A/N: ok ok ok ok I know I haven't updated in FOREVER but I swear to you guys this story will be perfect! Summer is about to start and not to be dramatic or anything but I would literally die for Clexa...so there's that. I appreciate everyone who has commented and voted and even taken the time to read my story! I love all of my Clexa fam! Also if you haven't checked out my other story "50 shades of Clexa" you should definitely do that. It already has more views you thirsty hoes ;D.
Lexas POV
Thud thud thud
I sat up quickly in my bed attempting to pinpoint the exact location and source of the sudden sound that woke me from my sleep.
Thud thud thud
The door, I sighed audibly. Why is someone at my door knocking at this hour. It's so early still, all I wanted to do was lay in my bed with Clarke, but no someone must disturb us.
I looked down to see Clarke still fast asleep, the furs were strewn across her legs and her chest was exposed. I allowed myself a second to admire her beautiful body before I lifted the blanket over her body to cover her.
"Come in" the agitation thick in my tone.
"Heda-" a man walked into the room but stopped abruptly once he realized who was in my bed.
"What is it" I gave him a stern look to remind him that he is sworn to secrecy.
"The war council is meeting soon."
"Already?" I looked toward the window and was blinded by a ray of sunshine. It was close to noon already. "Jok Jok Jok!" [fuck fuck fuck]
The guard turned and left quickly so that I could drop the furs from around my body and start dressing.
"Lexa"
The voice was so raspy and full of sleep that I almost slipped back into bed right then. I turned to see blue eyes shamelessly falling on my body, exploring every curve.
"Clarke" I smiled widely and leaned forward, putting all my weight on my hands which were on the bed. I connected our lips for a quick kiss but I could tell her body was craving more.
"Clarke I'm late for a war council" I grabbed my pants and started pulling them up my legs. As I dressed in armor Clarke lay lazily on the bed, completely exposed to the cool air.
"Commander cant you be a little later?" Her hand trailed up her body to her lips in a way that made me want to taste her all over again.
"I can't, the night bloods are still missing Clarke, they need their Heda to bring them back safely." I looked down as I laced my boots to avoid my eyes landing on her naked body.
I heard her weight lift off the bed and footsteps as she walked around the end of the bed and in my direction. I looked up at her as she approached.
"Ok, go be the big bad commander of the 12 clans." She smiled widely and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. I couldn't help but notice how our bodies fit perfectly together.
My hands found her hips and I brought her into me. My hands moved to her ass and I squeezed roughly causing Clarke to gasp quietly and bite her lip.
"I'll be back." I brushed a piece of golden blonde hair behind her ear and leaned my forehead against hers. "Get dressed, I don't want anyone seeing you like this...besides me."
She nodded and with that I turned and walked through the doors, closing them quietly behind me.
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"Send warriors across the Azgeda border and retrieve the Night bloods. I will not stand for this disobedience from Niya."
"Sha Heda."
"You are dismissed, go inform your warriors of the decisions made and plan accordingly."
"Sha Heda."
The room cleared slowly as ambassadors exited the room after exchanging quick words with allied clans. The discussions created a light buzz of inaudible discussions.
I sat back in my throne and got lost in my own thoughts when I realized the throne room was completely empty. I sighed audibly into the empty space. My mind was a tangle of confusion...emotions. The Night Bloods are very important to the coalition but I could not deny my fondness of them.
I gripped the throne tightly and let the anger wash over me. There was nothing I could do for the Night Bloods except send warriors over the border and get them back by force. Azgeda was the only clan that was constantly out of line, never respecting the coalition or their commander.
It took every bit of self control and training not to declare war on ice nation and all of their allied clans, laying waste to queen Niya and all of her followers, the innocent and guilty alike.
All ice nation blood was corrupted and evil, not one drop held any regard for human life. They knew no peace, only war and vengeance.
They have no place in the coalition but declaring war would throw the rest of the coalition off balance. The period of peace her people had been enjoying would be put to an abrupt end as the rivers flowed red once again.
All I had fought for as Heda, all the coalition had worked for once again was threaten by yet another war. Another war as the hands of Azgeda, queen Niya.
War councils had been held many times on the account of Ice nation. Each time an ambassador called for the queens head and each time I held back the thirst I had for her blood.
The ice nation would not fall into line under the death of their queen. Their blood was all the same, they knew no peace. Ice nation was the same as their queen, loyalty had been tested time and time again and each time a warrior died bloody and beaten without uttering one word that could put his clan in danger. No amount of torture could break queen Niyas warriors, that's why they were so dangerous. Life had no value, peace no worth.
