— feeling like I know the words of a song I haven’t wrote; as a I wake up from a distant dream, I stand up dazed as I look around: what is this place I have found? —
Previously on — bulletprxxf lxve —:
nialldeirish @irishsauce
Niall loves you, the fandom loves you, Harry loves you…WE ALL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT!
Harry Styles. @Harry_Styles
@Real_Liam_Payne You aren’t a horrible person Li, you’re an incredible person.
liamtheegg @Real_Liam_Payne
@Harry_Styles Noooo I’m nooot. I was mean tooo Nialler and I finally knooow what I did tooo him!
Harry Styles @Harry_Styles
@Real_Liam_Payne What did you do?
liamtheegg @Real_Liam_Payne
@Harry_Styles You told me we aaaaalways haaaave something to saaaay. This is me saaaaying I’m aaaa horrible person.
Harry Styles @Harry_Styles
@Real_Liam_Payne You’re not horrible, you’re human #WeLoveYouLiam
And now:
One more concert for their Africa leg of the OTRA tour and it would be Australia, Australia, Australia. But first, the boys were invited for dinner by Niall’s parents as a celebratory moment for the band for how far they have come over the years. Nearly six years of being in a band together and it did not look like they were stopping any time soon.
Niall and Zayn are in the kitchen, preparing dinner with Niall’s mother giving them a helping hand. “I’ll go set up the table Nini,” Niall’s mother, Maury says, kisses Niall’s dyed blond hair and excuses herself.
“She calls you Nini?” Zayn muses. Niall elbows him jokingly.
“Shut up,” Niall chuckles. “I can’t believe she still calls me that!”
“It’s cute,” Zayn grins. “I think the sauce is ready.”
“Really?” Niall grabs a teaspoon nearby and scoops a tiny amount of sauce from the pot and samples it. His lips soft against the silver metal, Zayn’s head beginning to feel foggy. He blames it on the kitchen heat. “Try it.”
“What?” Zayn snaps out of his trance. He sees Niall holding the same spoon to his mouth, the soft smell of spices filling his nostrils. “Oh, it looks really chili.”
“You’re Mexican, you should be used to a little spice,” Niall says. “It’s divine.” Zayn gives in and leans forward to the spoon. He closes his eyes, letting the sauce drip down his throat, tasting the slight chili in the sauce.
“It is good.”
“Good?” Niall asks, as if Zayn was completely off in saying that. “It’s divine.”
“Yeah whatever,” Zayn says. Niall calls out his mother, informing her that the sauce was ready.
Larry Stylinson were in the living room, looking at a range of framed photos but what they were looking for were embarrassing photos and then post them on their Instagram (Larrystagram_xx) (the “xx” was because of Harry’s insistence on adding it) for all to see.
“This one’s good,” Louis laughs. It is a photo of baby Niall, sleeping with his mouth wide open, saliva drooling from it. “He’s adorable. He looks like Theo.”
“Post it, post it,” Harry encourages as Louis snaps a photo of it. “Name it Drooler baby # 7.”
“Drooler baby?”
“Yeah,” Harry says. He presses ‘Post’ before Louis changes his mind on the picture title for the umpteenth time. “How about this one?”
“What is that in his mouth?”
“His foot I think,” Harry says. He leans forward to examine the photo in which a 9-month old Niall seems to be biting his foot. “It says here Nini at 9.”
“Nini?” Louis wonders and they both laugh between themselves.
“Everything fine boys?” Maury asks. Larry both jump on the spot and turn to face Niall’s mother smiling fondly at them.
“Yes ma’am, just looking at Niall’s baby pictures,” Harry answers, Louis too busy snickering at the back on his own. “He was a lovely boy.”
“He still is,” she says and walks back to the kitchen. Harry lets out a sigh and they continue posting more pictures of baby Nini on Instagram where Directioners are fangirling over Niall’s fetus pictures ;).
