Chapter 28 ― Mila
It was somehow weird being so cuddly with Zayn, but it wasn’t like I was looking for him to be like that; it was him who wrapped his arms around me and brought me closer. And I loved it. There was this special thing about being in his arms, with his essence embracing me like his arms did, with his heartbeats hammering against my back as well, with his breathing tingling in my ear, his laughter echoing in the room. Being like that with him felt natural and it kind of worried me that I felt so fine with him. It wasn’t awkward; it wasn’t weird. It scared me because I would want to be like that with him more often and that wasn’t going to happen. Nothing of this was really serious, I knew that already. I was concerned that maybe after all this was over, I was going to miss moments like this.
I was growing too fond of Zayn.
Despite our differences, like in music with his love for rap —I hated rap, except in Linkin Park’s song—, I loved to get to know him better anyways. Knowing more about him, what he liked, about his past, the things he used to do, the things he missed to do, even about his family. I really enjoyed having time alone with him, knowing the real Zayn; not the one who hid behind a confident full of himself pop start, the shy and insecure one, the silly one. I liked that Zayn better.
I also loved to talk to him about deep things, things that he didn’t care about until I told him about them. I enjoyed opening his eyes about things that were really wrong in this world. “You could really make a change in this world,” I told him in a particular moment when Lady Antebellum was playing in the background.
“How so?” He asked playing with our fingers. “With our music? I think we already do that.”
“Nope. I mean with your attitude. You know your fan-base is of an average of thirteen. They are so mouldable; whatever you say to them it will make a huge impact. If you support a good cause, they will, too! You can help them to open their eyes!” I said getting excited immediately. “You could promote reading, or associations like Greenpeace! Imagine how great it would be to have girls like your fans fighting for those causes, as well!”
He remained in silence for a few seconds, probably processing all what I had said. I knew that if I were as famous as him, I would use my fame to promote all those causes I really thought needed to be heard by many.
“I guess you’re right, we can really make a change not only in the people, but for the whole world,” he agreed with me and I felt so damn happy because he could see what I meant.
I loved that. That he had never thought before of the things I said, but he really listened to me and considered it now. He didn’t just shoved it off like my family did or so many other people. Maybe he wasn’t into all the things that I was really passionate about, but I felt like I could open his eyes to those things. That was something really important to me, because I needed someone whom I could share those things with.
Not that I was thinking of a relationship with Zayn.
“You know? I don’t know how Moni hasn’t murdered you all yet,” I commented just to keep my mind off the matter that I was considering how compatible Zayn and I were.
“Why would she do that?” He asked and I giggled thinking of my obsessive friend.
“‘Cos of the way you write,” I explained and I didn’t have to see his expression to know he was confused. “She hates grammar mistakes and basic things like that. You know, the kind of things you decide to ignore on twitter. I hear her ranting every time she sees one of Niall’s tweet.” He laughed but he hadn’t seen how angry Moni got because they were apparently incapable of writing properly. “Honestly, Niall is lucky that he’s her favourite, otherwise he would be dead already.” And Zayn burst out laughing. I didn’t know what he was imagining in that moment, but it had to be pretty hilarious to have him laughing that way. Even though, I really liked his laugh; it was adorable.
+ + + + +
After that day we were left alone with Zayn, time flew by even faster. Soon it was time to leave and I didn’t realise until that moment how much I was dreading that day to come. Those days at Harry’s bungalow had been the best holidays ever. I had so much fun with all the lads, I even got along better with Louis. Somehow, I learnt to love him with his Peter Pan complex and all. I really grew to love them all in those days we shared and I truly considered them my friends.
What about Zayn?
Things with him during those days were incredible yet intense at the same time. I didn’t know if it was because I knew this was all what we could have, or because it just flowed like that for us. We spent a lot of time together, arguing over some things, laughing and goofing around, talking about deep topics or just getting to know each other better. Plus, we were very, well… physical in our ‘relationship’, or whatever it could be called. And by that I meant we were always touching somehow. He liked to hold my hand or cuddle in with me. Sometimes he just randomly hugged me and instead of considering it like he was invading my personal space, I liked it. How could I not like it? It felt great to have him so close, I enjoyed his presence.
I was going to miss that.
