hey guys this chapters a bit different but I've been obsessed with Your Face or Mine at the moment so I thought I'd write Jesse and Lucy into an episode!
"hello welcome to Your Face or Mine I'm Jimmy Carr and I'm joined with Katherine Ryan. Where celebrity guests will be forced to judge their own looks as well as other peoples for a chance to win thousands of pounds for their chosen charity. So let's introduce you to todays couple" Jimmy said
"hi I'm Jesse Lingard, I'm 29 and I'm a footballer for Manchester United and England" Jesse said
"and I'm Lucy Lingard, I'm 23 and I'm a mum and England Team Assistant" I said
"and we met in a bar when Lucy was at uni and we just clicked" Jesse smiled
"so how much of your relationship is social media based?" Katherine asked
"well we'll post videos and photos of our family and stuff but it's not like we're sending everything out there for the world to see" I explained
"so you're not pregnant for the likes then?" she asked
"oh god I think I woulda given up if this was for the likes" I giggled "I didn't ask for two to be put in me!"
"guess I'm just too good" Jesse joked
"can I ask a personal question? We like to ask couples how the you know" Jimmy winked
"oh my god my mums gonna watch this!" I exclaimed
"Lucy you know you are pregnant right, that doesn't happen by holding hands" Jimmy chuckled
"okay we'll spill, usually it's amazing but I mean she's 8 months pregnant so that makes it a little bit different" Jesse told them
"right obviously I mean yeah" Jimmy said awkwardly
"so who do you think are like the best looking people in the world?" Katherine asked
"oh my god like Michael B Jordan, yes please" I smirked causing Jesse to shake his head
"I guess Jesse's reaction brings us onto our next topic of jealousy" Jimmy smiled "are you jealous people at all?"
"I think we both get jealous but not for petty reasons, I mean like I'll get dm's from girls just no message just nudes you know so that's not great for the whole jealousy situation" Jesse explained
"so Jesse what do you consider cheating?" Katherine asked
"like if she's dancing with a guy or anything more like than really" Jesse said
"right so lets test this out, so if I was to dance with Lucy right now" Jimmy said as he got up and took my hand
"no no no because I know how Lucy dances with me so she's not doing that with other guys" Jesse laughed sitting me back down
"right so lets get on with the game, what charity are you playing for?" Jimmy asked
"the Manchester United Foundation" Jesse answered
"our first round is Celebrity Face Off where these two are paired with celebrities and all they have to do is judge who is better looking, so we'll find out who is a VIP and who is an STI" Katherine chuckled "the studio audience has already voted on each pairing and every time they get it right they'll win £500"
"okay so the first one we have Jesse or David Beckham, Lucy who do you think is more attractive?" Jimmy questioned
"right so Jesse I love you so very much, but it's Beckham" I giggled
"yeah no I completely agree I mean look at him" Jesse smiled
"and you are correct Beckham won by 76% to Jesse's 24%" Katherine said
"oi that's decent to be fair babe" I said to Jesse
"are you sure, he got 24%?" Jimmy laughed "right next one, we have Lucy or Kendall Jenner, Jesse what are we thinking?"
"woah I've never noticed how similar you look!" Jesse exclaimed
"are you looking at the same pictures?" I chuckled
"I'm going to go for my wife" Jesse said
"this is for charity Jesse, you are literally taking money away from the orphans" Jimmy joked
"nah I'm sticking with Lucy" he said firmly
"alright, well it's close actually but Kendall won by 57% to Lucy's 43%" Katherine said
"right so now it's the big question, who's better looking out of the both of you?" Jimmy asked
"definitely Jesse" "Lucy 100%" we both said at the same time
"well that's cute but seriously, who's punching?" Jimmy asked sarcastically
"I think Jesse's gonna win, people might know who he is as well" I explained
"nah there's no way I'm going me over you" he objected
"okay well let's have a look, wow that's really close but Jesse you are in fact punching by 53% to 47%" Katherine said
"now it's time for the second round, Face Your Demons where our couple will be faced with people from their past they may or may not be happy to see" Jimmy announced
"so make room between you for your first mystery guest, Chelsea and England footballer Ruben Loftus-Cheek" Katherine announced
"oh my jesus chirst" I sighed
"so how do you know the couple?" Katherine asked
"I play with Jesse for England" Ruben said
"funnily enough mate I don't think that's all" Jimmy chuckled
"well he's my best friends ex-boyfriend and let's just say it didn't end well at all" I explained
"so this makes this decision even more interesting, Lucy who's more attractive the father of your children or your best friends ex" Katherine questioned
"right I've gotta put myself in the mind of the audience Jess" I told him
"don't worry Lucy we all know he's on another level" Jesse chuckled
"yes in fact, Ruben would you mind just standing up and you know just lifting up your top?" Katherine giggled
"wooooo!" the audience screamed
"alright we can assume the results but lets have a look, yeah Ruben I think you'd better run" Jimmy laughed "that's 86% to Ruben and 14% to Jesse"
"okay lets have our next mystery guest, Jena Frumes" Katherine announced
"hello" I smiled timidly giving her a hug before she sat down
"alright" Jesse nodded to her
"so Jena, how do you know our couple?" Jimmy asked
"I am Jesse's ex-girlfriend" she said
"right and why did the relationship end?" Katherine questioned
"Jesse cheated on me" she told them "yeah bit of a sticky one" she chuckled
"so have you girls ever met before?" Jimmy asked
"no we haven't actually" I smiled
"not even a heads-up about what happened?" Katherine raised her eyebrows
"no of course not, Jesse made a mistake he's not a bad guy" Jena explained "and I mean imagine if I had given her a heads up, these babies wouldn't be on the way!"
"okay nows the tough question Jesse who's hotter, the woman you married or the one you cheated on?" Jimmy questioned
"Jess I'm just saying I don't mind Jena's really cool, I mean she even rides motorcycles" I chuckled
"yes but you ride Jesse Lucy" Jimmy smirked
"oh my god!" I giggled
"but seriously Jesse Jena or Lucy?" Katherine asked
"babe this is for the children" Jesse said to me
"obviously not your children" Jimmy laughed
"okay but I'm gonna go with Jena, just because I think that's what the audience will go for" Jesse blurted
"well it sounds like Jesse wants us to move on quickly so let's get the results, well done you're correct Jena wont by 61%" Katherine announced
"congratulations Jesse and Lucy you have won £2000 for the Manchester United Foundation" Jimmy said before the audience applauded
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lucylingard_ watch me and Jesse on Your Face or Mine next week on Comedy Central🤭
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katyamydean ohhh my god
- jesselingard you wouldn't believe what happened😬
- katyamydean oh I know Lucy already told me😂
paigemilian uh oh
- lucylingard_ yeah...😂
- sterling7 is someone sleeping in the spare room?🤣
- lucylingard_ nah he's a good egg bless him