Liam was upstairs, alone, in Niall’s old bedroom. He was up there for a while and hence had fallen asleep on Niall’s old, tiny bed. Zayn came upstairs to call him down for dinner but stopped upon seeing a snoring Liam on the bed. He fished out his phone and snapped a picture for memory, smiling at it.
“Liam,” he whispers to him, gently shaking his shoulder. Liam groans. “It’s dinner time.”
“M’not hungry, m’sleepy,” Liam grunts, still sleeping. He shifts on the bed, his body away from Zayn.
“They made really good food, so c’mon,” he tells him, pulling him up. Liam tries to protest but Zayn is surprisingly strong. “Jeez, you need to stop going to the gym, you’re so heavy.”
“Lately, I’ve been so sleepy it’s not even funny,” Liam says, his voice a little hoarse.
“What were you doing in Nini’s room?”
“Nini?”
Zayn smirks. “Yep, that’s what Maury calls him. Like an old joke in the family or something.”
“It’s cute,” Liam says, stretching his arms to the ceiling.
“C’mon, I heard they also made South African cuisines,” Zayn tells him as they leave Niall’s room.
At the table, they are all seated, having already prayed and eating heartedly. Chats, laughter and songs are loud at the table, each one talking to the other about everything and anything under the sun. Most important thing is that they could eat a home cooked meal, a long time coming break from fast foods and ‘bus food’ which was basically more fast food with lots of alcohol.
Liam and Gregory, Niall’s oldest brother, are talking between themselves over the starters. Liam takes a bite of a thick green cream. “This is amazing,” Liam gushes.
“Only ma’ makes the best,” Greg tells him, taking a huge bite of his own. He swallows and then says to him, “I can see you you’re worried about him.”
“Who?” Liam asks, feigning ignorance. Gregory looks at him as if it is obvious who they are talking about. “I’m not worried about Niall.”
“Yes you are.”
Liam shakes his head. “No I’m not.”
“Liam I can tell. I’ve seen it before and I’m seeing it now.”
Liam gives in. “How can tell?” Gregory does not respond to him. Liam takes a bite of his own and swallows, buying time to think of what to ask Niall’s brother. “Why is he so happy?”
“Happy?” Greg asks. He stops chewing his food and asks again, “Don’t you want him to be happy?”
“Wrong word. I meant why is he so hyperactive?”
Gregory nods as if he has already heard this question before. He takes a sip of his wine, slowly savoring it. “I’ve seen him like this before.”
“Before?” Liam asks, inching his body forward to him. “He’s been hyperactive before?”
“Yep he has. With his ex-girlfriend, whatshername.”
“What happened?”
“After they broke up, he told me he was fine. I believed him and that was my first mistake. He suddenly became this active brother that did everything and anything he said he would do, whether playing football all day, singing, playing guitar, painting classrooms, going on hikes… really anything that he normally wouldn’t do, he was doing.
“I, at one point, thought he had bipolar disorder turns out he was just heartbroken. He bottled his emotions up and distracted himself with all these activities that were ridiculous. At least the singing paid off, am I right?”
Liam chuckles, agreeing with him. “Then what happened?”
“He burst into flames. Everything came tumbling down. One night I heard a thud and I ran into his room, seeing his body shaking on the floor. His entire body was covered in goosebumps and then he simply stopped shaking. I called mum and dad and we took him to the hospital and by the time we reached, he was in a coma.”
“Coma?” Liam asks, surprised. “You’re kidding!”
“I wish I was,” Gregory says regretfully. “Coma for nearly 2 weeks and at one point, his pulse was off and the doctor pronounced him dead for three days. Three days!”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I thought I lost my brother that day.”
Seated next to Gregory is Zayn and Niall, both of them talking animatedly over the main course that Maury brought over with the help of Harry and Niall. Niall is already forking his food down his throat, faster than Zayn can even manage to swallow a small bite.
“Slow down cowboy, there’s a lot of food,” Zayn tells Niall.
“Greg is going to finish it before I can even taste it,” Niall tells him.
“Taste? You’ve eaten pounds of food already.”
