lovely // Billie Eilish & Khalid
ZOE
Sex Pistols. I scoff internally, wishing Chelsea were next to me so she could share my hysteria. She's heard me moan more times than I can count about how awful that band sounded. But low and behold, Emerson has them up on some sort of musical revolutionary pedestal. Kind of an extreme reaction to them in my opinion, but whatever.
I glance over at Emerson. This whole night has been a surprise. Driving aimlessly lost around the city, watching the bands play surrounded by hundreds of dancing and screaming fans, and now just hanging out casually talking in the car on the ride home—it's all been a lot of fun. Who would have thought I would have so much fun just hanging out with Emerson?
Chelsea would be mentally nudging me right about now, forcing me to admit how energizing my conversations with Emerson can get. Like just now, sitting here and talking about music. DF never had much to say about music other than, "Sing this," or "Play louder!" Douche. But Emerson has actual opinions, and reasons to support said opinions. Hearing him talk so passionately about the bands he loves and about how much music means to his life...it stirred something in me, something I'm still feeling as we sit silently on the road back to the freeway.
And my thoughts keep sliding back to that moment.
He freaking kissed me.
Twice!
When his lips touched mine, I should have wanted to clock him or knee him in the jewels, or at least push him off when he started that big lean-in. The lean-in every girl recognizes. The one where he steps in a little closer, and stares into your eyes, and then leans ever so slightly forward...just close enough to press his lips against yours.
Even though a part of me knew he was about to do it, the whole thing caught me off guard. I had been having the literal best night of my life and he leaned in and kissed me and tried to ruin everything. That kiss should have ruined everything. I don't like Emerson. He drives me crazy and he pisses me off and I never wanted to be friends with him. Hell, I never expected to go out with him. But here we are—out together.
And damn if my heart didn't start racing and my lips tingle with heat when that boy leaned in and kissed me.
The kiss was shy and tender, which was a shock-in-itself. Emerson didn't grab the back of my head and angle my mouth to his. He didn't tempt the seam of my lips with his tongue to see if I would allow him in. He didn't groan into me and drag me closer to him. He didn't ravage me in the alley next to the parking garage. But dammit I wanted him to.
And that's why I asked what I asked. "Um...what was that?"
I wasn't asking him, I was asking myself, what the hell was that? What the hell just happened. And shit how badly do I want it to happen again.
When he planted that kiss on me, the thoughts that had rushed over me like a storm...the level of emotions racing through me...was not something I've ever felt before.
It's sure the hell not something I ever felt with Dylan.
Holy shit, that kiss blew my mind. Just thinking about it right now I feel drugged, high from the memory of it.
But no way I am admitting that to Emerson, or to Chelsea if I can help it. I'm uncomfortable enough admitting it to myself.
I need to stop thinking about that kiss. I need a distraction. And it's here the moment Emerson says the words, "How do you plan to make magic, Zoe?"
Those words of his settle over me and I feel another deep emotion race within me. I know without a doubt that I can make magic with him, with the music we make together.
Every time we sing together, we make magic. I'm not the only one who feels it. I can see it in the faces of my band mates. And in the expression on Chelsea's face when she watches us at band practice. Hell, even DF's groupie gets a goofy surreal look on her face anytime she hears Emerson and I sing together.
Our magic may happen with the music, but I'm not sure I'm ready to jump in with both feet and tell him what I really think, so I say instead, "One song at a time, Emerson."
I've been calling him Emerson in my head for a while now, but saying his name out loud feels more intense than I expected. Which embarrasses the heck out of me, so I lean forward and turn on his sound system to take the focus off this intense conversation which is creating an even more intense energy between us.
This car is hooked up, not surprisingly everything in it is top of the line. And normally that would piss me off, but what used to annoy me about Emerson, all of his money and privilege, suddenly doesn't bother me. I know he's not some rich entitled prick. He's shown me over and over that money doesn't define him, music does.
The song that plays, filling the silence in Emerson's car, makes me want to laugh, cry and groan all at once. Are you mine...feels like a message from the Universe.
