[ 25. the present ]
J E O N G G U K
i procrastinate so much it hurts
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Taehyung loves him.
Jeongguk stands there, stunned as his eyes widen. All he can hear is the beat of his heart hammering against his chest, his face feeling that familiar warmth, and this airy sensation in his stomach.
Did he really just say he loves him?
"W-was that too fast?" Taehyung asks, pulling away, the color draining from his face. Jeongguk gulps, unable to form a coherent word without stuttering.
So, instead of speaking he gets a much better idea. He suddenly grabs Taehyung by the collar of his sweater and yanks him foreward, instantly crashing their lips together.
It takes a second for Taehyung to realize what's going on, his lips frozen on Jeongguk's. However, it doesn't take long for him to kiss back, his hands cupping the sides of Jeongguk's cheeks.
He deepens the kiss, the duo smiling so wide they're not even kissing anymore as their noses bump gently against one another's. Jeongguk slowly opens his eyes, peering fondly up at Taehyung who's already staring at him.
"I love you," Taehyung murmurs against his lips, smiling. Jeongguk giggles, shaking his head as he tilts his chin up, connecting their mouths once more.
Loving pecks—that's all they can manage to do since they're smiling too much. Although, neither of them care—they're just too damn happy to hold one another, to be with one another.
Happiness soars in Jeongguk's chest, filling his stomach with butterflies and every sweet, giddy thing he can imagine. The skin around his mouth aches but it doesn't matter.
The cause of his euphoria is standing right in front of him.
Suddenly Taehyung lifts him off the ground, making Jeongguk laugh so loud it's almost a squeal. He spins the two of them in dizzy circles, their laughter intertwining into one sweet, pure sound. This is it. This is what happiness truly means.
Jeongguk looks down at him, his hands now holding onto his soft cheeks. He pats them, giggling like crazy and the wide smile he wears narrowing his eyes into half-moons.
Taehyung carefully sets him down and dips to kiss him one last time, though this one lasts longer than the others they have previously shared. He kisses him slowly, carefully, his lips tasting every inch of his to capture the memory in his mind.
They pull away hesitantly, their foreheads leaning against one another's and hands now resting on each other's hearts, feeling the love they have for one another.
"God I love you," Taehyung murmurs, tracing a heart over Jeongguk's chest. "Is it cheesy to say I've loved you since I saw you?" He asks, his lips lifting into a shy grin.
"A little, you geek," Jeongguk laughs softly, patting his chest playfully. Taehyung snorts and pulls away, pressing a tender kiss to his forehead.
In this moment, Jeongguk feels complete.
Have you ever felt that full, warm feeling whether it be with the ones you love or someone you truly cherish as an individual?
It starts off as a simple spark, and at first you're worried it's going to hurt you if you feed to the fire. It's basic human nature to fear new things. After all, the heart may be the most powerful organ in our body but it's the most fragile.
Then all of a sudden that spark catches into a flame, ane suddenly you're trying something new which is always the hardest. You may never know if it'll hurt you, if it'll make you cry, or make you laugh so hard your stomach hurts.
And somehow it does. This new thing that has entered your life makes you laugh, makes you cry, and makes you feel hurt inside to the point you're not quite sure you can tolerate it. But in the end, it's all worth it.
Feeling complete is something not everyone gets to experience. Everyone feels empty at some point, but the chance to get to have this exhilarating sensation coursing through their veins is something they never want to lose.
It's moments like these where he finds his breath being taking away, or his heart doing flips of all sorts in his chest when Taehyung's gaze fall on him. All the little things and the big things. Everything that's irrelevant or relevant adds up to this feeling.
Perhaps whatever this feeling is also the same thing as love. Maybe it is love.
"Jeongguk," Taehyung's voice resurfaces him back to reality. He feels Taehyung's palm settle on the dip of his hip, drawing him close without thinking.
"Can I ask you something?" He asks, to which Jeongguk nods. He tilts his gaze up to meet his, staring at him so fondly that there has to be stars in his eyes.
"What is it?" Jeongguk asks, carefully observing Taehyung's golden facial features. He focuses on the round curve of his nose and the mole buried beneath his thick lashes, knowing that there will be one day where he'll forget about the small details.
When it comes to them, the only thing they don't have is time—Jeongguk's smart enough to know that. As much as he wishes to be with Taehyung every second of every day of his life, he can't.
The future is inevitable, unpredictable. There's no way telling when they'll be separated. After all, their relationship is built of sin to the eyes of their town, and people here want nothing but to eradicate sin in any shape or form.