“Because it’s divine,” Niall says, swallowing a huge bite. He drowns the food along with the 15 year old wine. “Nothing as good as South African wine, huh?”
“It’s ait,” Zayn says. “Italian isn’t so bad either.”
“Italian?” Niall asks, as if disgusted. “So I designed this couple’s house last week and they absolutely love it. Da Vinci or some name.”
“Da Vinci?” Zayn asks.
“Yeah, him,” Niall nods. “So then I told them about my book, and how I want to give it to a publisher.”
“Congrats Nini,” Zayn cheers. Niall lightly elbows his stomach.
“Stop calling me Nini.”
“Congrats though. I mean, you’re going to be famous. Like J. K. Rowling famous!”
“I’m a divine boyband singer so I’m already famous. I guess I’m going to be better than that old woman,” Niall chuckles. “So then I told them that I was collecting fish and they asked which fish and I said only the fiercest.”
“The fiercest? Niall, did you know something about this couple before you designed their house?”
Niall gives him a cheeky look. “They’re both marine biologists in London and Cape Town. So get this, I design their house and they get me a rare fish.”
“You mean the Kraken Fish,” Zayn says, his look penetrating.
“Your words not mine,” he says. Zayn eases closer to him and whispers that they do not need them to get the Kraken Fish, they both can get the fish if need be. Niall asks him what the plan is.
“We fly to Bali of course,” Zayn says. “After the second Aussie tour, we have three free days. We can go then to Bali, get the fish and be back on time.”
“Sounds like a divine plan,” Niall says.
“As divine as Cara’s wedding?”
Niall’s face lightens. “It’s going to be wedding of the year. If you’re not there, you’re just not there. You are coming right, it’s on the 23rd of December.”
“I’ll be there,” Zayn informs him.
“So did I tell you about the football match I’m going to play in, with Robin?” Niall tells him, his eyes glittering and Zayn indulging him.
“Tell me more!”
Larry are seated in between Zayn and Niall’s parents. Louis leans into Harry’s left ear over desert and whispers, “Did you hear?”
Harry is busy deciding which cake to eat first that is piled on his plate. “So much to choose from!”
“Pick a cake and eat it!” Louis says expasterated.
“I don’t know,” Harry sighs. “It’s too much!”
“Take the black forest one first.”
Harry takes a big bite of it and he tastes the splash of everything in the cake from the chocolate, vanilla essence, strawberry and cherry and a tinge of wine. “Fuck!”
“Are you going to listen to me now?” Louis asks.
“Hear what?” Harry asks.
“Cara’s wedding!”
“Oh yeah, it’s near Christmas time,” Harry says, eating the second type of cake on his navy blue plate. “Maury’s really good at baking cakes!”
“So aren’t you worried she hasn’t invited you?” Louis asks.
Harry dips the fork into his mouth and slowly and delibaretly licks off the chocolate syrup on the fork. Louis swallows hard, knowing his boyfriend was doing this on purpose.
“You fucking orgasm and we’re not having sex,” Louis whispers angrily at him.
“I can go 90 days without sex baby boy, it’s you who should be worried,” Harry cheekily says. “What’s stopping you from taking me right now, right here?”
Louis’ entire face glows the color pink. “Maury for one.”
“What is she gonna go, spank me?” Harry winks. “I thought that was your job?” He watches Louis’ breath getting speedy. “Maybe I should let her do it—”
“No,” Louis says, a little forceful that the table grows silent and looks at Louis who is flushed.
Harry tells him, “She can’t do sh-ye-t.”
“Fuck you,” Louis growl-whispers.
“Yes you will.”
“Stop!” Louis begs.
“Say my name,” Harry says in a low, husky tone that drives Louis to the wall! “Say it.”
Louis masters all the will inside of him and says no…or he wants to say no but with a voice like Harry’s, who can?
“Stop Harry.”
Harry smirks and continues their previous conversation. “I’m not worried that Cara hasn’t invited me to her wedding.”
“Why not?”
“Because Grimmy already sent me an invitation and you’re invited as well as my plus one,” Harry tells him and the worry is off his boyfriend’s face. “You can relax, we’re going to the wedding love.”
