New York was all and all bright after the warm sun that spread its light all over the city. Weekend that came with such a beautiful weather was enough to get all the people out and about living the warmth of the sun.
It was the same bright light that was making its way inside the room through the side of the window. More like rays of hope that were shining on the little world of the two people. Rudaba stirred in her sleep with the light that was getting its strength. Opening her eyes, she found herself in a position she had least expected herself in. She had woken up with her head resting on Zain's chest and with her hand held in his. No matter how unexpected this position was to her, it brought a smile on her face. If all night was not enough of Zain staring at her face while she slept, it was now Rudaba's turn to do the same. She kept on looking at him who was still asleep, and this just deepened the grin on her face.
It was only after a few minutes when Zain opened her eyes and Rudaba looked away in nervousness. But the embarrassment fell on him too as soon as he realised that he was still holding on to her hand. Pulling his away, he stood up and looked here and there so he doesn't have to make eye contact with her. Rudaba couldn't stop but smile at his nervous self when just last night, he was all so confident with taking her on dinner. Zain finally looked towards her and raised his eye brow seeing her smile.
"Kia hua hai?"
"Kuch bhi nahi hua. Kia hona hai?"
Rudaba cleared her throat and responded.
"Toh aise muskura kyun rahi hu... deikho agar tumhe mera tumhare sath sona acha nai laga toh I..."
"Meine aisa kab kaha hai. Mein toh deikh rai hun tum kitne cute hu. Sab kuch theek karke bhi tumhe sharmindagi horai hoti hai. Aisi sadgi deikh ke muskara rahi thi mein."
"Listen, you were holding on to my hand, so I couldn't leave. So, its on you before me. Ha!"
Rudaba looked away and chuckled and Zain's lips curled into a smile seeing her all shy suddenly.
"Acha, aj breakfast meri zimadari hai. I will prepare it."
"Sure thing."
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Time was flying considering how the two had adjusted with their lives together. Rudaba was sorting out all her things because she wanted to shift them to Zain's room. She had spoken to him earlier and he had agreed too. She was wandering between the two rooms to shift all her things when she had come across a photo frame. It was a photo of her and Shahroze from their student days. Rudaba took it out and held it in her hand and stared at it. She sat on the bed and held it almost as if she was going to have a conversation with him. Tears made their way to her eyes, but they weren't made of sadness but happiness.
"Tumne kaha tha na ke jab mein dil se khush hui tu tumhe pata chal jaega. Toh deikho, aj mein sach mein dil se khush hun. Zain ne apni ek khaas jagah bana li hai mere dil mein. Ju jagah ab buhat tezi se meri aadat ban rahi hai. Mujhe laga tha ke mein dubara pyaar nahi kar paoungi, mujhe laga tha mere liye tumhe bhoolana namumkin hojaega. Aur shaed yeh sach hai ke kahin na kahin tum mere dil mein aj bhi ho, lekin ek achi yaad key tor per ho. Woh yaad ju mujhe achay dinon ki yaad dilati hai. Lekin, mujhe ab woh mehsoos horaha hai ju pehle nahi hua tha, Shahroze. Mujhe Zain se muhabbat horai hai. Us key sath waqt guzarna, uskey sath hansna, batein karna: yeh sab mujhe buhat khushi deta hai.
I wish you were here to see me happy, I wish you were here... I miss you Shahroze."
She didn't realise the heavy tears she had let loose as she said all this. As she confessed the biggest truth of her life. But, fate was still not on her side. Maybe, things were still not resolving.
Zain was walking past when he had to stop by the door hearing her say how she wished Shahroze was here and that she missed him. Seeing her photo with him in her hands as she cried was killing Zain's whole being. He had felt his world had come to a stop. After seven months of his patience, and after the good time they spent together over the past month more like a couple than each other's friend, despite all that, the thought that she still hadn't moved on and that she was still in love with Shahroze was breaking his heart into pieces. A lone tear dropped from his eye and rolled down his cheek when he stormed off and walked out of the house, still to Rudaba's obliviousness.
Rudaba placed the picture in the wardrobe of the room she was moving out off. She wanted to keep her past in that room to start afresh with Zain. But, little did she know that the past and the present was being misunderstood. She was over the moon realising she was in love with Zain. After packing the final bit of her things, she came out and locked the door of the room. She felt as if a burden was lifted off her chest. She had also promised herself that she would tell Zain soon about her feelings. But only if she knew.