"Do you really think we don't have a chance? It scares me a little that you think so negatively," Taehyung says, chewing slightly on his bottom lip. Jeongguk, for a second, doesn't know how to reply.
"Well," Jeongguk starts, scrambling his mind for the right words as Taehyung's smile slowly fades into a frown. He gulps, placing his hands on Taehyung's broad shoulders to assure him.
"I hope we do but you never know," Jeongguk confesses, thumbing the material of Taehyung's sweater nervously. "There's a lot of things to consider."
"Right," Taehyung nods, surprisingly not a hint of anger in his tone at all. "There sure is," He murmurs quietly.
By now, Jeongguk expects him to lash out. Although, he supposes Taehyung knows the consequences much better than he does. Jeongguk can't forget—he's been outed before.
"Don't get me wrong Tae," Jeongguk quickly adds, feeling his chest tighten when Taehyung's gaze flits to the ground. Taehyung looks up, a flicker of hope in his dark eyes. "I want to make this work."
"You do?" Taehyung sounds a little surprised. Jeongguk nods eagerly, a smile naturally spreading across his lips.
"'Course I do," He says, reaching up and poking Taehyung's cheek. Taehyung's nose scrunches up all cutely, making Jeongguk giggle. Taehyung captures his hand in his and places it over his thumping heart.
"See how you make me feel?" Taehyung's voice softens, his lips twitching slightly. Jeongguk feels himself relaxing beneath his touch seeing that oh-so familiar rectangular smile fit onto his lips. It's his favorite part of him, to be honest.
Taehyung spins him again in a slow circle, though this time he pulls Jeonggguk's back to his chest. He wraps his arms around his waist and rests his cheek on the crook of his neck, sighing, content. Jeongguk lets his eyes fall shut, practically melting into his arms.
"Hey Tae," Jeongguk murmurs, feeling the ghost of Taehyung's cool lips trail across his neck. Taehyung hums, pressing a gentle kiss on his soft skin.
"Does your boyfriend proposal still stand?"
Jeongguk giggles to himself feeling Taehyung pull away. He tilts his body to get a better look of his face, not able to bear not getting a glimpse of his perfect features. He reaches up and brushes the tips of his fingers against his chin, unable to hold himself back.
However, Taehyung doesn't look like he's in the mood for that anymore.
"Are you serious?" Taehyung raises his eyebrows, stunned. Jeongguk nods, sure of himself. He finds it adorable how Taehyung ducks his head, trying to hide the redness painting his ears.
"I think I'm ready to be your boyfriend," Jeongguk tells him, feeling his heart hammering against his chest to the point he swears Taehyung can hear it from where he stands.
"Really? You're not kidding?" Jeongguk shakes his head. For a second, Taehyung says absolutely nothing. He even seems to stop functioning for a minute.
Growing a little concerned, Jeongguk opens his mouth to ask if he's alright. However, Taehyung spins him around, connecting their lips together before he even gets the chance to speak.
He presses his lips firmly onto his and pulls away fast, leaving Jeongguk in a daze. He blinks at him, somewhat confused with what happened. Taehyung lets out a laugh and smiles wide, his eyes happening to smile along with his lips.
"I love you so much," Taehyung declares again and again, happiness glittering in his eyes. Jeongguk laughs sweetly, his lips aching from smiling so wide but he doesn't care. Taehyung even begins to pepper his face with ridiculous kisses.
Even if the future may seem unclear, Jeongguk doesn't mind. Right now is all that matters, but deep down he knows very well this won't last long.
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T A E H Y U N G
"Glad to see you're home," Rachel's standing by the kitchen, a wine glass in her hand and a cigarette dangling between her manicured fingers.
Taehyung shuts the screen door behind him, keeping his head down knowing his mood will be destroyed soon.
He says nothing, standing by the entrance as he hears the familiar clack of Rachel's high heels against the wood flooring. Slowly, he glances up at her, his lips falling into a frown noticing the smirk she wears.
"I hope you were out with your girlfriend?" She chuckles, her voice raspy from the cigarette smoke. Taehyung barely nods, his throat feeling tight.
"Just tell me what you want and leave me alone," Taehyung grits his teeth together, holding his tongue back from saying something much worse.
He knows she wants something—it's obvious. She never talks to him unless she's angry at him, and in times like this, she wants something. She needs something. It's how she works.
"That's no way to address your mother," Rachel lifts a thin eyebrow at him, taking a long drag of her cigarette before blowing the fumes in his face. Taehyung takes a step back, his nose crinkling, disgusted.
"Fine, what's up?" Taehyung tries again, pressing his lips flat into a line. Rachel smiles at him and pats his shoulder. Taehyung flinches at her touch, hating every passing second that feels like eternity.
