MacKenzie's POV
Let's get one thing clear: I DO NOT like school.
I wasn't very good at school to start off with, then the whole particle accelerator generated coma thing took over and I took a year or two off from school.
Well, I'm 13 and in 8th grade and my grades are AWFUL.
Math is my only good subject, considering I was raised and have been around engineering all my life. I'm decent at science, which is good. However, English is my worst subject. And then they wanna throw me into a Spanish class when I barely know the grammar rules for the language I speak every day. It's ridiculous!
If I'm good at engineering and that's what I wanna do, just let me take the classes and get rid of all the other unnecessary classes.
But, of course, I'm forced to take the classes at my school.
And the only thing that makes these classes bearable is my best friend, Christopher. Chris and I have been friends since I started school, he's the only one that doesn't call me "freak" or "Orphan Annie".
Anyways, I had been sped to school by Barry and by the second class, that's when things started to go wrong.
The bell rang and Chris met me outside my class so we could walk to our next class together. He's nice, the only nice person to me at this school.
"Hey, it's like 75 degrees, aren't you warm in that jacket?" Chris asks.
I look down at my sleeves.
"No, I'm fine." I lie. I always wear a jacket to school cause of my wrist protectors. I really don't need them showing and for me to get bullied more than I already do.
"Oh look, Chris has sunk down to the lowest class of all, the homeless." Jack, this jackass kid in my grade, taunts as he passes by Chris and me.
"Hey, don't talk to him like that." I say.
"What'd you say, Orphan?" Jack asks me, walking up to me.
Chris grabs my arm and pulls me behind him.
"Oh, I see? You're protecting her now." Jack says. "You can't protect the freak forever."
"Don't call her that." Chris growls.
"Why not?" Jack asks, walking up to Chris. "What're you gonna do?" Jack shoves Chris backward.
Chris regains his balance and shoves Jack back. Jack punches Chris in the face.
"No!" I yell. What am I gonna do? I can't quake in front of these people, not again anyways. Think, Mack, think! I throw my backpack off my shoulder. "Stop!" I yell. I grab Jack by the sleeve of his shirt, pull him away from Chris and punch Jack in the face. My wrist protectors make contact with his nose and blood goes everywhere. I'm about to swing another punch but a teacher grabs my arm.
"MacKenzie Raymond! Office, now!" The teacher yells at me.
I look at her with wide eyes, this was NOT my fault.
"But I didn't--" I try.
"Now!" The teacher yells at me.
I glare at Jack who is being helped by the teacher and grab my backpack from the floor, going to the office.
A few minutes later, I'm sitting on the chair outside the principal's office. Caitlin walks in through the doors and looks at me. I slouch into my seat, trying to disappear from her look.
Caitlin is about to walk in when Jack walks out with his parents, his nose and shirt bloody.
Caitlin looks at me and I slouch further down.
"Ms. Snow, hello." My principal, Mr Ryder, greets Caitlin, shaking her hand.
"Hello." Caitlin says.
"MacKenzie, you may come in." Mr Ryder says. I stand up, shouldering my backpack and pass by Caitlin with my head down.
Ah, Jeez, I'm screwed.
I sit down at the desk and Caitlin sits next to me.
Mr Ryder sits at his desk.
"Now, I'm not going to sugar coat it." Mr Ryder starts. "MacKenzie Raymond, you are in some serious trouble right now. Jack is going to the emergency room to get his face checked out but the nurse believes his nose is broken. Fortunately for you, Jack's parents aren't pressing charges."
"Oh thank god." Caitlin says, relieved.
"On one condition." Mr Ryder says.
I knew there was a catch, Jack would never let me go that easy.
"Which is?" Caitlin asks.
"Considering Miss Raymond's background," Mr Ryder starts. "And the fact that this is the second time she has acted out in the past few months, we are advising that she go to therapy."
"Therapy?" Caitlin asks.
"Yes, therapy." Mr Ryder says. "Somewhere she can talk out all the issues and things going on in her head and in her life. Both the administration and Jack's parents think it would be beneficial." Caitlin thinks. "Of course, if you don't know a place, the school would be happy to provide you with a list of options."