Louis denies it. “I wasn’t worried.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It’s going to be some dumb wedding.”
“I’m sure.”
“Who needs to go to the wedding of the year, designed by Niall and her gown is custom made by Burberry.” Harry pockets out his iPhone and begins texting. “Who are you texting? If Maury sees you on the phone she might take it away this time.”
“Telling Grimmy that we are not coming,” Harry says. Louis hurriedly grabs the phone and Maury gives them both angry looks. “Look what you’ve done Lou, she might kill me this time.”
“Stop texting Grimmy! I actually have an outfit for the wedding.”
“But you didn’t know we were going, let alone you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I had three invitations; one from Niall, Grimmy and Cara. You had yours from Niall and he doesn’t look like he’s going to invite anyone apart from Zayn.”
“He’s already invited him. He is his plus one,” Louis whispers lowly to his boyfriend.
“As a date?” Harry asks, eyeing Zayn and Niall sitting at the table.
“Friends can go as friends to a wedding,” Louis says. “But guess what?”
“What?”
“It looks like Zayn enjoys hanging out with Niall as if he actually likes it.”
“And?” Harry asks, not understanding what his boyfriend was driving at.
“What if, what if Zayn is comfortable around boys that he actually likes boys.”
“Everybody likes boys Lou,” Harry says, sighing.
“No,” Louis stresses. “Likes boys.” Harry’s eyes flash wide open, understanding what Louis was driving at.
“Like he might be gay or something?” Harry wonders and simultaneously, Larry look over at Zayn and Niall closely whispering something to each other quite passionately. “But Zayn is a homophobe.”
“Think about it,” Louis tells him. He takes a sip of wine. “Zayn and Perrie allegedly break up because I dumped El and she wanted some comfort or whatever.”
“Hmm.”
“Then Perrie and El start hanging out nearly every day. When Zayn suggests that Perrie and him go to the park to chill or go on a holiday to Greece, Perrie says that El is still trying to get over her break up and she needs her. So then eventually El moves into the house as Zayn technically moves out.”
“And goes to Niall’s place,” Harry says, all jumpy on his seat. “But Robin.”
“Who the fuck cares about Robin?” Louis rolls his eyes and continues. “Zayn and Niall start hanging out more than usual. More than we normally would hang out. Niall is literally depressed over his break up with Liam and since Zayn is a shoulder to cry on, Niall thinks it’s love.”
“Or Zayn thinks it’s a shoulder to cry on,” Harry says.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, Zayn’s engagement was called off at first which turns out that Perrie was just adjusting the ring but is it me or does it feel like the engagement is really off for real? I mean Zerrie haven’t said a thing to each other since Eleawhore came in. Remember when we would talk about Zayn and immediately Perrie would follow?”
“Now it’s Niall,” Louis says.
“Exactly.”
“But it doesn’t make sense,” Louis says confused. “Zayn is a pure homophobe he would never like Niall like that, it’s gay.”
“But…anything can happen. Look at Liam.”
“Liam was a jerk.”
“What is he talking to Greg about though?” Harry wonders and they both look at Liam and Greg across the table. “Looks pretty heated if you ask me.”
“So Zayn is using Niall and Niall is using Zayn. There’re using each other for comfort from their break ups.”
“Niall is using drugs.” Harry offers another suggestion. Louis turns to his boyfriend, his eyebrows crunched in the middle. Harry, with his index finger removes the wrinkles on his forehead. “What’s wrong love?”
“Is this going to be us when we’re old? Gossiping about others?”
Harry chuckles lightly. “I don’t know but whatever we’ll be doing or gossiping about, I hope it’ll be with you.”
“I love you.”
“Till death do us part?”
“Always.”
“And forever,” Harry hums on his lips.
***
Zayn is outside in the backyard, pacing up and down, cigarette stick stuck between his fingers. He puts it between his lips and huffs and puffs and huffs, all the while pacing up and down he grass. He takes his last puff, drops the cigarette on the ground. He opens a new pack, lights a new one and huffs and puffs, all the while walking around.
