Dont you get this feeling when you are at your worse, you cry out in pain saying "can this get any worse?" Thinking that life, fate, destiny, this world, your reality is done crushing you. You think that there is a limit on your destruction cause everything has a limit. Turns out...it doesnt.
Pain has no limit.
Fate has to limit.
Reality has no limit.
Now that I think that I've been hit with the worst, to think of the harshness of what I said analyzed. I can't help but live in fear. What worse could happen to me now? Will it happen? Or is life going to some mercy on me?
When the days are the darkest, you can't seem to find light in yourself to move on. Everyone around you will not stop to wait for you to catch up, they'll keep moving like waves in the deep blue ocean. They can come around, eventually.
By the time they come around, you are ready. Ready to go with them, you become that wave that keeps on collecting the broken things not once forgetting that you were once a broken thing.
You just need someone to pull you out.
Rhys
I sat in my office, with files all over my desk. I linched to bridge of my nose as I filled through a page.
How many clients have we lost in the past month?
Taking notes about every single detail that I had been looking for was written in front of me. The weird part was that, none of these people actually surfaced to my site. At all.
There was a knock on the door, and Felicity walked in with more files in her hands. I let out a tired sigh and she turned towards me saying "I have to tell you one thing about all of this sir. These clients that we have lost didn't even come to us first, it's almost as if someone is taking them in before they are approaching us. The ones who pull out of the agreement and who say that they found someone else, won't tell us the names as suddenly that information is "confidentia" " she air quoted the word confidential.
She took out a file, and handed it to me "Some projects are going in deficit. Also, more and more funding has been filed under you for all the departments" all this was giving me a headache now.
"Please go easy on the bad news, Felicity" I groaned.
"I'm sorry sir. But it's about time that you know what has been going on under our noses. The only way we actually found out about this was when Tory found that finances file in the board room" atleast we had a lead on this.
"So there is a leak" Felicity nodded.
"Would that be all, Felicity? I'll look into everything once I'm done with the Withmore files" I asked hoping there wasnt anything needed to be done by me.
"They want you in Canada on Friday" just when I thought it couldn't get worse, it did.
I got up from my chair and started to gather my things, I needed to talk to dad about this. Though I was the CEO, and involving him wasn't a bold thing to do but I needed his help. Even if it was some advice.
My phone rang and I picked it up "Hello, Son?" I heard Dad say with such a calmness in his voice.
"Hey Dad" I said trying to mask the tiredness I felt in the moment.
"Is Avery better now? How is my daughter?" I let out a chuckle. He seems to care more for his daughter in law than is actual son.
"She is okay Dad. Better than before" I had told Dad about Avery and the thing she was going through. I made him promise not to tell mom about it. Knowing how she would react and I honestly was done with her "stuck with a cripple" speech. I hated that word. I hated how they treated her.
I was grateful that Dad wasn't like them. It was like he didn't even care for what was Avery's condition. Whenever Dad would visit us, he wouldn't stare at her as if she's alien. Not like the others, who meet her and the only thing they seem to be interested in is how she got it and when she'll be free.
Oh and how can I forget, the way they look at me with pity in their eyes. I got so sick of them that I started to tell them to mind their own business. That I didn't care.
Who had been taking my clients, who had been authorising new funds into the places that clearly didn't need to be?
In a couple of minutes, I was walking through the entrance doors.
No one was in the living room, not even in the kitchen.
I wasn't like me to barge into someone's room when they clearly need some time alone. I know that Avery didn't ask for it but the way she has been acting recently made me realise that it's time for her to figure this one out for herself.
I sat on the couch with my head in my hands, I was in such a mess. Telling Avery about it would make it worse because it will stress her out though she won't show it.
"I didn't hear you come in" I heard her say behind me, but I was too tired to turn towards her.
I loosened my tie, and took off my suit jacket. Rolling up the sleeves, I rested my head on the cushioned headrest.
"You look the way I feel" I felt the couch dip next to me.
"I look the way I feel" I sighed opening my eyes.
"Long day?" She said without looking at me.
"Hectic day" was all I said after getting up from the couch and retiring to my room.
After the whole day, I knew that Avery needed someone to talk to. But today was just one of those days where you just don't feel like yourself.
When I was in bed, sleep was about to take me away I heard a knock on the door. I gave a permission and saw Avery walk in with a tray filled with food that she was trying so hard to balance with one hand as her other was preoccupied by her cane.
I immediately got up from the bed and brought the tray with me to the bed. Judging by the contents of the food on the tray, it was dinner for two.
"I know you are probably having a bad, long, hectic day" she said as she sat in front of me "you left without eating anything. The first ten mintues I thought that we went to change but when an hour passed. I decided to make a tray for you and I and make you eat this"
I smiled lightly, but this sudden wave of bad feelings came close to me.
Why were we acting like we were husband and wife? What was the point of these dinners and bed and her caring?
I clearly remembered the night she was talking to Ridge on the phone saying that she will become indifferent towards me.
Why did all of this feel so perfect but imperfect at the same time?
"I'm not hungry, Avery" I said in a low voice.
She reached to grab my chin to make me look at her but I flinched away.
It was a natural reflex, I never let anyone come closer to me in this way. With such care.
Her hand was in mid air, time moved slow as she descended her hand to her lap. She looked away, I didn't miss the hurt that etched her face but she masked it with a sigh.
She got up from the bed and walked out of the room without a word. Slamming the door as she left.
It was then my mind ringed.
Just because you are having a bad day doesn't mean that you have to make it hard for the other person.
She probably thought that I was trying to escape her, as if I had given up on her. As if that was all I could do for her.
That she was on a borrowed time.
The next morning
Avery
I sat at the kitchen isle, eating my breakfast. The sound of footsteps and a bag being dragged along echoed in the house.
I kept my head hung low, not feeling like to indulge myself into anything related to giant the moment. As my mind wandered off to last night, to me playing the "wife" role just to make it easy for him but then getting rejected like that.
Pathetic.
I felt pathetic.
Even though I wasn't looking at him, but I did feel his presence next to me.
On realising that I was here in the kitchen, I heard him approach me.
"Where are you going?" I said while picking up some peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I looked at him while it was in my hand, I remembered the time I myshed it into his face. The surprise still gives me satisfaction.
"They need me in Canada" he searched my eyes as said "I acted like a douchebag last night" and I scoffed out of sarcasm.
"It wasn't the right thing to do. Just because I was having a bad day doesn't mean that I had the right to act like a jerk to you" he said as he tried to reach for me but I flinched away. Just like he did.
"It's fine. Dont worry about it" I said as I kept my voice emotionless. The state I was in, his support and then him acting out that way just burdened my heart.
Instead of moving away he came closer to me "I'll be gone for a week. And I really don't want the last time I see you to be like this" he said as he brushed his thumb across my cheek.
But I wasnt having it.
I still, pulled away and started to walk towards my room.
Over my shoulder I said, "Have a great time, James" while addressing him with his second name.
I heard him sigh and finally accept his defeat. The sound of him saying he was sorry which was followed my that should of his luggage was the last thing I heard.