"No, I think I know a place." Caitlin says.
"Good." Mr Ryder says. "The guidance counselor here is requesting monthly reports from Miss Raymond's therapy sessions, to keep track and make sure she is making progress."
"Okay." Caitlin says.
"In addition," Mr Ryder starts. "And it's unfortunate but Miss Raymond will be suspended for a week starting tomorrow."
I bury my head in my hands.
***
I'm looking out of the window of the car as Caitlin drives.
My head lays on my fist as I look outside.
"Mack." Caitlin says as we drive down the road.
I'm silent.
"MacKenzie." Caitlin says.
"What?" I snap, not looking at her.
"You can't act out like that." Caitlin says. "Ever. It's unacceptable."
I slowly lift my head and turn to look at her. She thinks it's MY fault.
"I was protecting my friend." I tell her.
We stop at a red light.
Caitlin takes her hands off the wheel, placing them in her lap and looks at me.
"Why didn't you tell the administration that then?" Caitlin asks.
"They wouldn't believe me anyways." I tell her truthfully. "Jack was right." I sigh as I put my head back on my fist and look out the window. "No matter what, I'm just the orphan girl."
"No." Caitlin says. "You're not just an orphan, you're our family and--"
I cut her off.
"Stop, please." I say, looking back at her. "Just stop." I tell her. "I know you guys say I'm your family and you treat me like it, but that's not going to change the fact that I am and always will be an orphan. When are one of you guys gonna step up and adopt me?"
Caitlin is silent. The light turns green and the car starts moving.
I drop my head back on my fist and look out the window, a tear rolling down my cheek.
Caitlin stops the car in the parking lot of STAR Labs.
We walk into STAR and go into the cortex.
Cisco is in there and sees me.
"What is she doing here?" Cisco asks Caitlin.
I drop my bag down and sit on a chair with my knees pulled up for my chest.
"Hold on." Caitlin says.
Caitlin pulls out her phone and presses the metahuman alert button.
Barry speeds in.
"What's wrong?" Barry asks. He looks around at Caitlin, Cisco and now Harry. "Do we have a meta situation?"
"No, we have a Mack situation." Caitlin says.
Barry looks over at me.
"What happened?" Barry asks.
"She got into a fight at school." Caitlin starts. Cisco and Barry look surprised. "She's been suspended and I learned that this isn't the first time she's acted out."
"She's acting out?" Barry asks.
"The school recommends she go to therapy." Caitlin says. "I wanted you to be there when we go."
"Th-therapy?" Barry is completely surprised. "It's Mack, she probably just yelled at someone and they said it was a fight."
"She broke the kid's nose." Caitlin says.
"What?" Barry asks surprised.
"I was trying to—" I try before I get cut off.
"Not right now." Caitlin says. "Get in the car, we're going over to the therapist."
Caitlin walks out.
Barry looks at me.
"What..." Barry trails off, very confused.
I get up and leave. Barry follows after me.
"You know where you and Iris went for couple's therapy?" Caitlin asks Barry as she gets into the car.
"You know about that?" Barry asks.
"Well, there's a children's therapist unit there too." Caitlin says. "I called ahead of time. Dr. Jane can see Mack now."
We get into the car.
***
"Hi, Caitlin Snow, I talked to Dr Jane a few hours ago on the phone." Caitlin says to the man at the desk of the office.
"Yes, I remember." The man says. "Dr Jane will see you now. She's the last door on the left."
"Thank you." Caitlin says.
Caitlin, Barry, and I walk through the hallway and into the room.
"Hello." Dr Jane says.
"Hi, I'm Caitlin, this is Barry and this over here is Mack." Caitlin says.
"Ah, yes, MacKenzie Raymond." Dr Jane says. "Caitlin and I spoke a little earlier today "about you. Please, sit."
The three of us sit down on a couch and Dr Jane sits in a chair across from us.
"I heard you've been acting out a little." Dr Jane says. "Would you like to tell me what's been going on."
"Um," I start, looking at Caitlin and Barry and rubbing my hands nervously. "I got into a fight..." I trail off.
