A/N: We are so close to 100 reads, that's wild thank you all! Exams are coming up so I may not be able to upload another chapter soon, but here's this one while you're waiting! Enjoy, and thanks for all the reads.
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I didn't care that I was drunk. I didn't care that he was high. I didn't care that I was lonely and that he was upset. I didn't care that everyone was watching us. None of that mattered.
The only that mattered was that, at this moment, he was mine. Time was fleeting yet infinite, the world around us melting away. His hand flew to my waist, stabilizing me against him, his other cupped my cheek, holding me into the kiss, reminding me who was in charge.
I had his lips, his hands, but I wanted everything. I needed him everywhere. I was drunk, but his kiss was intoxicating. I could feel myself slipping deeper, giving myself up to him.
I had no control. The composure I had worked so hard to maintain around him was completely gone. I was vulnerable. I was completely his, but he pulled away.
I panted, all my worries flooding back. If it weren't for the couch next to me, I would have buckled. He knew how I felt about him now, there was no hiding it. The way I kissed him, so much passion and pent up desire, he knew. He knew everything.
"Matty I-" I stammered, struggling to find the words to say with the pressure of everyone in the green room watching, "I uh-"
"Jess, let's go," a voice demanded from behind me. Elias.
Thank the Lord. Something to get me out of this situation. Without a word, I followed him out of the venue. We didn't speak the entire cab ride back to the flat, which I was okay with because I couldn't quite think of anything to say.
"Get your stuff," Elias finally spoke as we arrived at the flat.
"M-my stuff?" I questioned.
"We are going home."
I didn't ask questions or put up a fight, I simply did as I was told, grabbing my bags. I was here on Elias's time, not my own. Therefore, if Elias wanted me home, I would be going home.
The train back to Manchester had very few passengers as the late hours of the night loomed, the bright moon shining through the windows.
"I'm sorry," I spoke finally.
"Don't be sorry, it's over now," Elias said, looking straight forward.
"What is this all about anyway?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't be mad.
"Matty Healy is not one to settle down with a girl. And you, Jess, are not one for a one night stand with a guy," Elias sighed, "It seemed like things were already getting complicated, and if I had let you stay any longer, you would have ended up getting hurt as you watch yourself become just another girl in his eyes."
Shit, that hurt. But he was right, and I needed to hear that. I needed his honesty right now to wake me up with all the things I've known all along.
"Besides," he continued, "if things had gotten bad between you two, that could have come back and harmed my business with him. I can't afford to lose him as a customer yet" Elias added.
"Yeah, shit, you're right. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking" I sighed, the reality of my mistakes haunting me now.
"You weren't thinking, Jess, and that's why we left," he spoke, I nodded, having nothing else to say.
It was late when we got back, Elias setting me up on his couch so I wouldn't have to ride the train alone. I wanted to sleep. I longed so badly to get out of my head just for a moment and rest.
But Matty's words replayed inside my head mercilessly
"You come around, stay in my flat and make me feel certain things I've never felt before. Then you leave, and I think I'm never going to see you again. But now, you're here in London in my fucking greenroom, and I can't seem to figure you out. All you need to do it just stay here so I can sort these bloody feelings"
I felt divided. Part of me knew I should listen to Elias and realize that Matty was intoxicated and was probably saying everything just to get inside my pants. But part of me wanted to believe Matty, believe his feelings, believe he truly wanted me. Part of me wanted to believe the Matty I thought I knew is better than the man Elias makes him out to me. Part of me knows Elias is wrong.
But why? Why me? What did I have over the countless girls who threw themselves at him daily? I was just as sheepish and desperate as them. My stomach flipped as I thought about Matty. What if he was being honest, and he truly didn't want me to leave? What was he doing now that I was gone? What if I just hurt him more, ruining my chances of ever having him.
I tried to suppress these thoughts as they ate away at me. He could easily be between the legs of another girl right now, completely forgetting about me. He could be regretting kissing me, but perhaps that was wishful thinking. If he was regretting it, it would have had to have meant something to him in the first place. He could have just brushed it off, completely unbothered, given that he's kissed many girls before me and will kiss many after.
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It took two days for my restlessness to finally pass as I attempted to carry on with normal life. I had been appointed to paint a mural for one of my old school mates, so that was currently the main thing occupying my time. I was no proper artist, but I did always seem to have a knack for abstract paintings. They were always a good thing to pour my heart and emotions into, like giving up my burdens to the art itself. It was my form of escapism. And, it was a good source of income.
Music from my record player floated throughout the flat and out of the windows, along with the paint fumes. I was so occupied by my work I barely recognized the knock at the door.
I dropped my brush, walking over to the door as I wiped the paint from my hands off onto my bare legs.
"Kai?" I asked, standing in shock as I held open the door.
