It's funny sometimes, how no matter how hard you try to run away from something, it always has a habit of catching up to you. You keep running and hiding but the moment you relax and glance over your shoulder, you realise your problems were always behind you, that they never left and no matter how far you ran they wouldn't leave as they were now a part of you and the only thing left to do is to face them.
Leiah knew this, she knew it so well but running away felt so much easier than facing all that she refused to accept.
Since she was young, Leiah had always had a desire, a longing to travel and explore. Her eyes had always blazed with passion when she talked about going to different lands, learning their culture, feeling their language roll off her tongue but what appealed to her the most was the idea of being free. She didn't just want to explore new places but she also wanted to explore herself, find herself, understand what she liked and what her mind and body craved.
A part of her knew that what she was really doing was running, pretending that it was all freedom, free will and finding herself but in the end even amidst all the wonder and beauty, that nagging part of her mind never left, the part that called her a coward who could never face the problems that's she'd caused and lived her life running and faking that she was alright.
Her past wasn't grand or broken or overly depressing but instead it was full of mistakes, small mistakes that led to big problems, problems that she hadn't bothered to solve, that she simply ran away from, closing her eyes and hoping they wouldn't catch up with her.
Leiah sighed and pressed her forehead with her fingers as if she could drive her thoughts away. It would happen occasionally, small everyday things would fill her with memories and she'd be overpowered by her emotions. She'd be filled with guilt, regret, sadness and a tinge of longing and all of these feelings would form a sentence in her mind. A sentence that bad been haunting her for five years-
'Am I a good daughter?'
'Probably not' she thought. 'After all what kind of daughter wouldn't visit him in five years. How pathetic.'
She was 23 now, nearly 24, it had been five years since she'd decided to leave it all behind, since she'd broken her promises so heartlessly, so carelessly.
'How ironic, I leave people behind and make dumb choices and then spend hours on end regretting it. How nice.'
Leiah's lips curled into a bitter smile.
She fished out her phone from her pocket.
"Hmm let's see, schedule, schedule, what's my schedule?" She muttered to herself while scrolling through her phone.
'Work starts tomorrow, I'll be busy. Tonight seems like the best time.'
She left her hotel and strolled down the sidewalk to the nearest bar, lightly humming as the wind tugged at her tied up hair making loose red strands flutter in the wind.
Reaching her destination, she entered the quaint pub.
'Perfect' she thought as she took in her surroundings.
Soft music, the constant comforting buzz of overlapping conversations and dim lighting greeted her. She'd always found places like this comforting and perfect. Her lips quirked up to form a soft smile.
Approaching the bar counter, she took a seat and closed her eyes. Many people preferred silence as they sorted out their thoughts but not her. Leiah found solace in the voices that surrounded her, melding together to form a unique symphony. Her heart fluttered, she felt like something interesting would happen tonight. It just felt like one of those nights.
'Silence can be suffocating. This is better, much better.'
Stretching her arms up, she untied her hair from its bun allowing her red dyed hair to cascade down her shoulders. As she contemplated what to order, searching for the most unique thing she could find, a bottle on the shelf caught her attention.
It contained a weird colour, a mix between green and brown. Almost hazel.
'Ah hazel, that brings back memories. Beautiful, what a beautiful colour.'
Hazel to Leiah meant memories, feelings, happiness. Hazel meant Erik.
She called out to the bartender. "Excuse me, can I have that please?" She said pointing to the bottle.
"Yes that one thank you." She said with a smile.
'Ordering something simply because of the colour is probably not a good idea but I don't really plan on drinking it anyway. I have work tomorrow, can't afford the pain of a hangover'
She was sent by her company for an important architecture project. Tonight wasn't for drinking alcohol, it was for drinking the ambience of this place.
'Erik' she thought as she swirled the odd coloured tonic in the glass.
'Poor, sweet Erik. He'd never done anything to make me leave but I still abandoned our well thought out plans without even telling him. I'm such a horrible person.'
She wondered how he'd felt, whether he hated her. She beautiful, sweet Erik. A best friend, a lover and something more.
'A boy with a golden heart who got entangled in her net of messy feelings'
She snorted at her thoughts.
