Summary: In the mists of his family falling apart, Stan finds a chance to salvage it when one of his family members asks him to teach her the art of being a con.
Stan stormed into the kitchen. He was barely containing his anger in.
"After everything I told him, he still does it!" he yelled.
He knew Dipper was going to head downstairs to try and talk to Ford eventually, but he didn't think it would happen so soon. He had told him not to multiple times, that Ford's work was too high risk and that he should not get into that.
But he was dealing with a literal younger version of his brother in Dipper. It was only a matter of time. Now Stan wished he had spent more time bonding with the boy. Not letting him in or even being there for him that much had left him open to other influences. The author of the journals, the man he had labored to find for the whole summer was now living in the basement of the shack he had called home all summer. Of course, he was going to hang out with him.
Stan feared it. He honestly did. What if Dipper ended up like Stanford? What if him and Mabel ended up like him and his brother? As Stan sat there, he couldn't help but feel sorry. Why could he not have waited until after the kids had left to light the portal? In his rush and longing to be reunited with Ford, he let himself put the kids in a danger far greater than anything the portal ever could have done...the danger of becoming like him and his brother. He could feel his once whole family crumbling at the seams.
Stan's fear of his family's impending breakup however, was halted as he heard footsteps approaching the kitchen. At first, he assumed Dipper was coming or Ford, but it was Mabel. She raced in with her up beat smile and a brand-new green sweater, which curiously, had dollar sign on it.
Mabel jumped up and sat down next to him, "Morning Grunkle Stan," she said.
"Morning Mabel," said Stan. Not assuming much more.
He thought Mabel would soon be heading on her way. Probably to go knit a new sweater, hang out with her friends, or anything else that she would normally do, and nothing he forbid. So for that reason, he was not ready for what she actually did.
"Grunkle Stam, can you please teach me how to con people," she ordered.
Stan got taken aback by that request. Of all people, Mabel? Why would she want to know how to be a con? She was the nicest, most honest and least self-centred person he had come to meet in his whole life. Now she wanted to learn how to be the opposite of that?
"Why...why would you want to learn a stupid skill like that?" he asked.
"Because, I want to be just like you," she replied simply.
Stan didn't know what to say. He could not believe it, "I, uh..."
"So, are you gonna teach me Grunkle Stan, or what?" Mabel asked. The look in her eyes showed him that she was not playing around.
"Well...well, I can't teach you looking like an unemployed truck driver. Step one missy, always look your sharpest," he said as he got up to get changed. Mabel looked on with excitement in her eyes.
While in his room changing, Stan was still struck with disbelief. Dipper would never ask something like this and would keep Mabel away from such things too. Now all of a sudden, she was interested in him?
Stan looked at himself in the mirror, "All right, don't mess this up, me. Mabel is counting on you," he said as he put on his iconic red fez. Mr. Mystery was in and the Mystery Shack was now open for business.
"All right, I'm gonna start simple with you given you're a beginner," he said, "This one is part of the sleight of hand tricks. I learned from a magician I worked for during my time in Vegas."
"Oh, how was that like?" asked Mabel.
"I honestly don't remember much. I payed more attention to the shows girls than the actual guys playing cards. You know, now I get why the mafia ran me out of that job literally five days into it."
Mabel began to laugh, "Wow Grunkle Stan, you sure lived the good life."
He gave Mabel a little playful nudge, "Hey, when did you get so naughty?" he said jokingly, "Alright, alright, now pay close attention. I'm about to make this coin vanish right before your eyes."
Mabel payed close attention, studying every one of Stan's moves. She watched as he moved his hands around and right before her eyes, made the coin vanish.
"Wow!" she said, "Where did it go?"
"Well, let's just say you're more likely to find it than my ex wife's alimony checks."
Stan moves his hand over to Mabel's shoulder and revealed the coin, "It was behind your ear the whole time silly," he said.
Mabel looked at him surprised, "That was awesome," she said.
"You really think so? Last time I tried it; the couple threatened to sue me for endangering their children."
"You bet I did. So, how do you do it?" she asked.
Stan was left with a sense of joy. He spent the next hour teaching Mabel the trick and even let her try it out on a group of tourists. The sight of her wowing them and being handed wads of cash made his old money hungry heart gleam with pride.
"So, how was that for a first time go?" she said as she handed him the cash she made.
"Huh...beginners' luck," replied Stan. In reality he was beyond impressed with her.
"How about you keep that dough for yourself. Don't tell Dipper though," he added with a wink.
"I promise," replied Mabel with another wink.
Stan had to go shopping for groceries that afternoon, so he took Mabel along with him into town. He showed her tricks that he always used to save money.
"You see Mabel, normally when parking in town, you have to pay these meter things...otherwise they'll, tow your car away. But if you park on the sidewalk, thanks to Gravity Falls weird road laws, they aren't allowed to tow you given you're not on the road. Saves me like 2 dollars every time I go shopping," he said.
"But what about pedestrians?" asked Mabel.
"You just have to hope they're not in your rear-view mirror when you're reversing," he replied as the two got out and walked into the grocery store.