I slammed my hand against the wood of my throne. Ice nation was worse than Ski crew! I stood up abruptly and walked towards the door, my hand resting on the handle. I leaned forward and put my head against the wood. For one second I allowed all of the fear I felt to overcome me, to engulf me. All of the uncertainty to course through my veins. I allowed myself to acknowledge that I was powerless, helpless.
I slammed my hand against the hard wood, anger. It's how I masked my feelings from even myself. Each time I felt something, I would train harder and my anger made me a warrior. My anger made me Heda.
I pulled the handles forward and the large wooden doors creaked open, guards stepped aside and dipped their heads.
I walked past them and took hurried steps back to the commanders chambers. Once I reached the door I took a deep breath, steeling my emotions and putting on a stoic expression. I pulled the doors open and closed them quietly behind me.
The bed was empty, the furs neatly pulled up and folded. I scanned the room and found Clarke sitting on the couch, a sketch book in hand. She was so focused on her work that she didn't notice when I had walked in.
I stared at her for a moment, taking in the way her face looked when she concentrated. The way her lips drew together and her nose wrinkled slightly. Kinda like how she looked before she... I shook my head.
I walked towards her, before I reached the couch she noticed me and jumped back slightly. Her surprise quickly changed to a sheepish smile. I reached for her sketch pad but she pulled it away and put it behind her back.
"Clarke..."
"Lexa..."
"Let me see it Clarke, now."
"Is that an order from the big bad Commander?"
"Yes. Hand it over."
"No."
The defiance was sparkling in her eyes, she was proud of herself. She smiled smugly and tucked her sketch book into the couch behind her.
"Clarke."
"Make me."
I'm the commander of the 12 clans of course I could make her. What was she thinking? With one word I could have 5 guards in here, Clarke restrained and a sketch book in my hand.
I met her eye contact, that's not what she meant by "make me." She was biting her lip and playing with the buttons on her shirt.
I considered calling guards in just to take her off guard and get the sketch book but decided against it, I could do this myself.
I walked forward and sat on the couch next to her, our thighs brushing against each other. I reached across her to grab the sketch book but she caught my arm and my hand landed on her upper thigh.
I looked up at her and to my surprise her cheeks were flushed red. I took that moment to my advantage and grabbed the sketch book quickly, leaning over her completely so she couldn't moved
I flipped through the pages and to my astonishment every page had a picture of me. I went to the very first drawing in the sketch book, it was from when we had first met. She had drawn me pushing her up against the tree after she shot the deer. I flipped to the next page, it was me sitting in my throne at TonDC. The night she had begged me to save her people and form an alliance. I kept flipping through the pages until I came upon the one she was working on when I walked in.
Clarke was still struggling underneath me but had given up for the most part. I stared at the page for longer than I needed to. In pencil was a picture of me from the night before, my mouth hung open and eyes squeezed shut. I looked at Clarke, confused.
"You're so beautiful when we fuck."
I stared at her blankly unable to come up with any words.
"The way your features tighten in ecstasy right before you orgasm, it's so perfect. I had to draw it."
I looked back down at the page, my eyes falling on a sketch in the bottom corner.
"What's this?"
"That's you silly, I'm not done yet. Your body is beautiful, I can't help but stare. It's always stuck in my head so I drew it."
I looked up from the drawing then, making eye contact with Clarke. In that moment I felt myself unravel from my tightly wound stature. I felt all of the emotions from earlier wash over me at once. I felt each piece fall as I broke into a million pieces right then.
I reached for Clarke and pulled her into me. Burying my face into the crook of her neck, I felt a tear slip down my cheek. Her hands found my back and rubbed gentle circles as I fell apart in her arms.
"Lexa, you don't have to play that role with me. It's okay to be scared and helpless. You don't have to be the commander of the 12 clans with me, you can just be Lexa. I want Lexa not Heda."
I sat up on the couch and started into her beautiful blue eyes, they were full of concern. She reached forward and wiped tears from my cheeks. I grabbed her wrist and leaned into her hand, finding comfort in her touch.
"It's okay to feel things Lexa."
"I'm strong Clarke. Heda is a ruthless warrior."
"I know Lexa, I know. But your feeling scare you."
"I was trained to think with my head and not my heart, but my heart rules my head. I'm weak."
"Life is about more than just surviving, don't we deserve better than that."
"Maybe we do."
I leaned forward and connected our lips in a passionate kiss. I went to pull Clarke into me but she backed away.
"You come here." She leaned back on the couch and opened her arms, beckoning me to let her hold me. No one had held me since after Costia's death. "Come on."
I leaned into Clarke and she wrapped her arms around me, my head on her chest and our legs tangled together. It felt good to be the one being held for once, it was safe and comforting. I nuzzled my head into the fabric of her shirt and took in her smell.
Clarke's hand played with my braids while the other stretched across my body to my waist, providing a comforting warmth.
"This is the big bad commander I want."