'I've been reading way too many cliché romances'
She placed her head on the cool, pristine counter, letting her hair spread out around her.
'Why did I not tell him? Oh yes, I remember why it's because I'm an idiot.'
She sighed. 'Papa would be so disappointed in me. Wallowing in regret and sorrow like this. Tears are shed by the weak that's what he used to say.'
Her body stiffened as she tried to suppress that train of thought. Her chest felt heavy, she felt like she was suffocating.
'Distraction I need a distraction. Everything is OK, I am OK.'
Leiah was a bright person. She would laugh and talk to anybody who would approach her, her laughter bubbly and sweet. She never stopped being careful though. She'd never leave her drink unattended nor accept any drinks from strangers even if it was an 'appreciation' of her beauty but today just wasn't one of those days.
As she calmed herself down, taking in deep breaths, she heard a sound next to her and a deep voice that sounded perfect to her ears. Not too deep, not too high, like salted caramel, a perfect combination. If it wasn't for how melancholic and frustrated she was feeling, she would've been entranced by that beautiful voice.
"May I sit here", he asked politely.
She'd rested her head on the counter, her chin resting on her arms. Without even sparing him a glance, she muttered " Free country".
He sat down and ordered a drink. As he was doing so, she tilted her head in his direction, curious to see the owner of that beautiful and oddly similar sounding voice.
Glancing in his direction she was met with a pair of brilliant hazel eyes.
Her breath was caught in her throat and she froze, feeling like she had been drenched by a bucket of cold water. She took a deep breath to calm herself down, trying her best to mask her shock with a warm smile.
'It doesn't have to be him' she thought.
'There are so many people with hazel eyes in the world. Stay calm, Leiah.' There was a nagging feeling within her that said otherwise, that told her to stop fooling herself.
It wasn't too far fetched. They had both had the same dreams. He was well known in their little architectural circle, she'd always known he'd be. He was ambitious and hardworking not to forget he was handsome. He was practically destined to do well.
The more she looked at him the more she realised she couldn't try to fool herself. She had to admit it was him, definitely him no one else could ever look like that, could ever make her heart thump like that.
She'd been terrified at the idea of seeing him again but still a part of her longed to see him. To marvel at him, her Erik.
'No, not mine' she thought with a bitter smile. Now he was here, sitting beside her and she just didn't know what to feel.
She was still looking at him, losing herself in his eyes, getting enamoured by them all over again.
He gazed back. His eyes seemed to be searching her, questioning her. She gave him a soft smile, gazing at his face, memorising how he looked after five years, all grown up.
"Your eyes are beautiful" she said.
His eyes seemed to flash with recognition making her stiffen. He stared at her for a second, then gently shook his head and smiled back at her. A genuine smile that tugged at her heart.
"Thank you" he said gently.
With those few sentences, they didn't feel as awkward anymore and conversations started to flow about any random thing that came to mind. There was no exchange of personal information, just casual conversations, small jokes and sweet laughter. It felt refreshing. It felt real. It felt magical. It felt like closure in a way.
It seemed fitting somehow to be treated like a stranger by someone she'd been so close to, after all she deserved that after leaving him and cutting off all ties.
She pushed aside the tinge of sadness and regret that threatened to spread through her body.
She hadn't expected him to recognise her. She was mostly glad he didn't.
After all she did look quite different now, with her contacts and her build. She had become thinner. Even though he'd seen her without her glasses, there was the fact that she'd dyed her hair. It was red now, no longer the brown she'd had around him.
In this dimly lit bar the chances of being recognised was low, Leiah was sure that if they met again in a brighter place there was no way she'd escape recognition. It had been almost five years since she last spoke to him, she couldn't expect him to immediately recognise her voice.
She was sure she was familiar to him for he looked at her as if trying to figure something out but it was highly unlikely that he'd make a connection between the current her and the one that he remembers.
She'd cherish this memory and this night but no matter how much she tried to deny it. It still hurt, to not be recognised.
When he left she laid her head on the counter and buried her face in her arms.
She usually didn't drink much but tonight, Leiah really wanted to get wasted.