She came out to the living room and switched on the tv awaiting Zain so then they could have tea together. But, she sat there for hours waiting but he didn't return. She was getting worried now. She had not seen him since the morning when he left for work. He returned but left before she could know. She tried calling his number which was also switched off making her concern reach its heights.
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It was turning to a dark night as he drove on the roads leading to the outside of the city. He wanted to be somewhere quiet, away from all the crowd and noise. Not fearing the speed cameras, he was driving on a high speed. There was anger, there was pain and there was also a feeling of failure. What else did he need to do before she would accept him in her life? How much more time would he need to give to her before she realises he loves her. Forcefully parking his car to the side in anger, he got out and hit his arm on the door.
"Mein aur kia karun. Aisa kia karun ke usey meri muhabbat ka ehsas hojae. Sab kuch toh kar liya hai Allah. Aur kia karun! Kia mera dil nahi hai? Kia mujhe kuch bura nahi lag sakta? Meine shadi ke baad sey ab tak usper kisi kisam ki zabardasti nahi ki. Uska dost bana, uska shohar hote hue uskey sath Shahroze ki maut ka gham baanta. Woh alag kamre mein rehna chahti thi, usey woh bhi karne diya. Aur ab jab lagne laga tha ke shaed hum kareeb arae hain aur hamare rishte ko ek maqsad aur ek maeini mil raha hai, toh usey tab bhi Shahroze yaad araha hai. Mein aisa kia karun ke woh mujhe apnaa le? Meri muhabbat ka kia ju meine us sey ki hai aur beinteha ki hai."
The unrelenting tears dropped from his eyes making him cry like a desperate and pained kid. But there was also anger and guilt. Anger that he failed. Guilt that he agreed to marry her in the first place when he knew this would be difficult for her.
"Theek hai, agar who abhi bhi is rishte ko accept nahi kar pai toh theek hai. Mein azaad karduna usey is zabardasti ke rishtey se. Agar woh mere sath khush hi nahi hai toh mein kyun usey ek bewaja ke rishte mein bandh ke rakhun."
Little did he know that if he had heard everything else she had said, he wouldn't be saying all this. He loved her, but he couldn't hear her say that she loved him too. She was happy with him just as he was happy with her. She was also living because of him like he was living because of her.
Fate and its doings.
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It was turning to 3am at midnight when the door opened, and he walked in almost exhausted and lost. Rudaba saw him enter and rushed towards him. Seeing his rough condition and bloodshed eyes, her worry knew no bounds. She held him by his arm wiped the sweat of his face. Zain didn't respond to it at all.
"Kia hua hai tumhe? Kahan thay us waqt sey? Mein kitna pareshan thi..."
She paused seeing his silent and lost self. She took him to the room and made him sit on the bed. She cupped his face with moist eyes and tried to speak again.
"Kia hua hai, Zain? Mujh sey tumhari yeh halat nahi deikhi ja rahi. Please, kuch toh bolo."
"Chali jao yahan sey. Mujhe akela chor do."
He pushed her hands away and looked away. There was response but a bitter and a cutting one. The one that injured Rudaba almost immediately as she looked at him with tears in her eyes.
"Zain..."
"Rudaba... please leave me alone."
If it was worry before, now it was pain. All day she had spent so much time moving into his room and was waiting for him for hours, so she could tell him but it all went in vain. He didn't even want to talk to her. This had hurt. More than she had thought it would. Getting up from his side of the bed, she walked to the dressing table and took out the keys of her other room and left. That's when tears began to roll down his cheeks. Seeing her so far from him despite all the odds.
On the other side, unlocking the door, she thought she would never open again, she entered inside. Closing the door behind her, she started crying too. Just like his pain knew no bounds, hers didn't either. The only difference was that he was misunderstanding while she was truly in pain and there was no misunderstanding on her part.
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The next morning came with its own bitterness. She woke up and looked at the time. It was 7:30am. The time usually Zain is having his breakfast. She rushed out of her room and went to the kitchen, but he was nowhere to be seen. She, then, went to his room and found it all tidy and empty too. It wasn't even the day he has a meeting outside New York that he left so early. Her eyes roamed around the kitchen and it was all tidy and in place indicating he didn't have any breakfast either. Why did he leave without telling her and that too like this? What had she done that he was giving her such a painful punishment?
This was painful. So painful. Only when the days of misery and loneliness were over, she found herself back in the mess she had tried so hard to get out of. And she didn't even know the reason.
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Not proofread*
Well we didn't come this far for no reason so...
Happy reading!