I was going to miss them all, but most of all; I was going to miss Zayn. It was impressive how attached to him I got. I already felt like he was part of my life somehow and I didn’t want him to be torn away from it. Not yet.
We were already putting out things in the boot when Zayn approached to me and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me against his chest. His lips met the skin of my neck and that sent shivers down my spine.
“Zayn,” I whispered putting my own hands over his. “You done packing?”
“Yup. I came to help you now,” he said in my ear and I was literally melting in his arms. He used to be like that with me, talking into my ear and things like that, and I should’ve been used to that by now, but I couldn’t. I didn’t think I could never grow used to that. Never.
“I have Moni for that. She’s the man in our relationship,” I told him and he chuckled softly.
“I see. So, what are your plans after this?” He asked grabbing my waist and making me turn around to face him. He put our foreheads together and I knew no one was going to pop up and ruin the moment or they would expose to a painful death at Moni’s hands.
“I’m gonna go see my family,” I told him. I had to go even if I didn’t want to. I saw how his eyes showed concern immediately and my heart felt warm.
We had talked about my issues with my family a bit more, he really wanted to know as much as he could about me, even if it could be boring listening to me ranting about my family. He did, he always did: he listened to me.
“Are you gonna be fine? Is Moni going with you?” And he really sounded worried about it.
“No, she’s gonna visit her family too, but I’ll be fine. It’s just a couple of days. I can handle it,” I replied with a smile to put him at ease with the topic, though he still looked worried.
“If, in any moment, you feel like screaming or something like that, you can always call me,” he offered and I could swear I had butterflies in my stomach in that moment, and all of them were going crazy. He looked so concerned and honest, I knew he really meant those words.
“Aw, thank you!” I told him standing on my tiptoes to peck his lips. He tightened his grip on my waist and kissed me again, properly this time. I immediately ran my fingers through his hair just because I adored how it felt.
When we pulled away, his eyes had this special sparkle that overwhelmed me. It made me want to stay like that forever, to freeze time in that particular moment.
“And, do you have plans after that?” He asked with a half smile.
“Not really. I have to go back to uni, you know,” I replied still playing with my fingers in his hair. I loved how it looked, all messy and out of control. It gave him a look more like a rebel and I just adored that look. It was sexy as fuck.
“Do you think we could see each other then?” Questioned Zayn brushing his lips against mine, yet I furrowed my brow.
I hadn’t considered to meet him after these days, I just assumed that this was all what we could have and I had accepted that. I never thought he was going to want to see me like that again. I knew perfectly that he wasn’t using me and I knew he had moved on from Alex, but I thought he saw all this just like I did: like something ephemeral.
“You want to see me?” I inquired, still surprised by his question. “Only me?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?” He questioned back, confused this time.
Because what we were having wasn’t something serious? Because I wasn’t the kind of girl for him? Because he was a popstar who could have anyone better? There were plenty of reasons why, although I didn’t mention any.
“I dunno, I just thought that this was just something of the moment.”
“Well, clearly I don’t see it that way. Don’t tell me you still believe I’m using you to move on from Alex,” he said and I saw how that thought really bugged him.
“No,” I hurried to answer. “I don’t think that way anymore. It’s just that, I dunno, I don’t see you with a girl like me.”
“Why not? I can perfectly see myself with not only a girl like you, but you,” he replied and my heart did a flip-flop in my chest. “Do you need me to prove you that I really want this?” He said after a few seconds.
“I— um,” I mumbled, incapable of uttering a word.
“I can. If that’s what I need to do for you to believe me when I say I want this, I will. Mila,” he said cupping my face in his hands and looking me in the eyes. I could feel his stare touching my very soul. “I really like you.”
And in that moment my heart stopped.
There wasn’t any doubt of the truth in those words and the intensity of his gaze was too powerful to believe he was lying or just trying to fool me. He was being one hundred per cent honest and I didn’t know how to reply to that.
Did I like him that way? Yes, and probably too much.
Was I able to say it out loud? No, definitely no.
What I did instead, then, was to crush my lips against his. I couldn’t reply to that statement yet.
-:-:-:-
Dedication goes to @Mary1DZayn She doesn't have wattpad account, so this is her twitter. She's very nice and she loves this story. I hope you liked this chapter.
Bel, xx