"I cannot believe that you are doing this right now," he hissed.
"Right now is as good a time as any, isn't it?"
Niall seethed. "No, it is not. And even if you weren't being crazy right now, do you really think that this is the appropriate time for this discussion?"
You broke eye contact and looked around at the other people in the restaurant. "This is the only time I've seen you. When we're home we're either pretending to be asleep or fighting. We need to talk about this."
"Talk about what?" Niall said unconvincingly, picking up the menu.
"Niall."
"Mmm."
"Niall, look at me. Please."
He did, after a pause. Your voice was quiet.
"I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to tell me the truth. Not what you want to be the truth, not what you think I want to hear, okay?"
There was silence. You nodded.
"Are you done with this?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you want this... us... are you done with us? Because it seems -"
"No, I -"
"Let me finish." You seemed tired, and there were shadows under your eyes. "I love you. I still love you. But we need to not lie to ourselves here, Niall. Something isn't right, and... I need to know if you want to fix it. Because if we're going to do this then... we need to do it."
His eyes were starting to water. "I -"
"You need to decide if we're worth fighting for. I know my answer, but... take your time."
"I don't need time, I -"
"This is important to me. Is it important to you?"
His voice was certain, filled with intensity. "Of course."
"Then take time anyway. Take a day, take two. Just..." you closed your eyes. "I'm trying to do what's right here, and it's hard, because all I want to do is kiss you, and say everything will be fine. But it won't. I need you to want this, Niall. I need you to want us."
"I'd -"
You stood, pulling out your wallet and laying a few bills down on the table. "I'm going to stay with Nicola tonight. I'll... I'll come by tomorrow after class, and... call me, okay? If you... if you decide anything, or you need to talk..."
He blinked at you. You hesitated, then, as you passed the table on your way out pressed a quick kiss to your boyfriend's head. "I love you. And I'll make it work. Whatever you want, I'll try. For you."
You disappeared before Niall could respond.
-
An hour later, you got a text message.
4:30pm: 'As you know I don't know my own mind without some kind of quietness, I am now going to spend the next twenty four hours spamming your inbox with some of the reasons why I want this to work. Starting now.'
4:32pm: 'I love you. That's a big one.'
4:34pm: 'I love the way it makes me feel when you walk into a room and your eyes immediately look for me, because I matter to you.'
4:37pm: 'I love that your hand fits in mine like it's more than just a coincidence.'
4:43pm: 'I love that you always forget to buy lotion, so you have to use mine.'
4:53pm: 'I love your laugh.'
4:58pm: 'I love that you always bake me cookies when I come home from a long practice.'
5:04pm: 'I love your little snores when we Skype while I'm on tour.'
5:06pm: 'I love that you're working so hard in school because it's what you always wanted and not what everyone else wanted for you.'
5:15pm: 'I love your smile. I love your smile a lot.'
5:24pm: 'I love that you always take the tomato off your sandwiches and eat it separately, for no reason.'
5:38pm: 'I love that you have eight different kinds of soap in our bathroom cabinet, but most of the time you don't use it.'
6:03pm: 'I love running my hands through your hair.'
6:18pm: 'I love that I know you're saving all these messages, and they're going to come back to haunt me.'
6:39pm: 'I love that you would rather read a book than go clubbing.'
6:41pm: 'I love that you read three books at once because you can't decide which one to read first.'
7:48pm: 'I love that you put the wrong kind of lightbulb in the bathroom.'
8:16pm: 'I love the way our bed smells like a mix of our scents and lotion and us.'
9:14pm: 'I love the way you pile your textbooks on your desk neatly, even though the stack of papers under them is messy.'
10:35pm: 'I love that you lie to me when I ask if that blue shirt makes my hips look weird, but other than that you never lie.'
11:05pm: 'I love the clicking of your keyboard as you sit studying on the couch with me curled up next to you. I miss that.'