"One of your friends is upstairs in your room. I let him in, and he claimed to know you well," Rachel says, gesturing up the staircase. Taehyung's eyebrows furrow, growing confused.
"Justin Johnson? The rich one with dimples?" He asks, backing away from Rachel and towards the staircase, something feeling oddly off in this situation. Rachel shakes her head.
"No, the blonde boy. He said you two play football together," Rachel says, shrugging and taking a sip from her glass. Taehyung can feel his heart drop in his chest, every inch of color draining from his face.
"H-how long has he been here?" Taehyung's voice is trembling, his hands are shaking, and his blood runs cold in his veins. Again, Rachel shrugs, holding up two fingers.
Taehyung instantly heads up the staircase, not at all listening to Rachel who's yelling at him to come back down and finish their conversation. He runs down the hall straight to his bedroom, panic surging in his veins.
Jason's spent two hours rummaging around his room. That's enough time to find things, to find every thing. Taehyung swears underneath his breath, the way to his room feeling oddly longer as the floor seems to fall apart beneath his feet.
When he throws the door open to his room, sitting right on his bed is Jason himself.
"Hey pal," Jason muses, smiling innocently up at him. Taehyung's fingers coil into tight fists, his jaw clenching. He slams the door shut behind him, not once averting his gaze away from Jason.
"Why are you here?" Taehyung says, tone cold, sharp. He strides to where he sits, ready to grab him by the collar and throw him out, but Jason springs onto his feet.
"Settle down, bud," Jason chuckles darkly, holding his hands up, defending himself. "I wanted to chat." Taehyung keeps his distance, scowling at him.
"Get out of my room," Taehyung snaps, surveying every inch of his room for something out of place. He knows Jason has had enough time to find things, but nothing feels missing yet it feels off.
"Listen to me first," Jason replies cooly, crossing his arms over his chest. Taehyung eyes him reluctantly, though after consideration, he nods. At this, Jason smiles sweetly.
"I didn't pinpoint you to be a fag," He says, the word stinging against Taehyung's skin. He sucks in a breath, not allowing himself to fall so easily to his words. He's much better than that.
"And I didn't pinpoint you to be a rapist, but I guess it's the things that we don't expect that hit the hardest," Taehyung retorts, his lips quirking into a smirk when Jason's face pales. Jason swallows.
"You don't have any idea what goes down at the Lake," Jason frowns, his eyebrows drawing together. Taehyung scoffs, shaking his head at his words.
"Cut the bullshit," Taehyung rolls his eyes, "I may be a 'faggot' but at least I know what consent is."
"We both know nobody here will believe that story," Jason snaps at him, the frown on his lips deepening. Taehyung snorts, his eyebrows lifting, mocking him.
"Probably, but Jase, you have no evidence to out me either," Taehyung gestures at him, frowning deeply. "No one would believe I'm gay." He spats.
"Really? You think so?" Jason asks, the edges of his lips twisting into a sick smile. Taehyung nods, confident. Jason shakes his head, chuckling as he reaches into his pocket.
Taehyung's stomach drops, nausea crashing over him in waves the moment he sees the photograph. Jason steps closer, showing him the image of the aquarium where Jeongguk and he are standing close, looking into one another's eyes as though they're about to kiss.
It's the exact one Grace gave him.
"Oh I got more," Jason laughs bitterly, pulling another image of the ones Steven took of them at the fairground. Taehyung's features drain of color upon seeing the picture of them kissing, but this time it's more obvious who it is.
"Where did you find these?" His throat suddenly feels dry, tight. Taehyung can hear his heartbeat in his ears, pumping faster and faster that it's beginning to sound like static.
Taehyung tries to snatch the pictures back, but Jason is much faster. His fearful gaze watches him tuck them back in his letterman jacket, his adams apple bobbing nervously in the hollow of his throat.
"Don't worry about that, my love," He mimicks his voice, and God, he knows about that too. Taehyung feels on the verge of throwing up on the floor, the area around his feet swaying.
"Why are you doing this to us?" Taehyung asks softly, unable to hear himself speak. Jason laughs, the sound bitter, void of any emotion.
"I'm not doing this to ruin you," Jason rolls his eyes, the smile he wears making Taehyung want to punch him in the face. Taehyung digs his fingers into his palma, hoping he's not going to say who he thinks he's going to.
"After all these years, I can get back at Jeongguk," Jason says, and that's the exact moment Taehyung can feel his entire world crashing down.
Not Jeongguk. Anybody but Jeongguk.