I sense Emerson smile, but I don't turn to look. I'm not ready to give in to all of this, yet. And honestly, I don't know when I will be.
As we get closer to home, the songs are shifting along with our mood when Emerson suddenly leans over and turns down the tunes. "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about." His tone is tentative, nervous, which sends my heart rate into overdrive.
"Wh-what is it?" My voice breaks before I can get myself under control. This isn't me. I'm sharp, rough around the edges. I wail on stage and flip off the crowd. Well, the huge crowd in my imagination.
What is it about this guy that makes my head spin and sets me so off balance? Even with DF I wasn't this messed up. I need to find my bearings; I need to pull sassy Zoe back out. The Queen needs to make her appearance and put this boy back in his place.
Any time now would be awesome...
I stare out the windshield and will my pain-in-the-ass royal attitude to return. While Emerson seems equally uncomfortable about whatever it is he wants to say.
I think it's his stalling that finally does the trick, pulling the monarch back to the surface. "Look, just spit it out already. The night will be over soon and I'm not about to hang out in the car with you in front of my house. Dragon Lady is most certainly running surveillance on the front porch."
I release an internal sigh of relief. There it is. Smart ass Zoe is back online.
Emerson nods then clears his throat. "I was wondering if you'd want to work on a few songs with me. I, um, have about ten written out, but the lyrics could use some work." He swallows a gulp of something, most likely his heart which is clearly up in his throat.
That's the moment when I realize this dude is more freaked out than I am. That's when I realize this offer he just put between us is not something he has ever offered anyone else before. And suddenly this whole conversation is starting to freak me out. So instead of saying something sentimental or mushy, I give him a, "Yeah, I've noticed. Lots of oh's and ah's in your stuff." I say the words with a smirk, but to be honest, I'm secretly excited he would ask me to help him out. It takes trust to hand over your creative baby to someone else. The fact that he's even asked me to help with his music, pretty much blows me away. But I don't want him to know that.
He runs his hand through his hair, typical anxious dude move. Then he says, "Right. I suck at lyrics." Emerson shakes his head then shrugs. He's embarrassed.
Honestly, he shouldn't be embarrassed. The dude is truly talented. And smart, and good looking. And man can he kiss. And suddenly I feel my cheeks turn red and warm and realize in horror I may be blushing. I turn away to compose myself. When I look back, I realize I could also stop being such a bitch and let him know that his stuff doesn't suck. I say with sincerity, "You've got a really good start on the one I've heard. The theme is there, and the melody matches the mood. Your composing is really good. I would love to work on it with you." I've never written lyrics, but I've felt the connection between words and music my entire life.
I look out the window and realize that we have arrived in my neighborhood and I'm surprised to feel sad that the night is over. This night was so much better then what I imagined. I thought we'd be watching the band, sitting at some table in the back, not talking until it was over and then comparing notes. Instead it was sensory overload in every way possible. And it never let up. I don't know where that Zoe magnet that kept pulling me into Emerson's orbit came from. I couldn't seem to separate my own space from his. As we watched the bands, I found myself pressed up against him as close as possible. It just got more intense as the night wore on and then it ended with that kiss that left me lightheaded.
And now here I sit driving home from my date with Guy who smells like apricots, and seriously who smells like apricots? That was the scent that assaulted me every time he leaned in to whisper in my ear. This boy who drive me crazy, smelled like apricots and tasted like mint. And I just realized that I referred to this night as a date. What else do you call it when the guy goes in for a kiss? A friendly hang-out? Nope. There was nothing friendly about this night. Tense, awkward, overwhelming, shocking...perfect. Those are the words I'd use to describe it.
Billie Eilish sings to me...wanna feel alive...and I reply, yeah, me too. That's when I notice our surroundings. We've turned onto my street and all I can picture is Dragon Lady's eyes as she peers at us through the curtains. I have no intention of letting her see what I'm about to do.
"Stop!" I shout to Emerson and watch as he first looks startled and then slams on the brakes.
"What?" His eyes search the street, looking for whatever ran into the street that caused me to scream out in a panic.