11:27pm: 'I love the way you look at me when I'm playing guitar'
11:52pm: 'I love that you laugh every single time you see that commercial with the cat.'
12:04am: 'I love the way you pay attention to me when I feel like I don't matter.'
12:07am: 'I love your voice.'
12:15am: 'I love everything you do.'
12:18am: 'I love everything you haven't done yet.'
01:22am: 'I love that if I fall asleep on the couch you'll curl up with me and bring a blanket.'
01:28am: 'I love that you call me out when I'm being an ass.'
02:03am: 'I love that when we fight it's because we care.'
02:25am: 'I love that we care.'
02:31am: 'I love that when I'm sick you make me soup.'
02:33am: 'I love that you have no idea how to make french toast.'
02:34am: 'I love that our bed is ours.'
02:35am: 'I love that no matter where we are, or how mad we are at each other, you will always text me goodnight if you can't say it in person.'
02:37am: 'I love that you don't get all crazy when the fans see us. You're the sweetest person I know.'
02:38am: 'I love that we learned together, and that we still do.'
02:41am: 'I love that you were my first for everything that matters.'
02:42am: 'I love that our first kiss was awkward.'
02:43am: 'I love that I drove on our first date.'
02:44am: 'I love that you asked me if I wanted to go out with you again like you didn't know the answer.'
02:46am: 'I love that I'll still dream of you, even if you aren't here.'
02:47am: 'I love that Nicola just texted me to tell me that you are sitting on her couch staring at these texts. Go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning.'
07:53am: 'I love the way you say good morning.'
08:15am: 'I love the way you say my name.'
08:34am: 'I love your eyelashes.'
08:35am: 'I love your eyes.'
08:36am: 'Actually, I kind of love your whole face.'
09:13am: 'I don't wish to imply that I don't love your body too.'
09:14am: 'Because, believe me, I do. Very much.'
09:18am: 'I love that we believe in different things.'
09:21am: 'I love that you believe in me.'
09:48am: 'I love that you bought that coffee creamer I liked.'
10:10am: 'I love that you found that mug.'
11:08am: 'I love that I'm seeing you later today.'
11:09am: 'I love that I want this to work more than I have ever wanted anything in my life.'
12:28pm: 'I love that you are sitting in class right now, and you've probably forgotten to bring a pen, so you probably had to borrow one from that blonde girl you sit next to, the one who you said reminded you of Dakota Fanning.'
01:15pm: 'I love that I trust you.'
01:21pm: 'I love that you trust me.'
01:24pm: 'I love that I trust you with my heart, my body, my life, and yet I still won't let you pick out sheets without help, and that you don't mind.'
02:01pm: 'I love that you spoil me with kisses.'
02:03pm: 'I love it when you touch me.'
02:05pm: 'I love it when you look at me.'
02:08pm: 'I love thinking about you.'
02:09pm: 'I love when you blush every time I tell you you're beautiful.'
02:10pm: 'I love that I fall in love with you all over again at least twice a week.'
03:02pm: 'I love that we're sometimes boring, and that's okay.'
04:52pm: 'I love that everyone I work with loves you.'
04:53pm: 'I love that our families love each other as well as us.'
05:02pm: 'I love the way you run your hand down my arm as you push me onto the bed.'
05:06pm: 'I love showers.'
05:28pm: 'I love that I cannot wait until you get home.'
05:37pm: 'I love that we have a home.'
05:41pm: 'I love that we want this. We both want this, so badly.'
05:43pm: 'I love your faith in us.'
05:44pm: 'I love that I know we'll make this work.'
05:47pm: 'I love that you just knocked on the door, even though you have your key.'
05:47pm: 'I just love you. I love us.'
02:47am: 'I love watching you sleep.'
02:48am: 'I love your arm around me.'
02:48am: 'I love that my future is our future.'
02:49am: 'I love that you smell like us.'
02:49am: 'I love the way you love me.'