"Please, if you're gonna out someone, let it be me," Taehyung begs, unsure why he's gotten desperate but he supposes it's because Jeongguk's reputation is on the line. Jason eyes him carefully, his irises dead, cold.
"Kim, you're already working to repay your sins at that conversion camp," Jason chuckles bitterly, vengeance glowing darkly in his blue eyes that appear much, much darker. "Jeongguk has to repay his too."
"You're fucking insane. What did he even do to you?" Taehyung questions, his palms searing hot with pain as he digs his nails deeper, further into the skin, wishing this is all some sick nightmare.
"Jeongguk never told you huh?" Taehyung shakes his head, wincing when he feels his nails break past the skin. He glances at his palm, barely even blinking at the sight of crimson leaking onto his skin.
"Are you jealous of him?" Taehyung asks, eager to figure this out, to stop it. Jason looks away, and that's when he knows he's getting somewhere. "If you're jealous of him, this is just going too far."
"It's you that doesn't understand Kim. You aren't the kid that's constantly being compared to that Chinese chink that immigrated here," Jason spats. "Imagine being white and having to live up to the standards of some asian from overseas."
"His sexuality isn't yours to expose anyways," Taehyung seethes, red blinding his vision. Jason snorts, chuckling bitterly. He doesn't care at all. Whatever is going on inside of his head must be sick.
"Does it look like I care?" Jason gestures at himself, rolling his eyes. Taehyung says nothing, following his every movement carefully as he watches Jason set the photographs on his dresser.
"I came here to warn you so have these back," Jason pats the photographs one last time before stepping back. Taehyung's gaze darts between the two, yet he remains in his place. Something doesn't feel right about this situation.
"Jason, you can't out Jeongguk. You don't know what they do to—," Taehyung starts, ready to reason with him, or at least get him to change his mind. Jason, however, lifts his palm up, interrupting him.
"Listen, Kim. Like I said, I'm here to warn you. I don't like you either, but this is much more fun than fighting you," Jason chuckles darkly, crossing his arms over his chest. Taehyung inhales sharply, not sure if he can even stand this pathetic excuse of a human being anymore.
"Leave Jeongguk alone," Taehyung spits out, desperation evident in his voice. Jason observes him quietly, those dark blue eyes of his looking on the verge of insanity.
"'Course, but you have to do what I say," Jason says all of a sudden. Taehyung shoulders ease a little, rather relieved there's some way to prevent all of this. Having no choice, he listens.
"Give me your captain position on the team, come to the Lake every weekend and do as I say, and never tell anyone about the girls," Jason smirks, somehow enjoying all of this despite how fucked up everything is. Taehyung considers this, however.
"Fine," He says immediately, knowing there's no other way. He uncoils his fists, letting his hands rest by his sides. He sighs, surrendering, "I'll do it."
"Fantastic," Jason claps his hands together. Taehyung gives him a dirty look, not at all hiding the disgust he has for him. Jason strides past him, patting his shoulder.
"Pleasure doing business with you," He says, saluting at him mockingly as he stops by the door. Taehyung swallows, not relaxing until he hears the front door swing shut from below.
The moment Jason's gone he collapses onto his bed, his head in his hands and his fingers tugging at his hair. God, what just happened. What the fuck just happened.
He swallows back the bile rising up his throat and snatches the telephone by his side table. Wiping his blood on his jeans, he dials a number quickly, feeling panic flood his senses.
"C'mon," Taehyung bounces his foot impatiently, the ringing on the other end driving him crazy. He chews on his lip, breaking the skin and tasting his own blood. God, he looks like a maniac, but he can't help it.
"Please, fucking answer me," Taehyung cries out, dialing the number again and again he's nearly taking his frustrations out on the poor machine.
His hands are shaking bad, his eyes are burning, his throat is closing, and fuck, why is he freaking out so bad? He hasn't felt this uneasy since he was outed.
When the dial tone finally ends, and the familiar 'hello' floods his ears, Taehyung feels himself relaxing just enough to feel comfortable in his skin.
"Grace," Taehyung whispers shakily into the phone, clutching onto the device frantically.
"What's wrong? Taehyung?" Grace repeats his name into the phone, worry in her tone. Taehyung takes a moment before speaking, his voice small as he takes a deep breath.
"H-he," He stutters, running his hands through his hair, panic squeezing his lungs and his heart racing. Grace is telling him to breathe, but fuck, he can't.
"Taehyung, tell me what's wrong," Grace says calmly into the receiver. Taehyung draws in a trembling breath, finally able to gather himself as he says the words he never imagined himself saying ever again.
"He found out Grace. Jason knows everything."
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and so it begins.