INT. TALK SHOW TELEVISION STUDIO – DAY
David and Claire are sitting in two chairs next to one another in a hallway. Neither of them looks at the other. David starts to cross his arms, but that brings him too much into Claire’s space. Claire starts to cross her legs, but then switches and crosses the other way, away from David. They could be strangers for the amount of attention they pay one another. David clears his throat.
DAVID VERDIN
We're still supposed to be in love at this point.
CLAIRE LE MAYES
Is that so?
DAVID VERDIN
Well, from a logical standpoint, we haven't had enough time to have a falling out.
CLAIRE LE MAYES
Is that all you care about? Tessa was right about you.
DAVID VERDIN
About me being charming?
Claire ignores him.
DAVID VERDIN (CONT'D)
Oh God, I'm making it worse, aren't I? I hate Tessa. She's a liar. Please believe me.
CLAIRE LE MAYES
Believe you? You're lying to all of America. Why wouldn't you lie to me?
DAVID VERDIN
And you're pristine as the driven snow? Or are you going to go out there and tell them the whole show was a set-up?
An ASSISTANT 3 walks up to them.
ASSISTANT 3
Sorry to keep you waiting. We can just head on to the stage now.
Claire and David get up.
ASSISTANT 3 (CONT'D)
Aww, look at the happy couple. It is so good to see you. In the flesh! Wow.
Claire and David smile awkwardly. David puts an arm around her.
DAVID VERDIN
That's us.
ASSISTANT 3
Sorry for being such a nut. If Melanie knew I was talking to you like this, she'd give me a tongue-lashing! This way.
The Assistant 3 leads them out of the hallway.
INT. TALK SHOW STUDIO STAGE – DAY
MELANIE is sitting on a chair across from a couch. She's talking to one of the backstage people when Claire and David enter. She smiles at them. They sit down on the couch, adjusting – sitting closer together and farther away until they're at a comfortable distance for the both of them.
MELANIE
I'm so glad you two decided to do my show first. We're going to go live in just a few. Ready?
David and Claire nod, tense smiles on both of their faces. The bright lights go on, and the cameras start to roll.
MELANIE
(to the camera)
It's a question we've all pondered. Can a person really find true love on television? My guests today are David Verdin and Claire Le Mayes from the hit TV show, The Man of Your Dreams. According to them, the answer is “yes”.
(to David and Claire)
Thanks for joining us today. So does any of this strike you as odd? Finding love on television?
David puts on his infomercial persona.
DAVID VERDIN
Well, when you think about it, is finding someone on television any stranger than meeting someone in a bar, or on the street? It's just a different medium.
He puts his arm around Claire again and PULLS her close.
DAVID VERDIN (CONT’D)
I am so lucky that the show brought us together. We are...so in love.
CLAIRE LE MAYES
Oh, yes. Very much in love.
Melanie just smiles in an indulgent manner.
MELANIE
So what was it about each other that made you fall in love? There is some talk that you might have picked the wrong woman.
Claire stiffens.
CLAIRE LE MAYES
They're saying that? Well, for me I had to say it was the way David cuddled with his blankie that night we spent in the hotel. He'd brought it all the way from home. I was so touched that he still had something like that from his childhood.
CUT TO:
INT. SOMEONE'S LIVING ROOM – DAY
A group of women on a couch go AWWWW.
CUT TO:
INT. ELECTRONICS STORE – DAY
A group of men LAUGH their asses off.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. TALK SHOW STUDIO – STAGE - DAY
David has a smile plastered on his face.
DAVID VERDIN
With Claire, I was always impressed with her cavalier attitude towards flatulence. She’d just let one rip and then laugh and laugh.
Claire’s smile becomes more tight-lipped.
CLAIRE LE MAYES
David, you are such a basta-
(she stops herself)
A bastion of strength. Thank you for putting up with me.
INT. TALK SHOW STUDIO #2 – STAGE – DAY
Claire and David are sitting on another couch, a different interviewer across from them.
