Clarke stretched out in the bathtub, letting herself just get lost in the heat of the water and the relaxing sensation that was spreading through her body. The last few days had been wreaking havoc on her, both mentally and physically.
Spending time with Lexa again had been both wonderful and tragic. Wonderful, because it felt so good to just sit and talk with her again, to just be in the same room as her. It felt warm and comforting, just like it always had. Tragic, because she still felt the hurt that Lexa had caused her and though Raven had pointed out that Lexa was still, Lexa, she knew that nothing would ever be able the way that it was. It just couldn't be. There was just no way to erase what had happened, no way to undo it and no way to truly forgive it. Life had moved on and so had they.
Clarke sighed as she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. At that moment, more than anything, all that she wanted to do was turn her mind off. She needed a break from her thoughts, a break from the memories, but even as she thought this, another one came slipping in.
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Raven had been having a rough few weeks, she was struggling after a guy that she liked stared seeing someone else and she was asking the most ridiculous favor of Lexa.
"Come on, Commander," Raven pleaded. "Help a girl out!"
"Why me?" Lexa argued. "You know lots of people. Clarke's not going with anyone – take her."
"Hello, have you looked in a mirror?" Raven retorted quickly. "You're beyond smokin' hot."
"Stop that," Lexa told her sharply.
"Besides, I can't take Clarke," Raven insisted. "Wick knows her, but he doesn't know you."
Lexa audibly groaned. "So, you want to make this guy jealous?"
"I absolutely do," Raven confirmed, nodding her head quickly, "and maybe, kind of rub it in his face that I can show up with a way hotter date than he can."
"Which is obviously bullshit," Lexa chuckled as she shook her head, "considering what you're asking."
"Hey! I could if I wanted to, but I don't and besides, I don't even have time to try," Raven defended herself confidently. "Listen, I don't expect you to get it, but help me out. All you have to do is pretend to be my date," she said, placing her hands together. "I'll be good. I promise."
"It's really not that big of a deal," Octavia interjected from the couch where she was lounging with Lincoln.
"Then why don't you do it," Lexa huffed at her.
"Please, please, please," Raven begged ridiculously.
Clarke glanced over at her, finding her eyes and shrugged. "I agree with Octavia," she said simply. "It's really not a big deal."
Lexa sighed and turned back to Raven. "Will you stop calling me Commander?"
Raven shrugged. "For the night," she smirked playfully.
"Fair enough," Lexa nodded, "but, make no mistake Reyes, you owe me."
"Yes! You're fucking awesome!" Raven jumped triumphantly. "I'll meet you out front at seven," she said a left the room quickly.
Lexa showed up exactly at seven and Clarke's mouth went dry at the sight of her, she looked absolutely breathtaking. She had kept her hair down and wild, but used a few complicated braids to hold the front out of her face. She wore a simple black dress that fell just passed her knees, it was low in the front and open in the back and she'd paired it with equally simple black heels. Her smoky eye makeup was perfectly accentuating the green of her eyes and the red lipstick she wore made it damn near impossible to not stare at her lips.
"You look fucking amazing," Raven told her instantly.
"I thought that was the point," Lexa replied with a slight smirk.
All night long Clarke kept finding herself staring at Lexa and wanting to snap Raven's fingers any time they touched her. They were playing their parts well and even though she knew that it was a ruse, Clarke couldn't seem to stifle the burning feeling of jealousy that surged through her every time that she saw them interacting. It was confusing and strange, and the fact that she couldn't explain it, made it downright annoying. It made for the longest night ever and left her at a loss on what, if anything, to do about it.
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Clarke pulled the plug in the tub and got to her feet, grabbing a towel, she quickly dried off and slipped into and oversized t-shirt and an old pair of sweats – her go-to comfy clothes. She exited the bathroom and moved into the kitchen where she started to prepare a snack. She was so distracted that she never even noticed Wells reading on the sofa when she passed through the living room.
"Hey," his voice broke the silence in the room.
"Jesus!" Clarke jumped, dropping the box of crackers that she was holding. "You scared the shit out of me!"
Wells cracked a wide smile. "Sorry," he told her. "I thought that you knew that I was home."
Clarke shook her head, trying to catch her breath and calm her nerves.
Wells stepped into the room and picked up the box of crackers, placing it on the counter before wrapping his arms around Clarke from behind and kissing the side of her head. "Are you alright?" He asked. "You've been seeming a little, off, lately."