He repeats this until there are dozens of cigarette butts on the grass. He stares down at them as if he cannot recognize them, like they are tiny extraterrestrial beings.
Niall.
His name pops in Zayn’s head.
Niall.
And again. A small warmth spreading through his heart.
NiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiall…
It keeps popping until he cannot control it anymore. Images, dozens of them, appear like flashing lights in his mind and he just cannot stop them.
“Ni-ni,” he cries out. “Niall.”
NiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiall…
His body feels warm and light, his fingers sweaty around the cigarette. His throat is suddenly dry and his knees weak, he drops to the grass in a small thud.
“It can’t be,” he says as if in a daze. “It can’t be.”
He remembers clearly the first time this happened. It was with some local girl called Ashley. She was taller than he was, he clearly remembers that. She was in 12th grade, he was merely in 9th. She had a boyfriend and he had avocado sandwich for lunch. She said she was not good enough for her, he was not her type but he did not care. He would get her.
He walked down the road to his house in Bradford and there she was, leaning against the wooden fence, cigarette on one hand, her other busy talking on the phone. Her legs were up on the fence, her short skirt flying ceaselessly against the wind.
“Hey,” he had managed to choke.
She turned around and he felt like his heart would combust inside his body. Or maybe a cardiac arrest, whichever came first. She had a lovely voice is all Zayn remembered, her faint lavender perfume lingering in the air between them.
Out of the blue she got off the fence (finally, he thought, she seemed to be glued to it!) and he was he felt like a small extraterrestrial being before her.
“Zayn, right?” she asked. He nodded frantically. “You know you’re cute.”
“I love you,” he blurted out. He did not need to question it twice, or even once, he just knew it. It was in his DNA. He was in love with her. “I love you.”
She giggled (that sweet giggle!). “You don’t love me Malik.”
“I do.” he disagreed with her.
“You don’t love me I know you don’t and neither do I,” she said. “But you are cute.”
“I love you and I always will. Forever and ever and ever and ever.”
“Since you’re so in love with me, I dare you to kiss me on the same level as me,” she said. He was confused.
“Don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“He doesn’t have to know,” she smirked. He should have known to stop there but who can argue with a beating heart and conquest for love? But now his challenge was to kiss her on the same level as her face – basically, he had to be as tall as she was.
“Aren’t you going to do something?” she asked after Zayn was standing there like a post. He moved into action. He saw a brick by the fence and instructed her to step on it.
“Bring it here,” she commanded in her sweet, angelic voice. He did as told. He stood on the brick and finally, he could see eye to eye with her. “Now kiss me.”
That was then and this is now.
He was in love with Niall and he could not deny it because that (with Ashley) was the last time he felt that way about anyone, not even with Perrie. And it was bugging the shit out of him because now he was feeling the same about Niall.
“I’m not meant to like him!” he angry shouts. He pulls out another cigarette and lights it. “Fuck you feelings! Fuck you in the fucking feels fucktards! I fucking hate you you fucking fuckers of fuckville!”
“This is not supposed to happen,” Zayn says loudly, more angrier. “I’m not meant to like you Niall.”
“What?”
Zayn’s blood freezes when he hears the voice in the dark. He turns around slowly, his eyes wide, heart beating incredibly fast and light smoke from the cigarette blocking his eyes. He sees him standing right behind him and his heart relaxes. It was not Niall.
“Louis, you scared me!”
~~~
uh ohhh Louis knows :O!!!! Out of the woods is an aweeeeeeesome song and tbh I really wish people would’ve not hated on Taylor Swift so much (cue in hate remarks) because they were beautiful together and everytime I listen to the song I feel TERRIBLY sorry for both of them….thouuuuuuuugh she says that she let him free except she was the one on a boat alone, hmm -…..- Don't forget to vooooooooote, commeeeeeeeeeent below my unicorns aaaaaaaaaaand shareeeee LOOL
OUT!