Prompt: Clara dies saving the Doctor in his time stream even when he tried to save her. Now he has to remember feeling helpless about not being able to rescue her. Takes place in "The Time of the Doctor". Sent in by Doctorwholocked. Please enjoy!
(I would also like to apologize for how long it has been. Time kind of got away from me, but I hope this makes up for it. On the bright side, during the time that I didn't update, I baked delicious desserts and made a couple of new friends. So it's all good.)
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Two hundred years. That was how long it had been for the Doctor. Two hundred years of living with the pain of losing yet another companion, and friend, and in this case, maybe even more than a friend. He had not stopped thinking of her, the girl with the brown hair and eyes; the girl who believed she would be the master of soufflés.
This women, the mysterious Clara Oswald, had always confused him. Not only was she literally impossible, she made his hearts jump and his brain go fuzzy. No one had done that for a long time. And yes he was a lonely man, but she was also a lonely woman. She needed the friendship and companionship that grew from her travels with the Doctor, and he needed the same from her. Both had suffered tragic loss, and while her suffering was over, his continued on; a never ending reminder of the burden that he was on the universe.
The Doctor honestly had no idea how much time he had left in this universe. But what he did know was that it was his last regeneration, and he would soon be able to join all of his beloved friends when he made it to The Great Beyond.
He had contemplated suicide, but pushed that thought away when he thought of what Clara would do when she found out. He often spoke to her softly, whispering things so that only he and Clara could hear, "I am so sorry, my Clara. My Impossible Girl. I love you. I miss you. Please come back and stay with me."
But she never did. Nor did she make any indication that she could hear his words. For all he knew, he was talking straight nonsense into the air around him, but that never stopped him. Especially not today, the day that marked exactly two hundred years since her death.
He knelt down by the pictures that he had of her, and all of her belongings, and he began his whispers.
"Clara, I'm not sure if you can hear me, but um, I just wanted to say that I miss you. It's been two hundred years, when are you coming back? Silly, Doctor...she's not coming back," he reminded himself, "Well, I hope to be joining you soon. Very soon. I think I can feel the time nearing. This daft old man has been waiting so long, Clara. So long to hold your hand again, so long to tell you everything would be okay and that I would protect you.
"I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I tried. And I was willing to die trying...it's just, something kicked me out of my time stream. And so I couldn't actually get back in to save you. You cried out in pain a lot, did you know that? All that suffering, just for me, the sad and lonely man. And I bet, I bet you, if you asked anyone, I would be the saddest and loneliest man in the entire universe. Because you're gone.
I made you a soufflé today, my best so far. But you weren't here to eat it, so I ate about half of it. The other half is sitting in the kitchen, waiting, if you want it. I used your mum's soufflé recipe, so I hope I did it justice. I think I did.
So, yeah. Just stay well, for me please? I miss you, and I wanted to tell you again that I love you more than anything else in this entire universe, even if that seems ridiculous to you. It only took you vanishing from my life to figure it out. See? I am daft! I'll see you soon," he said, getting up and wiping the tears from his eyes.
He had to wait another two hundred and fifty three years before he saw her again. But according to legend, when he did see her, they reunited among the stars.
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