting out a sigh as we both tried to find our composure again. I needed to say something to make her stay.
"I'm sorry." I told her. "I..."
I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd lost her, I never had her to begin with. But at the same time I needed her to know that I didn't just care, I didn't just have a crush.
"You don't have to trust me." I finally said. "It doesn't change that I'm still gonna be here."
She kept shaking her head.
"You don't have to ever feel the same way back Mina, but I love you and I'm not sorry that I do."
Her green eyes snapped to mine, angry. "You don't love me."
"I do."
"No you don't Owen." She snapped.
"Why wouldn't I?"
Her mouth came open like maybe she had a list to recite. A list of completely false accusations about herself. But then she snapped it shut.
"You're wasting your time." She told me.
"It's my time to waste if I want."
And I would. I'd give her time. I could be patient. Maybe it sounded crazy but I knew she was it. I could see her in my life, past now, past a year from now, five years. I could still see Mina there, rolling her eyes, telling me I was obnoxious.
"I don't hate you." Her eyes widened like maybe she hadn't meant to say that out loud.
"I know." A ghost of a smile pulled at my face.
"But I'm never going to fall in love with you."
"That's okay."
She placed her forehead in her hand, rubbing it like the conversation had caused her a headache before she blew out a breath and looked back up at me.
"For being starving you haven't ate much." She commented.
I looked down at my food, I wasn't hungry anymore but for sake of an argument, I picked up my fork.
"I got a little distracted."
She laughed through her nose, eyes rolling. I wanted Mina to love me back. But maybe time would change her mind. And that I could give her.
————————
The car ride back was tense. The whole dinner after was tense but I kept forcing light conversation, determined that my confession wouldn't ruin whatever small bridge of friendship we had.
Telling Mina that I loved her wasn't going to change anything for me. I'd still just keep loving her from a distance. Until she could wrap her head around it.
When she pulled up to my house, my dad was just getting home, briefcase in hand, shoulders sagging. He must have had a long day.
Mina didn't stay, in fact once I was in my chair, my dad loitering in the driveway, she left. It wasn't like last time, where she'd walked me to the door. Everything in me was red flagging, screaming at me that she was going to run and that was it. I'd never see her again. But I had to let her leave. She wasn't mine to keep.
"What were you and Mina up to?" My dad asked once we were inside.
I had cleaned off and changed my clothes after the game, opting out of a shower so I wouldn't keep Mina waiting. Even with that I could still smell that pungent odor from sweating adrenaline through every single one of my pores for an hour.
"We went and got dinner after the game."
"Oh shit, the game. That was tonight." He ran a hand through his dark hair, his white button up rolled up at the sleeves and untucked at the bottom. "I'm sorry bud."
"No big deal." I said with a shrug.
I was used to it.
"No buddy, I should have been there. I got caught with a meeting and then a client called and..."
"Dad, it's fine." He let out a sigh, shaking his head. "Can I sign up for the in-house season though? It starts soon."
"Yeah, of course. I'll check it out tonight before I go to bed." He placed his hands on his hips, his wedding band catching my eye.
"Why haven't you ever tried to remarry?" I blurted out.
As far as I knew, my dad had never even gone on a date. I didn't know where the question came from or why I suddenly wanted an answer.
His eyes met mine, forehead wrinkled in confusion. My question was as much of a surprise for me as it was for him.
"I could never love another woman as much as I do your mom." He told me.
His use of the present tense didn't slip past me.
"But you're gonna spend the rest of your life alone."
He nodded his head. "I've got you and Jase. I'm not alone."
"Yeah but what happens when I move out? And you're just here, in an empty house?"
"I'll be fine Owen." He pressed, a smile on his face. "I promise."
I stared at him for a minute, his wrinkled dress shirt, still perfectly pressed pants, his hair a mess where he'd ran his hands through it, wrinkles etched in his face and eyes encompassed in black circles. I didn't believe him for a second.
He started sniffing the air, doing the whole checking his armpits to see if the stench was coming from him act.
"Do you...do you smell that?" He asked, looking around.
"It's me." I told him, laughing a little. "Haven't showered yet."
"Damn bud, that's strong. You made the poor girl go to dinner with you like that?" He asked.
At that, I snorted out some laughter. Maybe our conversation would have flowed a little better had I not stunk like week old rotting road kill in the middle of summer.
"She didn't complain."
He laughed and for a moment it reminded me of when I was young. When my mom was still alive. When my dad still came home for more than sleep and clean clothes. He almost looked happy and alive like he used to back then.
"Well she must really like you."
If only she'd let herself.
———————
Friends.
I had to take the bandage off my tattoo today. I think it hurt worse than the tattoo itself 😂. Why oh why did I think it was a good idea to get a tattoo on my inner arm? That shits sensitive 😭. It took a solid ten minutes for me to peel it off and I had to have a pep talk from a couple friends via text haha. Mostly they told me to stop being a wuss 🤣. I have such sympathetic friends...NOT.
So how do you all feel about Owen's confession to Mina? Think he's nuts for showing her his entire hand?