Clarke nodded. "Just a lot on my mind."
"Hmm," Wells said as he let go of her and stole one of her crackers. "Maybe you need one of your girl's days, with Octavia and Raven? That usually help you clear your head, doesn't it?"
"It does," Clarke agreed, not missing the fact that he hadn't even ask her if she wanted to talk about it. "I think I'll go try and sketch for a while," she told him as she dropped a quick kiss on his cheek and left the room.
As Clarke made her way to the bedroom, she thought of Wells. For as good of a guy that he was, this was a place where he came up short. Whenever Clarke got too lost in her head, he was always the first to recommend talking to Octavia and Raven, because honestly, he just didn't know what to say or do and really, that was okay. She didn't fault him for it, she knew that she could be a handful. But this worked, it was almost like a silent understanding between the two of them.
With Octavia and Raven it was different though. Whenever Clarke's head got too full, she could always count on them to help her sort it. They were her go-to people, they always had been.
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"Guys?" Clarke asked from her spot on the bed, leaning against the headboard. "Can I talk to you about something, without getting too much shit?"
"Of course," Octavia said as she glanced over at her, "but, there probably will be, at least some, shit."
"There usually is," Raven added from the bottom of the bed where she was scrolling through her phone.
"Never mind," Clarke shook her head, instantly changing her mind and adjusted her position.
"Oh, come on, Griffin," Raven set her phone down. "What's going on in that head of yours?"
Clarke sighed. "I think that I like Lexa," she finally admitted aloud.
"Um," Raven's brow furrowed in confusion. "Duh?"
"We already know that, Clarke." Octavia added matter-of-factly.
"No, I mean, I think that I like-like her," Clarke tried to explain. "Like, a real whole lot."
"Again," Raven sat up and looked at her. "Duh?"
"Like-like, Clarke?" Octavia also sat up. "What are we, fifth graders?"
Clarke felt her cheeks start to burn and she stared down at her hands. "I don't know what to do about it."
"Easy," Raven answered simply. "Tell her."
"Yeah," Octavia quickly agreed. "She's totally into you too."
"Did she tell you that?" Clarke asked without looking up.
"She doesn't have to," Raven shook her head. "It's more than obvious – same as you."
"I completely agree," Octavia nodded. "Everyone can tell that you two are totally into each other and totally connected too."
"What if you're wrong?" Clarke asked as she began chewing on the inside of her lip. "What if I tell her and it fucks everything up?"
"We're not," Octavia shook her head, "and it won't."
"Yeah. When are we ever wrong?" Raven asked with complete confidence in her voice.
Clarke looked up giving her a very unimpressed look. "You're kidding, right?"
"I mean, when it counts," Raven added quickly, waving her hand. "Trust us. You and Lexa, it makes total sense. Just go for it."
Clarke swallowed hard, but didn't respond. On one hand, she wanted to, God, did she really, really want to, but on the other, if Lexa wasn't interested, everything that they had could be jeopardized. "I don't know," she finally shook her head.
"Damn," Raven shook her head. "I never thought I'd see the day. What happened to that game of yours?"
"Shut up, Raven." Clarke snapped quickly. "I just can't help it. She makes me feel so..."
"Clarke, just stop. Don't mind-fuck yourself. " Octavia cut her off. "I'm telling you, she feels the same way. Now, stop being so afraid and go get your girl."
"My girl," a slight grin formed on Clarke's face. "I like the sound of that."
Raven rolled her eyes with slight smile. "The next time an opportunity presents itself, just go with it and see what happens. Don't think, just do."
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Clarke sat on her bed with her sketchpad in her lap. That had been a pretty scary moment for her, deciding whether or not to she should let Lexa know how she was really feeling. Something about the situation had her scared in a way that nothing had ever scared her before and if was a fear that she found damn near impossible to shake.
Shortly thereafter though, an opportunity did present itself. A party, where she allowed herself to get fairly drunk and then pestered Lexa until she agreed to dance with her and that dance – was damn near the death of her. Everything about it set every single one of her nerve endings on edge. The way that Lexa's body felt pressed up against hers, the softness of her touch and the way she moved against her. A few more minutes and Clarke probably could have come apart on the spot.
Okay, so getting drunk was probably not the smartest way to go about things, but that little bit of liquid courage, certainly helped, as later that night she was brave enough to fire off a text to Lexa, expressing just how turned on it had made her and in return, got the sense that Lexa felt the same. The next morning though...