Yeah there is nothing in the street. I am just in a moment of sudden realization. I take a deep breath and says, "Pull over." I force myself to turn and face him. "Dragon Lady." It's the only explanation he needs apparently because he immediately pulls to the side of the road and stops the car.
Emerson stares out the front of the car. "Yeah. I guess you don't want me to—"
My lips silence whatever he thinks I don't want him to do. The Queen has returned and she always gets what she wants. Right now I want Emerson's tongue in my mouth. Even I am shocked by my bold move. Me, who had sworn off boys and romance and kissing...
Our lips touch and I tense up for a split second remembering my plan to protect myself from heartache.
But Emerson only needs my lips on his for encouragement. He snakes one arm around my back and with the other he grips the back of my head, angling my mouth just the way he wants it. And this.is.everything.
He groans. I moan. It's never been this hot, this electric. This energy soaring through me, I can feel it in every blood cell traveling through my veins. I'm on fire, burning from the inside out.
And then the image of me sprawled out on my bedroom floor staring up at my ceiling full of heartache and sadness fills my mind. With superhuman strength I ignore all the impulses running through me and I pull myself back.
His eyes meet mine, dark with the desire I felt as well. Whatever I'm feeling for this boy is stronger than what I ever felt for Dylan. And Emerson and I haven't even gotten started. We are just at the very beginning. Standing on the cliff, looking over the edge and thinking about jumping.
I swore off boys and heartache.
I wasn't thinking when I grabbed and kissed him.
I only needed another chance with that mouth. Wanted desperately to taste those lips again. And god, this kiss was better than I imagined. But now what? Do I want to date him? Be his girlfriend? Put myself once again in a situation where I may die from broken heart?
"I don't want you to miss curfew," Emerson whispers, still holding me close and breathing heavily. He's as affected as I am.
I nod then untangle myself from his arms and slide back to my seat. Somehow I had climbed over the center console and into his lap. God, I must be the color of a beet by now. How the hell did it get so...intense? So intense so fast?
Emerson clears his throat and adjusts his clothes in a couple of discreet moves. Holy crap, I have to look away because I can't believe he was that into what we were just doing. I mean, so was I but...nope. Not going there.
He starts the car and continues the half block to my house. I don't let him walk me to the door, claiming the interrogation would kill me. I'm not lying. It would. It's bad enough that Chelsea is going to hound me for details. I don't want Dragon Lady's level of questioning after witnessing Emerson's disheveled appearance. He's got sex hair for fuck's sake and we didn't get anywhere near that level of groping!
"Hey, Zoe," Emerson calls quietly to me as I'm exiting the car. I look back to see a hopeful look in his eye. "I had an amazing night."
I'm in so much trouble with this guy it's not even funny. "So did I." I allow a small smile to shine back at his hopeful eyes. And strangely enough, my smile is real. "I'll call you tomorrow," I say lifting my hand and waving goodnight.
His promise lingers in the air as I walk alone to the door. He doesn't drive away until I'm safely inside with the door locked behind me.
"Sweet boy," Dragon Lady says from the couch, surprising me even though I had expected her to be here waiting for me. She continues before I can say anything, "And he got you home on time,"
I turn to see a look of approval on her face just before she rises from her spot and walks down the hallway to her room.
Sweet. Hmmm, no, Emerson is not sweet. He's unexpected and confusing as hell. He's gotten on my nerves and pissed me off. He's impressed me and made me melt. He's turned me on and thrown me off. Emerson is the opposite of sweet; he's scorching. And I'm in trouble, because I'm seriously counting the minutes until I can see him again. And when Chelsea finds out how I am feeling, she is never going to let me hear the end of it.
Another crazy week so another late update. I'm so ready for summer, how about you! And BTW what did you think of Zoe's POV this time???? She certainly took matters into her own hands! The fun has just begun...so much more to come!
And what about this musical collaboration, am I right? Billie Eilish is blowing up right now, and this duet with Khalid feels like just the right mix of feelings and frustration. That's where Zoe is right about now. Plus there's the whole headphone Zombie look that Billie has going on in this one.