"What are your feelings towards Matty?" she spoke, her voice nearly angry.
"Kai, what is this about?" I stammered.
"Just answer the bloody question, Jess"
I stared at her blankly. Was this some sort of joke? I finally feel like I can get on with my life for one second, and now this?
"Do you fancy him?" Kai demanded impatiently.
"Yes!" I blurted, intimidated by her harsh gaze, "Yes Kai, I fucking fancy him more than anything in life itself. Why are you here? I'm trying to pick up the pieces and not get hurt." I rambled.
"Listen," Kai began, "I don't know what kind of bullshit Elias put in your head about Matty or who he is, but he doesn't know him. I know Matty, I've seen how he interacts with people and I've watched just about every fling he's ever had. Jess, something about makes him act differently. Ever since you two met a month ago, he started acting up around girls. He usually let them climb all over him, but he stopped playing around. He took one girl to bed and said your fucking name. I know because I had to be there for him to pick up the pieces in the morning and boost the girl's morale. Every time he got drunk he would start talking about you, and I didn't even know who you were then. He got so fucking low, using all the time, and then you showed up in London and he just like, lifted. He was actually present in rehearsal, and he gave the best show of his life the night you were there. He has barely said a word since you left. He's shit, Jess. And he has a show in Southhampton tonight. He treats girls like meat, but he actually fucking takes care of you, Jess. And you leaving after he opened up to you, in front of everybody, mind, well that just broke him. So, long bloody story short, if you actually fancy him more than anything in life itself, pack your bags and come to Southhampton right now."
I could barely think. I could barely do anything. My body was moving yet I was frozen, lost inside the riddles of my own head. It felt like time had stopped, and when it started again, I was in Southhampton.
My heart panged with guilt as we pulled up to the venue where the boys were playing in an hour. All I ever wanted was for Matty to like me, and when he finally did, I ruined it, hurting him in the process.
"Thank the FUCKING lord!" a voice yelled as we walked into the venue.
"Hey George," I said, trying to sound cheerful.
"Hey kid, missed ya" he spoke quickly, "Now please go fix our lead singer,"
I nodded my head as I followed Kai to the dressing room.
My breath caught in my throat as she knocked on the door, my mind scrambling to find the words to say.
My heart sank as I saw him. He looked ghostly, his eyes dark and tired, his body seeming weak.
There was a long silence, painfully long.
"If you plan on leaving again, don't fucking bother saying anything," he said harshly.
My eyes stung. How could I have messed up so badly? How could I have ruined the one thing I wanted more than life.
"I didn't know," I said, my voice sounding hoarse. "I was scared of myself, of how much I had fallen for you. You seemed so forbidden, and I feared that if I fell anymore I would get hurt. So I started running away instead."
Matty stared at me with his dark eyes, eyes I wanted to get lost in. Eyes that looked so hurt, hurt by me. I couldn't help the tears from falling.
"I don't want to run anymore," I cried softly.
"Then don't" he spoke, "I'll take care of you if you just bloody let me," he sounded tired.
I remembered our conversation from that night
"Matty?" I asked, "Why do you take such good care of me?"
"Because, Jess," he spoke slowly, "I would be absolutely kicking myself if I didn't"
"Hold me," I whimpered.
"Stay," he demanded.
"I promise," I nodded, falling into his arms, his familiar scent flooding senses as I buried my face in his jumper.
He pulled me into his dressing room, closing the door behind him so we were alone. He kissed the top of my head before letting me go, lighting a fag.
"You know," Matty started, walking towards me now. It surprised me how quickly he could become intimidating again, "when I said I needed to sort things out, it was much harder when you weren't around"
"I'm so sorry," I spoke, looking down, "I was wrong, but I know now. I'm here now, to stay,"
"Who says I'm going to trust you?" Matty teased, "You did say you weren't one for being tied down,"
"And you said you only did one night stands, yet here you are" I shot back.
"You're quick," Matty chucked, stepping impossibly closer to me, our noses nearly touching, "but don't get too cocky. We wouldn't want you forgetting who's really in charge," he said lowly.
I wanted so badly to fire back, to make some snarky comment and not lose to him so easily. But the way his breath lingered over my lips had me desperate and completely submissive. I hated how easy it was for him to tease me.
He smirked devilishly, knowing that I wanted nothing more than his kiss. But he pulled away, leaving me aching for him, blushing slightly at my own desire.
"I missed seeing you like this," Matty spoke, taking a drag, "all hot and bothered,"
I glared at him.
"Fuck you, Matty Healy" I scowled.
"Please," he winked.
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A/N: Please vote or leave a comment to let me know how you're liking this so far, I have so many ideas for how this can go! I'm so busy with studying for exams, but I'll really try and get a new chapter out soon!