When my eyes open, I find myself in a room I don't recognize. I sit up from the bed and search my surroundings to find a woman fixing her hair quickly in front of the large mirror.
She stands their dressed formally in a pencil skirt and white button-up shirt. Her long blond wavy hair sits at her hip.
What is her name?
The woman looks over to me with her piercing blue eyes. "Can you lock up when you leave?" She asks while putting on her blue pea coat.
When I nod slowly, she exits the hotel room.
I press my hand firmly onto my head when I feel the headache kicked in.
I need to quit this shit.
I'm sick of waking up hungover every day and with no memory of the night before.
My clothes lay scattered across the hotel room floor. I pick my jeans up slowly as well as my white button-up shirt.
Once I'm dressed, I exit the hotel room and enter the nearby elevator.
While I stand light-headed, I feel something heavy in the breast pocket of my combat jacket.
I take a look and find my flask, as well as two hundred and fifty dollars.
What the hell happened last night?
I yawn while glaring down at my wristwatch, that read, 5 am.
It's too early for this shit.
When I leave the apartment building, I begin my journey of attempting to locate my BMW.
It takes me about thirty-two minutes before I find it parked at the kerbside, in front of a bakery.
When I sit in the driver's seat, I find a bottle of gin lying in my glove compartment.
Let's get rid of this hangover, so I can function today.
I begin taking slow, small sips of gin, which soon turn into large, quick gulps.
I then start up the engine of my car, before quickly driving down the street.
***
When I get to school, I find my friends talking by my locker.
I begin to make my way towards them, just as coach steps in front of me.
"Sanders" he greets me, standing what seems to be double my height. "There's something we need to discuss"
"Okay" I fold my arms.
It's the day of the play-offs, what's there to discuss? Last-minute changes?
He firms his gaze and says "you're not playing tomorrow, kid"
My eyes widen in anguish, "what?"
"It's just—" Coach starts.
"What do you mean I'm not in the playoffs? You need me! I've scored more touchdowns than anyone on the team, and you have the audacity to bench me?" I exclaim.
Coach nods "how bout we talk when you're sober, kid" with that he leaves my sight.
I clench my jaw before kicking the lockers beside me, creating a large dent.
Dick head.
When I get to my lockers I hear Hayden say. "It's tonight right?"
"The playoffs" Tyler nods.
"You better win" Jess orders.
"I tend to," Tyler says.
"Jackson won't allow you guys, not to right" Hayden adds.
"He's got us training for an extra hour a week for this" Tyler explains.
An extra hour? I haven't attended any training sessions this week.
"Well, it is the final football game for the school year" Jess points out.
"Riverside high is going to be running scared" Duncan laughs.
It has been two weeks since we buried Ayla and Duncan is as well as can be expected. You can see it in his eyes that he's struggling with everything.
"We'll win" Tyler assures before looking over to me, "right, Jason?"
I shake my head. "You'll win" I correct.
"What?" Jess furrows her brows while I open my locker, grabbing my books and laptop.
"Coach benched me" I explain simply.
"Mhmm" Tyler nods.
I shut my locker door forcefully, reverting my gaze to Tyler. "What does that supposed to mean? You knew?"
He shakes his head. "No, it means that I'm up surprised. You haven't shown up to any training sessions in weeks and you're drinking is out of hand—"
"I don't have a drinking problem" I roll my eyes.
My father had a drinking problem for most of my life. He would come home drunk and beat up on me. I would never do that to anyone. I can control myself and my drinking.
"Yes, you do" Jess argues, "you're intoxicated every day and night, Jas!"
"You're going to really hurt yourself" Tyler lowers his voice, looking me dead in the eyes. "You need to quit, Jason"
Duncan and Hayden step away and fall silent, avoiding eye contact with me.
"I don't know who you are anymore" Jess adds, "when I look at you...I don't see my best friend any more"
"It hurts us to see you this way" Tyler says.
"Wow" I laugh without humour, looking at my friends, "did you guys rehearse that?"
"Jason—" Tyler sighs.
"No really, that was great" I clap my hands together, "that deserved an academy award!"
"Jason!" Jess cries, "you're killing yourself, you hear me? You're killing yourself and your future, over what? A couple of drinks?"
I roll my eyes before walking away from my friends.
A couple of drinks? Is that what they think this is?
I can't live like this anymore. I can't be followed around by these memories any more. I see them all. I see every shitty thing that has happened in my life, every single day and I can't breathe.
I am constantly reminded of all the shit that's happened in my life and I want to live carefree, without all the shit living over me like a grey cloud.
I don't want to think about my dead sisters any more.
I don't want to be afraid of my father or Jimmy anymore.
I don't want to worry about my friend's safety anymore.
-----------------------------------
Hi all,
The contrast between Jason at the beginning of this book verse now is a pretty big difference.
You see him struggling with anxiety in his past but his drinking was never a problem, he was never reckless with it. He never drove drunk or let his drinking affect his life.
Now, it's very different. He's drinking every night and day. He's driving drunk, he's angry most of the time, and his becoming violent.
Jason is struggling with a disease called alcoholism.
Alcoholism is a chronic disease characterised by uncontrollable drinking. It is the inability to control drinking due to being both physically and emotionally dependent on alcohol.
People with this illness often have the desire to quit or cut down on the amount of alcohol they consume but they continue drinking any way (which is seen this chapter where Jason says he'll quit but then proceeds to drink gin and drive to school drunk).
Symptoms may include: blackouts, craving, dizziness, shakiness, or sweating, nausea or vomiting, problems with coordination, slurred speech, or tremor.
Behavioural: aggression, agitation, compulsive behaviour, lack of restraint, or self-destructive behaviour
Mood: anxiety, general discontent, guilt, or loneliness.
Treatments include therapy, medication and self care (abstinence), however, this illness cannot be cured.
Thank you