Clarke shook her head as a shiver slipped down her spine.
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When Clarke woke up and saw the text exchange between her and Lexa from the night before, she felt a slight tinge of fear, but knew that now there was only one thing to do. Just put it out there.
Clarke: We need to talk. Can I come over?
Lexa: Okay?
Lexa: But, I have to leave for my parent's at 10:00am
Forty five minutes later, Clarke was at her door, she paused for a moment, adjusting her hair and clothes and then with all the courage she could muster, knocked.
"Morning," Lexa said with a small smile when the door opened.
"Hi," Clarke walked in and deposited her purse on the couch. "So, I thought it was a dream," she said as she turned to face Lexa, she just wanted to get to the point. "You know, the dance and everything. Until I saw my messages. I hope I didn't make you too uncomfortable."
"I was fine," Lexa responded softly, though shifted slightly. "I just thought that you needed to go to sleep, before you ended up saying something that you really regretted and things got weird between us."
"Are things weird between us?" Clarke questioned as she held her breath, slightly afraid of the answer.
Lexa shook her head.
Clarke exhaled with a small smile. "Then I don't regret anything that I said to you."
Lexa nodded. "Then I don't regret dancing with you."
Clarke inhaled deeply as she leaned towards Lexa and smiled. "Did I mention that was really hot?"
"Shut it," Lexa laughed and nudged her.
Clarke smiled again as she swayed for a moment. "Lexa," she finally said softly, "what would you say, if I asked if I could kiss you?
"What?" Lexa's eyes went wide with shock, instantly looking anxious. "No. We're friends."
"But, everyone says that there's something here," Clarke tried to explain, motioning between the two of them, "and obviously we've both thought about it."
"We're friends, Clarke," Lexa repeated. "I don't want to do anything that might mess with that."
"I know, but I'm curious and it's just a kiss," Clarke tried to make it seem like nothing, even though she, herself, was beyond scared. "It won't mess with anything."
"You don't know that," Lexa responded, stubbornly shaking her head. "You can't."
Clarke watched as Lexa's eyes dropped to her lips and inside, she smiled. "What if there's more here?" She asked taking a step forward and quickly palming Lexa's cheek. "Don't we owe it to ourselves to know what's real?"
Lexa's breath was shallow and she looked genuinely terrified.
Clarke stroked her thumb across her jaw making Lexa's eye close and the quickly began regretting even asking. She never wanted to cause her any kind of stress. She dropped her hand and took a step back.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Lexa asked, her voice suddenly sounding remarkably calm.
Clarke's eyes snapped up. "I am," she assured her quietly and to her surprise, Lexa made the first move.
Slowly Lexa's hand went up and found the back of her neck and she caressed it slowly for a moment before inching forward. The moment Lexa's lips met hers, little shots of electricity began coursing through her skin. Clarke let her tongue steal forward, briefly brushing against Lexa's and the sensation sent a shiver straight to her core. Lexa pulled back, just a little, but Clarke grabbed at her bottom lip and pulled her back in. She wasn't ready to stop, not yet. She swallowed the whimper that was in her fighting to escape her throat and shifted when she felt Lexa's hand on her waist, pulling her in closer. Her body was on fire and all she wanted to do was get lost in that moment forever. Lexa inhaled deeply, allowing the kiss to continue for a few more feverish seconds, before slowing and then finally, pulling away. Clarke opened her eyes slowly, afraid of what she might see.
"Wow," Clarke finally said when she found her voice. "Like, seriously, just wow."
Lexa swallowed hard. "What do you think?"
Clarke stared at her, her face was unreadable and suddenly, all of her courage abandon her. "I don't know," she replied, caving into the fear that was starting to overwhelm her. "What about you?" She added quickly, hoping for a hint at what, if anything, Lexa was feeling.
"I..." Lexa cleared her throat. "I think that it's probably time for you to go," she finally answered, with a funny tone in her voice and an almost pained look in her eyes. "I have to leave soon."
Clarke's lips parted once more, but this time from utter shock. She didn't know what she had expected, but that certainly wasn't it. Feeling defeated and not knowing what to say, she simply nodded and left without saying anything at all.
By the time she hit the elevator, tears were already bursting from her eyes. She fucked up. This was a mistake.
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Clarke was now tucked into her bed with her sketchpad long abandoned on her night stand and the lights turned off. The memory of her first kiss with Lexa had left a silly little smile playing on her face.
God, they had been so stupid.