"Now here's another clever trick. Security over there checks your receipts to make sure all the items you're walking out with are the things you actually bought. But they can't stop you if nothing you buy has a barcode."
"Isn't that shop lifting?" said Mabel.
"Mabel sweetie, it's only shop lifting if there's a barcode on it. That activates that beeping machine which irritates my hearing aid. But if you scratch the barcode off, or cover it up, it won't beep and given it doesn't, security won't notice. And if they do, just say it's a free sample. Works for me every time."
Stan began painting over the barcodes of the stuff he was planning on buying.
Mabel got in on it too, and by the time they were leaving the store, they both had shopping carts full of free samples.
"Excuse me sir, where's your receipt for all this stuff?" asked the security guard.
"These are all...free samples sir" said Mabel.
"Yeah! What the kid said," added Stan.
Skeptical, the security guard grabbed one of the items and walked to the other side of the store theft detector. It didn't beep.
"And you thought we were lying, huh?" said Stan.
Baffled, the security guard shrugged it off and let them go. The two began their drive back to the shack, eating some of the chocolate Mabel got while Stan told another one of his stories.
"And then I told Edward, how on Earth will a bunch of weasels survive a flight to Hong Kong without food? He then puts a gun to my face and tells me to shut up and keep loading the Pan Am jumbo. Needless to say, I got fired after Edward was found barely alive when they opened that hold up in Hong Kong. And no weasels" said Stan.
The two began to laugh.
"Geez Grunkle Stan, how did they not kill you?" asked Mabel.
"Guess it had to do with the fact that by the time they found out, I was already at the Alaskan border, using one of my fake ID's to sneak through Canada," he responded.
The two laughed. Soon they sat in silence for a while before Stan asked the question on his mind since the moment Mabel asked him to teach her how to con.
"So, why'd you ask me pumpkin?" he said.
"Ask you what?"
"Why did you ask me to teach you how to con? I mean, you of all people would be the last person I'd assume would ask me. So, why did you?"
Mabel sat in silence for a bit before she started speaking.
"I don't know," she replied, "I guess...I guess I just felt a bit lonely. I mean, all this summer it's just been me, you, Dipper, and Waddles. Wendy and Soos too, but mostly us four. And now that Ford's here...I...I just feel a bit left out. It's like we just no longer have fun as a family anymore," she said.
Stan could literally feel Mabel's emotions by now. He could relate. But he let her continue speaking first.
"I've been up quite a lot at night now. Sometimes I just hear you and Ford arguing about something, or Dipper staying up late because he's helping him with something. And I just get bored. I mean, I love hanging out with Candy and Grenda, but I want to hang out with you and Dipper too. I love Grunkle Ford, don't get me wrong. And I'm happy Dipper finally found someone as nerdy as him and that you got your brother back. But...I just feel lonely. I feel as if-"
"You feel as if you and Dipper are going down the path me and Ford went down. Right?" interrupted Stan.
"Well...I uh-"
"Hey, it's okay Mabel," replied Stan, "You don't have to be afraid of saying that. I get how you're feeling. I've noticed it too. I guess I should have seen it coming with me, what with how I've treated Dipper this summer. But it still gets to me how similar the two of you are to us...How similar he is to him. I guess that was sort of why I wanted to protect you two from Gravity Falls' weirdness. I lost my brother to it. Even though he's back, he's still lost within it. And Dipper might be on the verge too."
"Yeah, I guess that's why I tried to learn how to be a con like you," said Mabel, "I mean, if Dipper is going to be an expert at something, I want to be good at something too."
"I'll tell you one thing you are an expert at being," said Stan, "A good niece. You really brightened up my world ever since you and your brother first got here. It's been a great journey. And while I loved hanging out with you today, you do know being a con is not a good thing. I mean, look how many times I've gone to jail for it. I don't ever want to see you go down that same path too, sweetie," said Stan.
"Aww...thanks Grunkle Stan. And don't worry. You know I'd never end up like you. I mean, for starters, my nose doesn't look like a pear," she said with a laugh.
Stan just shrugged and gave her a playful nudge.
"But really, I just wanted to hang out with you today. I missed when it was just the two of us. Great niece and Grunkle against the world," she said as she moved in to hug him.
Stan felt a sense of both bitter sweet happiness and remorse. Happiness to know that Mabel would love him no matter what, and remorse because deep down, he knew that it may be only a matter of time before Dipper and Mabel's sibling relationship would be tested like it was with him and Ford. And while he wanted to say history would not repeat itself, he didn't want to lie this time...even if lying would have made him feel better.
"Alright, alright," he said "Come on. How about you and me get dinner ready for our two nerdy twin brothers."
"I'll get the table ready," said Mabel as she grabbed her shopping bags and ran towards the front door of the shack.
Stan gleamed with pride to know he had made the most of today. A day where he thought he'd be spending it on the couch, pondering at his family in self destruct mode. But hanging out with Mabel had reminded him that while things may not be looking right just now, there still was a chance that things would end up going the way he hoped.
After all, the summer was not over yet.
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