CLAIRE LE MAYES
And then, at the end of Pirates of the Caribbean, he bawled like a baby. It was so sweet. I’m glad I’ve found someone with a sensitive side.
DAVID VERDIN
Oh, but sweetheart, that wasn’t as amazing as the time you couldn’t find the nail-clippers, so you just chewed off the ends of your toenails. I had no idea you could even do that!
INT. TALK SHOW STUDIO #3 – STAGE – DAY
Claire and David are sitting on two chairs, a different INTERVIEWER across from them. This interview is in front of a studio audience.
DAVID VERDIN
I love this woman so much. Like a sperm whale loves hunting giant squid.
CLAIRE LE MAYES
Like a bear loves mauling people.
DAVID VERDIN
I can't wait to marry her and live exactly like this for the rest of our lives.
CLAIRE LE MAYES
And I can't wait to marry you either, my sweet little cupcake.
They smile at each other, but look like they want to kill each other with their eyes.
INTERVIEWER
So I hear you like comics, Claire. Which one is your favorite?
Claire’s face lights up. She opens her mouth to answer, but David interjects.
DAVID VERDIN
I’ve got this one, honey. She won’t stop talking about it! The comic she loves more than any other...
Claire’s smile begins to falter.
DAVID VERDIN (CONT’D)
...the one she’s read ragged, over and over again...
David looks at Claire. He’s going to twist this knife.
DAVID VERDIN (CONT’D)
...is Lady Leopard. She loves Lady Leopard.
CUT TO:
INT. COMIC BOOK SHOP – DAY
Jesse, Ian, and a couple other nerds stand in front of the television. They’re watching the train wreck, unable to look away.
JESSE
Dude, that is seriously messed up.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. TALK SHOW STUDIO #3 – STAGE – DAY
Claire isn’t smiling anymore.
CLAIRE LE MAYES
I hate Lady Leopard. And I’ve had enough of this.
She gets up and pulls the ring off of her finger. She throws it at David’s feet.
CLAIRE LE MAYES
Have a nice life with Tessa.
She walks off the stage. The studio audience is in an uproar. The talk show host has risen to his/her feet in an effort to calm them down. David ignores the chaos around him to reach down and pick up Claire’s ring.
INT. DAVID'S OFFICE – DAY
David is sitting in his office. He's holding Claire's ring. He holds his cellphone in his other hand. He dials and puts the phone to his ear.
DAVID VERDIN
Pick up, pick up, pick up...
The phone keeps ringing. Claire's answering machine picks up.
CLAIRE LE MAYES (V.O.)
Hi, it's Claire. I'm unable to answer the phone right now. Leave a message. Unless you're David. Lady Leopard? That was lower than low. If you're David, you should go online and search for my latest interview. And don't bother leaving a message.
The line BEEPS, but David puts the phone down and turns on his computer monitor. He goes to Google and searches for Claire's latest interview. It's the first result. He CLICKS on it. Claire's face accompanies the article, looking serious.
DAVID VERDIN
(reading)
We fought about everything, most especially David's out-of-control obsession with Justin Bieber and all things Twilight?? He could only sleep at night on his Edward pillowcase with One Less Lonely Girl playing in the background?
David leans away from the computer, his phone and Claire's ring forgotten. He grabs his jacket.
DAVID VERDIN
So you think you know how to play this game, do you? You don't even know what you're getting yourself into.
David EXITS the office.
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LOVE IN REALITY is a completed screenplay I wrote a while back. I always wondered how much of a reality show is staged--including the messy breakups at the end. I'll be posting updates every Tuesday and Friday. Please click the star in the upper right to favorite if you enjoyed this!
You can follow me on twitter @AndreaGStewart, find me on facebook, or visit my webpage at http://www.andreagstewart.com. I have several projects in the works, and some of my pieces are available or will be available in various online or paper publications.
And feel free to drop me a line! I love to talk shop!