27th of june
george didn't ask too many questions so i was grateful for that, he simply let me crash on his bed. i was tired and filled with emotions.
i was scared for the future, i had nothing planned out, no money saved and no clue what i was going to do. ur i also knew i was a strong woman who could do this alone.
i needed to break up with matty to find myself, i needed to become myself again and not just be the girl who dated matty healy.
i wanted to make something for myself and my child.
just because we had split up didn't mean we wouldn't find our way back or that he wouldn't be present in our child's life, he would have every opportunity and i wouldn't ever exclude him from anything because that's not the way that this was going to work.
we were adults, he would tour and i would keep him updated, he would get the life he wanted while still being a dad.
this way we both got to be our selves and belong to ourselves while living our dreams and being strong.
me and george got ready for the show and i caught him looking at me
"what?" i asked
"nothing you're just .. okay?" he sounded confused
"of course i am" i answered
"sorry i just thought you two broke up" he said, i smiled at him
"oh georgie we did"
"but ..?"
"you know we will find our way back" i said smiling at him while i adjusted the laces on my white high top converse. they were lured with a lace black bralette and checkered fitted pants.
"you two will, you love to strongly to not" george replied from behind me. i turned around to hug him. my giant, my best friend who i would love forever just like my recent ex.
"nothing will change with us though right?" he asked clearly worried
"never george, never ever" , his face cleared and he hugged me back. his hand found mine and he grinned
"let's go final show baby!"
"let's do it" i laughed squeezing his hand. as we jumped into the taxi with ross he looked at me with worried eyes, i flashed a strong smile, i felt good.
once we arrived at the venue i realised gabby and denise had gone hope last night and i relaxed. i knew tonight would be emotional and i was glad they weren't here to witness it.
carly joined me back stage and it felt like old times before everything had got so complicated
"i'm truly sorry for how i handles things" she admitted looking sad
"it's okay" i told her, i meant it
"i hope we can go back" , i nodded. i want to sure we could. sure nothing major had happened but it made me feel like we were back in secondary the way she dropped and ignored me as soon as gabby came back
"i'm sure we can" i told her, because let's face it, we were adults and i was pregnant and single. i needed all the friends i could get. she pulled me into a hug and it felt like coming home
"i love you" she told me
"love you" i whispered back as we spelled down to watch our boys rock the show as always.
two hours later
"and that concludes the eu very very short tour" matty laughed from on stage
"i know paris, madcool and some of spain doesn't really cover the eu but it was only meant to be short" he continued, the crowd cheered, they didn't care they just loved them. i grinned from back stage.
"i said goodbye to someone very important yesterday" matty started, my heart dropped
"and i just wanted to say, you know who you are and i promise, i fucking promise, i will find you again. we will meet, probably on a wall at five am in the dark with vodka and wine. we will find one another the way we did at seventeen and we will love like the movies" , tears formed in my eyes as i turned to the stage and caught mattys eye, he shook his head, his eyes pleading me to stay so he got a real goodbye. but i couldn't, not like this. in the stage i was i knew i wouldn't be able to still go away if he said those words an inch closer to me.
"goodbye" i mouthed, he shook his head once more as the tears began to roll down my cheeks and the lights started to go down
"stay" he mouthed back as tears of his own rolled down. i shook my head as the stage began to get darker and darker, i had two minutes at worst
"goodbye matty healy" i mouthed to my rockstar boyfriend. he stood as the crowd cheered in confusion and out of love, he nodded and dragged his arm across his face.
i turned on my heel taking the bobble from my wrist and tying my hair back. the taxi i ordered was ready to take me to the hotel so i could collect my bags and head home quickly.
i had to empty our room, take my things and move back home. that's where i would stay until i'd sorted it out.
i'd spent time contemplating on wether i was making the correct decision but i knew i was. this was right for both of us right now and i knew we would be okay.
i jumped out of the taxi and into george's room, i packed the suitcase and carry in luggage before heading back down to the other taxi that was ready and waiting to take me to the airport. i jumped in feeling strong and ready to work on myself and what i wanted in life. my hair was till scraped back and my sunglasses placed on top of my head. i pulled the bobble out and got the brush from my bag to brush out the waves the had formed. i placed be sunglasses on my face and chapstick on my lips. i felt good
"happy miss?" the driver asked, words confused my mind and matty flashed up clear as day, i saw his tears and felt the wetness on my own cheeks
"happy" i concluded as i slumped into the seat and let the world pass me by, the air settled around my shoulder and i plugged in my earphones, this was truly the end of an era. and i knew i'd be okay.