"Okay, how about we do this?" Dr Jane starts. "Caitlin and Barry, could you please go and wait in the waiting room while MacKenzie and I talk."
"Of course." Caitlin says.
Her and Barry walk out of the room.
Dr Jane closes the door.
"Alright, MacKenzie." Dr Jane says. "They're gone so you can talk freely."
I sigh, thank god.
"Let's start with your family life." Dr Jane says.
Oh god, this is gonna be a long story.
***
About an hour later, Dr Jane called Caitlin and Barry back into the room.
Dr Jane told me to sit in the chair next to her and Caitlin and Barry were told to sit on the couch across from us.
"MacKenzie has something known as 'survivor's guilt'." Dr. Jane says.
"What is...that..." Barry trails off, looking between me and Dr. Jane.
"It's something mainly seen in people who have survived traumatic events." Dr Jane says. "How war heroes and veterans would feel guilty they survived when their friends who fought with them didn't." Dr Jane pulls out her notebook she was writing in during our session. "Her parents died in a car crash when she was younger, she lived because she was in the backseat. Her brother died a few years ago saving her, she lived. Her friend, I think, someone by the name of 'HR' died. She feels this guilt that she always gets to live and everyone else dies, even the people she should have been able to save."
"'Should have been able to save'?" Barry asks and then he turns to me. "Mack. No one that died, died because of you. It's not your fault."
"It feels like it." I tell him.
"But there's nothing you could have done." Barry says. "You're just a kid."
"Exactly!" I exclaim. I quickly put my hands in my lap and look at Dr Jane. "Sorry."
"No, no, no." Dr Jane says. "Don't apologize, just tell them what you're feeling."
I take a deep breath in and out before moving to look at Barry and Caitlin.
"I'm just a helpless little girl." I say. "If I was older and bigger, I could have helped save Ronnie. I could have saved HR, I should have saved HR but I was sick because I'm young and little and small and I hate it."
"Why didn't you tell us any of this?" Caitlin asks me.
"I dunno." I shrug.
"Yes, you do." Dr Jane says.
"I guess..." I start. "I guess I just didn't know how."
"Some kids find it hard to talk to their parents/guardians in fear of ridicule." Dr Jane says. "MacKenzie hates the fact that she is dependent on everyone around her because she is still young. Being around people older than her so much, she feels as if she has to take on the responsibilities you have, but every now and then she is reminded that she is a child. I believe her acting out and fighting back is steamed through the fact that she couldn't help the others who she's lost."
"And this is why she's acting out? Cause she couldn't save people?" Barry asks.
"From the fight, I gathered that she was protecting one of her friends, something she feels the need to do. She wants to save people, she needs to." Dr Jane says. "It's one of the reasons she's acting out."
"There's another reason?" Caitlin asks.
"MacKenzie doesn't have a stable living environment." Dr Jane says. "Have you guys thought about adoption?"
"Um--" Barry tries.
"They haven't thought about it," I say. "And they won't do it."
"That's not the full story." Caitlin tries.
"It's not like that," Barry says. "We're...we're working on it."
"It's just...Mack has never expressed a desire to be adopted before." Caitlin says.
"You've gotta be kidding me." I mutter.
"What was that?" Dr Jane asks.
"It's just...they treat me like the kid I am but they say that they haven't adopted me cause I've never asked?" I say, standing up. "Buck up and take some ownership. You've made every other decision for me, why haven't you adopted me?!" I look around. "I'm sorry, that was rude." I apologize. "Of course I wanna be adopted. I just thought that I didn't have to beg the two people I love the most in this world to make me their family." I sit back down on the couch, my hands in my lap.
It is silent for a moment.
"Can someone please talk?" I ask, fidgeting my hands.
"I'm going to suggest MacKenzie comes back a few times a month, maybe once a week will help her." Dr Jane says.
"Okay." Caitlin says. She stands up and so does Dr Jane. They shake hands. "Thank you very much."
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Hope you guys liked that chapter!!
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Next chapter up NEXT WEDNESDAY
-MC