JEREMY (spoken):
Ow!
SQUIP:
Target female inaccessible.
CHRISTINE:
Jeremy?
JEREMY:
Aw, what the hell?!
Jeremy and rich loom terrified at the sence unfolding the memory of the pain sending daggers to their hearts
SQUIP:
Calibration in progress, please excuse some mild discomfort.
JEREMY:
Mild?!
CHRISTINE:
Jeremy, what's wrong?!
JAKE:
Dude, the freak's freakin' out!
"Sorry Jeremy"
"Its fine"
SQUIP:
Calibration complete, access procedure initiated.
JEREMY:
Uh-way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way. I'm fine, I just nee-
SQUIP:
Discomfort level may increase.
JEREMY:
OW! OW! OWWW!
"Wow did i really look like that much of an idiot"
Michael being the best human being in the WORLD cuddles Jeremy more Jeremy being on top of michael while Michael is lying on the couch his head facing the screen
"Hey you don't ever look like an idiot you were clearly in pain its ok"
SQUIP:
Accessing: neuro memory, accessing: muscle memory, access procedure: compete.
Jeremy Heere...welcome to your super quantum unit intel processor...your squip.
"Aw fuck off" Michael huffs
THE SQUIP:
Take your hands out of your pockets
Arch your back, puff out your chest
Add some swagger to your gate or
You'll look like a masturbator
Fix your posture, then the rest
JEREMY:
But I AM a masturbator--
"T the fucking M I!" Jenna screams
THE SQUIP:
We'll fix that
All your nerdiness is ugly
Michaels blood was boiling in rage he dug his nails into one of his hands leaving little red marks
JEREMY:
Nerd? I thought I was more of a geek, but--
THE SQUIP:
All your stammering's a chore
JEREMY:
Wh-wh-what?
THE SQUIP:
Your tics and fidgets are persistent
And your charm is non-existent
"Fuck you!" Michael screams
Jeremy can't help but feel his cheeks getting warm from his friend getting so mad at the squip for insulting him
Fix your vibe, then fix some more
Buh
JEREMY:
Wha?
THE SQUIP:
Buh
JEREMY:
Wha?
THE SQUIP:
No
JEREMY:
Aah!
THE SQUIP:
Stop
Oh, everything about you is so terrible
Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die
"Hes fine you broken lawn mower" Michael says wrapping his arms around jeremy both of them blushing
JEREMY:
Jesus Christ...
THE SQUIP:
So don't freak out
And don't resist
And have no doubt
If I assist
You will
Be more chill
First thing's first, go buy a new shirt
JEREMY:
What's wrong with my shirt--
THE SQUIP:
It's better if you just comply
My job's to color your aesthetic
And make you seem much less pathetic
Just step and fetch, don't ask me why
Michael has dug his nails so far into his hands he didn't realize they started bleeding
JEREMY:
How are you with math homework?
THE SQUIP:
I'm a super-computer, Jeremy. I'm made of math.
Jenna tries to hold her laugh but fails miserably
Oh, everything about you is so terrible
PEOPLE IN THE MALL:
Everything about you sucks!
Everything about you sucks!
THE SQUIP:
Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die
At this point Michael noticed the blood all over his hands pulling his hoodie sleeves up to hide it
PEOPLE IN THE MALL:
Everything about you sucks!
Everything about you sucks!
THE SQUIP + PEOPLE IN THE MALL:
All the people in the mall
Think you're such a slob
PEOPLE IN THE MALL:
You're a slob!
Terrible!
Such a slob!
THE SQUIP:
And boy, can I see why!
Now you try picking out a shirt.
That's a girl's shirt.
JEREMY:
Sorry...
CHLOE:
...Jerry?
JEREMY:
Jeremy.
CHLOE:
You shop here?
JEREMY:
Oh, yeah all the time--
THE SQUIP:
Never.
JEREMY:
Never. Is what I meant to...
THE SQUIP:
Greet the beta.
JEREMY:
Oh. Hey, Brooke.
"Why the fuck am i the beta"
Everyone just stays silent not knowing how to not sound rude
THE SQUIP:
"You look sexy."
JEREMY:
I can't say that to a hot girl!
Michael frowns at Jeremy's words
THE SQUIP:
Don't smile. Stare intesnsely.
Speak like you don't care about your own death.
JEREMY:
Lookin' pretty sexy, Brooke.
Everyone laughs at the way Jeremy says it
BROOKE:
Thanks.
CHLOE:
Is that a girl's shirt?
JEREMY:
No.
THE SQUIP:
"Yes."
JEREMY:
Yes.
THE SQUIP:
Repeat after me--
I saw it in the window
And I couldn't dismiss
JEREMY:
I saw in the window
And I couldn't dismiss
THE SQUIP:
I was dating a girl and
She had a shirt just like this
JEREMY:
I was dating a girl and
She had a shirt just like this
THE SQUIP:
It's still painful
JEREMY:
It's still painful
CHLOE:
So, who was this mystery girl?
JEREMY:
Oh, you've probably never heard of her, so--
THE SQUIP:
Madeline
JEREMY:
Madeline
"You lied to us!?" Chloe almost screams
"Im Sorry did you hear the squip i didn't know what to do
CHLOE:
What?
JEREMY:
She's French
CHLOE:
Ugh! She is NOT French! She just pretends to be for attention!
BROOKE:
Madeline broke up with you?
JEREMY:
Yeah...
THE SQUIP:
No.
JEREMY:
I mean--
THE SQUIP:
I broke up with her
JEREMY:
I broke up with her
THE SQUIP:
'Cause she was
Cheating on me
JEREMY, overselling it:
'Cause she was
Cheating on me
THE SQUIP:
Hey, Hamlet. Be more chill
"Yeah jeez jeremy that was over dramatic" Michael laughs
"Take a chill pill" jenna laughs
"Wait....... NO DON'T NEVER EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT"
Everyone laughs at jennas slip up and jeremy over doing it